A/N- READERS! I'm sorry for the long wait! I went on vacation, then started my summer job, then accidentally deleted this chapter when I was halfway done.. but, excuses, excuses. Needless to say, at the moment, this chapter is un-betad, so bear with me. You all saw the finale, I'm sure. So you're dead inside, too? (Sidenote- Bellamy is alive and no one can tell me differently.) Anyways, story! Things are tensing up, folks! Earth is near! Disclaimer- not mine. Enjoy!


Bellamy's days have begun blending together.

Granted, it's only been two, but somehow, the thought isn't comforting, it's suffocating. Two days of bland emotions and dull headaches, two days of silent rooms and sideways glances, two days of this life- can he even call it life? Bellamy sees the looks people give him when he leaves for the mess hall, the pity in their eyes, feels the rush of air when someone walks up behind him for a pat on the back and the equally quick halt when they see him stiffen. Knows the crack in his own voice well enough to keep quiet, tastes despair and doesn't like it.

He's not sure how to start living again.

Bellamy's not one to wallow in self-pity, that, he knows, but it's not like he has anything else to do. His job's been put on pause, his drive on stop. Any chance of friends was lost the first day he denied entry to his home all those years ago, when lanky nine-year-olds pushed him into the wall and he pushed right back, because he'd do anything to protect Octavia, and if that meant being alone, that's what it meant. His life had ended the day she was born, and had ended again the day she was gone.

There's nothing to do but stare at the wall where his mother tried tacking up a colorful blanket to keep Octavia smiling, when she was young and still believed there was good in the world, and his mother had never had the heart to take it down. His mother, who was dead now. There wasn't pain anymore, just dullness.

The only thing that tried to invade his self-loathing party was the princess- and he didn't want that. Kissing Clarke.. no matter how it felt, had been a mistake, and Bellamy knew it. No matter how much red that girl made him see, it wasn't what he needed to be focusing on right now- or, ever.

Bellamy notices that it's time for lunch, and stands up, stretching his sore arms. That first day, he didn't think, he just hit anything he could. The wall, mostly, and it had hurt like hell; luckily, the pain had subsided to a dull ache, just like everything else in his world.

Once in the mess hall, he scans in, does his typical search for an empty table and sits at it, alone. People have stopped coming up to him, thank God- not that he's bothered to believe in whatever those tree-hippies call 'God' in a long time. He glances down at the rations in his hands, thinking- again- about how he doesn't have to save any this time.

Bellamy finishes in record time, realizing only once he's done that there's no reason to be fast, as there's no one waiting at home. He stands and pushes in his chair, almost shuffling back to Section Seventeen, his home area. On the way, he's stopped by a familiar face.

"Cadet." Commander Shumway's standing a few feet away, holding a bag. He nods at Bellamy, and points his head slightly toward a restricted section of the hall. Bellamy doesn't move.

"I'm not a cadet right now, Commander." He begins heading to his room.

"Bellamy, wait."

That's a first. Bellamy wasn't even aware that Commander Shumway knew his name. He turns, eyes wary of the man.

"Yes, Commander?"

"I have inside information that I think you'll want to know about." The Commander points down the hallway and starts walking down it without hesitation. This time, Bellamy shakes his head and follows, already feeling dread rush up his neck.

The Commander smiles when he sees Bellamy follow him, a smile that gives Bellamy worse shivers than earlier.

"The prisoners are going to Earth."

Bellamy shakes his head, growing impatient.

"I knew this was a bad idea. You're just a-"

"Just shut up for a second. Why would I lie to you? What could I possibly gain from that?" Shumway's voice is accusing. Bellamy winces.

"It'd be funny."

"Cut it, cadet. They're sending the prisoners, all one hundred of them, to Earth. I don't know why, they haven't told us, but they're doing it. The drop ship leaves in thirty minutes. If you want to be on it, you're going to have to do what I say."

Bellamy's head is spinning.

"Commander, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but what the hell?"

"Listen. I know you have a sister going down on that ship- and I know about Clarke." Bellamy's heartbeat quickens.

"What about Clarke?"

"There are security cameras in every cell, Bellamy. What did you think, we didn't monitor inside?" Bellamy lets the words sink in and groans. This is not good. That means they have footage of him in the Skybox during his suspension, footage of he and Clarke, and that's too much evidence.

"You don't mean-"

"I do. You're lucky Atom's gone and I'm forgiving. Listen to me, right now. If you want to get on that ship, you're going to have to do something for me," At this, Shumway's eyes glisten. "You're going to have to kill the chancellor."

"What?!"

"You heard me." Shumway opens the bag, revealing a uniform and a gun. "Put on this uniform. Take this gun, shoot him with it. I'll waive your suspension and no one will remove you from the launch- from there, you can get on the ship. It's on Block One, you can't miss it. Do it, Bellamy." Shumway softens his voice. "For your sister."

Bellamy sees himself taking the gun and the uniform, hears sirens going off in his head, sees himself walking back to his room, but doesn't feel any of it.


Once inside the door, Bellamy's head clears. One thing's for certain- he needs to be on the drop ship. There's nothing left for him to live for on the Ark. He gives a halfhearted glance around the blank room, and in a fleeting moment of clarity, realizes something. There's a guards uniform in his hands, he knows his way around the Blocks- he doesn't need to kill anyone to get on that ship.

Bellamy puts the uniform on as fast as he can, remembering to shove the gun in his waistband. Even if he doesn't kill the chancellor, if he's going to Earth, that gun's going to be helpful. Giving one last look at the room, he leaves it with finality, slamming the door shut.

It's indescribable how free and terrified Bellamy feels right now. There's no time to assess his feelings- he must have wasted minutes between Shumway's talk and his brief moment of nostalgia- he quickens his pace. Finally, he reaches Block One, scanning his card before the keypad glows green. Damn, Shumway works fast. Suspension free, Bellamy opens the metal door and is inside the Block.

It's no different than his Block, but somehow different entirely, because the only person he would truly die for is about to disappear forever. Bellamy stands at attention, getting into the end of the line of guards, noticing Shumway giving him a look out of the corner of his eye. Bellamy nods, jerking quickly, giving the impression that he's still straight with Shumway's plan. The Block doors open to reveal the Chancellor, and in the distraction, Bellamy steps out of line, inconspicuously heading towards the ship doors.

There's guards at the two openings he sees, and he heads towards the end of the Block, hoping to find another. Fate is swinging his way, and he finds one with only one guard. The man looks unkempt, and Bellamy heads towards him purposefully.

"Wha- are you, cadet?" The man giggles, and Bellamy recoils, realizing with a start that this is the same drunk man he met the very first day of cadet training. He wracks his brain trying to find a name.

"Grants!" He half-yells, the name dawning on him. "I need to go inside. Routine inspection."

"Sure.." The word is drawn out, full on the man's lips. Bellamy's heart drops with pure terror as the man continues his sentence. "You know what, kid? I know you're lying. And I don't even care. What's one more life on my record?"

Bellamy practically heaves a sigh of relief and almost thanks the man. Grants opens the door with a code Bellamy doesn't know and steps inside the drop ship, barely believing he's made it.

"Cadet.." Grants is talking outside. Bellamy figures he owes him this much, and turns.

"Yes, Grants?"

"Do you hate yourself yet?"

Bellamy's blasted back to the day Clarke had said the same thing in her cell- You don't hate yourself yet- and realizes how important that 'yet' was.

"Getting there."

The airlock doors click shut, closing Bellamy off from the Ark forever.


Bellamy ignores the stares of inmates as he looks for an empty seat. He's not about to go flying when this thing launches. He's taken the classes- he knows how dangerous space travel is. He's only taken a step inside when he sees someone he thought he would never have to see again.

"Commander Fey."

The Commander turns from where he's standing. He seems to be keeping watch, perhaps to keep the inmates from bolting. There's confusion evident on his face. When the Commander sees Bellamy, the confusion turns to anger.

"What the hell, cadet? You're suspended! You're not even a commander! How the HELL-"

"Commander," Bellamy's voice is shaky as he pulls out the gun. "I suggest you get off of this drop ship right now."

The Commander's eyes widen as he sees the gun. "You-"

"Yes, I've got a gun, Fey. Wouldn't want to have to use it." Commander Fay backs away but doesn't exit the ship. Bellamy can hear the whoops of children and the whimpers of others, some trigger-happy and some terrified.

"You're a coward, Blake. Just like your mother. Hiding that girl for years- she didn't even have the decency to face up to her crime."

"My mother didn't do anything wrong." Bellamy's holding the gun steady, regaining control. He doesn't look away from Fey's eyes.

"What, having a second child isn't wrong? Stealing supplies isn't wrong? Sleeping with a Commander just to keep a secret isn't wrong?" The Commander smiles. "I'm not perfect, but your mother wasn't a saint."

Bellamy's furious, and he knows that he could do it. He could kill Fey. Why not? It's not as if Fey doesn't deserve it. Bellamy lifts the gun and takes aim- when the ship lurches. Raw panic appears in Fey's eyes.

"You better get off this GODDAMN SHIP, CADET." The Commander has to roar over the sound of rockets starting. He edges towards the door while Bellamy sticks the gun safely in his waistband.

"You're the one getting off, Commander." Bellamy reaches over and hits the button, opening the door as the Commander falls through, top-heavy.

Fey roars in pain while the doors close, but it's too late. Bellamy doesn't know what's happening on the other side of the door, because all he sees are terrified faces. The ship's halfway to launch, and he doesn't even have a seat. Bellamy grabs a railing and twists his hand around it, smarting from when he punched the wall, what felt like years ago. The ship releases with a deafening roar, popping away from the Ark, leaving everyone on board behind. Bellamy doesn't know if Fey got back inside the air-lock or if he's floating in space right now, but he can't find it in him to care.

The ship's moving, the sound is deafening, and all Bellamy can do is hold on for dear life.