Gandalf opened the front door for him.

My sister mimed playing a trumpet, myself behind her doing the same.

"Gandalf." Thorin greeted. "Apprentices." Darcy and I beamed like idiots. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. Wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door."

"Mark? There's no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago!" Bilbo argued.

"There is a mark; I put it there myself." Gandalf admitted with no shame.

"Oopsie." I shrugged. Darcy chuckled as we moved upright.

Gandalf smiled kindly at us. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

Thorin gave Bilbo a look over. "So, this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo puffed his chest. Thorin walked around Bilbo, continuing to size him up. "Well, I have some skill at Conkers, if you must know, but I fail to see why that's relevant."

"Thought as much." Thorin scoffed. He stood in front of Bilbo again. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." He remarked to the Dwarves, who all laughed at the insult.

The Dwarves all walked back towards the dining table. Darcy happily followed after. Gandalf and I stayed back with Bilbo.

"That was rude of him." I remarked.

Bilbo huffed. He fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves. "Yes. It was." He glared over his shoulder at Gandalf.

==AET==

Sometime later, Thorin had gotten his food. I met with Bilbo in the kitchen. In my hands was a bowl, and a dirtied washcloth.

Bilbo was running a hand over his face. He was looking again at his emptied banchory.

"Hello Mr Baggins!" I cheered, lowering the dish into the sink to clean.

The Hobbit merely glanced at me, before schooling his features to something less tired. "Oh. Hello again, Morgan."

"I fixed it." I informed him, showing him the bowl.

"Fixed...what?" Bilbo asked, eyes wide in panic. "Oh dear, what's broken now?"

"Nothing- I just fixed the door." I corrected. Bilbo stared at me, stretching out his fingers to get a better look at my face. "You- you just sounded so upset...when you found out Gandalf painted on it. So I thought...I should fix it."

Bilbo lowered his hand. "Well then, my thanks."

My smile beamed at the Hobbit.

In the other room, there was a sudden dull roar of unhappy groans.

Exchanging a look with Bilbo, the two of us walked over to the dining room. The Dwarves were all shaking their head, annoyed. Darcy however was flipping between excited and upset. My guess was she was trying to be disappointed at the news, but being at the side of Thorin Oakenshield was too awesome to be sad.

"They say this quest is ours, and ours alone." Thorin added to their further annoyance.

"You're going on a quest?" Bilbo stated, much to the surprise of the Dwarves who hadn't noticed him approach.

"I love a quest!" Came my happy cheer. "

Gandalf turned his face to us. "Bilbo, Morgan, my dear fellows, let us have a little more light."

I pulled a candle from the kitchen, handing it to Bilbo. The Hobbit walked to the table with it.

Gandalf spread out a map. Now that there was more light all at the table could

"Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." Gandalf explained. He pointed to a drawing of a mountain with a dragon flying over head.

"The Lonely Mountain." Bilbo read off.

"Aye." A Dwarf began. "Oin has read the portents-" The Dwarves around him rolled their eyes and groaned. "-and the portents say it is time."

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold: When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end." Oin reported.

"Uh, What beast?" Bilbo asked. On an unrelated note, Darcy was grinning like a cat about to catch the canary.

"Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." A Dwarf I remembered as Bofur explained. "Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meathooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"

"Yes, I know what a dragon is." Bilbo snapped, looking no more comfortable by the explanation.

"I'm not afraid! I'm up for it." Ori boasted. He rose to his feet. "I'll give him a taste of the Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie."

The Dwarves agreed. And Darcy boasted with a raised mug.

Ori's brother pulled him down to his chair.

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor brightest." Balin reminded the lot.

Which-honestly, from what I knew about the Dwarves already- wasn't that far from the truth.

"We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us, to the last Dwarf!" Fíli reminded them.

"And you forget, we have a wizard in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." Kíli boasted.

"Oh, well, now, uh, I-I-I wouldn't say that, I-" Gandalf spluttered.

"How many, then?" Dori prompted.

"Uh, what?"

"Well, how many dragons have you killed?" Dori asked. "Go on, give us a number!"

"Hm."

Darcy laughed loudly. So hard she smacked her fist on the table to calm herself down. "Morgan's killed more dragons than Gandalf has!" She laughed.

"I told you that in confidence!" I hissed at her, crossing my hands over my chest in embarrassment.

Darcy laughed again. 'You don't have any confidence.' The laughter said. Which did little to argue my point.

"Well have many dragons have you killed?" Dori prompted.

"Three." I answered, barely thinking about it. 'Maleficent, that one in Charmed, there was definitely that one from Hercules- "No wait eight." 'How did I forget that one from Wizards of Waverly Place? Sure it was more of a too big lizard in the sewers but it breathed fire so it counts. And the Red Death from Berk. I defeated another dragon from the another dimension's Sleeping Beauty to win a bet. "Does it count as a death if the dragon stopped hurting people?"

"Nope." Darcy answered, still laughing.

"Oh then six."

"Wait hold you, you stopped two without killing them?" Darcy asked, clearly not believing it. "How?"

I shrugged. "Well the first had his feelings hurt, so he just flew back to his dragonlands. He was very embarrassed."

"And the second one?" Darcy asked.

"Toothless."

"Ah."

Darcy and the rest of the Company hummed. A few raised a glass to me.

Thorin rose to his feet. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the Mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor? Du Bekâr! Du Bekâr!"

The Dwarves all loudly cheered.

I greatly wished for a drink.

"You forget: the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." Balin reminded, bringing down the joy they all had.

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf corrected. He showed off the Dwarfish key.

Thorin gawked in wonder. "How came you by this?"

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf admitted. He held the key out to the Dwarf King.

Darcy was staring at the key the way that could only be described as awe.

"If there is a key, there must be a door." Fíli realized.

'Winchester logic for the win.' Darcy and I thought.

Gandalf indicated a few of the runes on his map. "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

"There's another way in!" Kíli cheered, patting his brother on the back.

"Well, if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." Gandalf reminded him. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage. But, if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar." Ori remarked.

"Hm, a good one, too. An expert, I'd imagine." Bilbo mused. The point going completely over his head.

"And are you?" Gloin asked. I snickered, trying to cover it up by looking away.

Bilbo looked up at the Dwarf. "Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert!" Oin misinterpreted. I giggled behind my hand. "Hey hey!"

Darcy laughed loudly, with all the Dwarves.

"M-Me?" Bilbo realized how badly he had just screwed up. "No, no, no, no, no. I'm not a burglar; I've never stolen a thing in my life."

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material." Balin argued.

Bilbo nodded.

'He stole my heart.'

Though that was more Martin Freeman, and every person he's ever played.

Which counted Bilbo.

So there.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin gave Bilbo a once over, frowning.

'I will literally fight you to the death if you insult the hedgehog again.'

The other Dwarves began arguing. What they were arguing became lost as they all spoke at once.

Darcy gave me a look, almost like permission to shut these people up.

Sticking my fingers in my mouth, I whistled shrill. The Dwarves all winced as I stood up, glaring at the Dwarves.

"If Gandalf says Bilbo Baggins is our Burglar, than our burglar he shall be." I decreed.

In the distance, thunder crackled.

Darcy stood as well, having to bow so her head didn't hit the ceiling. "Hobbits are light on their feet. If they so choose, they can pass unseen. This dragon we will face- it's gotten used to the smell of Dwarf. A Hobbit is a new thing, it'll throw him off his rhythm. That gives us an advantage." At Bilbo's confused look, Darcy added "I like to know stuff about my prey before I hunt it."

"Sis!" I hissed.

Darcy hummed.

"Don't tell the prey that!" I hissed.

Darcy 'ahhh'd'. She turned to the Dwarves. "Don't worry, I don't let my prey know when I'm going to attack."

Palm, meet face.

"You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins." Gandalf addressed them next. "There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. You must trust me on this."

"Very well. We will do it your way." Thorin conceded.

"No, no, no." Bilbo began. My hand ruffled his hair.

"Give him the contract." Thorin instructed Balin. "The apprentices as well." The Dwarf nodded, reaching for his bag.

"Please." Bilbo begged.

"Alright, we're off!" Bofur cheered while Balin pulled out the contracts.

"It's just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." Balin assured us. He handed Bilbo the contract, passing them along to Darcy and myself.

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo asked.

Bilbo walked off to the hall to read this contract. Darcy and I stayed at the table. Skimming over the contract, I made note of the things that were being asked of me. Not very much as what Balin said.

Darcy looked up at me. She made sure to meet my eyes. She nodded at our shared message.

"I cannot guarantee his safety." Thorin warned.

"Understood." Gandalf nodded.

"Nor will I be responsible for his fate." Thorin added.

"Agreed."

"This is good." Darcy mused. She pulled the contract up. She folded it over before tearing it in half. "Ah, I always wanted to do that." She turned to me. "What about you, Morg-what the-"

"Duck!" I held up my paper folded life size duck.

Darcy stared wide eyed. "What did you do?!"

"Folded it in to a duck!" I cheered, showing off the duck to her.

"How did you do that?" Darcy asked. She leaned forward to move one of the wings of my duck.

"Carefully." I answered. She gave me a thin look. "What? Do you have any idea how hard it is to fold a duck out of Dwarfish paper?"

Darcy rolled her eyes, turning to the Dwarves who were surprised at our display. "My sister and I have no use for the riches of Dwarves, nor the other matters on the contract. As you can see, my sister is more interested in ducks."

"Quack!" I let the duck loose. Darcy caught it without looking. Well given how small the space was, this was more like a friendly toss.

"'Terms: Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth of total profit, if any.' Seems fair. Eh, 'Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof including but not limited to lacerations...evisceration...incineration'?"

"Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Bofur supplied.

Bilbo made a small noise of distress.

I walked out of the dining hall. The height let me stand up another inch. "Bilbo?" Kneeling to his side, I tried to meet his eyes. The Hobbit was looking down at the contract. "What's wrong?"

"Uh, everything's fine...Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings." Bofur added as if to assure Bilbo.

I glared at him.

"Air, I-I-I need air." Bilbo stated.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! you're nothing more than a pile of ash." Bofur added.

"That's enough out of you!" I snapped at him.

There was a long moment after that. Bilbo swayed on his feet for a moment. My arms were gearing to catch him.

"Hmmm." Bilbo shook his head. "Nope."

He fell back.

My arms stretched out to catch him.

Then I turned my anger to Bofur.

Darcy patted Bofur on the shoulder in sympathy.

"Ah, very helpful, Bofur." Gandalf remarked.

Lifting Bilbo up- he was very light- I carried him off to the living room.

"Anderson! Get me some tea!"

"On it, ma'am!" Darcy replied. "Hey who here knows where the tea went?"

==AET==

Minutes later, Bilbo was sitting in a chair with a warm mug of tea in his hands. I was sitting across from him, using one of the big people chairs the Dwarves had been using, to sip my own cup of tea. Darcy had gone off in search of wine. Gandalf stood behind me, watching.

"And you're sure you're fine?" I asked him.

"Yes, yes. I'll be alright, let me just sit quietly for a moment." Bilbo requested. He sipped at his tea.

"You've been sitting quietly for far too long." Gandalf argued. He walked closer to Bilbo, while also smoking on his pipe. "Tell me; when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who always was running off in search of elves and the woods, who'd stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire." Bilbo was staring wide eyed at Gandalf, like these ideas were insane to him. "The world is not in your books and maps; it's out there." Gandalf

"I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins, of Bag End." Bilbo argued, going stern for a full six seconds.

"You are also a Took." Bilbo huffed, his head hitting the back of the chair. I snorted into my tea, nearly spilling it onto my robe. "Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle, Bullroarer Took, was so large he could ride a real horse?"

"Yes." Bilbo answered, putting his tea down on the book on the armchair.

"Well he could. In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head clean off, and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the same time." Gandalf recalled with a twinkle of glee in his eye.

"I do believe you made that up." Bilbo accused.

"Well, all good stories deserve embellishment." Gandalf excused. "You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back."

"Or what magical sport you will have invented." I pipped in. "Oh! Oh! Or what new kinds of stuff you'll find for your garden!"

"Can you promise that I will come back?" Bilbo asked, glancing up at Gandalf as though to ask him as well.

"Anyone who can promise you that is lying." I informed him. 'Except me, but I'm a given exception in most cases.' "However, if you do find yourself coming back to this smial, with your tomatoes and your dollies and even-" I pointed off to the bookshelf nearby. "-your books that paint a poor picture of the world outside, you won't be the same Bilbo Baggins that left."

"That's what I thought." Bilbo stood up to his feet. "Sorry, Gandalf, Miss Stardust, I can't sign this. You've got the wrong Hobbit."

He walked off.

Gandalf sighed.

"Don't worry, Gandalf." I assured him, leaning back in my chair while sipping tea. "He'll be back."

He hummed. "You think so?"

"I know so." I replied.

"Then tell me, what makes you so sure?" Gandalf asked me, taking another swig of his pipe.

"He hasn't heard their story yet." Was my half answer.

'Because every character Martin Freeman has ever played has fought not for glory or fame, but for a cause worth fighting for.'

==AET==

Darcy watched Bilbo walk off towards his room. She was sitting beside Balin and Thorin, while chugging on a mug of ale. Granted in was Hobbit ale, meant for a creature much smaller than herself. Also it took quite a lot to get her buzzed nowadays, much more to get actual proper drunk.

"It appears we have lost our burglar." Balin mused. Darcy thrummed her fingers along her mug's side. "Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers; hardly the stuff of legend."

"There are a few warriors amongst us." Thorin pointed out, giving Balin a meaningful smile.

"Old warriors." Balin corrected him.

"I will take each and every one of these Dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills." Thorin stated proudly. "For when I called upon them, they came. Loyalty. Honor. A willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

"Here, here." Darcy toasted him. Thorin gave her a appreciative smile.

"You don't have to do this. You have a choice. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains, a life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor."

Thorin held up the key. "From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the Dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland." He explained. "There is no choice, Balin. Not for me."

"Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done."

"Done well at that." Darcy added. "Or on my head be it."

==AET==

That night, Darcy and I sat curled by a wall. We hummed as the song began.

Gandalf sat across from us, smoking a pipe still.

Darcy rested her head on my shoulder.

"Far over, the misty mountains cold." I hummed softly, while Thorin's voice was so strong it filled the entire smial like belonged here, like the song was as much a part of the Dwarves lives as it was to Bag End's. The smial welcomed the Dwarves and the adventure as it always does and well.

Darcy hummed along with the Dwarves as I sang.

"To dungeons deep and caverns old." My head moved so that it was resting atop Darcy's. "We must away ere break of day to find our long-forgotten gold."

Though I could not see him, I knew Bilbo listened. His eyes staring at nothing as the song painted a picture in his head, filled him with more images than the words of his books ever could.

"The pines were roaring on the height, the winds were moaning in the night. The fire was red, it flaming spread, The trees like torches blazed with light"

As the humming continued, I grinned brightly at Gandalf.

"And that, Mister Gandalf the Grey, is how you make a burglar out of a Hobbit."

==AET==

AN: Sorry this was late! I was supposed to have this out before Thanksgiving, but I realized "Hey, remember that class you were taking? You're six weeks behind in that!" So that took priority.

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