3:30 PM

Here it is, another weekend. Whoop dee doo. The weekend, the weekday, not really any different to me...

I finally decided to take some online courses, nothing detrimental, just a start in the right direction.

Don't know what I want to do with my life. I do know that I don't want to go to college. That is a definitely not going to happen. Way too many people. Accidental touches, questioning looks. Don't need it.

I have been spending more time with Jubilee lately. Think we are becoming good friends.

She of course is dating that Mike guy now, and she wants me to go on a double date with her and his friend Josh.. You know the one I met briefly at the coffee shop? Well it's not going to happen.

I have received several e-mail's from him (Jubilee finally fessed up to giving it to him, although who else could it have been?) at first I just ignored them but they kept staring at me, and I couldn't seem to delete them, so finally I read them and nearly balked at myself when I found myself clicking on the respond button.

But I finally wrote him back. That was two days ago. We have been writing back and forth since.

I think I am going to stop though. He is starting to say things, he wants me to go out with him, wants to get to know me.

Know me! Hah! To know me is to touch me is to die. Don't ask me where that came from.

Anyway, Logan has been trying to resuscitate our relationship, which kinda embarrasses me because then that means he knows how it effects me, him and Ororo being together, since he is trying to do something about it. Dare I say.. about us?

There is a part of me that wants to beat the crap out of him, part of me that wants to burn him alive, and another part that wants to tear his adamantium skeleton out of his body using magnetic energy that isn't mine. But the part that is really me, wants to work with him, to try to save our friendship.

To remain his friend. Even if that is all I will ever be.

Funny all it took was knowing that him and Ororo were a couple to put a wrinkle in our bond.

About two hours ago I went looking for him, he was going to take me for a drive on his motorcycle and let me drive some too. ( I know I don't have a motorcycle license, but nobody seems to care about such things anymore, and living in a house full of power enabled mutants makes you look at some things differently)

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. So there I was knocking on Logan's door. I couldn't find him in the garage, or the kitchen, so I figured he was in his room getting ready or something..

I started knocking louder when I knew someone was behind me.

Turning around I faced Kitty who had a very smug smile on her face. I knew whatever she was about to say was going to bring some sort of satisfaction to her.

"Logan's gone." she said, her voice artificially friendly. "Him and Ororo went away for the weekend."

Went away! I couldn't believe it. He himself approached me about going for a ride with him and now he wasn't even there?

I remained calm and composed on the outside while my thoughts became agitated. Kitty was staring at me bluntly, waiting for my response. To think I had liked Kitty when I first met her and actually didn't mind being her roommate for over a year.. while at the same time had been annoyed with Jubilee and loathed the idea of sharing anything with her, let alone a living space. Funny how things work out.

I narrowed my eyes at her, and felt anger flash in them.

"I know, just didn't know if he left yet."

She didn't seem to buy that. Nor believe that I knew.

"He left over two hours ago."

I could beat her at this game.

"Yeah, well he didn't tell me when he was goin' t'leave just that he was goin' to."

I decided then that I didn't have to explain anything to her, and I didn't have to talk to her if I didn't want to.

After retreating from Kitty, I went straight to the danger room. Threw off the leather jacket and gloves I have been wearing and started a danger room simulation, one that was Logan's and one he has specifically told me never to do.

Well to hell with that.

Everything changed around me, I was now standing in what looked to be a forest, so many trees, vegetation and bushes all around me. I heard birds chirping above me and when I heard a twig break I new it was about to start.

For the next twenty minutes I let out my anger on soldiers that came out of nowhere and attacked me from all sides... needless to say I became less angry as I let out my frustrations with kicks, jabs, punches and a lot of well placed infuriated screams.

Was just about to kick a gun out of my next artificial enemy's hand when he started to shimmer and then was gone complete.

"What the.." I started but didn't get to finish. Logan's program wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, sure a couple times I thought I would have to quit it do to its rising difficulties, but then I somehow manage to keep persevering.

"What was that Rogue!"

Scott was staring at me bewilderment lining in his features. I am sure if I could have seen through his dark red glasses that his eyes would have been wide.

"Why did you turn off the program?" I also wanted to ask him why he was bursting in unannounced, especially when the room was obviously occupied. And he would know that since whenever anyone ran a danger simulation a light over the door turned red. Red... he could see red couldn't he? I mean it was light? Right?

"You're injured." he was looking at my pants where a huge slash was in them. And my hands that were bruised and bleeding.

"I'm fine!" I snapped at him. I went over the bench and sat down. Scott followed me and without permission started to examine my wounds.

"You need to put antiseptic on these cuts and get them bandaged, I'll take you to the Med lab."

He reached for my hand, I snapped it away. It was un-gloved after all.

"I'm not going to touch you Rogue, I just want to help you."

I looked at him for a second, him leaning in front of me, obviously concerned. I don't like people looking at me that way. As if I am a child that needs her hand held to cross the street. I think he read some of that in my expression.

"I know you can take care of yourself Rogue," he waved his hand behind where I had been fighting "even more so than even I thought.."

I interrupted him, grabbing my gloves and coat I stood up, he stood up as well.

"It's nothin' serious, I can look after it myself." I started walking out the doors.

"Rogue?"

I let out a loud sigh and turned to face him.

"Yes, Mr. Summers?" I said, feeling as if I was back in one of his classes being asked to stay behind after class for one reason or another.

"Scott." He said smiling softly at me.

"Yes, Scott?" I didn't return the smile. I guess I was still angry and agitated.

"You want to tell me what is bothering you?" The way he asked I knew that he knew already.

Crap does the whole mansion know what an imbecile I am when it comes to Logan?

"No." I said leaving Scott and his questions behind me.

Logan just doesn't care for me. Not like he used to. No big deal at all.

Not big deal. NO BIG DEAL.

But it is easier to type than to believe.

So here it is late afternoon and all I want to do is bury myself under my covers and not wake up until the end of time. But I can't.

And for now on, I am going to try to get Logan out of my system, out of my mind and out of my being. He is just the man who has saved my life a couple times. He is just a man.

I don't need him.

I don't want him.

I don't love him.

I think I will go for a drive.

I need a cheeseburger, french fries, and a large strawberry shake. OK, maybe two cheeseburgers.

And afterwards?

Let's just get the food and go from there.

--------------------------------------------------

2:35 am

I know I said earlier that I just wanted to sleep, yet here I am still up. At the moment I am outside. The dark is nice.

I avoided most of the residents, I didn't need any pity stares, nor did I need Kitty looking at me self righteously. Might have had to kill her. Could have talked to Jubilee but she was out on a date, and didn't feel the need to call her and drag her down with my problems.

I am fine anyway. And I will be OK.

So Logan neglected me, forgot about our plans and went away on a love romp with Ororo.

Life goes on. Life always goes on.

It's getting colder out here, should have brought my coat.

I do have to say, it is kind of eerie out here, so calm and quiet. But I like it.

So peaceful. So nice. So unlike me, but me.

I come out side during the night by myself sometimes. Sitting on a bench or walking around.

Enjoying the stillness of the moment.

So I guess Scott now knows that I am not quite the weakling everyone takes me for. But I am still not as skilled as I want to be. But I did survive one of Logan's danger room sessions (although Scott did interrupt it just when the difficulties started to increase to the point where I would have had to end it myself shortly). But I lasted twenty minutes! That has to mean something right? Hope it wasn't just my fury that was egging me on.

Xing wants to start teaching me how to fight with a weapon. I told him I just wanted to rely on myself and not something I couldn't really control. (Kinda like my mutation.) But he said he would train me so well that it would seem as if it was part of my body, or a part of me. We are going to start with a staff weapon and then move into more deadly weapons. So we shall see where that goes.

My computer's battery is getting low, and so is my energy. Suppose it is time I went to bed, I am getting tired.

-Rogue out-