Chapter 7 — A Little Bit Married

Jack was actually the first one to ask the question.

"What are we doing?"

Liz set down her fork beside her salad.

"I don't know," she said a little desperately. "But I don't think I can have this conversation in a restaurant. Let's eat. Let's have a good time and not be weird. And if we can do that, then let's try to figure out what we're doing."

And it wasn't weird. They talked and laughed, and Jack kissed her in the car on the way home. Back at his apartment with a scotch in his hand and pinot grigio in hers, they started to talk.

"Are we forcing something here?" Liz asked.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, we are spending the last half of our first real date talking about our relationship. I kicked off my shoes at the door, and you've lost your jacket and tie, so we're clearly not trying to impress each other. You spent half the summer engaged to another woman, and I was even engaged for about three hours. Why is this just happening now after four years? It doesn't feel much different than before. Except we're spending more time together — and the kissing. I like the kissing."

He took her hand.

"I like kissing you, too," he said, smiling softly. He made a visible effort to refocus on the conversation.

"Well… of course it's not a normal first date. You're not someone I've just met. You know about my job, I know about yours. I know what music you like, and you know what I listen to. You know my favorite foods, and I know yours. I've had dinner with your parents, and you have regular dealings with my mother. There's not more getting-to-know-you filler left for us to have a normal first date."

"True," Liz conceded. "It's like we've been dating for a couple of years."

"Maybe in our own way, we have."

"Except…" Liz said, clearly uncomfortable. She squeezed his hand as if for moral support and plunged ahead in a rush. "Except then it's really weird that all we've done is kiss. And don't think I'm ready to do more. Yet. But then what if we get caught in an endless holding pattern…"

"Lemon, I'm really proud of you!" Jack's voice glowed with surprised pride. "That's a big step for you to be able to discuss sex in a manner as straightforwardly as your average 15-year-old!"

"Ew, Jack! You can't go all mentor on me right now when you're the potential sexual partner!"

He laughed.

"OK, your big breakthrough aside — yes, this is highly unusual. But I'm enjoying myself a great deal and have no problem moving forward at some point, and you seem to be saying the same thing."

She nodded.

"Very good," he said. "But a very wise person told me a few months ago that sex complicates relationships."

"Not like you listened to my advice then," Liz said.

"But I learn from my mistakes. So as I said last night, I won't be trying anything with you until we're absolutely sure that we're both comfortable here."

"Which absolutely won't be while I'm staying with you," she said. "No need to live out a trashy romance novel."

"You mean I could have spared Jonathan the trouble of setting your building on fire?" he asked.

She laughed and leaned into his shoulder as he teased her about losing it the night before.

"OK. Nothing happens while you're here," he said. He rubbed the back of her hand lightly and continued as if weighing each word. "In fact, you can know when we make love for the first time, I am not just experimenting. I will be acting on a commitment to you and making you happy."

Liz swallowed past a lump in her throat.

"Commitment? Jack, I…" she trailed off.

"Go ahead," he urged. "I can only read your mind sometimes. I need to know what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that this is all I could ever hope to hear — mostly because it's you saying it. What 39-year-old woman doesn't want to talk about commitment? But I've seen the women you've dated. I've heard you talk about sex. And I'm realistic: I'm not that beautiful, young, adventurous, or experienced. So I'm not saying that I don't believe you about desire or commitment. But no matter what you say, I've still got a voice in my head telling me that you'll move on when you come to your senses."

Jack nodded thoughtfully.

"First of all, I'm sorry for everything I've ever said that makes you feel insecure with me," he said. "I think you're beautiful. Not 'in spite of' or 'with the exception of' or 'in comparison to.' I am looking at you, my friend, and seeing a vibrant woman whom I'm realizing I love much differently than just as a friend.

"And don't get the idea that I'm forcing a physical attraction to you in order to make this work," he continued. "I want you… very much. But even more, I want you to know that you mean more to me than any of the women I've taken to bed without a thought. I'm thinking very much about this, Liz — and I think it's going to make the reward much sweeter."

"Thank you for saying that," she whispered.

He wrapped his arm around her and they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"So don't doubt yourself," he concluded. "I told you the day that we met that I liked your boldness —"

"—because it was that of a much younger woman!" she said, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Exactly! You've been appealing to me in one way or another since the beginning. Your confidence balanced with humility, your curiosity and determination — well, I have no fear of being disappointed in bed with you. So don't listen to that voice in your head or anyone or anything else that tells you what I expect. Just be your spectacular self."

"Blerg. So OK, hot shot, what if the Jack Donaghy myth isn't all that I expected?"

"That is not possible," he said dismissively.

She laughed.

"Just teasing. I like you, Jack, and I'm only a little afraid of you. Just be honest about what you want and need, and I'll try to do the same thing."

They fell into another companionable silence.

"What do you think it means that we're already a little bit married?" Liz asked suddenly.

He looked bewildered. "Pardon?"

"You know. I said earlier that it's like we've been dating for years. But it's really stuff that people do after they've been married 10 years. Dealing with each other's families. Talking about stuff. I ironed your shirt the other day. You coming in to watch TV earlier while I worked while wearing your robe."

"Am I getting that back, by the way, now that you've gone shopping?" he asked.

"It left it on your bed earlier," she said. "But the T-shirt is mine indefinitely."

"OK, a little bit married," he said. "That's never happened to me before. But I haven't yet had a successful relationship, so again I say — we're off to a good start."

"Hmm," Liz nodded in agreement. "Oh, and Jenna knows… whatever she thinks she knows. I ran into her at the store this afternoon."

"So we're coming out at work tomorrow," Jack said, more statement than question.

"The Donaghy-Lemon train has left the station. Wanna play hooky?"

"Not a chance," he said with a grin.

TBC