"I couldn't believe it. It's like I've dreaming about it forever and it finally came true!"

I was daydreaming about my time spent with Embry the night before when I was snapped back to attention. Kim was staring at me enthusiastically.

"What?" I asked, staring lazily at her.

She glared. "You weren't listening."

"Oh, sorry." I looked down at the lunch table and started picking at my green beans. Well, I wouldn't really call them green beans, they were more like mushy green blobs with seeds everywhere.

"What I was saying was, that for the first time since kindergarten, Jared noticed me."

I tried to focus. "Jared what?"

"Uggh! Do I have to repeat myself?"

"Sorry," I sighed again.

"Are you feeling ok? Cause you know, last time it was me daydreaming and you talking. Is it your head?" She put a hand on my shoulder.

"My head is fine, but my brain feels like it's about to turn into mush." I moaned, putting my head down on the table.

"Tell me about it," she said kindly as she put a chicken nugget in her mouth.

I shrugged. "There's really nothing wrong. I think it's just the weather."

I put a bite of green beans in my mouth not really thinking and had to spit them back out. I didn't want to tell Kim what I had gone through. When Embry was around me, I forgot all about my parents death. But once he was gone, depression hit again, and this time, it hit hard.

"Are you going to swim practice today?" Kim asked, but just the mention of the pool sent me to my numbness again.

I had to tell the coach I couldn't do it anymore. The pool scares me, I can't go back. Plus, I'm out of shape anyway.

Kim tapped me on the shoulder. "KT?"

"Oh, sorry, again, umm, no I don't think so."

"Why?" she whined.

I laughed. "I'm way out of shape! Plus, wouldn't you be scared to get back in the water after you hit your head?"

She chuckled and blushed slightly. "Sorry, I guess your right."

I shoved another bite of nastiness in my mouth as I watched Jared walk up to our table. I stared at him, swallowing slowly.

"Hey Kim." He smiled and sat down next to her eyeing me cautiously. I glared.

Kim blushed a deep red and laughed shyly. I rolled my eyes and laughed. I'd have to sit with two love birds for the rest of my life. I put my head in my hands and stared at my half eaten food.

"Hey, KT, can I ask you a question?" Jared leaned over. I slowly turned my head and smiled.

"Sure thing."

"Do you like Embry, I mean, really like him?"

I cussed him out in my mind. "Uh, yeah. He seems nice enough. But I mean, it's a little early to uh like him yet...but uh...he seems like a good guy." I scratched the back of my neck.

He laughed. "Did you seriously believe Paul when he told you why Embry sneaks out?"

I set my jaw.

He laughed again. "First of all, never believe anything nasty Paul says. Most of it isn't true. And second of all, if anybody knows Embry, they know he is the most obvious virgin in the whole entire world. I mean, I don't even think he's kissed a girl yet."

I stared at him. "Umm...thanks Jared, for that..uhh...eye opening information."

He smiled and nodded his head. "It's not a problem. You know I'm always there for you sis."

Kim looked back and forth. "She's your sister?"

"Hell no," I said almost immediately, glaring at Jared.

"No," he said more kindly, "but to me, she practically is."

I rolled my eyes and scooted farther around the circle away from them. I pulled out my phone and texted Matt.

Matt: Hey baby, hows school up there? Kristy said it's cold. Ray told me you haven't been answering her calls. Is everything ok?

Me: Hey Matt(: school sucks. it's freezing, all the time, and guess what? it's summer! I didn't have time to talk. Swim practice runs late when your out of shape. I wouldn't say everything is ok, but it's almost better than before.

I looked up from my phone and noticed Embry begin to walk into the lunchroom. Our eye met and I quickly looked down. I noticed Matt had already texted me back.

Matt: Sorry :( that's horrible. You need to visit soon. And swim practice is no excuse! Ray has been very worried, and so have I. Tell me about it honey. Any new friends?

"Hey," Embry greeted smiling, sitting down next to me.

"What's up?" I clicked off my phone, turning to face him.

"Nothing. I just had to talk to my mom. She's mad at me... again." He put his head in his hand.

"Oh, sorry. Maybe you should stop sneaking out at night and skipping school early."

He smiled sheepishly. "It's not what you think."

"Oh I know," I reassured. "Jared was very open about your love life...and your virginity..."

He blushed. He really blushed.

"Are you blushing?" I asked astonished, laughing.

He glared. "No!" He turned a deeper red.

I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing to hard.

"Are you embarrassed?" I finally managed to choke out, as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"No...well yes, but only sort of." The red faded from his face and he simply smiled back at me.

"I think it's ok for a guy to be a virgin. I actually like guys that are, better than ones who aren't."

"Really?" I could see a spark in his eye that made my heart skip a beat.

"Yeah. With a guy who has done it with a lot of girls, I can never really feel like they appreciate me as much as someone who hasn't given themselves away yet. You know what I'm talking about right? I feel like they are more deep, and less likely to cheat on you." I looked down at the floor, suddenly realizing what a retard I must have sounded like.

"You don't know how long I've waited for you," he whispered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

My heart stopped beating. I looked into his eyes and I could have sworn I saw heaven. I swallowed, feeling my face begin to heat up.

"Sorry if I embarrassed you," he smiled, obviously pleased with the reaction he got out of me.

I glared, then smiled. "We should hang out again," I suggested, tugging on his shirt sleeve.

He beamed. "Yeah totally!"

"But just as friends, and nothing more," I confirmed quickly, and I saw some disappointment shoot through his face, though he quickly hid it.

"Of course," he forced out, smiling. "Since tomorrow is Saturday, maybe we can hang out then?"

"Sure," I agreed, "that sounds great."

He smiled that sweet cute little smile of his. Was I falling in love with him? Couldn't be, I just met him!

The lunch bell rang. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Sure thing," he agreed. "I'll call you."

"Sweet."

I smiled and quickly walked to class.


Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Life has taken some crazy turns for me in the past few days. First of all, I almost drowned at swim practice, (embarrassing, I know) I was saved by Embry, this super hot guy friend of Sam's, and met a funny, extremely likable guy, Jacob. Boys, they are all over me, I know. :)

Other than that, depression still seems to seep it's way into my thoughts when I'm not paying attention. Maybe I should start taking those depressant pills again. But I really don't like them! Grrr.

But here's the funny thing, whenever I'm around Embry, I don't even remember my parent's death. It's like, when I'm with him, he's the big barrier that keeps out the sad, depressing thoughts. He is like my anti-depressant pill, all in one. Weird, I know. I haven't really figured out why either.

But, gotta go, Emily's cooking some mean spaghetti tonight, and I actually would like to eat some before it's all gone.

Kathryn Owen Player

"KT, since your soo good at math, would you be pleased to tell me what the square root of sixty nine is?" Paul teased as he shoved another piece of garlic bread in his mouth.

I walked over to where he was seating and grabbed his plate. "Of course, Paul. Isn't it eight something?"

I picked up the plate then and shoved it in his face. Spaghetti dripped down his face and shirt, staining it with a redish brown tint.

"Or maybe it's spaghetti. What do you think?" I smirked and took the plate to the kitchen where Emily was trying to cover up her laughs.

Paul's face was serious, his jaw clenched. Jared laughed at him, throwing a piece of spaghetti at his face. Then he growled, literally growled.

The smile left my face.

"KT, let's go outside," Jacob was suddenly right next to me, pulling me out onto the front porch.

"What's going on?" I asked quickly, trying to pry his fingers from my arm. The cool night air stung my bare arms and face. A shiver ran through me.

He pulled me behind the car the pushed me against the back window.

"How was school?" he asked me quickly, his face, inches from mine.

I stared at him blankly. I was so confused. What was going on? Why did he pull me out of the house like someone was going to kill me, first of all, and second of all, why was he so close to me?

"Umm, Jake, is everything ok?" I started nervously. He face was hard, and he was looking back at the house, his jaw clenched and unclenched. It kind of scared me.

I rolled my head to look back at the house, but before I could really see what was going on, he grabbed my face and turned it back to face him. It was quick, but he was ever so gentle with it.

"Don't look," he said quietly his eyes finally meeting mine. He slowly let go of my face, stepping back slightly. I started breathing again.

"Jacob, what is happening? What's going on?" I asked quietly, resisting the urge to look behind me.

He scratched the back of his head and sighed. Hesitating, he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then closed it again.

"Paul has..uhh... anger management problems. They're pretty serious. We just wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt." He concluded with a goofy smile that made me question his answer.

"Anger management?" I repeated slowly.

"Yeah," he shrugged, his smile slowly fading. "That's the best I can do."

I smiled. "I think you can do better Jacob."

"I'm not a good lier. But, truth is, I can't tell you. If you want to know, your going to have to figure it out yourself."

I leaned forward. "Well that's a bummer. It's a good thing I'm not a good lier either."

"Sorry, about... pulling you out here like a creeper. I just...well..I just.."

"It's ok," I smiled, then leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

A sort of thrilling energy shot through my whole body. His lips froze under mine, but I didn't give up. I knew he was using self control, but I didn't want him to. After a few seconds his lips slightly molded to mine. It was sweet, but short.

I pulled back, and his eyes were still closed, his hands were fists by his side.

"I'll see you later," I whispered, then headed back to the house, smiling from ear to ear.