Chapter 7

Into The Wild

Alice Cullen

I pushed myself harder and faster than I ever had; the forest was all but flying beneath me now. My mind was blank as I focused on the task at hand: getting out of Forks and the state of Washington. I growled as my beloved sister's face flashed through my mind, along with the backstabbing vampire who I had once called brother. I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I can't save you. I'm a coward! Hissing violently, I gripped both sides of my short hair as I ran. I was a coward—if I really loved Bella, then I would turn and defend her. But I couldn't muster the strength. I just wanted to run and hide. I don't deserve Bella in my life any more than Edward does right now.

The sound of someone running behind me didn't faze me. Despite his skepticisms, Jasper had come with me on this "hunt." Poor loving fool. I didn't need mental powers to know he was staring at me while we ran. He had been confused by our urgent departure, although he had said nothing. However, a vision told me that he was going to ask me what was wrong. Sure enough, he appeared beside me, begging me to slow down, and I begrudgingly abated my speed.

"Alice," he said with a bewildered look in his eyes. "Where exactly are we going? I've seen you pass up about three herds of deer that would suffice. What are you looking for?" I stared at him emptily, trying to control my emotions. "What's wrong, love? You're very tense and your emotions are all over the place."

I shrugged and tried to appear happy. "It's nothing, Jazzy," I cooed softly and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'm just not in the mood for deer." I made a soft grimace and winked at him. "I watched Bambi recently."

Jasper laughed and shook his head. "Since when did you become picky?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Are you kidding?" I joked and poked a finger at him. "I am very picky! Just ask Edward…" I trailed off and my deep feeling of loathing rose up uncontrollably. Jasper's eyes widened, no doubt at the hate emanating out of me, forcing me to turn and start running again. I didn't get very far, though; Jasper easily caught up with me and grabbed my arm.

"Alice," he demanded as he forced me to look at him. "Please tell me what's wrong!" His eyes were a mixture of worry and confusion.

I furrowed my brow and lowered my head. "It's nothing, Jasper," I lied, almost as poorly as Bella. The thought of Bella brought on another wave of guilt and remorse. My bottom lip quivered, and I noticed Jasper flinch as the emotions washed over him. "I'm so sorry," I murmured softly.

"Please, Ally," he pleaded, using his favorite nickname for me. "Please tell me why you're feeling this way." He wrapped his arms around me, wincing as the contact brought on a stronger onslaught of emotion. "I can't help if you don't talk to me."

I scoffed. "That's not true." He could easily manipulate my emotions and calm me down at a moment's notice.

"Love," he said seriously. "Please?"

I sighed and, very slowly, the earlier conversation began to play in my mind.

(The previous day...)

I had just finished organizing mine and Jasper's closet—in alphabetical order by designers and styles—when a small vision crossed my mind. Edward was on his way up the stairs. He would be here in ten seconds, and I didn't need foresight to know what he needed to say. Taking a deep breath, I settled down in a chair and waited patiently. I did my best to compose myself, given the raging anger inside me. Thank goodness Jasper isn't here.

There was a soft knock at my door, and I rolled my eyes. Like you need to knock. A soft chuckle answered my thought as the door opened slowly. He stood there for a moment, debating several methods of speaking, before he stepped deeper into my room. "Alice, I…" he said slowly, not making eye contact with me.

I sneered angrily. At least be man enough to look me in the eye.

He exhaled heavily and raised his head, showing me his eyes, which were filled with agony and suffering. That's just what you deserve, you lying, backstabbing bastard!

He grimaced as I chastised him mentally, knowing that he deserved every bit of it. Without speaking, he allowed me to finish my onslaught before speaking. "Alice, I just wanted to tell you," he said hesitantly. "Maybe tomorrow would be a good time to go on that hunt you were talking about."

I raised my eyebrows. So soon?

"Yes," he nodded, "I think the herds should be pretty close. You should find some up north." I narrowed my eyes angrily. "It would be best if you leave tomorrow before eight." His voice was so despondent, like his mind had checked out.

Leaning away from him, I shook my head and sneered. Remember what I said, Edward. I hissed and backed away from him. You'll have no one to blame but yourself. His face hardened as he turned and quickly left my room. The anger boiled beneath my skin, burning hotter than my venom. MONSTER! With a roar of desperation I shouted internally after him. I pulled my nails angrily across the walls of my room, hoping to release the violent tension I felt inside. It wasn't working—I needed to get away from here.

(Present...)

Jasper stared at me with bewilderment as my temper flared dangerously higher and higher. His eyes darkened to black as he felt the hate and rage flow through me. He gritted his teeth and shook his head, trying to soothe my turmoil. He was only barely successful, turning my hate and rage to a severe depression, but was finally able to calm himself enough to speak.

"Alice," he said slowly, a trace of frustration and uneasiness in his voice. "What is wrong with you? I can feel guilt and extreme remorse within you; but it's almost masked by a thick fog of hate and anger." Jasper moved forward and wrapped his arms around me. "What's going on?" He pulled away and stared at me with his soft golden eyes, his puppy dog stare.

I looked away; I couldn't bear to lie to him, but I couldn't tell him the truth. "Jazz, I…" I trailed off. My thoughts screamed at me and tore at me from the inside. Why are you protecting Edward? Why are you keeping this from Jasper? What's wrong with you?

"Alice." Jasper's voice was a low warning; he could feel the guilt surging through me.

I shook my head slowly. The vampire side of me had switched to self preservation mode, which was why I couldn't tell Jasper what was going on. He was my mate and therefore was partial to the "self" part of preservation. I couldn't let anything happen to him.

What about Bella?

A deep guttural cry echoed in the woods and, as I searched for its source, I realized it was from my own lips. What was I doing? Bella was more than my sister, she was my best friend, for God's sake! Edward, Jacob, and even Carlisle were conspiring against her, and what did I do? I ran away. Some friend I turned out to be. Even when Edward abandoned her last fall, I did nothing but accept his decision. I could have easily looked him in the eye and said "no Edward"—but I didn't.

I turned to Jasper, who was now gripping the side of a tree—tearing shreds of wood from it—as my emotions tortured him. I calmed myself down and noticed his shoulders relax a bit. We still need to get out of here! My self preservation refused to let me deter. "Jasper—," I called, but was cut off suddenly.

A loud howling cut across the quiet night, the cry of a wolf, and my vision went blank. We were not on their land; however, I didn't want them to find us. I had no idea what Edward and Jacob's sordid little plan entailed, and I didn't want to find out. I motioned for Jazz to follow my lead, and we disappeared into the trees ahead. I pushed the branches of the tree aside just in time to see four large wolves barrel through the forest. The two up front I recognized; the black wolf was Sam and the russet brown one was Jacob Black. The wolves that followed were slightly unfamiliar to me despite our time fighting together. I heard a low hiss next to me and turned to see Jasper tense and ready to strike.

"No," I whispered quickly, "let them pass."

"Their pattern," he said and narrowed his eyes skeptically. "They run like they're on the offense, almost like they're heading into a battle." We slipped out of the tree as they faded into the distance. I hesitantly continued north, but Jasper did not move; he was distracted by the wolves now. "Why are they so far from La Push?" His back tensed as he slowly turned to face me. "Alice, did anything about this seem odd to you?"

I shrugged. "Of course it does, Jazz," I said and tried to keep myself calm. I couldn't afford to let my emotions betray me, "but they're werewolves. You can't expect me to understand their rationale." I chuckled darkly and rolled my eyes.

Jasper did not laugh or chuckle; his penetrating gaze bore straight through me. We stood for a moment in awkward silence before he spoke again. "There's something you're not telling me," he said in a monotone voice. "Alice, I can feel you trying to control your emotions. You're trying to trick me, and it's not working." He moved forward and once again wrapped his arms around me. "Please, tell me what's going on."

I pushed away from him with an angry hiss. "Jasper, please, stop it."

"It's something big, isn't it?" he asked seriously.

I felt my resolve beginning to deteriorate; my subconscious was breaking through. "I don't know what you're talking about." I shook my head and refused to look at him.

"It has to do with Bella, doesn't it?" Jasper let go of me and stared at me darkly. "And the wolves?" My bottom lip quivered as his gaze bore into me. "You should have learned by now," he said, and I finally let our eyes meet, "that I can read you like a book." He smiled smugly, crossed his own arms, and said something even I didn't expect. "Alice, don't abandon her."

That tiny statement crumbled my will and had me dry sobbing on the forest floor in a matter of seconds. How could I do this to Bella? How could I? Jasper whispered tiny loving words to me, which roused me from my grief. Finally, after the last sob heaved its way from my lungs, I opened my mouth and revealed my secret.

"The wolves are going to attack the house tonight," I said guiltily. "They're meant to distract the others while Edward drugs Bella."

Jasper snarled wildly, and his eyes became black as he shook violently. One look at him told me that he was filled with the same rage that had been consuming me for days. He clenched his fists together as he stared at me angrily. This past month, Jasper had been just as protective of Bella as Rosalie was. Unlike our sister, Jasper did his watching from outside—carefully observing and testing the mood for any indication of danger. He didn't do this for me or for Rosalie; he did this for Bella. Jasper had looked after her, without her knowledge, ever since we had returned and Bella had spoken with him.

(Months earlier...)

Jasper had been careful to avoid Bella—when we had all returned from Volterra; seeing as it was his attack on her that forced us all to leave. His guilt had been his true mate through these past few months and had almost driven him out of the family. All at once I had a vision that made me want to cry; Jasper and Bella were embracing in Edward's bedroom. A second later, another vision—Bella would text me and ask me to send Jasper up.

"Jazzy," I cooed softly to him. "I think you should go up to Edward's room." My phone started buzzing as the text message from Bella came in.

He looked at me and then at the phone, thoroughly confused. "But Bella's up there with Edward." I nodded to him. "I'm sure they'd rather be alone."

I smiled and shook my head. "Bella wants to speak with you." His wide, worried eyes had me hugging him instantly. "Don't worry, Jasper, you won't hurt her." I stroked his face and tried to soothe him.

"I-I'm not afraid of hurting her," he said sorrowfully and shook his head. "I'm worried about her…h-hurting me." A small sob escaped him as he rested his head on his hands. "I don't know if I can face her, Alice."

"Jasper," I whispered to him. "You have to go. It's the only way to completely make things right." He looked at me with uncertainty, and I smiled at him reassuringly. "Trust me."

I didn't need to follow him to know what would happen; I already had the play by play in my mind.

Jasper climbed the stairs hesitantly. His face was full of anguish as he no doubt contemplated the punishment Bella had in store for him. Would she call him a monster, or would she say it was entirely his fault?

Oh, Jasper, you obviously don't know Bella very well.

He knocked softly on Edward's door, which opened slowly, revealing Bella's timid and flushed face. Jasper was immediately tense, and his gaze fell to the floor, his fingers moved nervously inside his pockets. "B-Bella, A-Alice said you w-wanted to see me."

"Yes, I do," she said as she stared at him with her warm chocolate eyes, biting her bottom lip. If Jazz had been paying attention, he would have noticed the tiny droplets forming in her tear ducts. "Please come in."

Jasper entered the room and noticed immediately that Edward had left. The window was open, though, so he wouldn't be too far away, just in case things got out of hand. Jasper sighed nervously and was about to speak when Bella did something extremely unexpected: she hugged him tightly around his waist. Although he was surprised, Jasper didn't move. Bella's warm tears spilled onto his clothes and somehow reached his silent heart.

"Oh, Jasper," she cried into his stone chest, "I'm so sorry." The sincerity and emotion behind her words shocked him and almost brought him to his knees.

"Bella?" he gasped as she wrapped her arms tighter around him. "What on earth do you have to be sorry for?"

She raised her eyes, blood shot from the tears, to stare at him. "I know you blame yourself for everything," she sobbed, reading his mind just as clearly as Edward. "But I want you to know that it's not your fault. I don't blame you for anything."

Jasper's air caught in his throat, and his bottom lip slightly quivered. The feelings that were pouring out of Bella were without a doubt strong. There was forgiveness, honesty, sympathy, empathy, and above all, love. "Bella, I…" he wasn't sure what to say. No human had ever shown him this kind of affection before; he was amazed and tongue tied.

"I don't want you to say anything, Jasper," she continued. "There is nothing to forgive, and there's nothing to apologize for, do you understand?" He nodded slowly, although still a little confounded. With that, she hugged him a little tighter, and he carefully wrapped his arms around her.

A few moments later, Edward returned and Jasper excused himself, bidding them both a good night. A second later, he was back by my side, dry sobs heaving from his chest. I cradled him close to my heart until he pulled away and spoke.

"As long as I live," he vowed, "I don't ever want to see her cry again."

(Present...)

Jasper's eyes were black as they tore straight through me. "How can Edward condone this?" he demanded angrily, snarling. "It's not just Bella's safety at risk, but the family's as well!"

"He thinks he's helping her," I hissed angrily at my brother's mentality. "I tried to explain that it's not going to work, but he wouldn't listen!"

"And you let him continue?" Jazz accused incredulously. "Why didn't you tell Bella what was going on?".

I quickly threw up my hands. "Jasper, we have more important matters at hand," I said as my lips pulled over my teeth, "like protecting our loved ones." I had made a mistake by trying to leave, but I would correct it.

"You're right," he said begrudgingly and shifted to face the direction the wolves had taken. "They're far ahead of us; we need to leave now to find them." I nodded and we instantly took off, heading for our home.

I only hoped that we were not too late.


Author's Note: Repost