Jess laughed as soon as he entered the room. Surprise was written on his face as Rory noticed him and immediately stopped what she was doing. She was caught and there was no way to explain this.
"Did I wake up?" Rory asked.
"I couldn't sleep," Jess shook his head. "And what are you doing?"
"Stress tap dancing," she answered quickly and quietly as she gathered her laptop and shut it off.
"Stress tap dancing?" He said each word slowly. "You tap dance?"
"Only when I'm stressed," she tried to joke.
"I really have missed a lot, haven't I?" He asked.
She smiled and her hands went to her stomach instinctively. "Yeah, I guess we both did."
Jess smiled softly back at her. "Is that why you're stressed?"
She walked over to the couch with a sigh. "Is it bad
mothering to say yes?"
"No," he told her. "If you ask me, it's pretty normal especially for a surprise baby."
"I feel like I'm already screwing up, Jess," she confessed. "This baby is barely four months into existence and I have already messed it up."
"What makes you say that?" He came to sit on the single chair next to the couch.
"Because me and Logan aren't together," she sighed. "I know a child doesn't need their parents together to be okay and I know that them being together doesn't automatically make everything better. I know all of this from experience."
"Then what?" He urged. "Did Logan ask you to marry him?"
"Twice," she closed her eyes. "When I graduated Yale and when I told him about the baby."
"Oh," he was surprised. He didn't expect that answer.
Rory noticed this. "I guess Luke doesn't mention me much, hub?"
"He mentions you," he replied. "I think it's more he doesn't tell me when my ex-girlfriend gets engagement proposals."
"Right," she smiled. "That would make sense."
"Can I ask you something?" he asked. "And can it not be weird or awkward?"
Rory nodded. "Sure but now I'm curious about this mysterious question "
He took a deep breath. "Why'd you say no?"
"Truthfully?" Jess nodded now. She sighed sadly. "The first time we had two different paths. He was going to California and I was about to become the socialite wife. I didn't want to be that. I knew that's what I would be and I had so many things I wanted to do still."
"What about the second time?" He asked carefully.
"That…" she blew out the breath this time. "It wasn't right. We ended things for a slew of reasons. It'd be wrong to think this baby can make it work. I owe it to my child to make sure I give it the best life it can have and I think if me and Logan were married…"
Her voice trailed off and he got curious. "What?"
"It wouldn't be the best life," she finished. "For either of us. Maybe if it had been at a different time but not now and not under these circumstances."
"Did you consider it?" He asked quietly.
"More than once," she admitted. "Both times. I don't know which time I considered it more because it felt pretty equal. The first time I just wanted him to come back, to not make some ultimatum. I didn't want all or nothing. I wanted him and I feel like that was how I got to this point."
Jess didn't say anything. He tried to listen carefully. He wanted to understand. But no matter how he felt about her or the past, no matter how much he moved on or tried to, he wasn't sure how much he could hear about Rory missing and wanting Logan.
"I'm sorry," Rory said. "I shouldn't be telling you this. Not with our history."
"No, it's fine," he lied. "You needed to talk and we're friends. You can talk to me about stuff."
"You've been so good to me," she said. "You're doing more than enough. You got me a job at Truncheon. You're helping me write a book. You gave me someplace to live without the wondering eyes of Stars Hollow. The least I can do is not talk about this with you."
"Really, it's fine," he said again but he didn't lie this time. A part of him guessed maybe she didn't talk about this that much so she might have needed to.
"No, that's okay but thank you," she stood up. "I actually think I'm gonna head to bed. A good night's rest is supposed to be especially good when you're expecting."
"All right," Jess dropped the conversation and let her go. "Good night."
"Night, Jess," she said and went inside her bedroom.
He sat there after she left, thinking about what she had said. It dawned on him how stupid he felt for that open house all those years ago. Rory loved Logan, probably still does. Her speech rang in his ears as clear as if she was standing in front of him. He remembered every word even when he didn't want to.
The next morning, after a lot of thinking and finally, sleep, Jess came out of his room. Rory was already in the kitchen, a robe loosely around her as she leaned over the counter and clutched a cup of coffee.
"Morning," he said to her.
She stood up straight, noticing him for the first time. "Morning."
"You okay?" He asked as he poured his own coffee out of the pot.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she sniffed. "Just I didn't sleep that well after all."
"Yeah, me either," he told her. "Guess it's going around, huh?"
"Yeah," she let out a small laugh. "I guess so."
Jess poured milk into his coffee and took a sip. It scalded his mouth but he didn't care. "I'm sorry I pressed last night. I shouldn't have asked personal questions."
She shook her head and held her left hand up. "No, please. You didn't press at all and after all you've done for me, you've earned the right to ask a few personal questions."
"Can I ask another one?" He took a big breath. He wanted to ask what if it was him. What if it wasn't Logan. What if he proposed. But he couldn't. He didn't want to make things weird just to ease his curiosity.
Hearing her talk about how much she loved Logan made him wonder about the past - their past. He wondered if she actually had loved him or maybe think was wrong after all.
But he backtracked on his question. Rory waited patiently. Her face was open, ready for whatever it was he had in mind. He took what was really on his mins away. That wasn't what either of them needed to hear right now.
Instead, he turned to a more joking matter. "Waffles or pancakes?"
Rory beamed, relief off her shoulders. "Waffles, please."
"You got it," he said and walked further into the kitchen. When he was out of her vision, he let out the breath he'd held as he considered that question. He needed to push it aside if this was going to work. The what ifs wouldn't help and he didn't feel that way about her anymore. At least that's what he thought. No, that was wrong. Jess was over her. Long over. He told Luke that even and he wouldn't like to Luke, would he?
Jess made breakfast as Rory chattered about something her mom had emailed her. It was comfortable and he liked the company. He decided that whatever he did or didn't feel didn't matter because he didn't want to mess this up. They were friends and he rather have Rory in his life as a friend then wonder about the status of their relationship.
In the end, his thoughts chalked it up to his last relationship. It had lasted four years, roughly the amount of time he hadn't seen Rory in before this summer. He visited Like but mostly stayed away because he thought this girl was the one. His mind probably still reeled from the loss and that he had planned on proposing to her around this time of the year.
That's what it was. That's what it had to be. He locked up the thoughts and forced himself to not open them up until he was ready and time had passed. Feelings confuse you when you're hurt. His sure had and right now, he needed Rory around just as much as she needed him. That was what mattered now.
….
Rory walked you to the familiar front door that she would know anywhere. Her feet brought her forward to the small porch and she smiled to herself. The phrase coming home never fit anything as much as this place had.
The door opened before she even got the chance. Lorelai gasped in happiness at seeing her daughter in front of her. "My baby! Hi!"
"Hi, Mom," Rory hugged her back tightly. As much as she loved Philadelphia, she really missed her mother.
Lorelai pulled apart and took a look at her. "Okay. Let me see. No piercings, no tattoos…"
Rory laughed. "None of that, no."
"So what is it?" She asked as the two of them walked inside the house. "You couldn't talk about it on the phone and I've been anxiously waiting all day to find out."
"No 'how are you'?" She teased.
"I'll ask how you are when I know," Lorelai retorted. "Now. I asked about Jess and is it bad? What happened? Is it even about him what you have to say?"
"It's about Jess," she confirmed.
Rory sat down on the couch and Lorelai stood impatiently. "And?"
"I told Jess what you said," she began. "I told him everything. He pretty much told me that you were right. He did have feelings for me."
"I knew it!" Lorelai exclaimed triumphantly.
"You did," she nodded. "And I didn't but yet I feel like I did. Or I should have. Then Tori got sick and I thought it was some kind of karmatic faith telling me that I can't be happy and that me and Jess were a bad idea. But then i did some more thinking and I realized the worst idea was pushing aside what I felt and what we said."
"And then what?" Lorelai asked. "You followed Jess to a train station, where you confessed how much you love him and he didn't get on the train?"
"You watch too many movies," she remarked.
"Well, duh," Lorelai agreed.
"No, uh," Rory ducked her head then lifted it back up. "I snuck into his room one night."
"Dirty!" Lorelai gasped.
Rory's face blushed deep red. Lorelai's jaw dropped. "Little bit."
Lorelai grinned mischievously. "I knew it. I knew it. I knew it!"
"I think we already agreed on that," she said.
"Yes but I have to say it a few more times to let it sink in," Lorelai added. "Although I'm sure for you, it has already sunk in."
"Oh now that was really dirty," Rory laughed.
"Yes it was," she said proudly but then turned serious. "So are you guys together now? Did you two sleep together and it was terrible and now you're not speaking to each other which led you to not speak to me?"
"We're together," she smiled. "Very together. It's like we already were just without the romantic side of it."
"So it wasn't terrible?" She asked.
"Mom!" Rory hid her face in her hands then looked back up. "No. Definitely not terrible."
Lorelai cheered. "I knew it! And I'm so glad I didn't sit because I get to do my 'i knew!' dance!"
Rory shook her head and laughed. It was a better reaction than she had expected. "Well, while you're dancing, I'm gonna go raid your kitchen for a snack."
"Snack?" Lorelai stopped her dance. "I could eat a snack."
"Come on," she got off the couch and urged her mother to come with her.
"I'm surprised you even want a snack," she said. "Wasn't Jess enough of one?"
"Oh my God," she laughed. "The dirty comments keep on coming!"
"I have plenty of dirty comments," she defended. "This has been three years coming, sweetie. They have been building just as much as you and Jess' sexual tension has been."
"And what do you know about our sexual tension?" Rory gave her a look as they entered the kitchen.
"Please," Lorelai scoffed. "You two spent a lot of time here especially the early days. You could cut that tension with a knife. To be honest, I thought the two of you were gonna jump each other while you were pregnant."
Rory's jaw dropped. "What? Excuse me."
"What did I say?" Lorelai pulled out a unopened box of blueberry poptarts. "It's not like you didn't not give me reason to believe that."
She sat down at the table. "And how did I give you a reason?"
Lorelai sat too and chuckled. "I remember a few phone calls about being super horny and turned on by a certain roommate. Remember that time the pipes weren't working and he decided to check them? That was one of my favorites."
Her jaw dropped further down. "So what? You were just waiting for us to have sex?"
"No," she shook her head. They split a package of poptarts and started breaking off pieces. "Actually, I expected you to just go after him one of those times and then have some wild banging session then you'd tell me you're moving out because now you two had seen each other naked and it'd make being roommates a little bit awkward."
Rory chewed slowly, not wanting to choke. She swallowed hard then spoke. "That's what you thought?"
"Honey, I was getting phone calls about how good Jess' arms looked in a t-shirt," she joked. "You don't look at someone you're close to like that just because you have extra hormones. I knew something was coming but I expected it to be sooner."
"So you're not mad?" Rory wondered.
"Why would I be mad?" She asked. "You're a grown woman. You're thirty five years old. You are a mother and you're telling me this guy you cared about as a teenager, who turned out to be a really good guy and is helping you raise your child, is now your boyfriend. I'm not sure I could be mad at that without sounding like a witch."
Rory smiled. "So you don't think I'm crazy or ruining anything or risking what we already have?"
"Oh, no, I think it could be all of the above," Lorelai teased. "But the best ones are always a risk. Sometimes they end up worth the risk. Look at me and Luke. Look at all we've been through. We were close friends, we dated, broke up, barely spoke for a year. Now we're married. Sometimes it's worth it."
Rory's smile grew. "Thanks, Mom."
"Now," she touched her daughter's hand with two of hers. "I want details but not all the details."
…..
Jess walked into Truncheon with confidence and nerves all at once. Rory had left for Stars Hollow and she wanted him to come. He told her it was her thing. She should tell her mother alone and he'll come a little later. He was almost ready to head out before he remembered something she said before she left.
When he reached Matt's office,he knocked. He never knocked on Matt's door but this particular instance called for it.
His friend had told him the door was open and when he saw who it was, he smiled at his friend. "Hey! I thought you headed home already."
"I was," he nodded. "But I'm actually heading out to Stars Hollow for the night but I wanted to stop by before I go."
"Oh?" He asked. "Is something wrong? I saw Rory earlier. She was out of here before you though."
"Yeah, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," Jess told him.
Matt's face looked confused. "Okay. What is it? Is she leaving?"
"Nothing like that," he answered. "Just...well, you know our situation."
He nodded. "Right. Helping her raise her daughter and get a fresh start in a different city."
"This is the thing," Jess sat down in one of the chairs. "Me and Rory are together now. It's brand new but also not."
"Wow," he said. "I didn't expect that, to be honest. You guys always are so professional here."
"It's only about a week old," Jess added. "And we felt it was the right thing to do to tell you."
"Wow," he repeated. "Does Jules know yet?"
"I don't think so," he replied. "I'm not sure she's told anyone yet. She only went to tell her mother today after work."
"And now you're going to join her and tell your uncle," he figured out.
"Yeah, I am," Jess half-smiled.
Matt smiled too. "Well, I think it's great. I remember you two had this big, long history and then the living together and raising her daughter. I guess I wanna say it was bound to happen."
"I'm glad to hear you say that," he said. "I kind of worried you were gonna say something stupid and I'd have to get defensive because Rory - I know her pretty well. She knows me better than anyone. I know it seems crazy because of everything but it doesn't feel it."
"I know what you mean," Matt agreed. "It just sucks now that I know and Jules doesn't. I'm not good at keeping secrets."
"Well you're gonna have to resist telling your wife, all right," Jess stood up. "She's Rory's friend too and she probably wants to tell her herself."
"Fine," he pouted. "But if she finds out I know before Rory tells her -"
"I'll make sure she tells her," he nodded.
"Good man," Matt stood up himself from the desk and walked over to his friend. He gave him a hug, surprising them both. "I'm real happy for you, man. You deserve some good things in life and that girl and her daughter are definitely good things "
"Thank you," Jess pulled out of the hug. "Now I gotta get going. I'll see you later, all right?"
He walked out the door and out into the store. The spot where so many years ago, thirteen to be exact, Jess had sat on a stool and watched Rory read his book stood out to him. He remembered their banter. It had seemed almost like flirting which was why he thought it was okay to lean forward. The kiss was soft and it felt like coming home.
He shook his head as he remembered what came after the kiss. It was probably that moment that he hated Logan for more than when they had actually met.
Out the door he headed and was in his car. The keys slide right into the ignition and he was out of the spot quickly. The way to Stars Hollow was clear and for once, he was excited about returning.
…..
Liz looked up from the diner counter as soon as she heard the bell. She knew Jess would be coming around and everytime that front door opened, she hoped it would be her son.
Finally she was right. A huge smile appeared on her face as she ran around the counter and to the door. "You're here!"
"I'm here," he replied. His mother hugged him briefly and when she looked at him again, she examined him. "What are you doing?"
"Checking to see if you're healthy enough," she answered. "you look good! Philly feeding my baby okay?"
"Philly's good," he nodded and walked towards the counter. She sat next to him and he dropped his bag on the ground. "I actually have some news."
"News!" She exclaimed. "What about? Work? Relationship? What is it?"
"Is Luke around?" He asked. He was sure he'd heard the news by now but he wasn't sure how much he could handle telling Liz on his own.
"He's out," she said. "Getting ready for his honeymoon."
"Right," Jess said. He guessed he was alone after all.
Liz patted his leg impatiently. "What is it? Come on. Tell me your news."
"Can we go upstairs?" He asked.
Liz nodded and lead the way. Jess grabbed his bag and followed along. When they were upstairs, she turned to her son. "So? What's going on?"
He took a breath before he began. "Do you remember Rory?"
"Lorelai's daughter," she said. " Of course. Didn't the two of you date in high school?"
"We did," he nodded.
"So the news is about Rory?" she asked. "I saw the two of you dancing at the wedding. Is there something going on?"
He wasn't sure how to answer that. There was something going on but not what she thought. "When I go back to Philadelphia...she's going to be coming with me."
Liz blinked. "Okay. What does that mean?"
"She's actually going to be moving in with me," Jess stated. "I asked her to live with me."
"What?" She half yelled. "Are you two together? Isn't it soon? Why?"
There was so many questions at once and Jess had to sort through a correct way to answer it. "We're not together. She needs somewhere to stay."
"And her ex-boyfriend's home seemed like a good idea?" She questioned.
"I offered," he corrected.
"Why?" Liz wondered. "If you're not together, why on Earth would you tell your ex-girlfriend to stay with you?"
Jess was getting frustrated. He didn't want to have to explain all the details to her but he didn't want her to be left in the dark about it. "Because she's pregnant. Okay? She's pregnant."
"Oh my God," Liz looked ready to cry.
"Mom,.come on," he said. "Don't cry."
"I'm not crying," she said. "Not yet anyway. So you're telling me I'm gonna be a grandma? And you didn't lead with this? Jess!"
"That's not -" he started. "You're not gonna be a grandma, Liz."
"What?" She asked. "But if she's pregnant -"
"She's pregnant but the baby isn't mine," he said quietly.
"What?" She repeated. "The baby isn't - but why - why is she moving in with you then? Why isn't she moving in with the father?"
"Because the father and her are not in a relationship," he answered.
"Neither are you," she accused. "I don't understand why this falls on you. If she made a mistake with the wrong guy and got pregnant, then it's not up to you to fix things for her."
"I'm not fixing things for her," he answered as nice as he could. "She needed a place to stay that wasn't here and she needed a job. More importantly, she needed a friend. I'm giving her all three of those."
"Jess," she shook her head. "This is - it's insane. You shouldn't do it."
"Why not?" He said. "Rory helped me plenty of times. Maybe nothing like this but she needs someone right now."
"She has a town full of people who'd be willing to help her," Liz said. "I don't know why it has to fall on you."
"She doesn't want to be here," Jess told her. "She wants to be away from this town and the judging eyes. It falls on me because she's my friend and I care about her."
"I don't think you should do it," she tried again. "Rory is a nice girl and I'm sorry for her if things are hard right now but I don't think she should move in with you."
Jess nodded once. "For a second, I'm gonna pretend you have a say in that. I'm an adult and she is my friend. I'm not gonna turn my back on her when she needs it most and I'm definitely not going to be listening to you about any situation where there's a kid involved."
"Jess, honey -"
"No," he said. "I told you the news. You said what you think. Now I'm gonna go. I have to find Luke."
"Jess, wait -"
He was out the apartment door and out the diner within two minutes. He didn't want to be anywhere near his mother right now. It was t her decision and he wasn't going to change his mind based on what she thought. Rory needed his help and be was gonna help her, no matter what.
A/N: I don't know how I feel about the way I wrote some of this chapter but I hope it comes across as I intended it to. I wanted to more focus in Jess in this one but still give the Lorelai/Rory scene. Also thank you for the comments on the flashbacks. It's my way of showing what happened in between without making a story about their everyday lives before they get together. This way I can get to the part of the story is wanted to tell and still get to share what else happened. I hope everyone likes it.
