Okay! Last one for today... There are still 3 more chapters after this one. What started as a short story grew astronomically. I wrote all of it in less than 48 hours. I guess 47 seconds really messed with my brain and made me need something positive. I hope you all enjoy, this is the resolution to the Alexis cliffhanger. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Chapter 7
When Castle finished talking to Alexis he ventured back downstairs and for a brief second he nearly panicked. What if Beckett found the murder board? What if she found it and left in a rage? He can feel the anxiety rising in his chest, and feels it dissipate immediately when he opens the door to his office and finds Beckett seemingly entranced by something on his laptop screen. His entrance doesn't grab her attention, so he uses a quiet voice to say, "Hey."
He sees how panic runs through her eyes, and can't help but wonder what she found on there. Maybe she's reading Frozen Heat without his permission and is worried he'll be mad. He notices the flush on her face and thinks maybe she found a sex scene in his novel, he wants to smile at the thought but his head is just swirling with all the information he processed in the past 45 minutes.
She seems to notice that he is still standing at the door and suddenly she's in front of him, guiding him to sit and be comfortable. He's happy when he feels her embrace him as they sit on his couch, and he knows it must be killing her not to say anything. He notices her eyes linger on his murder board and wonders if she can feel his heart speed up when he briefly considers the consequences of the secret on that screen. He shakes it off, and knows right now that secret has to wait.
"It wasn't hers," he says quietly, and he can hear the relief in his own voice. He feels Beckett exhale against his neck and her hands run through his hair, "But she is having sex." He shudders, and she seems to grip him a bit tighter.
"What did she tell you?" Kate asks, and he knows she wants to know how she can help him through this, wants to know if there are reassurances she can provide.
"I guess one of her friends, she won't tell me who, came over because she didn't want her parents to catch her taking the test and figured Alexis has the 'cool dad'," his voice breaks a bit because he's not sure he qualifies as that anymore, or if he even wants to when 'cool dad' might translate to 'dad too immature to be a grown up' in his daughter's eyes.
"She's upset with me for going into her bathroom and invading her privacy," he can hear the disbelief in his voice, because he thinks that is ridiculous, and that Alexis has no right to be upset about something like that. He was taking out the garbage, like he does every week. He can tell Kate wants to agree with him from the look on her face, but she says nothing, and waits for him to continue.
"After we cleared up the pregnancy test thing I decided it was time to ask her about," ugh, he wants to throw up just thinking about this, "about that part of her life, and about her relationship with Ashley."
Kate nods, and runs her fingers gently through his hair, "I think it's good you talked to her Rick. I know that teenage girls and their fathers have a don't ask don't tell policy about sex, hell, I still have that policy with my dad, but it's different when you're a single dad." He nods, because he knows she's right.
"I told her that I don't want her to be afraid to talk to me, to be so scared of my reaction that she keeps something like that from me. Especially because now that I know, I'm sure it played into her break up with Ashley and I'm so sure that she wanted to say something to me and didn't think she could," a tear slips down his cheek and he's grateful that Kate catches it with her thumb but says nothing. "Her behaviour since Ashley moved is making more sense to me now, she has been really different."
"It's intense," Kate strokes his cheek affectionately, "your first love, your first time, there's a lot that comes with it that you aren't prepared for. I know I wasn't at her age."
He nods, and knows it's true, and he can't help but hate that he couldn't give Alexis a mother to talk to, someone like Kate who had been there and could've helped her with what she went through. "That's the thing though, I don't know," he meets her eyes, "the first time for a guy is really different than for a girl. I think so anyway. I think maybe the first time with someone significant, like between us, is different, but when I was a teenager it was just awesome. It didn't open some new emotional thing for me. Not like it clearly did for her, and like I know it does for a lot of girls."
Kate nods, and smiles at his comment, he knows she understands what he's saying. Sex doesn't matter for him the same way unless the person matters. It's hard to explain, but he knows that connecting with Kate will be different than women who came before her. "This makes me want to kill Ashley."
He sees a small grin on Kate's face, and he smiles in return when she says, "It's hot when you get all protective." There's a teasing look in her eye but he knows she's being honest.
"I think she figures he broke up with her and ignored her because she wasn't there to have sex with, and what if she's right? What message is that sending her? He never struck me as a bad guy, but he was the one telling her they could do the long distance and then he disappeared on her as soon as he left for school. I even encouraged their relationship. What if he just said that to her to get her to give it up? And what if she listened and did it because she didn't have anyone to talk to, to tell her that's not how love should be?" He knows his words are exposing his gooey center, and can't bring himself to care. He wants Kate to know his thoughts on this, and wants to know that he isn't being an unreasonable father with these questions.
"Rick I really hate to tell you this, but it's completely possible you are right," he nods, and is strangely glad she isn't lying to him, "But it's also possible you are wrong. When I was a teenager I had sex before I was ready and I had a mother to talk to, a mother who would've been easy to talk to and I just chose not to. Sometimes it doesn't matter if we have someone to talk to, sometimes we make choices without advice, and we have to live with the consequences," her words feel slightly more reassuring this time.
"Sometimes I really hate that I couldn't give my daughter a mother, and a real family. The only reason I've been married twice is because I was trying so hard to do exactly that and I hate that I couldn't succeed. I hate that she had to grow up with only me as a dad," he knows he sounds down on himself, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to have to hide his feelings from her, not anymore, and not ever again.
The look on her face tells him she's grateful for his candor, and she kisses him gently. "Rick I'm telling you right now that having you as a dad makes Alexis the luckiest girl in the world. Plenty of kids have two parents that aren't half as loving or caring as you are. Maybe your marriages didn't work out, but I promise you, being a father is something you have never failed at." His heart clenches at her genuine words, and she smiles at him. He'll never get tired of seeing her face light up in his direction like she's never seen anyone better.
"It makes you want me right?" The joke comes out of his mouth before he can stop himself and he's glad she laughs, and feels his own laughter bubbling in his chest.
She smiles at him, then sits up, shifting her body and before he knows what's happening, she's straddling his legs and looking down into his face. "Yes Rick, it makes me want you," her sultry tone is enough to take his mind completely away from the previous topic, and he squeezes her hips in response.
She leans down to take his lips in hers, taking control of the kiss and slowly edging her tongue into his mouth, exploring and tasting every part of him she can reach. He groans, he can't help it, and completely doesn't want to stop it. The hands he has resting on her waist drift a bit lower and suddenly he realizes that Kate Beckett's ass is firmly in his hands. He's allowed to do this now; it's no longer a fantasy, he can actually squeeze her ass in his hands and caress it. He can't believe his good fortune when Kate lets out a moan in response to his hands on her body.
She moves to his neck, trailing kisses along it, up to the sensitive spot just beneath his ear and his hips jump on their own accord when he feels her tongue against him. God he never wants this to end. She sits down on his lap, wraps her arms around his neck and looks at his face, a seductive smile tracing her lips and he knows he must be grinning like an idiot.
It is in that moment that he notices the murder board over her shoulder, and he knows he can't do this. He can't make love to her while withholding something this large from her, it could ruin what they're building before they even truly begin.
She seems to sense his change in mood and as his eyes meet hers, he sees confusion. Already he can tell that she is hurt by his sudden withdrawal from their embrace. "Kate," he needs to fix that look in her eye right now, "I really want to do this, god you have no idea how badly I want to do this, it's been so long for me and I can't even tell you how badly I want you. But I need to tell you something first because I want us to start this right."
She nods, but he can tell she is still a bit confused, though the hurt seems to have dissipated from her eyes and he can't believe that she must've thought he was rejecting her. Like he would ever be able to reject her.
"Okay Castle," she says and she shifts off his lap, back to his side, though she keeps a hand on his thigh. He misses the weight of her on top of him already, and is filled with resentment towards himself for stopping what would've been the best way ever to end this self imposed abstinence streak.
He groans aloud at the loss, and she giggles. When he meets her eyes, he can see the laughter there, and he laughs too when she says, "Sorry writer boy, you get no sympathy from me. You stopped us; I'm hating you as much as you're hating yourself right now. It's probably been just as long for me as it's been for you, or did Lanie not make that clear enough earlier?"
He chuckles, and can't help his curiosity in, "How long exactly?" He knows he doesn't really have a right to ask, but he can't help himself. He's been so curious about her break up with Josh and everything since then, he just wants to know. He sees in her eyes that his question didn't surprise her, so maybe she's just as curious about him.
"I'll tell you right now, for the record, that I'm currently in the longest drought of my entire life. My teenage daughter has had more sex than I have in the past year," he shudders at this realization, and it surprises him when Beckett's eyebrows go up, like the information he just divulged truly wasn't expected. "You thought differently?"
Kate looks like she's trying to find the right words, so he gives her a second before trying to say anything further. "Honestly Castle I just didn't want to assume I was lucky enough that you were going to wait for me. I know you're not a saint," she pauses, and lowers her voice, "I know you have needs and all that, we all do."
She looks strangely uncomfortable talking about the 'needs' he has, and he feels compelled to tell her, "Kate there hasn't been anyone since Gina and I broke up. I didn't want just anyone, and I didn't need just anyone." There's a look in her eyes he can't quite decipher, it almost looks like guilt, but when she blinks it's gone and replaced by affection.
"Well you deserve to know that I broke up with Josh before I even checked out of the hospital. I may not have been ready to be with you, but I knew what you said to me was true, I had been hiding in relationships with men I didn't love and I didn't want that anymore, it wasn't enough," he appreciates her honesty and he feels an unexpected sense of relief when she makes it clear that Josh hasn't seen her scars.
"No one Castle, not since even before Montgomery's funeral. It's been a long time for me too," when she meets his eyes he notes more vulnerability there than he's ever seen before, "and my body looks different now than it did before that day. I have scars, marks… damage."
He almost can't believe his ears; did Kate Beckett seriously think she looked damaged?
"Kate as sad as I am I never got to see you naked before you were shot, that has nothing to do with scars. Nothing could mar your beauty in my eyes," knowing he needs to add a personal flair to the statement, "I've wanted you naked and under me since the moment I met you. That hasn't changed, although the location can. I'm partial to being under you as well. If you like. Only the nudity part is mandatory."
She giggles and smiles, his desired outcome, and he's thankful that she seems to have relaxed.
"Okay, talking about how pathetic our sex lives have been in the past year is not why you stopped us Castle, so what's going on?" her tone is light, but he can tell she needs some answers. Now the part he was dreading- telling her what he's been doing.
A knock on his office door breaks their eye contact, he's almost happy he has some extra time to prepare himself to divulge his actions. He yells for Alexis to come in, thankful that Kate is no longer straddling his lap, and when she enters the room he can tell she is surprised that he is not alone in his office.
"Oh, Detective Beckett," her eyes seem to narrow in his direction, "I didn't know you were here."
"Hi Alexis," Kate's voice is even, as though she's trying not to betray any emotion, maybe even like she doesn't think it's necessary that Alexis know she's aware of the pregnancy test scandal.
"What's up Alexis?" He has to say he's at least a bit surprised to see her standing in front of them, he figured she'd be avoiding his presence and gaze for at least a day until the awkwardness of their conversation and her displeasure at his "invasion" of her privacy had dissipated.
"I just wanted to talk to you for a sec Dad, but it can wait," he can't let that happen, not right now, and he immediately calls her back.
"Alexis, come on, we can talk now," he feels Kate squeeze his hand and knows she's about to vacate the room to give them space, but he doesn't want that. He wants Alexis to know that he has told Kate everything, he doesn't want to make the mistake he made with Gina and keep Alexis away from Kate. He wants them all to have honest communication between them, and it needs to start now. "I need," he pauses, grasps Kate's hand tightly as if to reassure her that her presence is needed, "We need to talk to you anyway."
Kate and Alexis both look unsure at his words, but he continues on. "Why don't you come sit down?" He gestures to the seat next to the couch and he is thankful when his daughter sits after only a few moments of hesitation.
"I'll talk first, because you deserve to know Alexis that I have spoken with Kate about everything we discussed earlier. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but I really needed someone to talk to, and Kate is my partner," he can practically feel the intensity of Kate's gaze, but she says nothing. He knows she is waiting for the response his daughter clearly has ready at the tip of her tongue.
Instead of waiting for Alexis to add to the situation, he decides it's best to be totally upfront, "Alexis you also need to know that Kate and I are together now, and you'll be seeing much more of her around the loft. I hope so anyway," he glances to Kate who meets his eyes and nods, smiling shyly.
Alexis seems to consider this for a few moments, and a silence falls over the room. "I can't say I'm totally surprised by this development Dad, but since when do you share our relationship with a third party. No offense Kate, but usually when I talk to my dad about something I'm only talking to my dad about it, not his girlfriend." Her tone has a bite to it that he knows Kate picked up on, and he feels her tense.
"Alexis, Kate has been in our lives for a long time, so you should know by now that she isn't just some girlfriend. I'm in love with her, you know that too. And-" his voice is cut off when Kate speaks for the first time.
"I'm in love with him too Alexis," Kate pauses, and waits for recognition of this statement to flash in Alexis' eyes, "I know you and I haven't talked much lately, or at all really since my shooting. With the exception of the day outside that bank, but I'd like that to change." He places a hand on her leg and squeezes, thankful that she's voicing her thoughts aloud. He knows it's a big step in the right direction.
Alexis doesn't have a visible reaction, and he silently curses himself for teaching her how to have a poker face. "Okay," she says and stands, as though to leave.
He catches her sleeve and quickly reminds her, "didn't you have something you wanted to talk about?"
Alexis looks down at him, then at Kate, and turns her body towards them, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry I got upset about you going into my bathroom. I realize I overreacted and normally, that wouldn't have bothered me. So I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I got so upset with you for jumping to conclusions."
He has a weird balance of pride and sadness at her words. The sounds out of her mouth are the things he wanted to hear, but he can't help feeling like she is holding back from him. "Okay," he says at last, "I'm sorry I made assumptions too Pumpkin." He sees a shadow of a smile on her face at the familiar moniker, and he gives her a small, encouraging grin. "You okay Alexis?" he asks.
"Yeah Dad," and he's relieved to see a bit of light in her eyes, "I think I'll be just fine." He does nothing to stop her now as she goes to leave the room. He turns his head back to Kate, who is still staring at the door and doesn't look back at him until he hears a click, which tells him Alexis left.
"She really doesn't like me anymore," Kate says quietly, and he can tell she needs him to speak up, the vulnerability in her expression so unlike her usual mask of calm.
"Alexis is going to have a hard time with the fact that she has to share me. She already knows that how I feel about you is different than anyone who's been in my life before, and she knows what we have is real. That's all it is Kate, she's just not used to sharing my attention," he smiles at her, "though really, she should be by now, you've had me enraptured for years."
She smiles at him and although he can tell the problem is still weighing on her mind, he knows there's nothing more he can say or do except give the situation time. Give Alexis time to see that they are going to last, and give Kate time to adjust to being with a single Dad.
"So what did you want to talk to me about so badly that you interrupted sex?" He can hear the tease in her voice, and then he realizes what he has to tell her.
