Another month has passed and Dimitri and I get to know each other much better. Or he could tell me all about me and him and I would fall in love with him when he told me stories about our past. I can't believe all the things I have done when I was still in the academy.

But one night he decided to tell me another thing. He told me the story that led to getting my scars. Something I found out, he thought he was responsible for. I think it was the saddest story I have heard in a long time.

It started after Lissa died in the cave. I had blamed myself for her death a long time. And somehow I had pulled more shadows towards myself in her last moments and that was also the cause that I went into a depression.

He didn't tell me much about the time until the graduation. When he apologized for leaving me when I didn't even remember it. And after that he told me what I had done to myself. How I had wanted to step out of this life. He blamed himself for that.

It took me half an hour to convince him that he wasn't the one to blame. Finally he gave in but I think that was more because he just didn't want to hear me beg anymore. I wanted to talk more but he just pulled me to him and kissed me.

Things became pretty heated but he pulled back, way too early and excused himself. I think he was scared to take things too far, to soon. But the truth is that I had wanted him to go further. Somewhere in the last month I have decided that I want him to take things to another level. But I am too scared to do it myself.

And maybe it sounds weird but I can't help it. In my memory I am still fifteen years old and I haven't did it ever in my life. I found out that Dimitri had been my first and it seemed right to let him be my first again.

'Where are you?' Dimitri ask with a chuckle. 'You are so far away that you didn't hear me twice.'

I feel the heart risen and know that I am blushing. My eyes meet his and he looks surprised. Stupid, stupid, stupid treacherous skin. Why did I have to blush? I was just thinking of having sex with this God. And now I am even blushing more when I try to picture him naked.

We spend every afternoon together and this day we decided to sit in a corner of the garden. Far away from the other guardians and other people. Just the two of us. I have been sitting with my back against the wall and my left side against the other wall. Dimitri is only sitting with his back against the wall and my feet are in his lap.

'Now I only want to know more what you were thinking about.' He says and squeezes my feet. I shake my head.

'Nothing. It was nothing.' I say and look away from him. Please drop the subject.

'Come on, you can tell me everything.' He says and pulls me at my feet.

'I was thinking about my first time.' I say, my voice like a whisper. He stays silent and when I look up I see his eyes staring. A light blush on his cheeks.

'I am not going to tell you about that.' He says. He didn't want to tell me anything about sex or things like that. And he always blushes when I bring it up. The big Russian is shy about his sex life.

'I wasn't going to ask you about it.' I tell him. He looks up surprised. I feel myself getting shy but I am pushing myself to tell him what I want.

'Than what were you thinking?' he asks me, his brows raised. I can tell what he is thinking but doesn't want to say.

'I want you to be my first, again.' I say and this time we both blush. He looks stunned before he moves closer to me. His fingers tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

'Are you serious?' he asks, a hopeful glint in his eyes. I nod and he smashes his lips to mine. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. I wrap my own arms around him and smile into the kiss.

'You are really serious about this? You know you don't have to if you don't want to.' He says as he gazes in my eyes.

'I am sure about it Dimitri. I couldn't think about anyone else to be my first.' I tell him and kiss him again.

He kissed me with more passion and his hands are roaming over my body. His lips are leaving mine as he makes a path to my neck. I chuckle and push him away a little.

'Not right not and not here.' I say with a smile. I see him blush and he moves away from me.

'Come to my room tonight.' I tell him and wiggle my brows. Feeling like a teen that is asking her boyfriend to stop by after curfew. He laughs before he shakes his head.

'I want it to be perfect for you my Roza. Be ready at seven. Put on something nice.' He says before he stands up. He bends down for one moment to give me a quick peck on the lips before he left.

Be ready at seven? Put on something nice? What is his plan? And what am I supposed to wear? A dress or does he mean some sexy lingerie? I let out a desperate groan before standing up myself.

After that I make my way to my room to pick something to wear, deciding I will do both. Wear something sexy and a nice dress. And I have to take the time to get myself ready for tonight.

Question: Do you want me to write the lemon or just skip it? I will mark the beginning and ending of it so you can skip it if you are not comfortable to read it. But I need to know if someone is even interested in it.