Chapter 7: Advise

"What have I done?", Ran asked herself for the thousandth time this night, lying awake in her bed and reliving everything that had happened. She dreaded that moment, she dreaded the whole evening. If she hadn't been that damn weak, nothing would have happened, but now Conan was clearly confused and worried over her. To make matters worse, she didn't just give him a ridiculous explanation, but then just ran away. Without even looking back, without even trying to be the good sister she wanted be for the small boy.

"Why? Why does it have to be that way? Why can't I do ANYTHING right?"

Again, she fell deep in an ocean of negativity, sinking to its ground and slowly drifting away, but once again a loud noise tore the silence apart and brought her back to reality. It was her phone.

Without even looking at the display, she pressed the answer button and mumbled a faint greeting.

"Jesus Ran, what is now wrong with you?", the voice on the other side asked, a soft sight in his words. "Shinichi!?" Ran asked, clearly not expecting her childhood friend to call her this evening.

"Oi, were you crying again?" he inquired, this time with worry heavily tainting his words.

"No, I was not. Why should I?"

"Ran, by now you should know, that you can't lie to me about that. Besides even if I didn't hear it in your voice, the call Conan made was cause enough to assume that."

"Conan called you? Why? What has he told you" Ran demanded, a little panicking.

"What if Shinichi found me out? What if Conan found out? Please, everything but that!" her mind screamed in despair.

"He told me that you seemed to be really depressed and absent minded. Furthermore, he made clear that you started to make no sense, after you slapped yourself?" the last words he spoke in a questioning tone and continued to say, "I always knew that you tended to carry every burden yourself, but to go as far as to hurt yourself because of it, it must be really something bad. And I really don't like to hear that!"

That was too much for her, if he cared why was he gone in the first place. "You didn't LIKE what you heard?!" Ran shoot back, anger and frustration mixing in her voice "Why do you think you understand anything that happened, if you aren't even HERE? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Ran," Shinichi answered, now completely serious, "I can't leave you alone with this, because I WORRY over you! Do you really think I wouldn't care just because I'm not there right now? Don't think that lowly of me, when you need me I will always be there, even if it is only my voice. And you clearly need SOMEBODY right now, so please, let me be that somebody. Let me help you!"

The earnestness in his voice took her of guard. She often thought that he left her behind, because he found someone better and, as much as it pained her to admit, she truly believed that from time to time, but what he said right now made it impossible to hold on to this thought.

"You can't help me!" she answered half sobbing, "You can't understand my situation."

"Ran, please, let me at least try to understand and if it pains you that much you don't need to tell me everything. Just tell me something."

This really wasn't fair. His voice, the words he chose, everything made her want to tell him, made her want to confess everything, but she knew she couldn't do that. He couldn't understand. This was nothing like anything he has ever encountered. But she couldn't exactly lie to him either, at least not right now.

"Shinichi," Ran started with shaking voice, "have you ever done something, which you knew was and still is awful, and just the fact that you done something like this would make you the worst kind of person?"

Conan blinked surprised. The worst kind of person!? Ran had hinted at something bad in her explanation, but that it was that evil was beyond his wildest guesses. However, he knew he had to take her 100% serious right now. So, he leaned back on his futon, starred at the ceiling and recalled his past.

"Something absolutely evil, hmm? Yes, I do think I've done something like this. I hurt somebody, over and over and even though I didn't want to do it, I had no other choice and worst of all, I can't even tell that person why I've done it.", he finally answered after a minute of silence.

Ran didn't trust her ears, after Shinichi spoke.

"He has done something that bad? I had no idea!" Ran thought to herself. For her, Shinichi was always the smart mystery nerd, sometimes a little bit rude, but he would never hurt a person, no matter what this person has done. For him to tell her something like this, made her realise, that they weren't the children they used to be. Both of them have matured, Ran while playing the big sister or even mother for a small boy and Shinichi while fighting crime face to face, away from home and family. Maybe he really could understand how she felt.

"I really didn't expect, that we were in such similar situations. But how can you cope with that?" she asked, her voice a lot calmer.

"I can't." was Shinichi's simple answer, "Every time I see, hear or even think of that person, it hurts. The guilt is always there and frankly, it is good that it is. Because that way, I'll never forget the deed I own that person. And when I'm finally finished with everything, then I can tell them. Till then, I have to just go on. Set one foot in front of another and keep on walking, not just for myself, but for everybody who waits for me too."

Ran was speechless. She had expected some small sort of advice, some trick from her brilliant friend. For her to hear, that even Shinichi had to just bite through some problems was a giant relief. Because it didn't only mean, that she wasn't the only person with this kind of problems, it also meant that it wasn't impossible to resolve them. Sure, Shinichi didn't have exactly the same problem as she did, but if he was willing to go on, how could she give up?

With new strength in her heart, Ran decided that she just had to continue. Even if she couldn't get rid of her forbidden feelings, as long as she knew what exactly caused them, she could suppress them. So, the next step for her was to either find out if she just saw Shinichi in Conan, and if she did, why she did, or to accept her pedophile nature. And no matter the answer, it would be the end of this matter.

"Thank you, Shinichi.", she spoke softly into her phone, "That really helped."

"I'm glad I could help you, Ran."


As always all right go to Gosho Aoyama, the original creator of the Detective Conan Universe.

Questions and review are highly requested and if you want to know how the story continues leave a follow.

This time I wanted to thank everybody who read my story and/or left some kind of comment. Besides I want to answer on the first real "review" this story received.

To Swagnarok: When I started to write this story, I wasn't even expecting anyone to read it in the first place. Compared to that every form of criticism, may it be just or unjust, exceeds my expectation greatly. As to the length of the story, so far, I've decided only how it should end, but everything till the last moment is still up in the clouds. But I can assure you, that there will be more than 4 chapters to come. As to your two points regarding the stories content, in Chapter 5, she only sees two eyes in her brain,thinks they are Shinichi's eyes but then recognizes that Conan has the same, because she thought of him next. This means, Conan wasn't there at that moment, besides it wouldn't make much sense if he was just there, then vanished instantly again only to come back and yell "I'm home" this time. And regarding the cringe-inducing part, I try to write dead serious and somewhat funny chapters in constant succession to not let one of the two get boring. At least in my opinion, a story that always brags about how sad and serious it is, starts to annoy the reader with the constant drama, the same goes for a story that is an all time joke. But then again, everybody has his own tastes. Anyways, thanks again for your comment and sorry for the long rambling.

I hope you liked it so far and are thrilled for more.

Farewell