Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
In case you're interested, I've posted up a Rose+Leah companion piece called Mirages and Memories, it may become a multi-chapter story, depending on Feedback.
This chapter explains a lot (but not everything) about Bella. I know it's been slow, but you can finally say, Finally! Some development!
"Bella open up! I know you're home, I can see your God awful truck in the driveway!" Screamed Alice.
She banged her neighbour's door with her tiny fist again and didn't even register the pain.
It had been five days since she had last seen her neighbour from across the road, five days since the smoke of her neighbour's cigarettes penetrated her senses, five days since she had heard any sardonic remarks from her neighbour and it had been five days since had actually thought about Bella.
It wasn't until a distressed Jacob Black had called her two hours ago that she had realised any of this and that fact made her feel all the guiltier.
"Bella! Come on! Open up the Goddamn door! We're worried about you…I'm worried about you." Even though she had whispered the last part, it didn't make it any less true. True, Alice didn't frequently make house calls to the woman across the road, but whenever she did, the brunette would open up the door within a few minutes, usually with an unwelcoming quirk of the eyebrow. But now, not even that graced Alice, it was just silence and the small woman had never hated that sound more than anything than that moment.
Come on Bella, where are you?
"Bella! If you're not coming out, then I'm coming in!" Alice spoke and with all the strength that she could muster, she used her whole body to slam into the one barrier that stood in between herself and Bella.
BAM!
Yeah, that didn't work.
The door was solid and Alice rubbed her arm gingerly damning her idiotic idea.
She looked around the front of the house hoping that there was another way in and found nothing; she stared hard at the door in front of her and cursed her muggle blood.
Until something inside her clicked, causing her to groan at her own stupidity and almost use her head to try to rear open the door again. She took her hand out and turned the nob, almost crying when she heard the audible click of an unlocked door opening.
It had taken her two hours to step ten inches into her neighbour's threshold.
It was dark, that was first thought that entered her mind, the second What the fuck?
She took three steps and saw the form of her neighbour, leaned against the couch, almost lifeless.
Almost.
"What is this?" Alice whispered to herself.
You know sometimes, when you're watching movies, you scream at the protagonist to just call for help in these situations? This was one of those moments, but, there was something in which compelled Alice to step further into the threshold after seeing her neighbour slumped. She wanted to know for herself and that was what made all the difference.
Alice took three eerie footsteps and reached upon the solid form. Her neighbour was before her, slouched against the bottom of her red couch, the only tell-tale sign that she was still alive, was her head sluggishly bobbing to the music and the rising and deflating of her chest. These should have been warning signals and Alice felt a cold sweat run down her spine as she tried to shake off the Resident Evil-esque scenario.
The small woman took a miniscule step towards the figure, "Bella?" she asked tentatively.
Bella's head languidly followed the sound with glazed eyes, "Heyyyyyy," she answered sluggishly.
That one syllable however was enough to completely shake the M. Night Shyamlan feel Alice had.
"Are you- are you drunk?" Alice asked with a confidence she didn't know she possessed.
Bella smiled, she wasn't sure what she was smiling at. The various drinks prior had made sure she didn't feel anything, let alone comprehend the very lovely lady in front of her. Speaking of which, she still had to respond.
"Noooooo," she replied in childish glee.
Alice rolled her eyes at her neighbours antics, the smell of alcohol reeked from Bella's pores and she could see the various bottles strewn around the floor. Alice had never seen her neighbour so, uninhibited. She had never seen her glassy eyes, never saw her slumped shoulders, nor had she seen her neighbour look so, depleted before.
She crouched down and placed a hand on Bellas shoulder, hoping to see a flicker of recognition or coherency within her eyes "Don't lie to me, what's got you like this?" She asked gently.
Bella frowned at the tinkling voice, "Why are you here?" thinking it odd that something so lovely would come to her.
"Jake told me to check on you, you've been ignoring our calls for the past few days," the smaller woman replied.
At the mention of her best friend, Bella just laughed, it was hollow and it caused Alice to shudder.
"Jakie has a snakie, one he likes to shakey," the intoxicated woman sang.
Alice shook her head, knowing that she wasn't going to receive anything but a drunken replies.
"Come on, let's get you up," Alice said, taking a hold of Bella's form. She hoisted the taller woman up by the waist thanking God that those Pilate classes had payed off.
She felt her neighbour's body shaking in amusement and tried not to notice how the curves of Bella's body fit against her own.
"You're so soft and strong," Bella slurred.
Well...
"Bella…" Alice replied warily, she was about to take Bella to her room, when she felt the taller woman recoil.
"No, not the bed, the couch, take me to the couch," Bella pleaded.
Alice slumped the body onto the couch in a sitting position with huff and looked at the form, who was staring through her.
"Why do you always insist upon sleeping on the couch?" she asked.
Bella rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, hoping to blind herself from everything.
"Because the bed's too big," Bella replied morosely.
"That doesn't make any sense," Alice reasoned.
"I know," was the reply she received.
Alice began to toe the empty bottles littered on the carpet, god damn her neighbour could drink, was this the only thing her neighbour had been doing?
"Have you been drinking like this for the past couple of days? It smells like a brewery in here," Alice asked, stance akimbo, trying to discern why her neighbour was in such an alcoholic stupor.
For the first time, Bella looked at Alice; it was one with watery eyes that the smaller woman didn't know if it was from the alcohol or the obvious depressive state her neighbour was currently in.
"Yes 'mam," Bella replied with a slow nod.
Alice crouched down, eye level to Bella, like an adult comforting a child, she wanted to wrap Bella up in a tight hug and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But she knew that she couldn't, firstly, she didn't think her neighbour would appreciate being touched, well, she never did, but especially now in this state and secondly, she was scared.
She wasn't scared that Bella would hurt her physically, Alice was scared of what she might feel which; a part of her felt was a totally unreasonable fear to have. They had known each other for six months, her neighbour was fun to provoke and Alice trusted the taller woman's opinions when it mattered. But, Alice realized that her neighbour was in her life like a ghost, the way in which she flittered in and out of it on a regular basis. Alice didn't need to be surrounded by Bella to know that she was there; but when her neighbour was there, Alice had this blind faith that Bella was going to be receptive of their relationship, in her own strange and sardonic way.
And Alice liked that about Bella, but, how did Bella feel about Alice?
Alice looked at her drunken neighbour and became petrified because this could be the moment where she found out.
"What's gotten into you Bella?" Alice asked gently, placing a hand on top of Bella's.
"Obviously alcohol," was the retort.
But Alice wasn't having it, "What aren't you telling me?"
Come on Bella let me help you the way you have helped me countless times. Don't shut me out, please. I care about you.
"Why is it that you assume that this is about you?" Bella snapped and then, for the first time since Alice entering did Bella realize how close they were to each other. She almost winced at her own stupidity for not locking the door or just going away for the week. But, as she looked into the imploring eyes of her neighbour, for a split moment she felt as if she could tell her everything.
But that was just for a split moment.
"I just, there are things I can't tell you," Bella replied.
"Why not?" Alice continued.
Bella almost rolled her eyes at her neighbours constant prodding and the alcohol didn't help either. She wanted to get away and just be alone to wallow in self-pity, she had turned off her phone for a reason after all. Alice had been the first person that Bella had seen in five days and that irked her, she couldn't compare to the clean and untainted woman in front of her. She hated that Alice was seeing her like this; she couldn't deal with Alice being in her house.
"Because, because dammit…" The longer she stared into Alice brown eyes, the more she hated herself, Stupid fucking perfect face with her stupid fucking caring eyes and just fucking. Instead of facing her fears, she did what most cornered animals do, she ran.
"Because I don't like you enough to trust you like that," was Bella's response and she hated herself even more for the lie, the moment the words flew out of her mouth she regretted it.
At this, Alice brow shot up, well that hurt, she thought to herself. And she couldn't hide the painful expression on her face, Alice tried to justify her neighbour's response, she's drunk and she doesn't mean it, she's just being unnecessarily cruel, she thought.
Alice gave a slow nod when her neighbour didn't try to recant her comment, instead looking at her with a mirroring pained expression on her face, Alice then she stood up and walked towards the door.
Drunk Bella however didn't want their interaction to end like this, "Wait, Alice, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, dammit stop spinning," she pleaded and then promptly fell off the couch in her haste to get to Alice.
Alice was still walking towards the door feeling a lump constrict within her throat, she had just made it to the door, when she heard Bella in just above a whisper.
"Because I miss her dammit," Bella said and slumped to the floor, this is the first time in months that she had admitted such a thing to anyone and it hurt, fuck did it hurt her.
Alice took a deep breath and counted to ten, should she stay or should she go? Fortunately, Bella made the decision for her.
"I miss my wife," Bella finally admitted into the silence and the darkness, hoping, praying and wishing that something would just take her away to anywhere. To a place where feelings didn't exist, where reality isn't a subjective truth but a negated possibility, where there was no such thing as Bella and time and history, present or future, to anywhere but where she currently was and what she was currently feeling.
Alice's eyes widened the statement, wife? She questioned in her mind. And suddenly, small facets of her neighbour clicked into place; the bitterness, the reserved nature, the lost eyes that Alice had always seen. This was definitely not something that the small woman had expected.
"I never knew that you were married," Alice half whispered, still in disbelief.
"Yeah, I was," she heard Bella reply bitterly.
"When did you guys…"
"A year ago today," Bella responded, the memory of separation all too prevalent and painful to remember.
Alice stood there, again not knowing whether to stay or go
"I'm just, so tired Alice, so very fucking tired," Bella said helplessly.
Alice turned around and saw her neighbour staring blankly again, and it was then and there that Alice realised that she had never seen anyone so broken before and it hurt Alice to the core.
And it hurt all the much more because it was Bella.
Bella rasped the door three times and rubbed the back of her neck, it had been two days since she revealed that she had once been married to her neighbour and she knew that she hadn't exactly been the most welcoming host. Within that time Bella was somehow able to pull her shit together, gather the courage to talk to Alice and finally leave her house, hell, she even bought flowers.
She heard the click of the door open and was ready to face her judgment.
When she heard the door creak open, she snapped to attention and then, she almost swallowed her own tongue.
Alice was wrapped in a tiny towel and Bella had to consciously tell her eyes to not look down at the trinkets of water racing down her body. However, she quickly sobered when she noticed that the smaller woman was now masking her face with a pointed look and leaning against the door frame.
"Do you always answer the door in so little clothing?" Bella asked, thankful that the receptors in her brain could still be working.
Alice folded her arms, "Like the time I first came to your house?" she snarked back.
Bella felt the hostility in the words and instantly felt guilty for being the reason the smaller woman was directing this anger towards her. She sheepishly looked at Alice and held out her arm with the flowers.
"I'm sorry about the other night, I don't remember much of it, but I do know that I wasn't fair on you. I hate to say it Alice, but I don't trust easily, but I shouldn't have shut you off like that, so, I'm sorry." Bella waited for the oncoming backlash, for Alice to yell at her or something that would make her feel vindicated.
Alice looked at the pained expression on her neighbours face and knew that the taller woman was remorseful, she looked at the flowers sadly, "That's not an excuse Bella."
Bella nodded her head, "I know, it's just, hard, I didn't mean what I said, whatever it was I said and I'm sorry that you had to witness any of that I just need you to give me a second chance, please."
At the request Alice's eyes hardened, "Why should I do that Bella? Friendship and trust goes both ways and right now, I don't know if we have one or neither, I don't want to constantly be walking on eggshells around you," she made a move to slam the door but Bella caught it ajar with the flowers.
"Alice, I can't promise you that I won't hurt you, because I will, unconsciously or not, it's bound to happen and you'll probably hurt me too. But, I can promise you that I will try to make up for those times where I have a lapse in judgement, where I'm not being the best that I can be as your friend. That is what I'm doing right now. Please." Bella didn't know why she was pleading for Alice's friendship, she knew it wasn't guilt. Bella knew that she felt something for the smaller woman, she couldn't quite articulate what it was, but, she knew that she just need to rectify their relationship.
Bella was a hard ass at the best of times, she was broken, vile, and pessimistic and just the opposite of Alice, but, that didn't mean she enjoyed hurting other people. The word selfish had recently become added to that self-depreciating list and it was because of her actions towards Alice.
"At the moment I'm just a really bitter person who decided to move out to a new place and so far? I'm actually not regretting this decision and I know that a lot of that is because of you." Bella finished.
Those last words broke Alice's resolve and she found herself opening the door wider and take a step closer to Bella and then another and another, until she was hugging her. Bella felt relief and, whilst it scared her, she also knew that she just couldn't let her damn neighbour go.
"I will tell you one day, it's just, I need time," Alice nodded her head and looked up into Bella's eyes again; she hoped that she hadn't made the wrong decision.
Bella looked down and was surprised at the hope shining throughout Alice's eyes.
"Alice I…"
"Heyyyy Babe." Tanya's voice cut the air and Bella and Alice released each other hastily, the moment for pure unaltered honesty was gone, but their friendship remained.
Bella watched as her neighbour embraced Tanya and she looked away to give them a moments privacy. She looked at the beaten flowers in her hands, only noticing now that she had bought Lilies.
When the couple turned their attention to her form still lingering on the front porch, Bella scratched the back of her neck gingerly.
"Well, I best be off," She said awkwardly and then turned to walk away.
When she reached the mailbox, she heard Alice call her name and turned around sharply; the smaller woman ran to her.
"Bella, what were you going to tell me?" Alice asked.
Bella looked at Tanya who was standing in the doorway, arms crossed and staring directly at them; she refocused on her neighbour in front of her and smiled.
"Just, thank you for letting me in again and remember to smile like you mean it." Bella offered and she realised that she had meant it.
Alice nodded her head and smiled.
Thank-you for reading.
