(LOUIS'S POV)
'Calm down Louis, she'll be here.' I chanted to myself inside my head. It had been about 20 minutes since I left the nurses office. I was in English class freaking out how Hannah wasn't back. Our English teacher, Ms. Pond, was starting the lesson at the front of the class. She introduced herself to me before the period started. She said and I quote, "I'm very nice if you don't get into trouble. Just be good and I won't snap your neck like a twig." Honestly, she really scares me. Her personality doesn't match her appearance when she gets angry. When she is happy she smiles and laughs like a normal 28-year-old should. Ms. Pond is still really young and pretty. At lunch after Hannah left me, I heard a bunch of jocks talking about her body. I mean seriously, she is our teacher and engaged might I add! I saw a huge ring on her finger and when I asked about it she showed me a picture of him. Let me just say that damn he is hot. I mean like hotter than Daniel Radcliffe. So what? I used to have a thing for him. But didn't we all?
Sighing I started drawing squares on my paper. I looked at Ms. Pond to make an effort to at least pretend like I was paying attention. "Maybe I should actually pay attention," I thought, looking up at the board. Nope, it was diagraming complex sentences. I've been there, done that, and now she's making me go back. See why I hate new schools?
"Where the hell could she be?" I thought as possible scenarios clouded my mind. She could have been raped. She could have died. She could be in a trash can somewhere. She's probably alone crying. She probably needs me. What if she was wrong about Harry and he beat her up. What if he….." my thoughts were interrupted by a click of the door. I held my breath as my eyes flew to the front in a desperate search for Hannah. I exhaled deeply when her familiar small frame walked through the door.
Ms. Pond ran her fingers through her deep auburn hair and said arching one of her eyebrows," Hannah, glad you could join us."
"Sorry, Mrs. Pond. It won't happen again." she said gloomily.
"See me after class."
A few of the jocks smiled at this. I was taken aback by how cruel this school was. Hannah looked as if her puppy had just died when someone whispered, "The fatass is probably going to go write some more love letters."
Her puffy eyes shined with unshed tears. If I could have said something to those douchebags, I would. But I think that if I said something, I'd just make it worse. I just made eye contact with her and mouthed are you okay and she nodded. The rest of class flew bye. I was too distracted by trying to cheer up Hannah.
"Louis, can you wait for me outside?" she asked, jutting out her lower lip.
I scoffed at her puppy dog face, which was actually quite adorable. "Sure." I replied smiling. I took one last look at Hannah before I opened the door and took a step out into the crowded hallway.
(HANNAH'S POV)
Let me get this straight, Ms. Pond is very intimidating when she wants to be. One time last year, she made the old rugby captain cry. So needless to say, when she called me after class I was very scared. 'She can't hurt me though, she's a teacher. She would lose her job if she hit me.' Was all that was running through my mind as I walked up to her desk. "You wanted to talk to me?" I said quietly looking at my shoes.
"Hannah, I believe that you have a story about your high school experience. Yes?"
"Yes."
"Could you write it?"
"If you wanted me to."
"Could you read it at graduation?"
"If I have to."
"You do."
"Then I guess I can. What is the outline?"
"It has to be true. If you leave anything true out of it and I know that you left it out. I'll make sure that you never, ever get into a college outside of the one here."
That scared me. Collage was one of my only tickets out of this hell of a town. My mom said that if I can't get a full ride from a uni somewhere else, then I'd have to go to the one in town. "You don't have to worry about that. Can I use a visual aide?"
"Just one, you have to keep this between me and you."
"Okay and Ms. Pond, why do you want me to speak at graduation?"
"Why would anyone besides my best student do it?" she said giving me a warm smile.
"Thanks," I said returning her a nervous one.
"Hannah, I'm very observant. If you ever want to talk than you know you can always come talk to me."
"Thanks."
Does she know about my anorexia? I walked hastily out of the classroom
"What did she say?" questioned Louis as I met up with him.
"Oh, she was just telling me not to be late again." I lied smoothly, keeping in mind that Ms. Pond wanted to keep it a secret.
"Oh, okay."
"Well see you later; my mum's picking me up."
"Bye." He said walking to his house. Our school was placed in a pretty well off part of town. His house must be nice.
Outside, my mum was waiting for me in her car. She started picking me up when people started making fun of me. She was afraid people were going to beat me up. It was always so easy to spot her. She and I were so different, personality wise. All I want to do is blend and disappear and she couldn't stand out more if she tried. Her cherry red Lamborghini Murciélago could have been spotted from a mile away. I mean seriously! Ignoring the stares from my fellow school mates, I put my bag in the front trunk and opened the huge up swinging beetle doors. "Hey." I said
"Hey, Sugar, how was school?" my mum asked in a really fake southern accent. Sometimes her being an American model gets annoying. She thinks that she can pull of an American accent. I glared at her mentally saying it's not working.
"I could totally pull it off!" she said returning to her all natural Britt voice. "Anyways, first day back! How was it? Did u make any friends?" she asked energetically as we stopped at a red light. I nodded and she squealed. "Oh my goodness, what's her name?"
"HIS name is Louis."
"Ooooo is he cute?"
"No, I mean yes but it's not like that. We're more like… we just ugh."
"I see so he's more like your brother than he'd ever be your boyfriend."
"Exactly!"
"What does he look like?"
"Well," I explained to her about his hair and slightly tanned face, his girly butt and his ferocious love for carrots. I told her about all his schools. I pretty much told her everything …. well I left out the part about him being Bi and that he knew everything about me.
"He sounds like a very nice young man. I want to meet him. How about you invite him for dinner?"
"Okay."
When we got home, I grabbed my phone and put in Lou's number. He gave it to me today. Right now it was littered up and down my arm. I called it and as soon as he picked up, I asked him if he wanted to eat dinner with us. "Um can we do it tomorrow?" he asked. It sounded like he had been crying.
"Why, Lou? Are you okay?"
"I have something going on. Bye." He said that was weird, there goes not keeping secrets. I'll ask him tomorrow.
"Mom," I sugar-coated it as I called down the stairs, "Lou said that he can't tonight to would love to tomorrow."
I went back into my room, closed the door, and sat down at my mahogany desk. I got out a little stack of paper. I knew that I couldn't stop until I get it absolutely perfect, that's why I was a good writer. "Might as well get started." I said to myself. Soon I had crumbled papers littering my desk as I wrote one failing speech after another. "This better be one hell of a speech."
An hour passed then two, then three. I had still not come up with a decent idea when my phone started buzzing. I checked the caller it was Lou. Why would he be calling at this time? I answered and that's when I heard it. It was the first time I heard Lou cry.
(NIALL'S POV)
After a painful walk back to my house in crutches, I was about ready to pass out. When I entered the front door, I realized that my mum had already done that. After guiding her to her bed and tucking her in, I hopped up the stairs.
Once I was in my room, I started my homework. I had to make an extra trip around the school to get my missed work from all the classes I didn't go to. My curiosity got the best of me after a few hours and I went on Facebook. Opening my messages, I made a gurgling, choking sound in the back of my throat. There were almost a hundred messages. There was always a lot of commotion after someone really got me good. I can guarantee that almost every single one of them was hate. I would know; I went through every one of them. I read every insult, every hurtful word, every twisted emotion, I read all of them. I always do. I thrive in their wickedness and feed off of all of their nasty comments.
My attention was especially attracted to one from Ed, one of Harry's group. It said:
Dear Niall,
You're pathetic. No one cares about you. We all loved when Harry beat the shit out of you. I hope you get beat up every day. You deserve it, fag. I thought you killed yourself last summer. Everyone was disappointed when you walked into school this morning. Just do us all a favor and die. It's not our fault you're gay and weak. It's all your fault. We just point it out.
I started thinking about his words. Those ugly, ugly words are the reason I hate myself more and more each day. They're the reason that I have to wear pants and longs sleeved shirts every day. They're the reason my ribs and bones stick out of my body. But still my mind believes their words and whispered to me," He's right, you know. It's all your fault, you could have been better. You act like you didn't do anything wrong. No one would really care if you offed yourself. Sure they would be sad for like what, a day? Then you would be all but an empty desk and locker. A new kid might come to the school and ask about you. They saw you on the telly. The rest of the kids wouldn't be able to recall what you would usually wear, what you told them your favorite color was in eighth grade. You would sooner be nothing than something in this school. All you have to do is do one little favor for them. You just have to jump."
My mind knew me better than anyone ever will. It had already flooded mental pictures of the ocean my dad would bring me to. There were mountains all around there. I remembered that my dad brought me to a cliff that made a sheer drop into the oceans. I guess I could just float down from there into the cold ocean. Just in case the rocks didn't kill me first, I could always drown. There were big swells in May. They would always crash into the rocks, making a cold mist. Yes, I could tie blocks to my ankles. I would never come back up; no one would ever find me. I'll just simply disappear. I smiled crazily to myself as I walked to the bathroom to spend some "quality time" with my metallic best friend.
(LOUIS' POV)
A huge smile lit up my face as I walked through the front door. Two of my little sisters, Daisy and Phoebe, ran to me. I picked both of the little eight year olds up and swung them around. My other sister Lottie came up to me. The fourteen year old pursed her lips and said skeptically," What's got you in such a good mood?"
I smiled at her and practically dragged her upstairs. Lottie was practically my saving grace in this family. She is the only one who can keep a secret in this freaking family. She was the first one who knew I was Bi. She was really supportive. When we got to my room, I pushed her in with me and locked the door. "I made a friend." I said smiling.
"God," she said, "I wonder what's going to happen when you start going out with someone. What's his name?"
"Her name is Hannah."
"Pull her up!" she said pointing at my computer. I opened it and put in my password. I live in a house of four girls, I'm not a saint, and I don't want them looking at my history. I went to Facebook and pulled up Hannah. The picture did her justice. Just like all girls, their profile pictures looked amazing. Her hair was
down and she was wearing a undress. I guess this happened before you know….that.
"Oh my gosh, she's gorgeous." said Lottie.
"I keep trying to tell her that." I mumbled.
I heard the front door open and Daisy and Phoebe calling Mum. Guess she's back from work early. "Hi gals," I heard Mum say, "where's Louis?" Oh no did I do something wrong? "Louis!" she called.
I walked downstairs and gave her a hug and asked her why she was here so early. "I need you to come with me somewhere."
"Okay… let me get my phone."
I walked up to my room got my phone and climbed into the car with Mum. The car ride was very awkward. We ended up arriving at the St. Lawrence Hospital. What the Hell was I doing here? My mum dragged me out of the car and into the main lobby. She told me to go sit in one of the chairs while she talked the front desk. When she sat back down I asked her why I was here. "They found your father." No they can't have found him. They can't. After he left Mum he ran, never to come back. Anger boiled up deep inside of me. He was never there for me when I needed him, and now that I was actually happy he wanted to come back.
My phone started buzzing and I answered the unknown number. "I have to take this," I growled at my mum. I ran outside just as angry tears started forming in my eyes. My throat was closing and getting restricted when I tapped the answer button.
"Hey, do you want to come over to my house to eat. My mum wants to meet you." It was Hannah.
"Um can we do it tomorrow?" I barely choked out.
"Why, Lou, are you okay?" she said concerned.
"I have something going on. Bye." I said, ending the call. I managed to stop myself from crying and went
back inside. "So why am I here?" I asked Mum.
"He tried to O.D. and was sent here. I was called and when I visited, he wouldn't stop asking where you were. I told him I'd bring you next time."
The nurse called Troy and my mom patted my back. I looked at her incredulously, "Aren't you coming with me?"
Shaking her head she told me that there was only one visitor allowed at a time. I followed one of the nurses to the back and entered what must have been my dad's room. There lay a man who used to have movie star good looks, who could have been my role model. But those looks were replaced with the unkempt appearance that comes with being a heroin addict. His veins popped out of his arms and his breathing was rugged. The nurse said," He's asleep so don't wake him up."
I took a chair and pulled it up to his bed. Even though he couldn't hear me, I didn't know when the next time I'll see him will be. So I thought, "Eh what the hell, let's talk."
"Dad," I whispered, "I haven't seen you in a while now. You left me. I remember the night crystal clear. I was only eight, but the way I remember it, it could have been yesterday. I still think it's my fault you know, I woke up Mum to ask her where you were. I was just so worried. I didn't know that she would make you leave, I swear I didn't know!" I was barely talking. Most of the words were caught in the back of my throat. "You could of at least called," I said sobs shaking down my body. I started breathing faster and my anger quickly escalated, "You could have told me you were alive. I spent almost every night up until four o' clock in the morning for a year waiting for you to come home. I spent most of my life wondering what I did to make you not want to come back. I was eight! You can't do that to and eight years old! I tried drugs to forget about you! Are you happy? ARE YOU HAPPY?" I started screaming through my tears.
When the nurse called security, I was already running to the bathroom. I leaned against the cooling white tile wall and slowly slid down it. Bringing my feet up to my chest, tears shook my body. I took my phone out and dialed the only one person who might know how to help. I brought the phone up to my ear, still sobbing. Hannah answered immediately she waited for me to stop crying and said softly, "Lou, what's wrong?"
I sniffed and said between the sobs, "I need help."
