Note: hey guys, sorry for the late update. thanks for the reviews, support and comments. will try to fix the necessary problems! heres another one! r&r!
SAY A LOT
Lately my mind caught up with me; asking me questions which I don't have answers to. And I wondered, what am I doing in Yale? What am I doing in one of the Ivy Leagues and in one of the top five universities in the world? If I were still the Caitlin O'Koren I was two years ago, I would have been happy enough to finish high school and attend a local college instead. If I were still the Caitlin O'Koren from 24 months ago, I would never have to be second guess myself about the new people I meet in this new environment.
Sometimes I sit and ponder if the old Caitlin O' Koren would ever return.
Two weeks after the "date" with Jake which we happened to bump into Rogerson Biscoe and my friend, June, I did not see Rogerson around anymore. But that did not mean Rogerson is gone from my life for good, because June kept talking about him after their date. Each time when I look at June and her excitement over Rogerson, I saw the old Caitlin O'Koren I've been yearning to find.
"You know, it feels like an eon since we've gone out", June suddenly claimed from out of nowhere. I almost bit my tongue while chewing my buritos.
I sat up straight and turned to her, "I beg your pardon?"
"You know an eon? ", June looked at me, her eye brows raised. "It's a billion years"
"Oh", and I turned away before she catches me off guard. Of course I knew what an eon was; I was the one who asked him and I was there when he answered. To be honest, every single question which I've asked Rogerson would always come back to scream at my face to remind me of him. And it kills me to go through it.
June plopped herself next to me, "So what do you say we go out this weekend? You could bring Jake and I could bring Rogerson".
And I don't what got into me, I placed my burito down and took a deep breath because it feels like I was about to take a jump down Niagara Falls. " Look June, about Rogerson", I paused, searching for the right words to say, and June was looking at me attentively, "Rogerson, is not the right guy for you"
I knew that I already, probably FIGURATIVELY put a slap on her face because June's face instantly fell and instead of the cheerful June whom I've always been around with, her face showed anger and frustration. She immediately stood up, "Look Caitlin, I think I know who's right for me"
I picked myself up from the floor, so that it could be easier for me to explain, "June, I didn't mean it like that. But Rogerson is not who you think he is!"
"Are you jealous?"
That question most certainly caught me off guard, "Ex- excuse me?"
June snapped, "Well I pretty much figured that you're jealous. Just because Jake is not as funny or smart or charming like Rogerson doesn't mean you get to make Rogerson look bad to make yourself feel better!"
"That wasn't even what I was trying to tell you! And I'm not jealous, why would I BE?", the words came out of my mouth like bullets flying fast in a battlefield. Truth is, I don't have to be jealous of June because I've been there with Rogerson. I've been everywhere with Rogerson; to Dave and Corrina's, to his bed, to all those "transactions" of his. I was there, and I almost died because I was too blind to see what he was doing to me.
"I'm happy with Rogerson. And I don't need someone who's dating a goofball to tell me who or what is right for me". June stormed out of our dormitory and slammed the door behind her. At that moment, I literally wanted to scream my lungs out because falling for Rogerson is like a virus which will keep attacking you and the people around you until you're out of breath.
And because of this virus, June, the only other person out here whom I could confide in, and I will never be able to go back to the way we were before the conversation. I regretted bringing it up.
