Written for Red, Blue, Green, and Purple in the Quelf Competition, CrabbeGoyle and 'homework' in Valentines (short version found in You Smiled), and Onyx in the Gemstone Competition. Also written for Titles Set Boot, obviously.


It's stupid, Crabbe thinks. What is the point of homework anyway? It doesn't do anything. The teachers just read it and tell him if he's right. If they already know the answers, why do they need him to tell them what they are?

"- this whole time - that's what I heard." Giggles and annoying girl voices filled the Common Room, and he huffed as he tried to sit up to yell at them.

"I just can't believe Goyle's gay!" someone said, and he fell back into the cushions with a gasp that was, thankfully, covered by more giggles.

"Well, I don't believe it. It's just a rumor," a haughty voice sniffed, and Crabbe readily agreed. Goyle would have told him. Right?

"So you are saying that I started the rumor?" a voice that could only be Pansy's drawled. "He told me himself, Millicent."

"Yes, and you've always been completely honest, Pansy." Tense silence followed, and then -

"Has he really been in love with him this whole time, Pans?" And Crabbe was overwhelmed with the urge to know who.

"Oh, no. Can you imagine being in love with him First Year?" More giggles. "He didn't know. I think it was in Third Year."

"Is he going to tell him?" someone else wanted to know.

"God, no. Can you imagine how that conversation would go? 'Hey, Crabbe, buddy, my best friend,'" Pansy started in what was known as her 'mocking' tone, and Crabbe felt his mind freeze mid-reaction. "'I'm gay, and oh, yeah. I've been in love with you for about 4 years. Wanna snog?' Honestly, Tracey."

"Poor Goyle. Imagine being in love with Crabbe."

"He's not even hot," another voice agreed.

"Ah, but what he lacks in looks, personality, gracefulness, and mental acuity," Blaise chimed in, and Crabbe wondered absently where he had come from. "He makes up in the size of his stomach."

"Poor Goyle?!" Crabbe shouted, jumping up in a delay reaction as his mind finally caught up.

"I rest my case," Blaise smiled, but then looked stricken. "Crabbe -"

"Goyle's in love with me?! And none of you lot thought to tell me?!" Everyone gaped at him; Pansy sighed. "He - We - I - what am I supposed to do now?"

"That's why no one told you."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" he shouted again, and Goyle walked through the door of the Common Room, laughing. He stopped upon seeing Crabbe's face, and Draco ran into him with an umph.

"Goyle!"

"What's wrong?" Goyle asked, rushing over to Crabbe's side. "What happened?" He glared at Pansy and Blaise, reaching for his wand.

"You - I -" Crabbe stuttered, and he could feel his face getting redder and redder as he gaped at his once best friend. "I can't believe you!" he finally shouted, and ran to his dormitory.

Goyle blinked at his retreating back. "What did you do?" he demanded.

"I'm not the one who fell in love with him," Pansy sniffed, and the Slytherins scattered.

Oh -


"Crabbe, come on. Let me in."

"No."

Goyle sighed. "It's been an hour. We have to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk to you!" Crabbe shouted back.

"Why not?"

Crabbe paused; searching for an answer, no doubt. "Be - Because! I just don't! You're gay!"

Goyle rolled his eyes and leaned his head back on the door. "Oh, and you're suddenly homophobic?"

"What? No!"

"Then we have to talk. It'll be awkward if we don't, you know that." Goyle reasoned, and suddenly felt proud of himself. There was another long pause, and then -

"FINE! But you can't come in!"

Goyle smirked. "Fine. You can -"

"Gay, Goyle?!" Crabbe shouted. "Gay and you never told me! How - how - could you?!"

Goyle sighed. "I don't know. I just didn't want things to be awkward between us."

"But - all those girls that you -"

"I like girls too," Goyle told him quickly. "I wasn't lying about that."

"But - in love with - with me?! Why?"

"I have no idea."

There was another long pause, and he tumbled backwards into the room as the door was thrown open. Crabbe blinked down at him, and sat by Goyle's head with a thump. Goyle sat up.

"I - I don't know what to think," Crabbe admitted after a long period of silence. "I don't know what to do."

"Oh, I know. Believe me, I know."

They sat in silence for a long time. "So what now?" Goyle asked, tentatively. Crabbe bit his lip.

"Race you to dinner?"

"Oh, you're on."

.

Crabbe fell down the stairs.


Word count: 771