A little over two years ago…

"Ma'am you can't go in there."

"I'm a federal agent the hell I can't go in there."

"Ma'am please it's not a good idea for you…"

But she didn't let him finish. She was pushing past the doctor and into the area surrounded by a flimsy curtain.

"Why is nobody helping him?! Somebody help them!" she was practically screaming now.

"Ma'am please leave. I assure you we're doing our best but you yelling at our doctors isn't helping move anything along. I'll give you an update as soon as I know something." And the doctor firmly escorted Emily away from the horrible sight and into the waiting room, where she paced.

This was a dream. It had to be a dream because there was no way that this was real. Emily sat down on the chair and bounced her leg up and down and up and down. She was so nervous. She couldn't get the sight out of her head, the people she loved just lying there.

What seemed like a lifetime passed before the doctor finally emerged from behind the double doors, pulling off a scrub cap in the process. She stood immediately up and walked as quickly as she could to face the doctor.

"I am so sorry to say Agent Prentiss that I don't have good news. The adult female died almost as soon as we took her into the operating room, the male is alive but extremely unstable, I'm not sure if he'll make it through the night. And the infant has severe head trauma, it was a terrible car accident."

Emily just stood there with her mouth slight hung open.

"Rebecca, Matthew, and Emilia." She said so softly she wasn't even sure she said it.

"I beg your pardon, ma'am?"

She said it again louder this time, growing angrier the longer the doctor was standing there. "That's their names. You should know you're patients' names."

What happened next was a blur for Emily. She somehow made it into Matthew's room, where she saw him hooked up to and incredible amount of machines, most of which were constantly beeping. He looked pale and fragile, a way that she wasn't used to seeing him. She sat down in the chair next to his bed, mind still buzzing. A nurse had informed Emily that the infant was in a separate room in the pediatric intensive care unit if she wanted to visit her. But all she could do was sit and stare at him. What the hell happened?

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She was escorted out of the hospital room by a nurse around three am to sign paperwork for the insurance companies. She still couldn't believe that this was happening, and it was all her fault. They were in the car because of her. They got into the accident because of her. Rebecca died because of her. She couldn't get the thoughts out of her head.

"Agent Prentiss I need you to sign here, initial here, and sign here."

Emily did as she was told, not bothering to reading what was on the papers. The nurse sensed that there was something off about Agent Prentiss, something besides the worry that normal people have when she takes them out of a patient's room in the ICU.

"Ma'am, if you don't mind me asking, are you alright? Something looks like it's troubling you."

If glares could kill then then the nurse would be long dead. "Of course something is troubling me. My best friend is probably going to die, his wife is dead, and their baby is laying somewhere with a head trauma! Would you be alright if you were me?"

She immediately regretted her words after she saw the nurse blush and turn sheepish.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I'm just on edge from tonight and I haven't slept in a really long time. I should thank you for your concern."

"No apologies needed, it was a calculated risk asking you. Most of the people I see just have one family member sick, I didn't know about your other loved ones, I'm so sorry. My name is Brenda if you ever need anything." She gave a small smile and walked swiftly away, leaving Emily standing there with the pen still in her hand.

She decided that she needed some coffee, so she headed down stairs to 24 hour Starbucks and ordered the drink with the most caffeine she could think of. After she got her drink she rode the elevator back up to the ICU floor where the realization of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. She promised herself when she first heard about the accident she wouldn't cry until things were in a stable place, but being alone in elevator with her thoughts was too much handle. She hit the stop button on the elevator and slid down against the wall, clutching the coffee for warmth while she let the tears flow freely.

After a good ten minutes she managed to drag herself off of the floor and ride the elevator the rest of the way up. She decided that she would check on the baby, suddenly feeling another rush of guilt.

After checking with as many doctors as she could get her hands on, Emily relished in the news that the kid was going to be alright.

"We'd like to keep her for a few days for further observation to monitor changes, but in the long run we think she'll be fine. Little Emilia is a fighter." the on call PICU doctor said. Emily nodded her head and said they were in no rush to leave, mostly because the baby's father was still in critical condition.

As Emily took the long way across the ICU floor, wanting to delay getting to Matthew's room as long as she could. Seeing him made her feel awful, and then she felt selfish for even thinking of herself while was laying there quite literally dying. She walked most of the way with eyes glazed over and not really paying attention to where she was going, lost in her thoughts. Because of this she didn't notice something was happening until she almost slammed right into one of the nurses.

As she allowed herself to assess the situation she could feel the pit of her stomach growing tighter than it's ever been before. Emily has always had great instincts, always been able to think quickly on her feet and know what the other persons next four moves are before she even knows her own. But in this moment all she can do is stop and stare, being completely useless and providing a roadblock in the flow of traffic in and out of the room.

Helplessly, she stood in the door frame as the medical staff repeatedly tried to resuscitate Matthew. They seemed to have been at it for several minutes, because only a few people were moving inside of the room. She saw as the doctor who was holding the paddles put them down, hanging his head as he uttered words that sounded vaguely like a time.

The last thing she remembers is feeling the wetness of the coffee on her feet from the cup she dropped before it all went dark.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I really liked doing the flashback- there will be some more coming up soon

Could you guys review? For some reason I stopped getting reviews… and I love reading them-the good and the bad. Much appreciated