Last Chapter!
Congrats to those who figured out the Aurebesh!
Part 7. ROTS – Reprisal of the Skyrunners
It was the third Zhellday in the fifth month of the sixteenth year after the needless Great ReSynchronisation. Two Eta-2 Actis interceptors hurtled through Coruscanti space as a CIS cam-equipped starfighter followed them.
Aboard the two ships were Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, two friends of thirteen years. The duo liked to bicker, and the conversation they were trying to have was quite entertaining.
"I thought I said I hate flying Anakin, why did you have to sign me up? Couldn't you come up with any other way to become a Master? Besides, flying is for droids!"
"Heh Master, suck it up. And remember, droids are flying all around us, the clone fighters and the droid ones?" It was true, the clone fighters were slave-rigged to simulators aboard several of the orbiting ships.
Okay, I think this necessitates an explanation. Some weeks back, Anakin Skywalker got a call from Separatist Count, Dooku, requesting assistance crashing a ship. After some one-sided bargaining, Anakin agreed to the Count's request on the condition that he would get the lead role in the holodrama Dooku was planning and ten million credits, enough to reach the requisite fifty million stated by master Yoda as necessary for him to obtain the rank of Master. So here they were with ships zipping left and right filming a space scene.
"Master, General Grievous' ship is directly – correction – the only one ahead,"
"One ship? Grievous must be really overconfident to attack the capital with just one ship!"
"They'll overlay a fleet in the post-production stages…" Anakin explained. Soon the duo were beset by torpedoes, buzz droids, and all manner of bad things, including tabloid holocams. If you would like to see what happened next, you should watch the (real) RotS. As it was, Anakin gleefully blasted the magcon field generator and landed his starfighter in the hangar, closely followed by his Master.
With initiate-like enthusiasm the two Jedi disassembled every single droid in the hangar, on the way to the turbolift, and in said lift. The pair agreed that the presence of Dooku aboard the ship in no way changed the deal for them, in fact it was a bonus, if they killed him, they could take over the holodrama and write it the way they wanted it to go, not Anakin becoming MFC (Mustafar Fried Chosen) at the end.
Darth Sidious was raving mad. He was madder then when Darth Maul was crisped. He was madder then when Dooku didn't kill Ventress. Madder even, then when Yoda suggested this infernal scheme, the start of this entire problem. He was really thankful for the shielding the Dark Side of the Force provided as he hurled things left and right in his Works hideout.
"Soooo, Grievous… do you mean to tell me that it was your spy droid that captured those photos and that those were your spies that leaked them to the tabloids!"
"Yes milord, I thought that it would damage Kenobi's reputation if we could phony up those images and guide public op—"
"You didn't think!" Sidious was furious, really furious, so furious that he was sending a (disguised) message with the location of the Separatist Council and Grievous' most likely bolthole to the Jedi, "Do you even know what you've done? Kenobi was cleared of all suspicions and even got sympathy! Sympathy! And, what's worse, that blasted Skywalker launched another subdivision, mercenary groups dealing with designated tabloid and paparazzi targets! His shares have gone through the roof! Do you get what you've done?" Sidious blasted the holocomm unit with Force lightning. Bad mistake… Really bad mistake….
Meanwhile aboard the Somewhat Visible Hand, Anakin just finished killing Count Dooku at the urgings of a Clawdite that currently took the shape of Palpatine for the purpose of the film shoot. The Hero with no Idea picked up his Master's unconscious body, waited for a convenient gravity sheer and ran along a turbolift shaft.
On the bridge, General Grievous was rather confused, he tried so hard, and his lord didn't seem to appreciate his efforts. How was he supposed to know what was going to happen? Confusing wasn't right for a General. A commander had to be in control, so he decided to be angry, an emotion he was quite adept in. However his mood changed when the Chancellor of the Republic, along with two Jedi – both bound – were brought onto his bridge (important note: Dooku didn't tell the Grievous that Palpatine wasn't Palpatine).
"Chancellor, now that your escape attempt has failed, I hope that you will be more … agreeable. And the Negotiator, General Kenobi, we've been waiting for you. And young Skywalker, I would have expected someone with your reputation to be a little balder…"
"Sorry GG, I think you mixed me up with Mace Windu. I'm afraid your recognition systems are malfunctioning…" A couple of droids tittered in the background. As the general angrily turned to deal with them, he didn't see that Artoo cut open the group's bonds. Nor did he see the two Jedi's lightsabers before they were pointed at him. Thinking quickly, the General ordered his SBDs to kill the Chancellor. The Jedi didn't twitch a muscle. Not until the Clawdite reverted to its original state just before death. Then they smiled. Grievous was not liking where the situation was going, nor did he like being fooled. So he chose to sacrifice two of his arms to take the brunt of Anakin and Obi-Wan's attack. In those few seconds he managed to send an IR message to IG101 who promptly smashed the viewport with his electrostaff. The sudden decompression accounted for a few precious seconds of confusion which the cyborg used to escape onto the outer hull.
When the Invisible Hand became the Amputated Finger, when Grievous was on his way to Utapau, and when the bridge was void of droids and crew alike, Anakin sat in the pilot's seat, Obi-Wan at the co-pilot's station and Artoo used the dead Clawdite as a wedge to keep him in place beside the interface. In short, it was a nice day above Coruscant, or business as usual, depending on your point of view.
The ship was entering Coruscant's stratosphere by the time Obi-Wan cared to comment, "Anakin, do you have any idea where to crash safely? After all, this planet is an ecumanopolis…"
The reply was not long in coming, "I was going to try the Works District, they're abandoned, so yeah. And since I just felt a surge of Dark Side Force energy coming from that direction, why not kill to gizka with one stone?"
"Anakin, any Jedi can kill two gizka with one stone. The first time you through it, then you use telekinesis on the other one … bad analogy…"
"Aren't Jedi supposed to respect all life Master?"
"Gizka are some of many exceptions in that rule…"
In the apparently abandoned building, Darth Sidious stood, his eyes glued to the shape of the dreadnaught heading straight for his lair. If only he had been more attentive, well there was no use moping, he quickly judged the distance and thought it was worth a break for it. He pulled up his cumbersome robes and dashed to the nearest exit.
A pained huff escaped his lips as an object barrelled into his stomach with enough force (small 'f') to knock him on his back. He rolled his eyes to the side to see the object that had brought him and his plans to an untimely end. It was a gizka. A simple gizka merrily hopping about… Just as the he raised his hand to exact one last revenge, there was a terrible crash, a giant boulder was dislodged, and the Sith knew no more.
Oblivious to the fact that Anakin had just fulfilled his destiny, and killed a Sith so that he could not be sued for miss-advertisement, the two friends cheered and high-fived – or in Artoo's case, mid-twoed. A quick comm call later and they were on the way to 500 Republica and a well-deserved lunch.
Epilogue: Another happy Ending
It was the fifth year after the Battle of Geonosis, the Separatists were defeated, Artoo was making friends with droidekas, and Obi-Wan had GG's head transformed into a chandelier prominently displayed in his quarters. At the current moment, the council was in assembly as they were expecting a report. Anakin and Obi-Wan were merrily playing Pazaak, Yoda was humming "Sabers Clash" (A rewrite of "Jingle Bells" I might have to post that sometime…) and Mace was – who knows. The doors opened, and a Master –whose name is unimportant to the story– entered with his team, "Masters, we have completed our investigation of the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. It was the Chancellor…"
"Told you!" whooped Anakin, waving his hands in the air and inadvertently showing his cards to Obi-Wan.
"We found a body back were Master Skywalker crashed a ship that other time. The DNA matched Palpatine's. As we all know that place wreaks of the Dark Side. Besides, we found his personal journal. The funny thing is, it's got pictures of Ventress in it…."
"Old gramps had a crush on Dooku's apprentice?" Anakin wasn't LOLing, Anakin wasn't ROTFLOLing, Anakin needed to be smashed into a wall via the Force to stop laughing.
"Congratulations Skywalker Young, destiny your, fulfilled you have. Extinct the Sith are forever, or until rise again they do. (Yeah, he'd be swallowing those words if he knew of Kesh.)
"And with that, the current Sith incident has been dealt with," Obi-Wan declared joyously, "All we have to do is wait until they show up again and have some other Jedi kick their collective rears. By the way Anakin, I've finally got those fifty credits back…" He flashed a triumphant grin as he revealed his hand….
Somewhere on the Dark Side of the Force, two Sith Warriors dragged Sidious' spirit before the Dead Council. Strangely there was a Sith of Yoda's species, the ghost of Naga Sadow, Darth Bane, Ludo Kressh, Andeddu, Viciate, Malgus, in essence all the worst bad-guys out there. It is unclear what they did to poor Palps, but he was reduced to whimpering, "Please help! Phobos Help! I didn't mean for the Jedi to make Skywalker a long-term Council member! Heeeeelp!"
Suddenly there was a swirl of energies and a figure that none expected to appeared. A hood and mask covered its face, and the colours of the robes were hard to distinguish in the Great Blue Glowy Beyond, however former Darth, but still Revan, was hard not to recognise. "Papertine, and I thought I was the worst Sith Lord on record!" he couldn't suppress his laughter "Look at me, and even I think you're an embarrassment to the Sith! I don't think we shall get involved with your punishment, I'll just call up Skywalker, what was it again, 13 00 26 25 46?"
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
And that's that, lots of scrap ideas jammed into 7,940 relevant words.
I would like to thank everyone for reviewing this story, for subscribing and for being supportive. I was sitting there with a mad grin reading alll your reviews!
If you liked this story, you might want to check out "No, I am your Master"; "Get your Facts Straight"; "The Force"; or all the others located on my profile.
I'll have something else up sometime this month, not to worry,
May the Fiction Be With Us All
