Epilogue
The fireplace was buzzing, showering the chamber with warmth, so pleasant in comparison to the blizzard outside. The flames consumed the wood, but Amras seemed not to pay attention, staring at them with unseeing eyes. His wet braids were slowly drying and he wrapped his frozen fingers around a mug with mulled wine; a pitcher stood at the table nearby. The youngest son of Feanor sat on a bench, leaning against the wall, seemingly nonchalant and at ease, with his leg resting on a stool.
The last week he had spent on a patrol. He had escaped the fortress, unable to stand the emptiness. Amon Ereb was full of memories of his fallen brothers, even if they had not lived there the whole time. He had spent the week riding and taking only as much rest as the horses required; a week in cold and snow, until the worsening weather forced him to go back. There was no way the enemy could creep on their fortress in such a blizzard and Amras would only risk the horses to freeze or break their legs on uneven ground hidden under snow. He had no choice but to return.
Maedhros joined him without a word and filled his glass. Amras glared at him, as if ready to object, but instead he just took a closer look on him and commented indifferently.
"You look better."
A nod and a shrug was the only answer he got. Neither of them was in the mood for talking and the few elves present in the chamber must have sensed it, for they were soon left alone.
The wine was gone too. The hour was late and there was no one around who could bring them more, so the brothers had to fetch it themselves.
xxx
"Father shouldn't have died at the very beginning." Amras spoke softly, as if to himself, but his sudden voice startled Maedhros; it was so quiet in the cellar, just the two of them, sitting and drinking, both of them silent, lost in thoughts. "It is all his doing. He should be in here, with our people. Not dead, but living, struggling to survive in these accursed lands, fighting the Enemy. Watching us all die. He deserved that." Amras refilled his glass and emptied it with a few long sips. His eyes were dry and empty when he looked at his brother. "He deserved to stand and see his children die in his war."
"This is our war as well," Maedhros pointed out grimly, nursing his own glass. His right arm still in a sling, now stained with red wine marks, where he had spilled some of his drink. "We knew what we were doing, when we repeated his Oath."
"Did we?" Amras laughed bitterly. This time his hand shook a little when he took the bottle with strong dwarvish wine they were drinking. "Honestly, did we truly know what we were doing when we condemned ourselves? Look at me and tell me we knew, then, on that market place. That it would be just death, pain and madness. The damned ships Maglor so beautifully sings about, then Telvo..." The name sounded strange in his mouth. "Tell me you've ever imagined what Morgoth would do to all of us. To you."
Maedhros shivered. This was not why they had come here, why they were drinking. He thought they would mourn their fallen brothers together. The last thing he wished to remember was the hell from his imprisonment.
"Stop it."
"Did you know?" Once drunk, Amras never knew when to stop himself before saying too much. He stared at his brother, his eyes full of grief and anger. "Did you expect all the nightmares when we swore? No, Maitimo. The truth is, our people were scared that time and our father was mad. And we, we were just foolish children. All of this is going to turn into ashes anyway." With that, Amras pushed himself from the table and walked towards the wall to sink on the floor there; somehow he managed not to spill his wine.
xxx
Maglor caught himself staring mindlesslly on a blank page again, but the words would not come. It should have been easy to let out all the grief, now that they were in a relatively safe fortress, but not a single verse came to say farewell to his brothers, nor to mourn them.
His father's lamp rocked as Maglor kept moving it on the desk. The glowing crystal swayed more violently as Maglor jerked at the knocking to the doors.
"Come in."
A small elleth, still of childish features, came to his office. She had a hunter's jacket tossed over a plain wool dress and Maglor almost smiled at the sight. The girl must have still been excited to have been finally allowed to join the hunters. Or perhaps not, realised the singer as he saw her grave expression. Perhaps the jacket was simply at hand.
"What is it, Dinessel? What happened?" he asked. The girl was usually somewhere around, but she rarely came straight to him when she had Amras nearby, and he had just returned.
"Lord Amras isn't..." started the girl officially, but stopped. "I was in the cellars, I went to bring some wine to the kitchens and... Lord Maedhros was there. Some-, something was not right, he would not answer me, and... And Amras..."
'And Amras is drunk,' added Maglor silently, rising from behind his desk. Only that explained why Dinessel had come to him. And if Maedhros had frightened her, something must have happened.
"Thank you. Go get some rest, who knows, maybe Amras will take you with him as soon as the weather improves." Maglor sent her a tired smile and grabbed the lamp. "You don't have to go with me," he added pointedly, seeing that Dinessel hesitated.
The girl understood and left, and Maglor went to the cellars. He didn't like the mention that Maedhros would not answer, because he knew that in this case it wasn't 'wouldn't' but 'couldn't'. And it meant no good.
The doors to the cellar were open. Maglor went inside and raised his lamp. He could feel the smell of smoke inside as the candle on one of the barrels must have just burned out. Amras was sleeping next to it, leaning against the wall, but Maglor did not wake him yet. His elder brother interested him more.
Maedhros had retreated as far from the doors as possible. Maglor was not in the least surprised by his empty stare nor by the stump pressed hard to his belly. His eldest brother glanced at him and tried to back away, but had no place to go.
"Pityo!" Maglor called over his shoulder. Just like he predicted, a sharp tone and a hint of alarm in his voice were enough to wake his brother; drunk or not, Amras was still a scout. "Come here and help me.
The youngest son of Feanor scrambled on his feet and came closer a little unsteadily. He seemed clueless, but Maglor was not about to explain anything. He gave him the lamp, satisfied that Amras held it for him and so that he had both his hands free.
"Nelyo, let's go," he spoke calmly, wondering what to do. He couldn't remember having ever seen Maedhros drunk in Middle-earth; the times of carefree festivals were gone forever. His brother would not dull his senses even during the long peace. This time, however, he had crossed he line, or perhaps he had not taken into account the influence of Alcarino's medicines.
It took some time before Maglor managed to convince him to get up, but it seemed that even after all these years his voice had some impact. Slowly Maedhros ceased struggling and let himself be led to his chamber. Fortunately, they met no one save for the guards, who just held the doors open for them. Amras followed his brothers, the crystal lamp swaying in his hand.
"You should not have let him drink so much," said Maglor with reproach, once he was sure Maedhros was sleeping and should not be plagued with nightmares.
Amras stood, leaning against the wall and watching his brother, but at this remark he laughed bitterly.
"Me? Him? He is the elder one." The younger redhead had someberd up a bit, but not enough to know when to stay silent. As much as Maglor might have hated it, his youngest brother, usually reserved, became painfully sincere after a few drinks and he rarely had pleasant things to say.
"It didn't serve him well," he noticed. "And you'll suffer in the morning, so perhaps you should just go to sleep? And do thank Dinessel, she spared you a stiff neck," he added in an ostensibly patronizing voice, since Amras seemed to be in need of an elder brother.
He failed. The angry, empty stare he was given had nothing to do with his little brother.
"Don't you see? We no longer know. What should, what need, what shall be done," hissed Amras. He pushed himself from the wall and left unsteadily. He had the decency not to slam the doors behind him.
Thank you for reading :)
I'm dying to know what you think, of Amras especially.
