A/N: Here's another chapter! Sorry for the slow updates, I'm kind of finding it hard to connect the ideas I have on my mind. I'll manage, though. Thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews! All are greatly appreciated.


Dear Katniss,

I'm not much for words, you know that. We've had years of building a relationship between the two of us, understanding each other just by our actions. I don't really know how to put this lightly, so I'll be straightforward.

I'm sorry, Catnip. I know you blame me for what happened to her and I swear I never would have allowed them to use my design if I had known she would be there, too. But it wasn't my fault, you should know that. But still, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't go back to Twelve to help you. And I'd like to correct that. The Capitol has allowed me to visit for a week, together with my family. They'd be staying longer than me for they don't have as much responsibilities as I do. I'll see you soon. Hope you're doing okay.

Gale Hawthorne,

General, Elite Squad of District 2

A soft series of knocks takes my attention away from the letter I'm holding. I hastily fold it and place it in my pocket before attending to the door. My hands are shaking lightly as I reach for the doorknob.

Please let this be Peeta.

I audibly let out the breath I was holding when I see that it is him. Peeta's holding a bouquet of yellow and pink flowers. "Is everything okay, Katniss?"

He must have noticed the immediate relief on my face when I saw him. "Yeah, I'm just nervous." I give him a smile that I hope would be convincing enough.

"Ready?" he asks, offering his arm. I take it gladly and cling to him for dear life. "Oh, these are for you."

"Thank you," I say.

"You sure everything's alright? You seem occupied." He says.

Oh Peeta, I am, but I don't want to ruin this night.

He pulls me to a stop and gently guides me so I'm facing him. "Katniss, you know you can trust me… is there anything wrong?" he asks. "We could do this," he gestures to the flowers, "some other time."

His voice is tinted with so much sadness, I'm not sure if it's for me or him, but sadness still. I feel guilty seeing how much trouble I put him through. It's like I'm watching the Games and I'm seeing him get stung by tracker jackers, fight Cato, almost bleed to death, get his feelings stepped on, lose his leg, become the target of other tributes, die, be brought back to life only because they know I won't trust them if he's gone, then he gets tortured—electrocuted, drowned, burned, whipped, beaten, wounded—brainwashed, convinced that I'm a mutt, rescued, only to see me again, a person he believes to be a mutt, then people tried to brainwash him again, this time convincing him that I'm not what he thinks I am.

All of that because of me.

If only our paths hadn't crossed, then there might be a chance that he could have found somebody else. Someone who's more worthy than me.

It's too much. Nobody this kind should ever have to experience all of that. He deserves to be happy, he deserves a lot more than what he gets. He deserves to get all the rainbows and sunshine and brightly colored flowers for the rest of his life. He deserves the whole world and the moon and all the other planets in this small speck of a universe we have.

He deserves someone better. Not me.

I don't deserve him.

All of this hits me and I'm filled with annoyance. "It's not your business, Peeta." I break away from his gaze and start angrily toward my house. "Don't," I add. I know he'll follow me, and I can't let him do that. I can't make his life even more miserable than it already is.

"Katniss!"

I run as fast as I can to my room but he's a lot bigger, his legs longer, so it only takes him a few steps to catch up to me. He catches my waist and I'm pulled backwards, slamming into his chest. "Katniss, stop!" I wriggle myself out of his grasp. "Please, stop fighting me." He shifts so he's clutching me to him with my arms squeezed in between our bodies, making it hard to break free.

I feel weak. I feel like the girl who sat underneath an apple tree after she tried to trade some of her younger sister's old clothes. My legs crumble beneath me and I'm certain the only reason why I'm still standing is because Peeta's holding me up. He hugs me tighter, "Katniss, what's wrong? What happened? Please tell me, did I do something?"

"You deserve to be happy, Peeta! All I seem to bring you is sadness and trouble and danger and near-death encounters! I can't- I can't take it when I don't see you happy, especially if the reason is me. I just can't! You deserve the whole world, Peeta. A whole woman, not just a battered shell. I… You deserve someone better. Not me…" At this point I'm sobbing on his chest, wetting his dress shirt.

"Oh, Katniss," he whispers. "I thought you knew that there's never going to be another woman for me. It's just you. It's always you." He presses his lips to my temple. "You're aware of what the Capitol did to me, and look at us now. No science or any bullshit can make me not love you forever. And you're not just a shell, Katniss. You're still whole, just different. And if you think you're just a shell of who you once were, let me remind you that I am, too. And you make me happy. When you let me into your life again, I swear I felt like I could fly. Every time you smile, when I make you smile, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. You make me happy, Katniss. Don't push me away because of what I went through in the past. You won't be doing me any favors."

"But I hurt you, Peeta. And now I'm hurting you again."

"I don't care if you do. I'm willing to endure any pain if it's for you. I love you. And sometimes I get scared of just how much I do. When I remember everything, every second, minute of pain I experienced for you, and I know that today I still love you, it scares me, Katniss. Because I love you more than I love myself." He cups my face and brings his close to mine. "I do, I still do."

His eyes are pleading for me to let him in.

And it's like whatever cloud that was meddling with my thoughts has passed, my mind has cleared. The first thought that comes onto my mind is how stupid I was for even thinking Peeta would care if I hurt him. This boy would die for me, literally did once. I want to ask for forgiveness, to tell him that I love him, too, and it scares me just the same. Because I love him more than myself, too. But I can't, my thoughts are scattered and I'm left trying in vain to form a single sentence. The only word I get out is, "Peeta."

"Yeah?" he asks breathlessly.

I bring my hands up and pull him to me, crashing my lips to his. I kiss him to let him feel what I want to say, until he gets my message. Something wells in my chest again, like before, in the cave and on the beach. I hope he feels it, too. When we pull away, his eyes are glazed with tears.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I'm not sure what's gotten into me."

He visibly relaxes and releases his grip on my waist. "I thought you were going to dump me," he says. "Before our first date."

His words from minutes ago are still ringing in my ears. "I'm willing to endure any pain if it's for you. I love you. And sometimes I get scared of just how much I do… it scares me, Katniss. Because I love you more than I love myself."

"D-did you mean what you said?"

A look of confusion goes washes over his face. "I said a lot of things, but yeah, I meant every single word." 'I love you, Katniss.'

"You… love me?"

"Well, wasn't it obvio—no, I mean like, I—did. Yeah, yes. I do."

This is unbelievable. This boy in front of me, who once believed I was the one to be killed, loves me?

Well, he did agree to the both of you starting a relationship, moron. And of course he does, loving you is like breathing to him. It's you who needed a lot of pushing.

"You don't have to say it back," he says softly. "It can wait. I can wait."

"You waited long enough, don't you think?"

"I'm not denying it." He teases. "But I've got a patience molded from years of fighting and teasing from slightly playfully abusive brothers. It's pretty long, trust me."

That's one thing we haven't talked about much. Trust. A special gift you can give to someone and just hope the person would be careful and not break it. In our case, it's a given, I guess. After not just one, but two Hunger Games plus a war, a hijacking, and quite an unforgettable past, there's pretty much a lot of trust. My hands fall to my side and hit my pocket. A crunching sound fills my ears. Gale.

"Who?" he asks.

"Um, uh, did I say that out loud? He… he wrote to me."

"Who wrote to you?"

"G-gale did." I'm expecting him to leave me right now and slam his house's door in my face. Instead he takes both of my hands and squeezes them. "Katniss, when were you planning to tell me this?"

"Well, before I lost my head, I was planning to tell you when we get home." I tell him. His lips are pressed together in what exactly, I don't know.

"Come on, let's go inside."

After Peeta has read Gale's letter, all he asked was why he is now addressed as General. Of all the things written in the letter he should be concerned about, he asked about his damn title. When I confronted him though, he said that it doesn't bother him—Gale coming here, that is—and he would like him and me to rebuild whatever we had. He said that when the Hawthornes come, we should invite them over for some tea or for dinner for some catching up. I'm a bit reluctant when I said yes to his suggestion because I haven't quite separated Gale from the bomb that took my sister away from me. He says it's alright for me to feel afraid or nervous or both. He says he'd be there for me. He says he'd always be.


The following week, Annie arrives together with her son and my mom. Little Finn was just as charming as his father, same green eyes, and bronze hair. He's starting to get a bit of a tan, too. Annie looks better than she did in Thirteen. My mom, too. On our first day together we just sat in the house and caught up on each other's lives. We learned that the rebuilding is almost halfway through in Four, and Annie, her talent being more on the visual art side, was asked to design the houses. A monument is also underway to honor everyone who have fallen during the war. My mom has been appointed assistant of the head nurse of the hospital in Four, too. According to the both of them, she'd be promoted once the current head nurse retires. During the course of our conversation, the subject of marriage and kids surfaces. I feel a bit uncomfortable, but I'm not as appalled to the idea as I used to be. Somebody from the two of our visitors asks me and Peeta about it, and we just tell them we're taking it slow.

It's 10 in the evening when we finish. Peeta shows Annie and Finn to one of the guest rooms we have. My mom stays with me for a while.

"So, I can see you've made up your mind."

I shoot her a confused look. "On what?"

"On him?"

I feel my cheeks go hot, "What made you say that?"

"You two were holding hands," she points out.

"W-we were?" I ask, suddenly self-conscious.

"Mmhmm, but that's okay with me, now. You can date. I realized weeks ago how dumb I was to restrain you when you came back from…" she lets it hang because she's well aware of how much pain I had to go through in the Games. I'm just about to reply when I realized that she said I can 'date'.

What Peeta and I have is more than just dating. Hell, we haven't had a real date yet, for that matter.

"I don't think Peeta and I are dating, " I tell her. "It's… more than that."

Her eyes widen and I realize that sounded wrong. "No, not like that! I mean, we haven't even gone out together yet. But it's… what we have is more than just dating. It's like we're best friends who happen to have feelings for each other or something. I don't know how to put it exactly, but 'dating' doesn't really encompass what we do. We're like… partners."

"Oh, well I'm glad to hear that. Really, Katniss. I'm happy you've finally found someone you're sure you can trust." I have no idea what to say to that so I just thank her.

"You know, if this does anything, I just want to tell you I knew Gale wasn't for you." His name makes me flinch. "You two are too alike, you needed a calming personality."

"You should have told me that when I was having trouble figuring out my feelings," I joke. My mother smiles and pulls me to a hug. Peeta peeks from the doorway and informs us that he's going to bed. I tell him I'll come upstairs soon and pull away from my mother's embrace. Holding her hand for the first time in years, I lead her to another guest room but she insists it's alright for her to stay with Annie. After several doors, we finally manage to find where Peeta took our other guests. We say goodnight to each other and my feet automatically take me to the place where I know I'll be safe. When I lay down, his arms wrap around my waist and I'm left wondering, again, why I ever considered Gale.

Peeta's not beside me when I open my eyes but the smell of baking bread fills my nose and I calm down. I find the four of them downstairs at the table, Annie playing peek-a-boo with Finn, my mom cooking our breakfast, and Peeta drinking his coffee. They spot me and greet me a good morning.

"Good morning, too," I say, placing a peck on Peeta's lips. He hands me a cup of tea, just the way I want it. I wonder when Peeta knew I liked it this way.

Taking a seat across my mom, I watch as Peeta pulls out two loaves of bread from the oven. I can tell which one contains nuts and raisins and which one is plain.

I spend too much time with him when he's baking.

After breakfast, the weather's now starting to warm up again, we show them around town. A lot of residents recognize my mom and they exchange a few greetings along the way. We trudge up the bakery for them to see what Peeta's been up to. Finn enjoys five cookies that morning. We go to Sae's canteen for lunch and she serves us squirrel stew, one of her specialties. My mom and she tell stories, and it dawns on me that maybe, just maybe, my mom is finally back. Not the silent, ignorant, unmoving woman we had for years, but the woman who smiled and told us bedtime stories and sang to us and took us to her favorite places… that woman was back. The thought makes me smile.

"You look happy."

I jump in surprise and he laughs. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm just glad my mom's back. And that you're here with me."

He smiles. "That's nice."

"Hey, Peeta, it's not Wednesday today. Aren't you supposed to be in the bakery?"

"I figured I have Josiah to take care of that, and I hired another one last Friday. Remember Chris? The boy who had heterochromia? One green eye, one blue?"

"Oh, that boy!" Chris was originally from Two but he decided to move here for a fresh start. He's taller than Peeta, has dark hair, too so he blended in just right. In some ways, he's like the amalgamation of all the things I loved about my hunting partner and my partner. I wouldn't trade Peeta for him, though.

We head back home after that and rest, Annie and her son take a nap in the guest room. My mom cleans the house even if it's almost spotless. She wouldn't back down. Maybe I got my stubbornness from her.

At dinner we tell each other stories again, and in the middle of our conversation Finn yelled "Mama!" which all got our attention.

"Yes, dear?" Annie says.

"Where's Chuck?" the boy asks.

"Oh, he's at home remember?"

"Who's Chuck?" I ask to no one in particular, and surprisingly Finn answers me.

"It's our dog. He's huuuuuuge!" he exclaims, extending his arms to show us just how big the said dog is. "And black and brown. He likes to swim. He swims with me in the ocean and when I throw a stick, he gets it. I like playing with Chuck. I hope he doesn't go away."

His last statement silences us, because he's already afraid of someone he loves leaving him at such a young age. I'm reminded again of the reasons why I won't ever have a child. And I'm afraid if we ever get to that point in our relationship, I won't be able to say no to Peeta.

It's my mom who finally speaks, "He's not going anywhere just yet, Finn."

The little boy nods and yawns. "I'm sleepy," he says. Annie takes him into her arms and excuses themselves. The three of us watch as she sways her little carbon copy of her husband to sleep.