Chapter Seven
Later that evening Smitty waited for Maria downstairs while she fetched a shawl. He still had the letter in his pocket. He was being honest when he expressed excitement over it, but he did think he may have over sold it. The truth, he realized, was that he had mixed emotions.
This step toward self reliance signaled the beginning of something, the beginning of what he was not sure. He was relieved to finally put down a rudder and sail toward something he could call his own, instead of drifting aimlessly. To that end, he was happy. He was tired of feeling so helpless.
The problem, he told himself, is that in order for a new journey to start, the old one has to end.
Maria finally appeared, having chosen to change clothes altogether. As he watched her practically glide down the stairs, he could feel his heart skip a beat. She wore a new dress, or at least one he hadn't seen her wear before. It flattered her slim figure, the color of her eyes, her beautifully slender neck and smooth white skin. She was breathtaking. He still marveled that she would bother to be seen anywhere with him.
"What's the matter?" she asked him when he failed to speak.
"Nothing is the matter," he managed to say. "You look so lovely I lost my power of speech." He winced as the words left his mouth. Flirting would not make matters easier.
"Thank you, Smitty," she beamed. She spun around to be sure she earned his approval.
They made their way down the winding lane that eventually turned onto the main road to town. They found a comfortable pace together and walked in silence. He offered his arm instead of waiting for her to take it like she usually did. She gave him a smile and found the place beside him that she claimed as her own that first day they met.
"I like when you take the initiative," she said, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze. "I suppose I am not patient enough to let you sometimes." He nodded absently. He seemed to be miles away. Perhaps he was trying to remember, she thought. It was something that always put him in an oddly low mood, one that usually followed a high. "Smitty, Where are you?"
"Forgive me," he said sheepishly. "What were you saying?"
"Nothing of importance," she answered with a sigh. "You wandered pretty far. You used to be quiet all the time, but never with me. You could always speak to me."
"And now, when everything seems to be falling into place, I can't seem to find words. I wonder what it means. I'm sure Dr. Kimmel would have something to say about it." He gave a humorless laugh.
"I'm afraid you're talking in riddles," she answered, slightly confused. "I only wondered if maybe you were remembering something. Like you said, everything else is falling into place. Perhaps it is now only a matter of time."
"Wouldn't that be something?" he chuckled.
"Sometimes I forget about… that," she mused. "You've learn to cope very well. No one would know that you can't remember anything about yourself."
"Thanks to you, Maria," he answered softly, almost sadly. Suddenly, his humor picked up and he took the hand that was nestled in the crook of his arm. "Tonight, we will forget all that business and have fun." It seemed to pacify Maria for the rest of the walk.
The local public house was crowded with regulars, but as soon as they walked through the door, the proprietor greeted them warmly as though he knew they were coming and ushered them to a small table. He was a giant of a man, and every part of him seemed to be round. They thought he was a very likeable fellow.
"Welcome," he greeted them loudly. "It's a pleasure to have you here, Fraulein, an honor to be sure!" Maria shot Smitty a puzzled look.
"I'm not sure I understand…"
"We do not get many celebrities. You are Herr Weiss' friend, the singer, are you not?"
"I'll admit to being a singer, not a celebrity…" she muttered with a frown. Smitty was enjoying the exchange, especially how it made her blush. Her eyes flashed at him when she saw his amusement at her expense.
"You should know that my friend here is a published composer. In fact, we're here to celebrate him, not me," she said with a look of impish satisfaction.
"Is that so? What a lucky night for me," the owner bellowed. "Tonight you will let me feed you. I insist. Please enjoy." He quickly disappeared.
"You are a clever girl." Smitty narrowed his eyes playfully.
"You were laughing at me," she answered defensively. "Besides, I told the truth. I'm proud of your accomplishment. What have I done that is so special?" Smitty sat back and pondered her question. He softened.
"What you've done can't be expressed with words, Angelika. You and I both know that my accomplishment is as much yours as it is mine." Maria was touched by his words, but shook her head.
"You just needed a chance, Smitty."
"I needed you." Maria opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't. They stared at each other until Smitty finally cleared his throat and changed the subject. "You failed to mention that you were becoming famous, my dear."
"Herr Weiss isn't very discreet when he exaggerates," Maria moaned as she rolled her eyes.
"He's going to be very disappointed to hear that you wish to stop," Smitty said. "I rather hope you will keep at it."
"But I don't want to," she reasoned. "I told you, I don't like going away. I'm very content without it."
"Don't you have fun?"
"Well, I suppose I do but that's not the point. "
"Maria, I want you to have fun," Smitty leaned towards her and became very serious. "You should be enjoying yourself, meeting people, and doing all the things you dare to dream. It's right there, ready for you to take it. Why don't you? I would hate for you to have regret, Maria. You mustn't let any feeling of duty to me deprive you of these opportunities." His tone became urgent and it caught her by surprise.
"If I wasn't so determined to enjoy myself this evening, I'd think you want to get rid of me." Maria spoke in jest, but her face showed her hurt. He remained silent, wishing he could make her understand. She finally looked into his face. "Smitty, please say something. At least tell me I'm wrong."
Before he could, waiters appeared at their table with dinner. They gave their compliments and words of appreciation at each dish set before them, and then they were left alone. They began to eat in silence.
"Maria," Smitty said gently. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I only want you to be happy."
"You don't seem to understand what makes me happy," she replied. "I thought I knew, but now I'm not sure. This whole conversation has me completely confused." Smitty felt his heart sink.
"Forgive me," he begged. "I promised we'd only have fun tonight, but I've gone and made a mess of it. Can we start over?" He watched her shoulders relax. She wiped her eyes quickly and tried to smile. "Good. Maria, you do look lovely tonight."
"Thank you," she nodded sweetly. They resumed their meal, finding things to talk about that were safe and pleasant. As they finished, Smitty noticed the owner whispering about them to the other patrons.
"I don't wish to bring it up, but I have a strong feeling you are about to be asked to sing for our supper," he whispered across to Maria. Her brow tightened and she turned to see people staring. Sure enough, the owner finally approached them.
"Would you please honor us, Fraulein?" A look of panic crossed her face and she looked at Smitty for help. He wiped his mouth with the napkin, stood up and extended his hand to her.
"I'll join you," he said, leading her toward a piano. She sighed, realizing she had very little choice. A small applause broke out as everyone realized they were about to be entertained. Maria clutched her hands together as she leaned and whispered in Smitty's ear.
"I'm afraid I don't know any pub songs," she said, nervously. "I hope you have an idea." Smitty nodded reassuringly and began to play something she had sung to him during one of her many private concerts with Herr Weiss. She took a deep breath and gave the crowd a shy smile.
I hear music when I look at you,
A beautiful theme of ev'ry dream I ever knew.
Down deep in my heart, I hear it play,
I feel it start then melt away.
I hear music when I touch your hand,
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land,
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
Is this the day?
I alone have heard this lovely strain,
I alone have heard this glad refrain,
Must it be forever in side of me?
Why can't I let it go?
Why can't I let you know?
Why can't I let you know the song my heart would sing?
That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring,
The music is sweet the words are true,
The song is you.*
The audience was appreciative and showed it with eager applause. Maria bowed quickly and waited for Smitty to stand so they could quickly retreat back to their table. He didn't move, only looked at her with awe and affection. She was caught in his stare and felt heat rising in her face. She finally forced herself to look away. Some of the customers were still clapping so she gave another short bow and took a step toward her seat when a voice called to her.
"Fraulein," a young man said as he approached her. "That was beautiful. I don't think I've ever heard anyone sing like that."
"Thank you," she smiled. "I'm very glad you enjoyed it." She was approached after performances quite often and she never got used to it. This gentleman was different, though, simply because he didn't press up to her too close or try too hard.
"My name is Wil Dreschler," he offered politely. "I must say, I lived my whole life in this town. How is it that I have never met you until now?" Maria laughed.
"I've lived in this town for the last three months and I can say the same thing about you," she answered. "I'm Maria." He smiled as he nodded.
"That would explain it," he said. "I've been away. Listen, I don't want to seem too forward but… would you please join me and my friends for a drink?"
"That's very kind of you," she answered sincerely. "But I'm here with someone and we're celebrating, you see…"
"Bring him along and we'll make it a party," the young man interrupted. "Please say yes." By this time Smitty joined the conversation and placed his hand lightly on Maria's back to get her attention.
"Fun, remember?" Maria relented and let Wil lead them to a table of young people. Wil made quick introductions before calling to the bartender for a round of drinks.
"What are we celebrating?" a young woman named Wanda asked.
"Smitty is about to be a published composer," Maria bragged.
"How thrilling!" Wanda said excitedly. "We're celebrating, too. Wil just passed his exams and is going to practice law in Salzburg with his uncle."
"Not for another month," Wil added with a slight strain in his voice. "I have a little more time to play before I truly have to grow up." Smitty noticed him look at Maria as he said it. "So, is that what you do, Maria? Sing?"
"Not really," she replied. "I give music lessons mostly. I really like it."
"She does sing," Smitty interjected. "And she should sing. It would be a tragic waste if she didn't." Maria turned her head sharply at him, a look of dismay on her face. He could feel her eyes on him, but couldn't bring himself to return her gaze.
"Oh, I agree," Wanda nodded. "You are so talented! Just think of all those wonderful concerts and parties… all the interesting people and places. You'd be famous in no time at all, Maria!"
"But that isn't what I want," she explained, more to Smitty than to the others.
"What do you want?" Wil asked in a tone that was earnest, not mocking. Maria appreciated that she might have at least one ally at the table.
"I... well, I don't really know exactly," she said, shaking her head. "But I do know that I don't want to perform like a trained animal night after night. It isn't for me." She paused as she suddenly noticed everyone staring at her strangely. "I guess I sound crazy."
"Not at all," Wil answered sincerely. "I admire you for your confidence. I wish I could be as strong…"
"Here we go," a young man named Hans interrupted, throwing his hands up. "At least your father set high goals and paved a nice road for you, my friend. Perhaps you'd rather he gave you a farm and a cow so you can be like me?" He turned to Maria to explain. "That was my father's great ambition for his only son, you see."
"I am thankful for everything my father has done," Wil admitted. "I just wish I was excited about my future, that's all. Somehow I pictured it very different."
"Is music what you've always wanted to do?" Wanda turned her question to Smitty.
"I think you should use your talents in a way that makes you happy, of course," he stated, avoiding the question. "Still, sometimes you need to follow opportunity. If God closes a door, it is probably because he wants you to go through a window." Maria stared at her hands folded on the table. Smitty could see her start to flush and knew his words hit their mark.
"My father said something like that," Wil laughed. "Only it wasn't quite as poetic."
"Ah! What do I know? Life has a funny way of changing when you least expect it. I guess my best advice is to begin this moment and enjoy it for everything it is worth," he replied with a tired shrug. He stood up and bowed to the rest of the group. "I think I'm going to leave you to finish this party without me. Good night, everyone. It was a great pleasure to meet you."
"Wait for me," Maria started to stand up.
"You don't have to go, too, do you?" Wil pleaded, taking her hand. "Stay a little longer and then I'll see that you get home safely. Please?"
Maria turned toward Smitty who gave her a sad smile. He took her hand and kissed it, and then nodded his wish for her to stay. He held her chair and waited for her to sit back down. She did, but never took her eyes off of him, even as he walked away. He wished he didn't have to be so manipulative, but it was for the best.
Smitty left the noise of the pub and headed home. It was a beautiful evening. The moon was full and everything was clear before him. He decided to take advantage of the moonlight and followed the path toward the mountain trails. He listened to the sound of the village fade and the sounds of nature calling from all around him as he climbed the hills higher. There was a special spot on the mountain that belonged to him and Maria. It was magical in the way it helped him clear his head and feel who he really was.
He thought about the people he had met that evening. They were young and free. They were more like Maria in that way, more than he could ever hope to be. He thought Wil was a nice fellow and he suspected he had a genuine interest in Maria. Even if he didn't, she deserved someone like him, someone who was whole on the inside.
Smitty felt an odd peace and it grew with each step as he made his way to the one place he could finally admit what he knew all along. He had fallen in love with her. This left him with two choices; leave now or stay with her forever. Only one was fair to both of them.
The fresh air and exercise caught up with him and fatigue started to overtake him. He told himself he would simply close his eyes for a few minutes before going home. He just needed to be there for a while so he could be sure of everything and find the courage to follow it through. He settled against a tree, pulled his coat collar up around his neck and fell fast asleep.
A/N: This chapter caused me so much stress. I appreciate all the feedback, so please review.
*"The Song Is You" words by Oscar Hammerstein II and music by Jerome Kern. In my head, it is not the swingin' Frank Sinatra version, though I adore that man…
