A/N: Hey people. Sorry this one's a bit late. I was busy last night. Winner of last week's Question of the Week is Molly. Congrats! New one this week, bottom of the episode. So...I know, these might seem a bit boring to you guys, (and if they're not, then great =) but trust me, it gets waaaaay more interesting. I have 25 whole seasons planned, and since I'm a kid who has no life, I'll probably be able to do them all. =P Anyway, the later seasons are much more action-packed, so stay tuned!

Also, did anyone notice how all three Tanner Girls got 'married' before they were even 14? What's up with that? Steve and Harry both ditched their 'wives' because they're moms were making meatloaf. ? (Like, wut?)

P.S (I don't own nothing)

Season Nine, Episode Seven

High Hopes

AT THE RIDING RING

Danny is watching Michelle ride around on Peppermill.

Michelle stops in front of Danny.

DANNY

Wow, Michelle. You've been riding pretty
hard these days. Do you have a competition coming up?

MICHELLE

Uh...no...I just like riding.

DANNY

Oh. Well, keep up the good work.

Michelle rides off.

Camera cuts over to Jesse, Becky, Nicky, and Alex playing in the dirt next to the riding ring.

JESSE

Hey, Nicky. Come see this.

Nicky comes over to his dad.

JESSE

Do you know what this is?

NICKY

(scared) It's a bug!

JESSE

Yeah. It's a caterpillar. Say hi.

NICKY

Make it go away.

JESSE

Why? Don't you like him?

Nicky shakes his head.

Jesse puts down the caterpillar and picks up a snail.

JESSE

Ooh, look at this.

NICKY

Aahhh!

Nicky gets up and runs off.

JESSE

Uh, wait! Nicky!

Nicky runs over to Alex.

NICKY

Run! Daddy has a bug!

They yell and run away.

Becky comes over to Jesse.

BECKY

What's up with them?

JESSE

Oh, they're just afraid of bugs.

BECKY

Oh, that's silly. Bugs are harmless little-

Jesse hold up a snail.

BECKY

Aah! Get that thing away from me!

Jesse chuckles and shakes his head.

THE NEXT DAY- IN THE KITCHEN

Everyone is eating breakfast, when Michelle comes down the stairs.

JOEY

Hey, Michelle.

Michelle looks around.

MICHELLE

Hey, uh, is dad here?

JESSE

Nope, he's still upstairs getting
ready for work. Why?

MICHELLE

Okay. Here's the thing. I have this riding
competition on Wednesday...

JESSE

Oh, that's great, Michelle.

STEPH

But I thought you told dad you didn't
have any competitions coming up.

MICHELLE

Yeah, well- hey, how did you hear that?

STEPH

I'm a master in the art of eavesdropping.

MICHELLE

Yeah, well, anyway...I don't really want dad to come.

BECKY

What? Why not?

MICHELLE

Well, you know how dad is...he'll bring a video camera,
and you know, embarrass me. This is a really hard
competition. I can't be distracted.

JESSE

Oh Michelle. He's gonna be crushed.
He loves this kind of stuff.

MICHELLE

I know. That's why you can't tell him about it.
And you guys have to promise not to either.

Everyone is silent.

MICHELLE

Please?

JESSE

Alright, Michelle. I won't tell him. But
if he asks, it's my official duty as an uncle
to fill him in, okay?

Everyone else nods.

MICHELLE

Thanks, guys.

Danny comes downstairs.

Everyone is quiet.

DANNY

Hey everyone.

Everyone mumbles hello.

Danny sits down.

DANNY

So...how is everyone?

STEPH

Fine.

JOEY

Hm.

DANNY

So...uh...

Joey whistles.

DANNY

Is something going on that I'm not aware of?

JESSE

No, no-

BECKY

Nothing.

STEPH

Everything's normal.

Danny looks confused.

DANNY

Oh, I forgot to tell you, someone else is going
to take Michelle to riding practice on Wednesday.
I have to work late.

MICHELLE

Yes!

DANNY

What's that?

MICHELLE

Oh, uh...nothing. Never mind. So, uh,
you're working all day on Wednesday?

DANNY

Yeah. Why? Is something happening on Wednesday?

MICHELLE

No-

JESSE

Nope. Nothing.

BECKY

Not a thing.

STEPH

Yeah.

DANNY

Okay...

Michelle grins.

THAT AFTERNOON- IN THE AFTERNOON

Nicky and Alex run into the living room, yelling.

ALEX

Stephie! Stephie! Save us!

STEPH

What's wrong?

NICKY

Joey has a bug!

STEPH

So?

Joey comes in with a worm on his hand.

Nicky and Alex scream.

JOEY

Oh come on, guys. It's only an worm. See?

Joey holds up the worm, which makes Nicky and Alex scream.

NICKY

Get rid of it!

STEPH

Why are you so scared of a worm?

ALEX

It's a bug!

STEPH

So?

ALEX

Bugs are scary.

STEPH

No they're not. Look how cure he is.

Stephanie take the bug from Joey, and Nicky and Alex run off screaming.

Stephanie looks at the worm.

JOEY

I wonder what they're so scared of?

STEPH

(sarcastic) Ya think it might be the worm?

Joey nods solemnly.

AT THE RIDING RING

Michelle is brushing her horse, when this girl comes up to her.

MEGAN

(rudely) Oh, hello, Michelle.
What are you doing here?

MICHELLE

I'm practicing for the competition, Megan.

MEGAN

But the competition is for good riders.
Not people like you.

MICHELLE

I'm just as good as you.

MEGAN

Oh, sure you are. We'll just see who's better
at the competition on Wednesday. Whoever loses has to
do the others stable work for a month.

MICHELLE

Fine.

They shake.

Megan twists Michelle's hand.

MICHELLE

Ow!

Megan grins and walks away.

Michelle glares after her.

IN THE LIVING ROOM

Stephanie and Joey come into the living room.

STEPH

I think I have a way of getting Nicky
and Alex not be scared of bugs.

JOEY

How?

STEPH

Watch. Nicky! Alex! Get over here!

The boys don't come.

JOEY

Oh, I'll get them.

Joey leaves to get the boys.

Michelle comes home from riding practice.

STEPH

Hey, Michelle.

MICHELLE

Ow. Hi.

STEPH

What happened to your hand?

MICHELLE

Don't ask.

Joey comes back into the living room, dragging Nicky and Alex behind him.

JOEY

Got them.

STEPH

Oh good. Alright, buys. See this?

Stephanie holds up a jar with a grasshopper inside.

Nicky and Alex try to twist out of Joey's grasp.

JOEY

Not so fast, kiddies.

STEPH

Okay, you see the bug?
He's in a jar. He can't get out.

NICKY

Really?

MICHELLE

Well, unless he turns into a giant mutant grasshopper
covered in green slime. Then he can crush the jar with his
huge claws and come after you.

Nicky and Alex scream and run away.

Stephanie gives Michelle a look.

MICHELLE

What?

Stephanie sighs. Little sisters, right?

WEDNESDAY MORNING- IN THE KITCHEN

The phone rings and Danny runs to answer it.

DANNY

Hello? Yes, Mr. Strowbridge. Really? Oh, yes.
What? That's great! Okay. Alright. Thank you.

Danny hangs up.

DANNY

Good news. I don't have to work late today.
Why don't we all go out to dinner?

Everyone else glances at each other.

JESSE

Uh, no, no-

BECKY

We can't do that-

STEPH

We got stuff-

BECKY

To do. Yeah.

STEPH

Stuff.

Danny stares at them, confused.

DANNY

What stuff?

STEPH

Uh...

BECKY

You know, just stuff-

JOEY

Yeah. Boring errands.

JESSE

Nothing important.

DANNY

Oh. Okay. I guess I'll just make something for dinner-

Jesse jumps up and pulls Danny aside.

JESSE

Uh, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel...Uh, no, you don't have to
make anything...Say. What is something that you've wanted to do for a
long time but couldn't because your annoying family was
always around bugging you?

DANNY

Oh, you guys don't bug me...

JESSE

Don't sweet-talk right now, just answer the question.

DANNY

Uh...well, I've been meaning to clean out
the pantry for a while...

BECKY

Right, right-

STEPH

The pantry.

JOEY

You do that.

JESSE

Uh, no. Don't do that. Something
outside. Out of the house.

BECKY

Oh, right-

JOEY

Of course.

STEPH

Out of the house.

DANNY

(confused) Well...I could sweep the sidewalk...

STEPH

Oh, sure-

BECKY

The sidewalk-

JOEY

Sweep the sidewalk.

JESSE

Uh...preferably something that wouldn't make you
look like a neurotic nutcase to our neighbors.

BECKY

Oh. Of course.

JOEY

Neurotic nutcase...

STEPH

Wouldn't want to do that...

DANNY

Well, uh...I was looking through the paper
this morning, and there's this really good movie...

JESSE

Great! Okay, then. Well, you go see your movie...
maybe two...three, who knows. Stay out as long as you want.
Have some popcorn...a nice big drink...some ice cream maybe...
Have fun. And don't you dare come home early.

BECKY

Yeah. Yeah.

JOEY

See a few flicks...

STEPH

Have some food...

BECKY

And don't come back early.

STEPH

Right.

Danny stares at them.

DANNY

Are you trying to get rid of me?

JESSE

No, no! Of course not!

STEPH

Why would we want to...

JOEY

Why would we do that?

BECKY

Right.

DANNY

Well, I'd much rather spend time with you...

JESSE

Oh, Dan, you already spend far too much
time with us. Have some alone time.

DANNY

Okay. Thanks.

Danny sits down.

Jesse and Michelle share a thumbs-up.

AT THE RIDING RING

Michelle is getting ready for her competition.

Jesse comes up to her.

JESSE

Hey, Michelle. Are you ready?

MICHELLE

I guess so. I practiced all week.
Any sign of dad?

JESSE

Nope.

MICHELLE

I feel so bad for not inviting him.

JESSE

Well why didn't you?

MICHELLE

I told you. I didn't want him to embarrass me-

JESSE

Michelle. I've been living with you almost your
whole life. I practically taught you how to lie. And I have
a feeling that's not the real reason you didn't invite him.

Michelle starts to speak but then-

ANNOUNCER DUDE

All competitors for the junior horseback races please
report to the arena. We will be starting shortly.

MICHELLE

I gotta go.

JESSE

Good luck. Oh, and Michelle?

MICHELLE

Yeah?

JESSE

This time, please don't ride off and get amnesia.

Michelle smiles.

MICHELLE

You got it, dude.

Michelle goes out to the arena, and gets in line with the other riders.

MEGAN

So you decided to compete after all?

MICHELLE

I was always going to.

MEGAN

Well there's no point. I'm going to win.

Michelle shrugs.

Megan scowls and elbows her, which causes half the line of kids to get knocked over.

The instructor comes and the kids straighten up.

INSTRUCTOR

Okay, kids. First is a 200-meter gallop.
Everyone just do your best, okay? And have fun.

The kids go out onto their horses.

Michelle sees her family and waves to them.

Michelle looks around.

MICHELLE

Good. No dad.

ANNOUNCER DUDE

On your marks...Get set...Go!

They gallop.

Everything's going fine until Megan's horse kicks Michelle off her horse.

Michelle falls off and tumbles to the ground.

JESSE

Michelle!

Jesse, Joey, Stephanie, Becky, Nicky, and Alex run into the ring and kneel next to Michelle.

Michelle gets up.

JOEY

Michelle, are you okay?

MICHELLE

Um, yeah. I think I'm fine.

BECKY

Are you sure?

MICHELLE

Yeah...

JESSE

What happened?

MICHELLE

Megan knocked me down on purpose.

JESSE

Which one's Megan?

Michelle looks over her shoulder.

Megan crosses the finish line.

The announcer hands her a trophy and everyone cheers.

Megan gives Michelle a smug smile.

Michelle looks back at Jesse.

JESSE

Oh.

A WHILE LATER- IN THE INSTRUCTOR'S OFFICE

Jesse is pacing around the room while everyone is sitting in chairs.

JESSE

Alright. Let's analyze this situation very carefully.
You knew you had a competition coming up, you didn't
invite your dad, you made us all lie to him, he's probably out right now
in the middle of a well-deserved R-rated movie; he's gonna get a
phone call informing him that his youngest daughter fell off her
horse during a competition, which, by the way, he had no
knowledge of whatsoever; he's gonna rush down here, blow his top,
and then give us all a lecture on responsibility and always
telling the truth. And worst of all, I missed Oprah!

He collapses in a chair.

MICHELLE

Well, I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse- except for the missing
Oprah part, that's not my fault- but maybe he'll be cool about it.

JOEY

Michelle, this is your father we're talking about.
Daniel Earnest Tanner. He is incapable of being cool
about an ant on the kitchen floor, there is no way
he'll be cool about this.

ALEX

(scared) An ant?

JOEY

Yeah, an ant.

ALEX

Ants are scary!

JESSE

Alright, guys. We are going to put an end to this
bug-phobia of yours, if it's the last thing I do. And it
probably will be, if Danny gets here soon. Okay, what is it about
bugs that scare you?

NICKY

They can turn into giant mutant monsters covered
in slime, that will crush us with their giant claws.

Jesse gives them a questioning look, then looks at Michelle.

MICHELLE

Heh heh. Little kids. Where do they get this stuff?

Jesse rolls his eyes.

JESSE

Well, that's not true. Bugs are just little creatures,
like people. They're more scared of use than we are of them.
They're so much tinier than us. And they can be pretty
cool. Let me show you.

Jesse picks up a potato bug. (funny how there's always a bug lying around when they need one, eh?)

NICKY

Aah!

The bug curls up into a ball.

Nicky and Alex look fascinated.

JESSE

See? Isn't he cool? He can turn into a ball.

NICKY

What's his name?

JESSE

Well, he's a potato bug, so let's call him...French Fry.

NICKY

Cool! Can we keep French Fry, daddy?

JESSE

I guess so.

Nicky and Alex take French Fry to Becky.

NICKY

Look mommy. We got a pet.

Becky screams.

BECKY

What is that?!

ALEX

A potato bug. His name's French Fry.

BECKY

Well, can you please get 'French Fry' away from me?

ALEX

But bugs are cool. He can turn into a ball.

Nicky touches French Fry and he turns into a ball.

NICKY

See? Isn't he cute, mommy?

BECKY

(disgusted) Oh, yeah, he's...adorable.

The riding instructor comes out of her office.

INSTRUCTOR

I've called Michelle's father. He said he'll come as
soon as possible. And, just so you know, Megan has been
disqualified from the rest of the competition. Hurting
another rider on purpose is not allowed.

MICHELLE

Yes!

JOEY

Oh, thank you. And, uh...just out of curiosity
...did Mr. Tanner say where he was?

INSTRUCTOR

Well, it was pretty noisy in the background...sounded
like he was watching something. It sounded very interesting.

JESSE

Oh...I hope he gets stuck in traffic.

Suddenly, the door bursts open and an enraged Danny rushes in.

JESSE

Have mercy.

AT HOME IN THE LIVING ROOM- A WHILE LATER

DANNY

I cannot believe you guys! My own
family! My own flesh and blood!

JESSE

Um, well, technically, Danny...I'm
not your flesh and blood...

DANNY

Let me lecture. How could you do this to me? You lied!
You purposely made me leave the house so that you could
sneak out to Michelle's race, which for some reason I was
not invited to, even though I am her father and I should
know about everything that goes on in my daughters'
lives. And then I get a call that Michelle had gotten hurt,
yet again, riding a horse, and that I am required to come
to the ring, right in the middle of the most suspenseful part
of 'Jade', to pick her up. What do you have to say for yourselves?

Danny glares at them, and they are silent.

JESSE

You were watching 'Jade'?

DANNY

Let me try that again. What do
you have to say for yourselves?

MICHELLE

Dad, it's my fault. I'm the one who didn't want
to invite you. I asked everyone to keep it a secret.

Danny turns to Michelle.

DANNY

Michelle, why would you do that?

STEPH

Because you always embarrass her at this kind of stuff.

Danny sighs.

DANNY

Michelle, go to your room.

Michelle leaves.

Danny turns back to everyone else.

DANNY

I am very disappointed in all of you.

The others look at each other.

ALEX

What did I do?

Danny turns to leave.

JESSE

Uh...so, how was the movie?

Danny shoots Jesse a look and goes upstairs.

Michelle is sitting on her bed.

Danny goes into her room.

DANNY

Michelle, listen. I'm sorry if I
embarrass you sometimes, but-

MICHELLE

It's not that.

DANNY

Huh?

MICHELLE

You don't embarrass me. That's not
why I didn't invite you.

DANNY

Then why-

MICHELLE

I wanted you to come...but I'm not as good
as the others. I didn't want you to see me lose.

DANNY

Honey, I don't care about that...

MICHELLE

Yes you do. You always bring a video camera
and cheer and stuff... if I lose you'll have
nothing to cheer for.

Danny sighs.

DANNY

Michelle...I don't cheer you on just so you win.
I just want to encourage you. I honestly don't
care if you win or lose.

MICHELLE

You're just saying that. Who wants their kid to lose?

DANNY

I don't want you to lose...but losing is a part of life.
There's always going to be someone who's better
than you at something.

MICHELLE

So you really don't mind?

DANNY

I really don't.

MICHELLE

Okay. I guess next time I'll invite you.

DANNY

Good. And remember, if you keep trying,
eventually you're gonna catch up to the others.

They hug (obviously =).

Becky runs down the hall, screaming.

Nicky runs after her with French Fry.

BECKY

Get that thing away from me!

Michelle and Danny start snickering.

-END TUNE-


Question of the Week: At what exact time was D.J. born?

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