My Past, Is Haunting Me…

Chapter 7 – Killer Razor Thoughts

You're out all night

How long can I wait

To justify another cold embrace" – Gone – My Darkest Days

A/N: I don't own The Incredibles, neither the song. I only own my Original Characters. Written in Dora's P.O.V! Slight suicidal thougts also.

I layed in my bed. I couldn't even remember, how I got back here. I just couldn't sleep anymore. I was breathless. Tables have turned against me, as I guessed. I wanted to wander off to nowhere. To be forgetten, forever. And don't feel a thing. But I didn't feel any suicide thought. I wouldn't be that stupid. No matter how many time I saw myself next to the bath tub, sitting on my knees, holding a little razer in my fingers thinking of that, how better would be that, if I would just cut my hands, and see all the blood. But whatever I do, I couldn't really die that fast I think. I'm a super. I have two damn power. I can make lightnings, above the sky. And I have visions. I can see things back, and try to understand those.

I saw how weak was my mother at the beginning with her power. And how her first actual force field happened to protect her and dad both, from the gunfire. I was speechless, at that moment, I saw that picture in my head. They didn't know a thing about it turning out this way, at that moment. They just saved each other. I knew that, I need to talk about this with my parents and all the stuff, but at this moment, I just feel that, I would be better off to go and feel a little pain on my own. And the thoughts, travelled back to the razer…

I was thinking, of having a shower. A long one. Where I could think, still. The warm water against my skin, felt so good at that moment. I wished, it could last forever. Washed away all the tear left on my body. Felt a little clean on the outside. I dryied my hair, then I found myself next to the bath tub again. Why would it be that good? I can't just kill myself already, I want answers! I need to have them so bad! I just had to open my little shelf, what was next to the sink, and found the little razor.

I switched it beetwen my figners, while my thoughts played me out. I'm definitly disgusted and all the thing, what is normal to me, but what do I exactly know about being normal?

We act normal, I wanna be normal mom!"

I heard mom's voice in my head shouting it to her mother. I couldn't really see her. I never had a chance to see my grandparents. I wasn't sure in a thing how they relationship went, after they have knew the secret being out. I'm not sure in that either. They don't know about me, perhaps.

I saw blood, on the floor. After all, I did it. I've cutten my hands, now. I throwed to razer into the sink and cleaned up the blood. While covering my left arm.

„What the hell where you think you are doing?!" Mom shouted.

„Quit from it, not big thing." I sighed.

She was angry. I knew it. She threw all the paper I tryied to handle the blood, and looked at my arm. She wasn't happy at all, why would she be? She cares but, she have to care about the truth being out, too.

„Not big? Huh? You self harm yourself!"

She continued shouting for like minutes, until I finally covered my arms, with the blanket, on my bed. I just slipped back to bed, and tryied to not hear her voice. Last thing I wanted to hear, was her, shouting all the stuff's.

„Get out." I breaked the silence.

„You just try to live out everything you haven't, do you?" She asked back.

„You know that I hate you both, now?"

I played it out. And she was speechless. Yes, she has walked out of my room, leaving me on my own to be. It was damn easy, and pretty hard. My heart kept hurting on the inside. When it will all end? I want to feel everything return to the same old days. When I could definitly turn to them with hope, and trust. But it's all gone for now.

Late night, I told everything to Sophie. She was speechless. She couldn't say a thing about it without being noisy, her mother knows it better than us. And she was a supporter. Maybe if I travel back to Cara one day, she can help me in this with pleasure. I just gotta make it sure with Wilbur too. I would tell him, I know the truth, but I wanna know his played part, too.

I looked at my scars. I was kindda sad. This is how my pain is lived out, because of them. Is there any other teen, who cuts herself because of her parents? No, I don't think so. I looked out of the window. And felt the air. Freezing me, and playing with my hair, a little. This all, is a question to me. Why do I live? Is there any biological reason for me, not dying already? I'm daughter of siblings! Who are superheros at the same time… Maybe this is the reason for me, not dying already.

I didn't return to my razor anymore. I threw it out of the window, with my deep dark feelings. I just feel like non waking up. I don't really want to, either. I wanna wander away to neverland this night too. Or I just want a long hug. Either is good with me. But mostly, I want my old life back. I don't want this fact. They won't even talk to be about this either! They better have a good explain to this too…

A/N: This supposed to be the last chapter, but I had another idea to work it out, and also, since Under The Walls has 7 chapter, it wouldn't be fair to stop this at that chapter number too. So I guess, more to come!