Chapter 7: Practice makes perfect
I'm standing in Harry's office fists clenched staring angrily at the wall behind Harry's head. My dad is in here too, and Leah and Sam. I want to punch Sam in the face again. I'm happy to see that his t-shirt is ripped and that he has a red bruise on the side of his face. It's going to be black soon! And he didn't get any marks on me! I guess he just isn't as good as fighter as I am.
"So, what was this about? Boys? Leah?" Harry asks.
I shut my mouth tight. I'm not saying a word! Leah has her mouth in a tight line too, she looks angry and doesn't look at me once. I don't like that. I want her to stand next to me and hold my hand and smile at me. I like it when she smiles at me!
"Well?" My dad demands with that tone I know has everybody listening to him and doing what he tells them. But I won't!
Sam Uley breaks down at once and starts to spill. What a tattletale! He obviously has no honor. He probably hasn't even heard of such a thing as honor. In a fight you don't go blabbering about the fight to others. You settle it by yourself with your mouth or your fists!
"I don't know, Sir! One minute Jake was sitting on the bed, the next he attacked Leah and bit her and then he jumped me. I just tried to defend myself." He is trying to sound grown-up and like a good boy. I hate him! Why is he calling dad Sir? Does he think that my dad will like him more that way?! Does he think that my dad will forget how his dad tried to steal my mom away just because Sam Uley says Sir! "He probably is upset from giving Leah that allergy-attack. He's just a kid and doesn't know better." I wonder how many punches I have time to throw before Harry and dad stops me?
"Jacob? Leah?" Harry asks. "Is this true?" I say nothing, only stare at him. Leah doesn't say anything either. I hopes she hates Sam too for blabbering, just like me.
"Jacob!" Dad orders. "We are trying to solve this. Speak up son!" I won't. They can torture me if they want to, Wolfboy can stand any torture in the world! Wolfboy won't say a word.
"Why don't you explain yourself?" Harry asks eying me concerned. He doesn't look angry. That's good. My dad doesn't look angry either. Just tired. If he is tired he could go to bed and sleep instead of asking me stupid questions.
"We won't get anything out of him when he is in this mood." my dad sighs looking at Harry. "Leah won't say anything either." Harry sighs. "My girl sure can be stubborn!" He chuckles looking at his daughter. "Not as stubborn as my boy!" dad laughs. And soon they both are cracking up. I don't find anything funny, but from the corner of my eye I see the stupid troll smiling to, but he doesn't look too pleased. I know that smile. Its a fake smile used when you want someone to like you. It's of no use ugly troll, nobody will ever like you, so you can stop smiling!
"Here's the hand kiddo, let's shake and be friends again." he puts his hand in front of em. Kiddo?!! Friends?! Again?! I never was and never will be his friend. Wolfboy isn't friends with trolls. I grit my teeth and turn my head away.
"Jacob! You should apologize for your behavior! And accept Sam's hand, he is being very mature about this" my dad orders. I clench my jaw shut tight. I'm never going to apologize to that troll!
"Well Sam, it was nice of you to visit my daughter." Harry says shaking Sam's hand when he realizes that I won't take Sam's hand. Then Sam shakes my dads hand too. I don't want my dad to shake a trolls hand. Nobody should shake Sam's hand ever.
"Bye Leah!" the troll calls out before he leaves.
"I'm going to my room!" Leah mutters and stomps out of the room without looking at me. Why won't she look at me?! Is she angry with me? Why?!
When Leah leaves my dad turns to look at me. "Jacob! You better explain yourself!"
I shake my head.
"What is this about biting Leah?" he asks frowning.
Now I'm furious. "I didn't bite. I KISSED her!" I yell.
Harry's eyebrows fly up and dad chuckles.
"You kissed my girl?!" Harry asks his tone very stern now. He sounds like my principal does when he is sending me to detention for fighting.
"Sam Uley tried to poison Leah with chocolate so she would fall asleep for a hundred years. That's why I kissed her to save her life so she would wake up again." I tell Harry making sure that he will know what that Uley really is about. "Sam wanted to steal Leah away to his cave and keep her captured there. He is a troll, just like his father!" I add looking at my dad so he will understand how Sam is a woman-stealer just like his dad.
"Sam Uley is a troll trying to steal my daughter?" Harry asks shoulders shaking, face red.
"Yes!" Of this I'm absolutely certain!
Harry turns to look at my dad: "Maybe the time has come for us to start worrying about trolls stealing our daughters away." he sighs. "They grow up so fast!"
Dad sighs too. "I wish they could stay little girls forever."
Now they lost me. I don't know what they are talking about at all, so I sigh too out of boredom.
"Well Jake, I appreciate you trying to save my girl, but please don't bite her ever again!" Harry smiles towards me. "Keep your teeth in your mouth!"
"Maybe you should watch some of the films yours sisters like for advice, so you won't bite girls in the future!" Dad adds.
I don't get it. I heard our neighbor old Mrs Woods whispering with some other lady at the store that her granddaughter was madly in love and her boyfriend had given her lovebites everywhere. Am I not supposed to use my teeth and bite when I kiss? Isn't that what you do when you are in madly in love? Because I want Leah to be madly in love with me! Just like Mrs Woods granddaughter is madly in love with her boyfriend.
"And next time you want to kiss a girl you have to ask her first, and make sure she wants to be kissed!" Dad says.
Ask Leah... Didn't Leah want to be kissed? Is this why she is angry? Didn't she like it?
When I step out of the office I hear a booming laughter erupt. They are probably telling each other jokes again.
Seth comes running up to me as I start to leave. "Jake! Is it true that Sam tried to poison Leah with bad chocolate?" he asks.
Of course it is! It's great he has been eavesdropping...
"You have to promise to never leave Sam and Leah alone, and you have to make sure Leah hears everything bad about Sam you can find out!" I tell him. "You have to protect Leah from Sam. He is an evil troll!"
"I will!" Seth promises.
I shake his hand at our agreement. I have to remember to let Seth play with me, Embry and Quil more often! He is a good little boy and my allie in the war against the troll.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I sit at home pondering if it can be true that Leah didn't like the kiss, when I hear my sisters enter.
"How could you bite her like that? You're such a fool!" The screaming starts the minute they lay eyes on me. "It was probably the worst day of Leah's life having you attacking her."
I hate them! My sisters are the most evil sisters in the world! I run to my room and lock the door.
"Lee hates you now Jake! She thinks your disgusting!" I press my hands over my ears so I don't hear the evil witches words. I'm not going to cry!
I will make her like me again! I will show her that I'm a good kisser. I will practice until I'm the best!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When my sisters leave the next day to go over to see Leah, I quickly run into their room and get what I need. It is the film I hate; Romeo and Juliet.
How can my sisters like this? They speak strangely in the film, I don't understand anything. Does Leah want me to speak like that? I hope not. But then comes the interesting part... I now know what to do! I have to look at Leah through a fish tank and then we can kiss in an elevator. I know there is a fish tank at that restaurant we used to go to with mom in Port Angeles. And there is an elevator in Forks when you go to the dentist. We can go to the restaurant first and look at each other through the glass and then we can take the elevator up to the dentist.
I rewind to the kiss scene, I study it several times. It looks like Leonardo doesn't use his teeth. Maybe my dad and Harry were right? I'm not going to use my teeth either if girls don't like that. Maybe it's just Mrs Woods granddaughter who is a freak wanting lovebiting? She always wears turtlenecks too, even in the summer. Maybe I should go and tell her boyfriend that a kiss doesn't mean that you should bite and then show him this film too. Then nobody would laugh at him either. It's not nice when someone laughs at you.
Now I need to practice. I crawl under my bed and get Wolfress; my gray cuddly-wolf. Wolfress lives under my bed, because I'm not a baby and I don't need cuddly toys, but sometimes I let Wolfress sleep in my bed because otherwise Wolfress will be very sad and her heart will hurt, especially on the nights when Wolfress misses my mom. But I don't let anybody see that. I pretended that I've thrown Wolfress away. Wolfress misses my mom a lot. I take Wolfress in my arms and look at her snout. "Lee" I say to my cuddly-toy. "Can I kiss you?" I ask just like dad said that I always should ask before kissing. I make Wolfress nod her head. Then I put my mouth to her muzzle and kiss just like Leonardo di Caprio kissed Juliet. I get fur in my mouth. It tickles. I practice for a long time. I'm glad Leah doesn't have fur, because I have fur all over my face now and Wolfress muzzle is slobbery and wet.
"Jacob! What on earth are you doing!?" Why are my sisters back?! I dart into my room locking the door.
"Rach, I think Jake is a pervert!" I hear Rebecca whispering. I don't know what a pervert is, but it doesn't sound like a good thing to be. But then again if it is something I am then it must be pretty cool to be that.
"Jacob!" Rachel is banging on my door now. I won't let her in. I hide Wolfress under my bed in the den I've made for her of my baby-blanket and mom's pillow and climb out through my window. I don't want to listen to my sisters yelling and whining. I want to practice more!
I run over to Embry's. He is sitting at the kitchen table drawing. He still has his left hand cupped over his cheek. It must be a really bad tooth-ache.
Oh! That's a good thing! Then I could make Leah come with me and Embry to the dentist office and then we will be in an elevator. I know now that an elevator is the place where girls will want to be kissed. But first we should be peering at each other through a fish tank. Maybe I can take one of the fish we are going to catch this weekend on the fishing trip and put in a glass bowl?
"Are you going to the dentist soon?" I ask Embry.
He looks at me confused. "Dentist? I'm not going to the dentist."
He is probably afraid of the dentist. I'm not. I always get a sticker and I never have any holes in my teeth either. "You don't have to be afraid Embry, you should go soon so the toothache goes away" I tell him.
He looks like a question mark. "I don't have a toothache."
He hasn't? Maybe he has been bitten by a mosquito and he wants to hide the mark?
"Why do you have your hand on your cheek then?" I demand.
Now he is blushing. Well, he should, because it looks stupid walking around with a hand on your cheek like that.
"I...I...the angel touched me." What angel? Is he still going on about that made up angel of his?
"Did the angel leave a mark? Is that why you have your hand there?" I go closer in case he has been touched by an angel for real and there would be a glittering mark on his cheek. But why would an angel choose to touch Embry of all people? Why not me?! If I was an angel going around touching people I would choose to touch me!
"It's an invisible mark, I have my hand there so the feeling of the angel's kiss won't ever disappear." He says eyes glittering. Is he about to cry? It looks like that. Embry is weird because he cries when he is sad, he cries when he is happy. He always cries. On his birthday last year he had tears in his eyes when we sang happy birthday to him and he got his presents. He got a bunny-rabbit. Embry said 'I love you Mr Pebbles' to the rabbit with tears in his eyes and 'I'm so happy mom. It's the best present ever!' and then tears were rolling down his cheeks. I guess he can't help it, but it means I have to fight a lot in school so nobody will pick on him for his girly behavior.
But this angel story is stupid! Its obvious he has made the whole thing up. He probably believes it himself. Maybe it has been that old Sunday school teacher who has brainwashed Embry with talk of angels. Poor Embry always believes what everybody tells him. But don't worry, I will cure him. But right now I have more important things to deal with.
"Embry. You have to practice kissing with me!" I tell him.
He looks at me horrified. "I...I have to?" he stutters.
"Yes!" I tell him. "Friends help each other."
"O..Oh, okay..." he looks nervous and uncomfortable, like he doesn't want to help me. I always help him and now he doesn't want to help me?
Then he closes his eyes and puckers his lips. Embry sure is weird. Like I would practice kissing on him. Ew!
"No! You are going to look when I kiss and then you tell me if it looks like when Romeo kisses Juliet." I inform him.
He looks relieved and lets out a long sigh. "Who are you going to kiss?" he asks. Why, Leah of course, but right now I'll kiss on something else. "That cushion" I say taking one from the sofa.
"Who is Romeo?" he asks. Oh no! He hasn't seen it! And the film is still at home where my evil sisters lurk and wait to trap me and torture me. I need to change my plan.
"Do you have a love film?" I ask him. "A really good one, where there is a kiss?"
I'm glad Quil isn't here because he would laugh if I ask something like this, but Embry doesn't laugh. He looks joyful and instantly runs grabbing a film. "This is wonderful!" he gasps clutching a film to his chest just like it is a football and he is running for a touch-down "Its my favorite!" he beams, pressing the film into my hands, looking at me expectantly.
I look at it and read Lady and the Tramp. Is he serious!? He wants me to watch a baby film? I give him my most skeptical look so that he will know how disappointed I am in his taste of films. He blushes. That's good. I'm embarrassed for him liking films like that.
"I like when they are at a restaurant and the Tramp gives Lady his meatball and then they eat on the same spaghetti and they kiss when their mouths touch, and they blush. They are in love." he stutters looking at me pleadingly.
I sigh. Poor Embry will never get a girl, that's obvious. But if this is the best film he got I guess we have to watch the film and then I can show my kissing technique to Embry and he will say if it is better than the Tramps.
I'm surprised. The film is awesome.
Wolfboy brings Princess Layla to the backdoor of the restaurant and barks. Then his friend Embry comes and sets him a nice table and looks at his beautiful princess. Princess Layla won't be hidden in the back alley like Lady all shy and blushing. No! Princess Layla will bite Embry's partner Quil in the leg for bringing them bones instead of bringing "Embry's special" and Wolfboy's friend Embry will laugh and bring them the good food. And then Wolfboy will give Princess Layla the last meatball with his nose and they will eat on the same spaghetti and when their mouths touch princess Layla won't turn her head away shyly, but kiss Wolfboy back and then they will kiss and kiss and kiss. And then Embry and Quil will sing a love song. Wolfboy and Princess Layla will look at each other through a fish tank and take the elevator to the dentists and then they will get married and have puppies. And the two evil Siamese cats Rachel and Rebecca are sent to the dogpound.
"Embry, do you know how to cook spaghetti?" I ask him.
He nods his head. "You put water in a saucepan and the spaghettis in the water for ten minutes."
I don't need to know how to do it, I just need to know that he knows. "Do you know how to make meatballs?"
"No" he says not taking his eyes off the screen.
"You have to make your mom teach you. You have to know how to make meatballs the Friday after this." I tell him.
He turns to look at me.
"I'm going to invite Leah for dinner and you will serve us spaghetti and meatballs and then you and Quil come and sing that song for us. OK?" He doesn't say anything, just bites his lip. "Otherwise Leah will never forgive me and like me again. And you want me and Leah to be friends again, right?" I ask him.
"Yes, okay" he agrees. Good!
Now I only have to go and tell Quil that he has to learn how to play the mandolin! Soon Leah is going to love me again!
