A/N: Happy Tuesday everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend and a good start to your week! So here is the first half of the birthday party. You'll see what exactly happened between Emily and Alison before Emily stormed off and headed to the kissing rock. As always, thanks so much for the support with this fic. It means a lot. Happy reading and I'll see you at the bottom!
"Em, can you please try to control your drinking today?" Alison asked hesitantly. Emily had been drinking far more heavily as the months had gone on and she was already rummaging through the liquor cabinet at 11 a.m. She would often leave after school and head straight for the bar, some nights not coming home until 10 or 11 p.m. Alison began to grow concerned because she would stumble through the door and barely be able to make it upstairs, but would still be able to wake up and go to work the following day. That was her routine at least three of the five work days. The weekends seemed to be a free for all for the brunette. She would usually sleep in and make her way downstairs to play with Jessica for a little while after the tiny brunette had her breakfast. Nine times out of ten, Emily would make her first drink once Alison took Jessica to put her down for her nap. She would usually have two to three more drinks throughout the day, but once Jessica was down for the night, she would usually double her alcohol consumption. She would be too drunk to make it to the bar, so she would stay home and drink the night away, instead.
It was only when she was that drunk would she show Alison any sort of affection. Emily had always been a bit hands-y when she was drunk, but after Pam had passed away, Emily had stopped showing any sort of love or affection towards the blonde. It was like Emily needed to feel numb to even think about Alison in that way. It made Alison feel awful, but deep down inside, she knew Emily was hurting. At first, she would usually try to distract Emily when she got so touchy feely, but flashbacks from Elliott at the end would often cloud her mind and she didn't want Emily to turn into him. Emily had been the complete opposite of Elliott when they first started dating, and Alison had fallen in love with the brunette because of that. Now, however, she was afraid that Emily was going to turn into him. So she eventually started giving in to what Emily wanted, but the brunette would roll over with her back facing Alison afterwards. It was during those times that Alison flashed back to that night. That night that brought her beloved baby girl into this world. Alison told herself in her mind that she allowed Emily to do this, so it was different than with Elliott. It was the only way that Alison could get through it and face her life at the moment. There was no intimacy between them and there hadn't been for months. At first, it was because of Alison's depression. But Alison was doing well now because she had found a medication that worked for her, along with counseling. She just wished that her Emily would come back to her.
"What are you saying, Ali?" Emily spit out her nickname, dripping with sarcasm.
Alison rolled her eyes. She wasn't in the mood for Emily's bullshit. She just wanted to get through the day and everything to go smoothly. "I'm just saying, can you wait until everyone leaves before you get wasted today?"
Emily dropped her jaw in disbelief. "What does that mean?"
"I just want everything to go smoothly today. All our friends and family will be here, so can you please just stay sober? I would ask for me, but I'm not sure how much weight that holds with you anymore, so I'm asking for your daughter. Please, Em."
Emily stared down at the floor, her fists clenched at her sides and her nostrils flaring in anger. Alison could see the flush in her cheeks and could hear her breathing heavily through her nose. "Not ALL our family is going to be here, Ali! BOTH my parents are dead! They will never see their granddaughter grow up!" Emily felt the hot tears beginning to form behind her eyes. She willed with everything in her power not to let them fall, not in front of Alison at least. She was so fed up with everything in her life, she just wanted the pain to go away.
Alison took a breath to try and calm herself before stepping closer to Emily. She mentally slapped herself for bringing this topic up, but she figured that the brunette would have been greeting the first of their guests drunk if she didn't. She hesitantly reached forward, but stopped when she noticed Emily lean away from her. Inside, her heart was breaking at what they had become, but she needed to stay strong. "I know this is hard, but you have to move on. You have Jessica and myself here for you. Right in front of you." Alison's face was soft, almost pleading as she spoke. She regretted pushing Emily and she knew the brunette was on the verge of flying off the handle. He was hoping that she could bring her back and they would be able to fake their way through this day as a happy couple.
Emily's eyes shot up and her eyes met Alison's for the first time in what seemed like months. They were almost black with rage. "I don't have my mom here because of you! She could have come out of that coma! She could have been here!" The words flew out of her mouth so fast she couldn't stop them if she tried. Not that she wanted to. She had so much emotion pent up inside her towards Alison that it felt good to let it all out. She didn't even care what effect those words had on her girlfriend. She wanted Alison to be hurting as much as she was.
Alison took a step back in shock at Emily's words. She knew Emily had some pent up rage, but this was the first time that Emily flat out blamed Alison for Pam's passing. "Em, the doctors said she had too much brain damage and the chances of her waking up were incredibly small."
"But there was hope! There was still a chance! But I couldn't be there for her and still take care of you and Jessica! If only you could have taken care of yourself!" Emily was seeing nothing but red now and the words that had been floating around in her head were finally out in the open. Emily thought that it would help to get them out there, but her pain didn't lessen even the tiniest bit.
Emily's words cut through Alison's heart like a butcher knife. She had allowed Elliott to physically hurt her, but she never loved him, so his words never hurt her. At least, not compared to the hurt that Emily's words had caused her. She felt tears prickling the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let Emily see the pain she was in. She did that with Elliott and he just laughed in her face. The effects of Emily doing that would be far more severe to the blonde. So she clenched her jaw and stared at the shell of the woman that she loved. "If just looking at me makes you so angry, you can leave!" Alison didn't mean those words, but she needed to do something drastic to make Emily see how out of control she was. She never in a million years thought that Emily would leave them. Leave her family. Her Emily wouldn't have, but apparently this one would, because she slammed the door to the liquor cabinet and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door on the way. Alison breathed five deep breaths, desperately trying to ebb the flow of tears that threatened to fall, as she continued setting up for her guests.
XXXXX
"You sure everything is ok with Em?" Spencer asked quietly as she sidled up next to Alison to help her with the cake.
"Yeah, I told you. She just had to run for some ice," Alison answered without looking at the taller brunette.
Spencer gave her a questioning look. "Ali, the party's been going on for over an hour. How long does it take to get ice?"
Alison sighed heavily as she turned to Spencer. She knew Spencer was too smart to believe her. She lived right next door to the couple and Alison knew Spencer suspected something was going on with Emily. She's sure Spencer had seen the tanned brunette stumble through the door before. "We got into a fight this morning. She stormed off."
Spencer's eyes went wide. "Do you know where she went?"
"No, she won't answer my calls or my texts." Alison looked up at the ceiling and let out a huff, blinking away the tears that were yet again threatening to make their way down her cheeks.
Spencer put a hand on Alison's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Alison, what's been going on with her lately?" Spencer knew that something was up with Emily lately. Most night when she got home from working late, Emily's car wouldn't be in the driveway. It wasn't until she would go to bed when she would look out of the kitchen window and see that Emily had gotten home. Ever since Pam passed away, Emily hadn't been the same. She refused to talk about it and would get mad if anyone brought it up.
Alison was really not in the mood to get into it with Spencer right now. She looked up at her with pleading eyes. "Not now, Spence, please?"
Just then, they heard the screeching of tires and a loud crash coming from the front of the house. Both Alison and Spencer's heads shot up in the direction of the noise. Before she could even process, Alison's feet were flying across the hardwood and through the front door. She was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight on the front lawn. Emily's car was halfway on the grass and their mailbox was broken into several pieces underneath it. Emily was struggling to get out of the driver's seat.
"Emily!" Alison yelled out as she ran towards the brunette, fear taking over as she remembered how lifeless Emily had looked in the car after Elliott had hit them. "Em! Are you okay?" Alison asked as she made it to the driver's side just as Emily had finally figured out the door handle and fell out onto the grass. Alison quickly helped Emily to her feet, but Emily shook her off once she regained her balance.
"I'm fine, Alison," Emily spat as she drunkenly stumbled towards the backyard where the party was.
It was in that moment that Alison noticed the crowd that had formed because of the commotion. Alison felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment and she quickly caught up to Emily and grabbed her elbow to try and steer here away from the party before she could make ever more of a scene. As she went to grab Emily, Emily quickly turned on her and stared her down. Alison didn't back down. She clenched her jaw tight as she spoke. "Emily, go inside, now, you need to lie down. You smell like a distillery."
Emily crossed her arms across her chest. She was swaying slightly on her feet due to the alcohol she had consumed at the bar. She would have consumed more if they hadn't have kicked her out. "It's my daughter's birthday, I'm going to go enjoy the party."
"Em-" Emily had turned to leave, but Alison had grabbed her by the shoulder to try and spin her around. Emily, fed up with everything, swung her hand around with her and caught Alison in the cheek with the back of her hand. Alison yelped out in pain as she stumbled to the ground. She could hear a collective gasp from the crowd of people watching the train wreck that was their relationship. Spencer rushed to Alison's side, asking if she was ok. "I'm fine, Spence," Alison said while getting back to her feet. She looked at Emily, who she could tell hadn't meant to hit her, but stood there swaying on her feet none-the-less. "You know, Emily. You had me fooled. You convinced me that I was a good person. You convinced me that I could move on from my past. You convinced me that I deserved love and that I deserved better than Elliott. I guess the joke's on me, because apparently all I'll ever deserve is someone who drinks their days away and takes their shit out on me! The difference between you and Elliott, though? I gave you my heart to protect, I didn't give it to Elliott. I guess I should have kept it though, because you just shattered it into a million pieces. I'm sure your parents are so proud of what their daughter has become. I have my daughter to think about now. And if you keep this up, I will take her from you and you will never see her again!" Alison turned on her heel and headed inside. Spencer gave one final look to the brunette before following after Alison to make sure she was ok.
Alison's eyes shot open as she tried to steady her breathing in the dark. A layer of sweat coated her body, causing her night clothes and hair to stick to her, making her sweat even more. She had this dream, well, more of a flashback, at least once a month, but with Emily back now, Alison had experienced it every night since her return. She looked at the clock and noticed that it was a little after four thirty in the morning. Today was Saturday and she had told Emily that she could come and see Jessica today. Groaning, Alison got out of bed and stripped the soaking, sweaty sheets before stripping her own clothes and throwing them into the laundry basket. She headed into the bathroom and turned the taps on as hot as she could tolerate. She stepped inside the shower and hissed as the scalding hot water cascaded over her skin. She placed her palms flat against the shower wall and dropped her head on her shoulders, feeling the hot water melt away the tension from her dream. Once she was washed up, she quickly dried off and put clothes on before putting new sheets on her bed. Once that was complete, she headed downstairs to make herself some coffee and throw her dirty sheets and clothes into the washing machine.
By the time she was settled into the kitchen table with her cup of coffee, it was almost five thirty, which meant she still had over an hour until Jessica would be waking up. Alison was thankful for that, because she needed to sort through her feelings before Emily came over today. IF she's still coming today, Alison thought to herself. She hated that she had to live the past eight months without Emily. She hated that she had been forced to raise Jessica as a single parent. But that was what life had given her at the moment. She was proud of how far she had come and she knew that her mother would be proud of her, also. That thought brought a slow smile to Alison's face as she sat back and enjoyed her coffee.
~XXXXX~
A few hours later, Alison was on the floor playing with Jessica when she heard the doorbell ring. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was 10:00 am. She hadn't really given Emily a specific time to come over, but she was surprised that she was there so early. Suddenly, her mouth went dry and her nerves began to take over at the thought of sharing a space with the brunette for possibly the next three hours. She slowly got up off the floor and headed into the foyer. She took a deep breath before reaching her hand out and turning the doorknob slowly.
Emily stood on the other side of the door, holding a single rose and a small toy for Jessica. "Hi…" she breathed out when Alison finally opened the door. The site of the blonde took Emily's breath away. She was just in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but she looked absolutely stunning as her blue eyes glistened and her blonde hair fell around her shoulders in gentle waves. Emily always loved how Alison always seemed to look incredible, even when she wasn't trying. She held out the rose. "This is for you," she said shyly.
Alison gave Emily a small smile. "Thanks. Um, come in," she said as she stepped aside and allowed Emily to enter the home that they once shared.
"I'm sorry if this is early, you just didn't give me a time and I have missed Jessica so much. I couldn't wait to see her. Or you," Emily ranted as she made her way further inside the home. It smelled of Alison one hundred percent and it made Emily's heart ache for the blonde.
Alison cleared her throat, trying her best to avoid responding to the end of Emily's rant. "It's fine, Jessica is in the living room playing. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."
Emily's face dropped at Alison's words. She had hoped that Alison would at least sit with them, but she knew that Alison wasn't going to forgive her easily, if at all. Just have faith, Emily said to herself. "Ok," Emily said weakly as she watched Alison head in the opposite direction towards the kitchen. She blew out a breath and headed into the living room. Her face immediately lit up though when she took in her daughter playing on the floor. "Hi baby girl!" Emily said as she entered the room.
Jessica immediately turned her head and got to her feet, reaching her arms out for Emily. "Momma! Momma!" She shouted as she toddled over to Emily.
Emily quickly kneeled down to her level and pulled the little girl in for a hug, holding her close as if this was the last time she would ever hug her again. Her eyes began to water as she turned her head into the little girl's neck and inhaling deeply, trying to memorize the smell of her. Once the little girl began to squirm, Emily pulled back and handed the small toy doll over to Jessica. "I got this for you, sweetie," Emily said as she ran her fingers through Jessica's soft, dark curls.
"Dollie!" Jessica squealed as she took the doll from Emily. "Pway wit me?" Jessica said as she pulled Emily over to the rest of her toys.
"Of course!" Emily laughed as she sat down on the ground across from the little girl.
Alison stood in the doorway to the kitchen, undetected by Emily or Jessica as she wiped the tears that had escaped down her face at watching the scene before her. Even though Emily wasn't her biological parent, Jessica and she shared a special bond that was just as close as biological parents and children share. Emily had been there from the very beginning and had basically been her main caregiver for the first eight or so months of her life while Alison struggled with her depression. Alison always carried around guilt for not bonding with Jessica as much as she should have at that time, but she was grateful that Emily was able to spend that time with her daughter. Watching Emily interact and play with Jessica only confirmed how much love Emily held for the tiny brunette.
She watched as Emily threw her head back in a laugh as Jessica crawled on top of her and tickled her and she had a flashback to that day at the Brew before their first date in Philly. Alison had a bout of morning sickness the day before, so she missed their morning coffee date. It was that morning that had really taken their relationship beyond the walls of Rosewood High. Sure, they were already planning on seeing each other that night, but that morning that they shared in the Brew, was a morning that Alison would never forget.
They stayed like that for the next 2 hours, talking and laughing with each other, each enjoying another beverage; Emily's treat this time. Everything felt so easy between the two of them. Alison loved how beautiful Emily was when she laughed. Her laugh and smile were just so infectious, it could brighten an entire room. She decided right then and there that she was going to make it her mission to make sure that she makes Emily laugh every day, much like the brunette had made her laugh all those weeks ago when she really needed it.
Closing her eyes at the memory, she savored the sound of Emily's laugh as it floated through the living room and into the kitchen. Alison's ears hadn't heard that sweet sound since the morning of Jessica's adoption. It was in that moment, that Alison realized how far she had veered away from her mission. Her heart longed to hear Emily laugh like that again and again, but her head was telling her to keep her distance to keep her heart safe from any more hurt. Sighing, she pushed off the doorframe and headed back into the kitchen and through to the laundry room to pull the clothes and sheets from this morning out of the dryer. She was folding them on the kitchen table when Emily came hesitantly into the room with Jessica on her hip.
"Sorry to interrupt, but this little girl is hungry," Emily said as she tried to avoid eye contact with Alison.
"Oh, ok, just give me a sec and I can make her something," Alison said as she put the sheet she was folding down onto the table and began making her way towards the fridge.
Emily finally looked up and made eye contact with those blue eyes that she saw every time she closed her own. "Do you mind if I make it?" she asked hesitantly.
Alison stopped her movements and turned slowly towards Emily. She could see the pleading look in Emily's eyes as she waited for Alison's answer. "Sure," she shrugged before finishing folding up the sheet. Emily made her way towards the fridge as Alison through the clothes into the basket and headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedroom. She took her time putting the clothing away and by the time she came back down to the kitchen, Jessica was in her high chair enjoying her lunch of a cheese stick, deli style ham, a sliced apple and some baby cut carrots. One thing Alison couldn't deny to herself was how great of a mother Emily was. But Alison never doubted that for a second. She knew that from the moment they became an official couple that Emily was going to be the best mother that she could be to that little girl.
After about ten minutes, Jessica had finished all the food on her plate and was rubbing at her tired eyes. "Do you mind if I put her down?" Emily asked again, the pleading evident in her voice.
Alison sighed again. It had been strange having Emily in the house that morning and she wanted to just be alone with the thoughts that were swirling around in her head, but she always had trouble saying no to Emily. Her big doe eyes were always Alison's weakness. "You can put her down for her nap. Come here baby girl." Alison walked over to the high chair and pulled Jessica out. Emily had walked over to the sink to grab a wash cloth to wipe her hands and face down. When she was done, Emily took Jessica from Alison's arms and gave her a grateful smile. Alison cleaned up the high chair and sat with her thoughts for a few minutes before Emily returned to the kitchen.
"You have a picture of me next to her crib?" Alison was pulled from her thoughts by Emily's voice coming back into the room. Alison looked up and saw a sad smile on Emily's face, along with unshed tears in her eyes.
"She says goodnight to you every night." Alison was trying to be as nonchalant as possible. This was quickly turning into a far deeper conversation than she wanted to have right now.
Emily tried to hold in the sob that was desperately trying to escape, but it was no use. It came out as a strangled cry and tears began to flood her cheeks at Alison's admission. Her heart was breaking all over again at knowing that her daughter still thought of her every day and at the fact that Alison allowed her to say goodnight, even though Emily was no longer around. "I'm so sorry, Alison. Please, you have to believe me," Emily cried as she got down on her knees in front of Alison.
Alison clenched her jaw. "Emily, I'm not doing this with you right now."
"Please, Ali, can we just talk?" Emily's voice was ragged from her sobs.
Emily watched as Alison's eyes instantly turned cold. "You had eight months to talk to me!" Alison could feel herself quickly losing control, so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath to center herself. When she opened them back up, she was met with the most heartbreaking expression on Emily's face that she had ever seen. Her heart told her to wrap her arms around her and tell her everything would be ok, but her head was telling her that Emily needed to leave. And, just like back in high school, Alison allowed her head to guide her instead of her heart. "Thank you for coming by and spending time with Jessica, but she is napping now and it's time for you to leave."
Emily's heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces at hearing Alison's words. She gave the blonde a barely audible "thank you" before getting up and leaving the blonde behind. Emily was grateful for being able to spend some time with Jessica, but she wished that she could have spent some time with Alison, too. She knew that winning Alison back wasn't going to be easy, but she wished that Alison wouldn't be so cold towards her. Not that I can blame her, Emily muttered as she headed back towards Hanna and Caleb's loft.
XXXXX
Three and a half hours later, Alison found herself wandering the streets of downtown Rosewood. She needed to get out of the house after this morning, so she called Spencer and asked if she could come over and watch Jessica for a few hours. Spencer graciously accepted and Alison headed out into the crisp mid-winter's night. She was lost in her thoughts when she felt someone bump her in the shoulder. "I'm so sorry," she said as she turned around to look at who she had bumped into.
"No, it was my fault," the tall, Hispanic man said.
Something about him looked incredibly familiar to Alison. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"You look familiar to me," he said. "I'm Lorenzo, Lorenzo Calderon."
Suddenly, it all flashed back in Alison's mind. He was the officer that responded the afternoon of the crash. He was the one that was able to get her on the ambulance to be with Emily. "You," she said. When Lorenzo gave her a look of total confusion, she explained further. "You were at the accident about a year and a half ago. My girlfriend and I were involved in a car accident. I was about eight months pregnant."
Realization washed over Lorenzo's face. "Yes of course! The one who refused to not go on the ambulance," he laughed. Alison felt herself laugh along with him. "I told the paramedic that you wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. How are you doing, since the accident?"
Alison gave him a smile. "Good, myself and my daughter were fine, stayed in the hospital overnight, but released the next day."
"And your girlfriend? I remember she was pretty beat up."
Alison's face contorted as she thought of the best way to answer that question. "Yeah, she needed shoulder surgery, but she's ok."
Lorenzo saw the look of sadness flash through Alison's eyes. "But…" he drew out, trying to draw more information out of Alison.
"It's complicated, right now," she said with a frown.
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said as she placed both hands into the back pockets of his jeans. When Alison didn't respond, he continued. "Look, I was about to go grab something to eat at the Grille, do you want to join me?"
Alison bit the inside of her cheek as she thought of what her answer should be. It's just food, right? She realized then that she was pretty hungry. "Sure," she said with a small smile as they turned around and headed towards the Grille.
XXXXX
It was a little after five and Emily needed to get out of the house. She had told Hanna everything that had happened that morning and now, Emily just needed a break. She was so upset when she left Alison's house that she had cried to the blonde for twenty five minutes before she was calm enough to explain what happened.
"She didn't want anything to do with me, Han! She hates me!" Emily hiccupped into Hanna's shoulder.
"She doesn't hate you," Hanna tried to reassure the brunette. "She's just upset and needs some time," she said while rubbing soothing circles on Emily's back.
"You didn't see the look in her eyes!" Emily cried.
"Everything is going to be okay, Em."
Hanna continued to hold her until she drifted off to sleep on the couch. She woke up about an hour ago, and her mind was racing with thoughts of Alison. She decided that she needed to clear her head, so she was walking the streets of downtown, trying to enjoy being back in the small town. She was walking aimlessly, looking through the windows of the shops that she passed by. Suddenly, she was stopped dead in her tracks by a flash of blonde hair. She was walking past the Grille and saw Alison sitting with a man that she had never seen before eating dinner together. Emily's already broken heart shattered further when she saw Alison throw her head back in a laugh. Even though Emily couldn't hear it, she knew exactly what that laugh sounded like. Her world had centered on that laugh at one point in time. It was a laugh that Emily hadn't heard in over a year, and she missed it so much. How had her life come to this? How could she have fucked up this badly, to have lost the one true love of her life? She sadly smiled to herself as she watched Alison. The blonde looked happy. Emily hadn't seen a genuine smile on Alison's lips since the day Jessica was born. Maybe you guys aren't meant to be together. You were never good enough for her, that's why you left her without even saying 'goodbye'. Who leaves their daughter for eight months without any sort of contact? Emily's thoughts were quickly turning dark and the urge to drink herself into oblivion was becoming unbearable. She pulled her jacket tighter around her torso and headed off to the establishment that she hadn't stepped foot in since Jessica's birthday party.
A/N 2: So, there it is. I hope my teasers of the party was worth it? I do have one more scene I plan to add in down the line, so there will be one more part of the day you haven't seen yet that will come along. What did you guys think? Do you think Emily is going to relapse? What did you think of Alison's reaction to Emily being over? Please, sound off, I love hearing your thoughts on the chapter. I told you this week was going to be emotional! Good news is, I have this week's and next week's chapters completely edited and ready to go, so you'll get another update on Friday and again on Tuesday and Friday of next week, so at least I won't be leaving you hanging for too long with the angst. Have a great week and I'll see you all on Friday!
