Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.
A/N: This story contains mature themes and language. If you think that the material is offensive then feel free to leave. This is a product of my wild imagination and I am in no way familiar with infidelity. That being said, I will not accept offensive reviews towards me or my story. Consider yourselves warned.
A/N: All the pics are on my tumblr blog natalievampgirl dot tumblr dot com. And on my Facebook Group under NatalieVampGirl!
Living in Sin – Chapter 6
Broken
~O~
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
~O~
Lifehouse - Broken
Previously…
Tanya and Edward were fighting about me?
"What do you mean they were fighting about me?"
I couldn't tell if this was bad or good but it definitely was something.
Yes Tanya knew all about me but to fight over it with Edward?
"Oh yeah, I was shocked. I run into her at the local shop, and she was blabbing on and on about you. 'Bella, Bella, Bella, it's always about her isn't it, enough already, when is it going to start being all about me?'. That's all I heard but she was livid." She nodded.
All about me?
All about me?
"Thanks Jess, really." I managed to whisper and quickly hugged her before running out of the store, present in hand.
And suddenly, it wasn't that bad anymore.
Maybe, just maybe there still was hope for us.
~O~
Bella POV
Forks, July 2006
No matter how much I texted him he never replied. Jessica's words still rang in my ears though I wasn't so sure if believing her was the right thing to do. Surely she had no reason to lie to me but I had to talk to Edward first. I didn't expect him to flat out tell me the truth but I could at least see his reaction.
The day of the wedding I was a nervous wreck. It wasn't just the fact that he was getting married – I kinda tried to block that thought until the very last minute – but for the fact that things would forever change, either for the great or the worst.
I wanted to see the Cullens again but, of course, under other circumstances. I wanted to ask Victoria to accompany me to the wedding but that was impossible, it was bad enough that I had an invitation.
The dreaded moment finally arrived and my knees felt weak as I tried to balance myself in those deathtraps.
This is it, Bella.
The moment of truth.
~O~
The last time I had been to this house it reminded me of old times. When I used to hang out with Alice and Edward. Have sleepovers and study sessions. It was full of memories of us. Edward and me. Our best years were clear to my memory; the house, these walls, the rooms, the scent.
But now, now it was so different that if I hadn't walked through that very same door as I had done so many times before I wouldn't believe the sight before my eyes.
The house was bursting with life. People everywhere, flowers everywhere, waiters were caring platters with champagne and soft music was playing from the live band in the corner. The garden was magnificent, as it always had been this time of the year. Full blossomed flowers and cool breeze caring their scent around the air.
The front door had been wide open, with someone – probably from the wedding planning company since as far I know the Cullens never had a butler – that asked for their invitations and anything they wanted to put in storage.
No one had seen me enter.
I looked at the people around me, apart from a few familiar faces - distant relatives - I knew no one.
Everyone was gathered in the garden and as I passed the main house which was almost empty, I heard Esme's voice as she gave some last minute instructions to the catering people.
But like a coward, I quickly walked outside.
Rosalie's flawless green gown and killer looks were easy to spot, and just as she looked at me, a hand touched my shoulder.
"Bella."
Like sweet honey and summer flowers, Esme's presence was like a slap in my face. All the memories rushed back in. Christmases and holidays, summers and late nights. She had been the mother figure I never had. She and Carlisle had been the only parental figure I had, the only happy couple that was just as in love as the first day they met. Carlisle was a prominent doctor and women fought for his affections even now but he only had eyes for Esme. And she was the classical type of a doctor's wife but in addition she was Forks' own version of mother Teresa. She had the entire town eating out of the palm or her hand. Everyone loved her.
And now, now she was celebrating the wedding of her son.
The same wedding that she and I had talked about in the past.
Another slap in my face.
So much hurt.
So many people I had let down.
"Esme." I wanted to cry, curl into a tiny ball and sob like a baby. She was my mother, the closest I had to one. She had been there for me on my highest and lowest.
"Oh my pretty girl. It's good to see you."
Hidden words were behind the ones she spoke, where have you been, look at all this mess, why Bella. But the only thing I could do was throw myself at her always awaiting arms and inhale deeply.
Help me. I wanted to say.
Don't let him do this, help me stop it. Please, I'm dying inside.
Her arms tightened around me and her hand patted my back. "You are so brave for coming here today. This day – I had another dream in my mind for this day, Bella. I would have been giving you your something borrowed upstairs and we would make fun of Edward and his nervous ticks. But he's happy, dear girl. I never thought I would see it after you left but he's smiling, and he's happy." She whispered in my ear, sadness filling her voice.
Edward's wedding day was a source of pure sadness.
What have I done?
My hands shook as I released her.
The realization hitting me hard. He was going through with it. He was marrying another woman.
Every instinct in me was telling me to leave, run and never look back but that was what got us here in the first place, I wasn't going to run. Never again.
"I have to find Edward."
Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, probably to stop me but I didn't give her a chance. Instead, I turned away from her, my eyes scanning the whole place.
It wasn't really that hard to find him, he was after all the center of attention. Surrounded by people, congratulating him on his upcoming nuptials, and Emmett by his side, grinning.
My heart broke a little more. He was dashing, glowing and he had a huge smile on his face. The same one that turned into a frown when he looked at me.
Oh the joy…
I was ready to walk up to him and talk to him when a voice interrupted me.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please take your sits, it's time for the ceremony. Thank you."
A woman, the wedding planner, informed us and chaos ensured all around me, people were moving, trying to find their sits and my eyes were locked with Edward's. A cold feeling spread through me and my hands felt icy.
This was it.
And I didn't even have the chance to talk to him.
No, this couldn't be it, it couldn't.
I pleaded him with my eyes, to give me a moment, just a moment.
Like he could read my mind, he shook his head and let Emmett drag him to take his place.
And I was left alone, in the middle on the entry, surrounded by the beautiful scenery, if my feelings could project to those around me, I was sure the flowers would die from the misery and the pain.
I couldn't move my feet, nor did I want to.
Why would I want to watch him get married? To twist the knife in my heart? To torture myself a little more? The kill whatever was still left inside me to kill?
Pain engulfed me, my ears were buzzing, my lips were dry and my throat was burning. A sinking feeling started at the pit of my stomach and my knees were about to give the weight of the pain I felt.
No.
Please.
No.
No.
Edward.
No.
The wedding march started and my knees finally gave in. Grabbing a nearby tree, I supported my weight.
No.
I shook my head as if the music would stop, as if time would stop and she wouldn't reach him.
Please don't.
Edward.
My mind screamed, it screamed louder than ever, a desperate cry for help.
Was this what dying felt like?
When the spirit died and the body remained, a shell of a person, with nothing left anymore.
Her steps were slowly but confidently making their way to him and I stood there, behind the lined up chairs and the happy families, watching the nightmare unfold before my eyes.
A few more steps and her hand was placed in his.
He grabbed it steadily and smiled at her. Her own smile was beaming at him, her eyes covered with tears.
But mine weren't coming out. My eyes were dry, so dry that it almost hurt to blink. I had nothing more to give, no more cries and no more screams. Nothing. I was drained of any feeling and incapable of reacting.
Besides, what could I possible do?
Run to him and plead him to stop? To give me another chance?
I did that before and it got me nowhere, ruining his wedding would be the final straw. I would lose him forever.
So I just stood there and died a little bit more with every word that was spoken.
And when he finally said it, loud and clear, it knocked the breath right out of me. It killed me.
"I do."
~O~
The meadow was warm from the sunlight that bathed it during the day but I couldn't feel it, it felt cold and ghostly.
Unlike those flowers back at the mansion, these right here felt dead, like they could feel the pain, like all the memories that we had from this place had bled out and killed every living part of it.
I curled in a ball and tears started running down my cheeks. Drop by drop, soundless in the beginning. My head felt dizzy and my lungs burned.
Drop by drop my cries turned to sobs. Bottomless sobs that rocked through me and echoed all around the clearing.
I was truly alone. In the middle of the clearing, crying out.
The sight was burnt into my memory, every time I blink I saw her, in her wedding gown, lilies clutched tightly in her hands. She was beautiful, happiness radiating off of her. It made her glow. And he was fucking beaming.
Hours went by and after I had nothing more to cry, my sobs turned to scream. Agony pouring out of me, hurt, pain, and bitterness.
I ruined it. I had ruined everything.
The night engulfed me and the sun broke out again. I didn't move. There wasn't a place in this world that I wanted to be except from with Edward, I wanted to be with him. Every cell of my being was screaming that I wanted only him.
My rented car was still on the Cullen's parking lot, especially made for the wedding.
I didn't even remember walking to the meadow but somehow I did, and now, I didn't want to go back.
I wanted to stay here, forever. In this place. I could see us sitting here and there, after school, on the weekends, the place was almost echoing with our laughter, the sound of our kisses, the happy sighs and the hush whispered words between us.
The day slowly came to an end and again, I didn't move.
Maybe it was the shock or maybe I was delaying the inevitable.
Darkness fell around me again and I felt empty, the hours were passing me by faster than I wanted.
I wanted the time to freeze. I wanted to stay in this place forever, I wanted to stay here and live through the memories.
Reality was too painful to deal with.
~O~
The warm sun woke me from my slumber; I willed my aching limbs to move and slowly opened my eyes.
I felt drained but I knew I had to move. Charlie must be going crazy with worry.
Walking back was harder than I remembered, taking off my heels, I walked slowly the familiar path.
Charlie's cruiser was parked outside and the house was full with people.
Charlie, with dark circles under his eyes, Sue, Victoria, Esmee and Carlisle, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and to my surprise even Rosalie.
"Bella!"
Several sets of arms were instantly wrapped around me and they all started asking questions.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"We were worried sick!"
"Are you okay, kiddo?"
"Oh dear."
"Seriously, going MIA on us, Bella?"
"Rose!"
They all released me and I had to swallow to talk, my mouth felt like a sponge.
"I'm fine." I doubted that they actually heard me.
Someone helped me sit down, my bones cracking in the process, and a bowl of soup was placed in front of me, garlic bread and a big glass of water.
"We found your car in the morning Bella. We thought that something happened." Esme's voice was filled with anguish.
"I'm outta here, she's fine." Rosalie threw me a pointed look and stood up to leave, grabbing Emmett, phone already in hand.
I frowned, she wasn't calling him, was she?
Emmett placed a soft kiss on my forehead and whispered in my ear, "He's been worried sick, Bella."
And they were out.
~O~
After they all chastised me, they slowly left, leaving only Sue with Charlie and Victoria.
"You diva, do you have any idea the chaos that ensured after they found your car? Charlie was going crazy and the Cullens? Girl, that family adores you, I swear if I didn't know better I would guess that they adopted you or something. And Edward? I doubt that bitch troll is having a good time while on the honeymoon." Vicky was gesturing with her hands wildly and her head bobbing, eyes wide.
"Are you okay?" She asked in a much softer tone.
She had been through hell herself, she could understand what I had gone through, and what was yet to come.
I shrugged, "I don't know, I just feel numb."
"You'll feel better when Edward returns and well you know the rest." She winked.
My eyebrows frowned.
"Come on, when you wake up I'll explain everything but for now all you need to know is that what you were afraid of, unfortunately happened. The wedding knocked some sense into him and the whole MIA thing, it scared the crap out of him! He sounded miserable and he was going out of his mind, Bella."
"Wait, you talked to him?"
"He called me to ask about you, blondie was keeping him informed and she kinda likes you so yeah, he knew what was going on. The guy was ready to blow off the bride and come look for you."
"He would have known where to find me." I murmured.
"Of course he would. Now sleep, you look like shit, no offence. I break it down for you later." She smiled, "You might get your happily ever after, after all."
And with that, I fell asleep, Edward's face coming to mind.
~O~
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