Chapter 7
ANNND here you go! I promised I would put out the next two chapters quickly and I have kept my promise. I won't always do two at a time but we needed to get these four over with. I think this will finally finish setting up for the rest of the story and we're going to get to some GOOOOOD stuff soon (not that this isn't good. It surely is!)
-A couple of things I forgot: Keeping up with tradition I gave Lumiere and Babette(also known as Plumette) a french accent and no one else. It's written into his dialogue and can be interesting to read. It really helps to distinguish him from Cogsworth without having to constantly say who was talking at that point.
-Adam gives pet names. He calls Elizabeth 'Mon Soleil' which is basically calling her 'My sun'. Hopefully you weren't confused in the last couple of chapters. He calls Rosamund his 'Rosebud' and Isabelle 'Beasty'. It is just a quirk I really feel like Adam would have.
-I am not Catholic. I only have a basic knowledge of the religion but I really felt like Adam would have some sort of faith in God. He is a prince of France, after all. If I misrepresented the religion I apologize. It was not meant to be an insult but a compliment.
-These next two chapters do touch on the issue of rape. If that is triggering for you I hope you wouldn't become too upset. No explicit details but I felt it was important to address the issue of consent in marriages. Especially marriages in this time period. Many would have danced on the line of consent and I wanted to showcase how sensitive Adam is to the topic. I also wanted to touch on the issue in the nobility of this time period as it would have been rampant in some cases of the higher class men. It's a hot button topic but that is also part of good writing, giving characters a lot of hard topics to work with. Adam has more then his fair share.
-I LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVDDDDDDDDDD all the reviews. You don't even know. I opened my email at the gym and saw four and started clapping I was so happy. The guy on the treadmill next to me thought I was really weird. PLEASE continue to review. Even just a few sentences sends my heart fluttering!
"Prayer of St. Francis" Sarah McLachlan ( I realize this is the actual Prayer of St. Francis but I loved how Sarah put it to music. It's beautiful)
Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive-
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen
There was no sleep to be had for the remainder of that night. The next morning Adam finally drug himself out of the study and stumbled his way into his bedroom where his valet was waiting for him. He called for a bath and sat in the water until his skin lost its color and everything started to get cold around him. He scrubbed and mumbled to himself and threw bars of soap at the wall. He even began to wonder if this has where his father's madness had started.
Several times Cogsworth and Lumiere had tried to come and speak with him but he had claimed he was not decent enough for conversation, which was true. If he refused to get dressed they could not possibly insist on discussing matters of state with his manhood staring them down.
Then again, this was Lumiere...
He felt a deep numbness settle in and did not know which was worse, that or the ever increasing guilt. By lunchtime he had thoroughly convinced himself of his villainy. Her tears, the way her body had curved in on itself in shame, the way she had tried to push him away were all signs of his repugnant behavior. Never mind that she had come to him or that she had seemed so eager at the time. He must have missed something in his haste. Something that told him where his error had occurred and he could not decipher where the line was drawn between coupling and rape. He had taken advantage of her somehow and she had suffered for his stupid, thoughtless mistake.
Finally allowing himself to be dressed in as comfortable clothing as he possessed he quietly made his way to the chapel, taking the longer route to avoid anyone who might distract him from his purpose.
When he reached the gilded room he stopped at the nave and gazed inside, hoping that no one else would be there to witness his guilt.
Surveying the room, he came to the confessional box but was loath to go inside. It was confining and entirely too small for his large frame and it made the animal instinct inside him nervous and jittery.
It also didn't help that he had not come to confession in years.
Finally, blowing out a large breath of resentment, he opened the door and stepped inside, releasing the latch on the window.
The window opposite also opened but Adam did not turn his head to gaze at the man sitting opposite.
"Forgive me Father, for I am sin."
His words were so quiet that Father Donovan had to take a moment to process what his Prince had just uttered.
"You are sin? Or you have sinned?"
"Both"
"My my, I did not realize I would be hearing the confession of the Prince of Darkness today. I would have worn the better robes."
"Do not mock me today, Father."
The sound in Adam's voice was enough to gain all of Father Donovan's attention.
"It was meant only in jest, Your Highness. You could not possibly be the incarnation of sin. You may have piled up a few, as we all do, in your absence from confession. But I doubt you are so far gone as all that."
"Your words of comfort are wasted on me. I am in turmoil and in need of guidance."
"Clearly nothing less would have driven you to my humble doors."
"Father, is it possible to have done something terrible without realizing you were doing it, until it was done?"
"Yes, I believe we often find ourselves sinning even without our total awareness, though we must still take responsibility."
"Even when there was no ill intent involved?"
"Our intentions do not always align with God's will. We must remove our intentions and desires so that we may better serve his purposes."
Adam finally looked up into the old priest's eyes. "How can you believe that after all we have been through? Was living ten years as an alter ornament not enough to convince you of God's disdain for us? Or was that also part of His will?"
"Are you harboring resentment towards God's will or towards yourself when you say such things?"
"Again, I say both! We have witnessed the darkest side of this world. Magic that could not be undone by your prayers and piety! Can you still preach of God's will when there is such powerful evil in this world that neither you nor I can deny?"
"I can and I do. Who are we to question what His will is for us? We are alive to this day and miracles have been wrought in your stead! Who are you to question otherwise when you and I both know of such goodness in this world?"
"What goodness?!"
"Belle!"
They stared at one another through the slatted window of the confessional box as Adam gulped for air in the confining space. The name echoed in his mind and he gazed at his priest in misery.
Father Donovan did not mean to be cruel but he would not stand for his Prince to question his own faith and not utilize every tool available to him.
"And no amount of raging and canceling celebrations in her honor will change that. How you dare try and erase her and in the same breath claim God's mercy does not work in your stead?"
Breaking eye contact Adam swallowed and turned his face away, sufficiently humbled. "You are right."
With a sigh to control his righteous indignation, Father Donovan also turned his face away from the man swimming in his own agony beside him. "What is your confession, my son?"
"I think I may have done something terrible."
"Tell me your sins."
And without any fight left in him, Adam told his priest everything. The anger and resentment he felt coming back to La Chateau de la Rose, his nightmares, his longing for Belle to this very moment, the fight in the sitting room, and everything that had happened the previous night. Adam did not flinch or shy away from any detail trying to purge his soul of what had happened between himself and Elizabeth. When he had talked himself into silence he wrung his hands and sat churning in his own emotions feeling as if he had vomited out the contents of his stomach and still felt ill afterwards.
Father Donavan was at a loss of words for the situation. He gazed at the prince, remembering all the forms this man had taken to get him to this point. A petulant boy, a hulking beast, and now a lost young man.
"You must go to your wife now and make reconciliation. That is your penance."
"How can I do this when I must have wronged her so?"
"You have come to seek God's forgiveness, now you must seek hers as well. Go to the garden, cut the freshest roses that have bloomed, take them to her and accept whatever punishment she sees fit."
"And this will be fixed?"
"It is as good of a place to start as any."
"I do love her, Father... I did not mean to hurt anyone."
"Then accept that there is more happening in your favor then we can see with our own eyes. God has a purpose for you yet, Adam. He has not forgotten your pain or your sacrifices. Make things right with your wife."
Adam nodded, completed his confession and trotted out of the chapel as fast as his feet could carry him still feeling drawn and anxious but hopeful nonetheless.
