A/N- Sadly, this is the last ever chapter of Theatrics of Thunderclan, but I'll be continuing with my other fics. You'll be glad to know I've now officially finished school until September! So I'll have tons more time to write! Hooray! Sorry for not updating this in a while, um, lack of inspiration... sorry...

Disclaimer- Warriors? Nuh uh. Just messing with their minds, man...

Thunderclan Do a Bunch of Commercials

&

The Clans Film Festival

The curtains raised to reveal Leafpool standing centre-stage.

"We now present a group of several commercials for your entertainment, followed by an awards ceremony for our actors and crew members from our past few weeks' productions."

There were several groans, with a smattering of applause and a few wolf-whistles. Leafpool glared at the offending cats as she walked off-stage.

--

Three cats padded onto the stage. They were Greystripe, Firestar, and Cloudtail. All three were wearing lederhosen.

"If you're out hunting,

And you want a treat,

Just remember all good warriors,

Eat squirrel meat!"

"It's delicious!" added Greystripe, dancing a hoedown.

An angry Squirrelflight marched on-stage and dragged the three toms off by their tails.

Shrieking was heard for the next ten minutes.

--

Next onto the stage was Sandstorm, her sandy fur cropped short. She stood in the middle of the stage, stretching.

"See how my fur is lush and vibrant? That's because I use Paw-10 Pro-Me. Because I'm worth it…"

The audience seating was nearly flooded with drool from the toms, and the she-cats began slapping their mates, and checking their handbags to see how much shampoo they could buy with their savings.

--

Next we saw Spiderleg, holding a fluorescent orange water pistol, come on from stage right. From the other side, various other Thunderclan cats entered, ketchup dripping from their mouths, acting as zombies.

Spiderleg began to shoot the 'zombies' with his water pistol, and they keeled over, or continued to shuffle towards him, moaning "Braaaaiiiinssss…….".

From the front right side of the stage, Cinderpaw held up a large rectangle of white card, on which was scrawled the words,

"Not actual game footage."

Which was replaced by a sign saying,

"Resident Evil- The Kitty Chronicles, coming soon. For Warriors only."

All the kits and apprentices in the audience groaned, and began to beg their parents to buy it.

"But I waaaaaant it!"

"Can I have it for Chwistmas? Pwetty Pwease?"

"It's my birthday soon! I'll be a year old!"

"But I'm almost a warrior! Honest!"

--

"And now for the awards!" announced Leafpool, back on-stage. "Welcome, toms, she-cats and kits, to the Clans Film Festival!"

There were cheers and rounds of applause, and Brambleclaw joined the medicine cat on the stage, holding a microphone and wearing a black tie.

"And the first award is for Best Tom Lead. The nominations are…

Jaypaw, for his role as Frodo in The Lord of the Rings,

Birchfall, for his role as Luke Skywalker in Star Wars,

Spiderleg, for his role as Harry Potter,

and Lionpaw, for his role as Simba in The Lion King."

There was a drum role from Foxkit, behind the curtains, and spotlights circled around the stage.

"And the winner is… Spiderleg, for Harry Potter, in particular for his attempts to defy gravity! Roll the clip!"

A screen was lowered at the back of the stage and a clip was played.

--

"So all I've got to do is fly around and grab the big chunky key?"

"That's right," replied Sorreltail, as Hermione.

"And make sure Squirrelflight doesn't throw the key in my face again…" muttered Spiderleg, under his breath.

As Spiderleg jumped onto the broomstick, Stormfur winched it up on the rope from above and the black tom rose shakily into the air.

When he was a couple of foxlengths up, Squirrelflight and Leafpool began to lob keys at him from either side, just offstage.

One hit him in the eye, and he went,

"Ah!"

One hit him (pointy end first) on his butt and he went,

"AHHH!" and jumped off the broomstick.

Onto air.

As I'm sure all of you out there, reading this, will know, it is impossible to stand on air. Obeying the laws of gravity, Spiderleg dropped back onto the harder, more solid, surface, of the stage.

"Stupid flying keys!"

--

"And now, the award for Best She-cat Lead," meowed Leafpool. "The nominations are…

Sorreltail, for her role as Hermionie in Harry Potter,

Sandstorm, for her role as Princess Leia in Star Wars,

Squirrelflight, for her role as Elizabeth in Pirates of the Caribbean,

and Whitewing, for her role as Galadriel in Lord of the Rings.

And the winner is… Sandstorm, for Princess Leia. Roll clip!"

--

The curtain drew back and the brand new lights that Hollypaw had 'acquired' (EspeonSilverfire2 Big Kitty Lighting Equipment® PO BOX 666, I Luv Firestar Road, Kittypetville, MiddleOfNowhere) shone onto Sandstorm, centre stage, as she slotted Jaypaw's Self-help CD into Berrypaw's R2D2 costume.

"Ouch!" meowed Berrypaw, "That poked me in the eye!"

"Berrypaw!" muttered Sandstorm, "R2D2 doesn't speak."

"Beep," mumbled Berrypaw mutinously.

--

There were yet more rounds of applause, and then Brambleclaw spoke again.

"The next category is for Best Lighting. The nominations are…

Indiana Jones,

Back to the Future,

The Lion King,

Harry Potter.

And the winner is… Back to the Future! Roll clip!"

--

"No! The cable!"

The cable slipped and fell down, catching on his leg. He carefully reached down and grabbed it, desperate to make the connection. He tugged, but it was snagged.

"Stupid trees!"

He yanked hard on it and it came unstuck. But it had pulled it out from the connection further down.

"Foxdung!" he spat, and connected the cables, before jumping down to the ground below.

Just in time, he managed to redo the connection, and there was a brilliant flash of light.

"There, is that better? The lights around your dressing room mirror bright enough for you now?"

"Yes, fine thanks," replied Squirrelflight. Stormfur sighed.

--

Leafpool then meowed,

"The next award is Best Director. The nominees are…

Greystripe & Leafpool, for Harry Potter,

Leafpool, for Star Wars,

Leafpool & Cinderpaw, for Lord of the Rings,

and Leafpool yet again, for Back to the Future.

And the winner is… Greystripe & Leafpool! Hooray for me! Thank you so much! I'd just like to say thank you to my family, my friends, and especially all the other medicine cats out there…"

Leafpool received a nudge in the ribs from Brambleclaw, who then hastily meowed,

"Roll clip!"

--

"Aha! The great Harry Potty!"

"For the last time, Ashfur, it's Harry Potter!" corrected Firestar, dressed up in his Ron Weasley costume. Greystripe and Leafpool, the directors, nodded.

"That's it!" shrieked Squirrelflight from onstage, "I've had it! Nobody can get anything right and I'm sick of it! I'm off to my nest…"

She burst out sobbing in the middle of the stage. Sorreltail led her off and Firestar walked over to Greystripe, concerned. Leafpool was staring after her sister, her ears twitching. Finally, she gave a sigh of relief, and relaxed.

"It's just PMT," she meowed, calmed, "Nothing to worry about."

The medicine cat padded off, to sort out the new snow machine.

Firestar leaned over to Greystripe and whispered,

"What's PMT?"

"Post Male Troubles," replied his friend, murmuring.

Firestar gave him a nod and glared over at Brambleclaw, who looked back, puzzled by his leader's sudden hostility.

As you can see, rehearsals weren't going well.

--

"The next prize tonight is for Best Costume/Make-up. The nominated films are…

Indiana Jones,

Pirates of the Caribbean,

Shakespeare,

and Lord of the Rings.

And the winner is… Pirates of the Caribbean! Roll the clip!"

--

"But these tentacles really cramp my acting potential, and they make me look hideous!" winged Minnowpaw from the make-up and costume department, behind the stage.

"Oh, do shut up!" reprimanded Mousefur, dusting the Riverclan apprentice's fur with dark brown foundation.

"It's not fair!" complained the young she-cat, "Why do we have to dress up as the bad guys?!"

"Because you're the ones who like water! Now, quit complaining and get into your clam outfit."

--

"The next category is Best Special Effect. The nominations are…

The mine cart chase from Indiana Jones,

The rotating ship sequence from Pirates of the Caribbean,

The loudspeaker scene from Back to the Future,

and Simba's father's death scene from Lion King.

And the winner is… Back to the Future! Roll the clip!"

--

The curtains drew back, to reveal Birchfall, as Marty McFly, entering onstage from the left. He was carrying a skateboard, which he dropped onto the floor, and went and picked up the guitar from the corner.

He plugged it in to the loudspeakers (just normal Sony loudspeakers this time, and not EspeonSilverfire2 Awesometastic Klan Kat Special Edition Mega Soopa Loudspeakerz©), and flicked all the switches. Then he played a chord, and was dragged backwards across the stage by the wire tied around his middle.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, "That was fun! Again! Again! Again!"

"No! Get on with it!" hissed Leafpool from offstage, and she prodded Birchfall with a claw.

Birchfall muttered something under his breath and carried on.

The phone rang and he picked it up.

"Hello? Marty?" Cloudtail's voice was projected for the audience to hear via the loudspeaker.

"Yes, Doc?"

"Okay, don't use the loudspeaker, there's a malfunction, okay? Oh, and um, I've forgotten the words… Cloudtail you idiot! You need to tell him about meeting you with the video recorder!…Oh, sorry! Yes, um, I need you to meet me here at sometime in the late night or early morning, I can't remember the time… Cloudtail, you are such a mousebrain!It's 1:15am!...Oh shut up, Greystripe! Yeah, so meet me in the parking lot at the mall, with the video recorder, okay?"

"Yeah, sure fine, whatever. Yeesh, I can't believe how much they've cut down this script! Talk about a psycho Millie with scissors! This is more like psycho Millie with a chainsaw!"

--

Leafpool let out a mrrow of laughter at the clip, and then spoke,

"And finally, tonight, our last category. It's Best Production, or as we like to call it, the Paw d'or category!"

"Yes," Brambleclaw carried on for her, "And the nominations are…

Pirates of the Caribbean,

Star Wars,

Harry Potter,

and Lord of the Rings."

Leafpool smiled and stepped forwards.

"And here's the moment you've been waiting for, the winner of the Best Production category at the Clans Film Festival 2008 is…"

There was a drum roll.

"Star Wars!"

There were rounds of applause and cat-calls from everyone as the cast and crew of the production appeared on stage to bow and collect the award. Birchfall took hold of the shiny gold trophy, whilst the others smiled and waved.

Birchfall grabbed Brambleclaw's microphone, and said,

"Oh thank you! Thank you for this award! I know it means so much to everyone here that you enjoyed our production! We love you all! I'd just like to say a thank you to my agent- the wonderful Mothwing, and also to my biggest fans – Minnowpaw and all her friends. You are the best people in the world! And now…"

Just at that moment, a crook appeared from off-stage, and the talkative tom was dragged into the wings. All the other cats walked off after, leaving just the two hosts left.

"And now, dear friends, we've got a very sad announcement to make," mewed Leafpool,

"I'm afraid that Thunderclan shall not be putting on anymore productions for the time being. It seems a certain Silverfire wants to do other things with us, such as locking us in a room, and we've got no choice but to obey our evil overlord. So, this is goodbye. You've been great, all of you. We'll miss you!"

The lights dimmed and the cats walked off stage for the last time.

And then Brambleclaw tripped over.

"Who left the clam outfit lying around?!"