Disclaimer: I own none of the following: an Ansaphone, Crowley, Aziraphale, 1995, October 11, a London phone number, or a smug bastard grin. I hope.
Around about 1995, Aziraphale had finally broken down and bought an Ansaphone. Well, actually, Crowley had been frustrated at the angel's having missed one too many of his phone calls and materialised it for him. Aziraphale couldn't help but use it, not to seem ungrateful. He'd managed to get himself off most of the telemarketers' lists; thus the only messages he ever got were either from Crowley, conservative politicians, or--occasionally--potential patrons.
This is the log of his phone messages for 11 October, 1996:
"Hello there! You have reached 0171-7146-2342. I, myself, am regrettably unable to answer the phone at the moment, and so if you would be so kind as to leave a message, dear, I'd be ever so obliged…. How was that? Was that all--BEEP."
4:35 PM "Angel! It's Crowley. You there? Pick up…. Alright, I guess you're not there. Er… you need to come over to the apartment--I've got this sort-of emergency. Call me."
BEEP
5:42 PM "Angel? It's Crowley again…. Still not there? Okay…. Well I've still got that emergency thing, so whenever you get in, yeah?"
BEEP
6:21 PM "Aziraphale, where the… are you? What are you doing? Why aren't you at home? You'd tell me if you'd died, wouldn't you?"
BEEP
6:23 PM "P.S. The emergency hasn't gone away."
BEEP
7:05 PM "You know that outgoing message is barmy rubbish, right?"
BEEP
8:15 PM "WHERE ARE YOU?"
BEEP
9:00 PM "Aziraphale, hi, it's me again. I bet you're just standing there over the machine with a smug bastard grin on your face like I know you know how to do, saying, 'Oh, I don't want to talk to Crowley today. He can just bugger off.' Well I say YOU can bugger off!"
BEEP
9:01 PM "Sorry. I didn't mean that."
BEEP
9:02 PM "Actually, maybe I did."
BEEP
9:53 PM "Okay, you win…. …. …. Will you please come? I need your help."
BEEP
9:55 PM "And that stays just between us."
BEEP
10:36 PM "….Aziraphale? Aziraphale? Aziraphale Aziraphale Aziraphale Aziraphale?"
BEEP
11:11 PM "…. …. …. …. (Shut up, Chalmers! I'm trying to listen--"
BEEP
12:00 AM "That's it. I'm coming over."
BEEP End of final message.
