Lost in the seas of forgotten memories
Chapter 7
They were both standing in front of SHIELD medical - waiting for the first person who would pluck up the courage to actually open the door.
"Are you ready?" He asked trying to fill the stalling silent. She watched the quivering agent with due wariness. He was a master assassin, an expert archer, a freaking secret intelligence agent - and he was deadly afraid of his organization's doctors. He honestly thought this was the scariest place on earth. Ridiculous. But then she thought about the traumatic therapist appointments she had to go through when she first become a SHIELD agent and winced. You would want to avoid medical too after a traumatic experience like that, especially after going through real field trauma.
"You sound more nervous then I do." She said dryly.
"You and I are going to two very different places Natasha. They're evil." He said with poorly disguised horror. She snorted.
"I've had check ups too you know."
"But you always got the nice female doctors for that! These male doctors do more scarring then healing!" He said with a crazed look in his eyes. "Maybe I could just disappear and come pick you up after your appointment..." He mumbled to himself. Natasha watched her partner and his crazy talk with due wariness.
He started to take a step back when an arm grabbed him by the edge of his collar and dragged him into the medical bay.
"Good morning Agent Romanoff! Have a wonderful time at your appointment! Agent Barton and I will be going to his check up no matter what!" Agent Hill shouted over her shoulder as she continued to drag the traumatized agent behind her.
Natasha watched the two of them turn the corner and disappear from view. Poor Barton she thought. Now he had to live through his torture with an audience to boot. Natasha shrugged and made her way to her appointment.
20 minutes later.
"So Agent Romanoff. We've got your scans done and we will let you know what we find next week. Now all we have to do is run through the last two weeks since your last visit and see where we can go from there." The doctor smiled at her reassuringly, but Natasha could sense the apprehension behind her words. They were all worried - worried that she would never remember.
"Be honest with me Doc. What are my chances at recovery at this point?" Natasha asked getting straight to the point. Her doctor sighed and looked down at her report.
"Anything can happen with brain injuries Agent Romanoff. You could suddenly remember all 3 years tomorrow if something like a familiar lamp just happens to catch your eye. At the same time...the longer you go without regaining any old memories..." She trailed off.
"...The more likely it becomes that I never will." Natasha finished for her blankly. She grimaced but nodded.
"Unless..." She started hesitantly. Natasha leaned forward - this sounded not too legal and off the record - she liked the sound of that.
"Unless what?"
"Unless you try harder to immerse yourself in as many trigger causing objects as possible. At this point - that's the only option we have left." She finished cautiously. Natasha raised a curious eyebrow.
"Doctor Armstrong...are you implying what I think you are implying?" Natasha asked curiously. Her doctor deliberately choose to look away. She was spot on.
"Doctors do not imply anything agent Romanoff. I just gave you the facts." She said professionally turning around to put her equipment back into their original cabinets. Natasha rolled her eyes.
"And so what happens if I stay a bit longer on the helicarrier and take a look around...let's say the mission and profile archives?" Natasha asked carefully. Doctor Armstrong shrugged.
"I would have nothing to do with that - it's not my department to actively aid agents in their recovery." She said as she turned to walk towards the only door in the room. Natasha watched her carefully and suddenly a small smile broke out across her face.
"Thank you Agent Armstrong." She said gratefully.
"I haven't been an agent in years." She said with her hand still on the doorknob.
"Once an agent always an agent. Thank you." Natasha insisted. The former agent paused.
"What for Agent Romanoff?" She asked puzzled. Natasha just smiled and remained silent. The doctor shifted slightly before she gave her parting remarks.
"But if it means all the same to you - thank you for coming back for me in South Africa two years ago." She said quietly before smoothly slipping out of the room.
Natasha watched the door close softly behind the doctor before she turned and walked towards the counter full of medical equipment.
"Huh. It pays well to be nice to your fellow agents - especially when you don't remember doing the favour." Natasha said as she picked up the emergency medical override access card sitting on the counter.
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"Barton either you sit down and stay still or I am going to take a needle and knock you out." Maria warned.
"You can't do that! You're not qualified!" He shouted. She leveled him with a piercing stare.
"I was a pathologist for 3 years before I joined SHIELD." She said firmly. He started to hyperveltiate.
"That doesn't count! You worked with dead people! I am a living, breathing human being!" He said in disbelief. She shrugged.
"It's all the same stuff - I'm sure I could pull it off." She said blankly - but the threat was heard all the same. He paled and looked towards his doctor.
"Are you listening to this doc?" He asked in shock. The doctor shrugged and flipped a sheet in his reports.
"What are you talking about agent Barton? The second in command is talking to you - you should be listening to her word with the utmost caution." The doctor said without even looking up from his papers.
"You're all conspiring against me." He said as he collapsed onto the medical bed.
Agent Hill and his doctor shared a satisfied look.
An hour later.
"I'm freeeee..." Clint wheezed as he crawled out of the check up room.
"You know Clint...sometimes you are worse then Stark - and that is saying something." Maria said as she took out her security monitor. Clint was still moaning about his torture while she looked over the last hour of reports.
"Natasha's appointment ended an hour ago. Everything seems clear there." She said as she read through the medical report. Clint suddenly dropped his dramatics and shot up to read over her shoulder. Maria smirked - the poor bastard was so whipped it was sad - especially considering his wife had no idea they were married, let alone the fact that he was this insanely devoted.
"Does this mean she will be ready for field work in a few weeks?" He asked seriously. Agent Hill shrugged.
"It all depends on her long term check ups and if she can pass the field test at the end of the 2 month probation."
"She despises that word so much."
"I know - that's why Fury chose it." She said dryly. Clint stared at her in disbelief.
"That man has a death wish." He said in shock. She shrugged.
"And yet he's like a roach - has been shot at, burned, strapped to bombs, came out of sword fights without a scratch, wrestled a boar, survived all of Stark's vicious pranks and still didn't die. He's not going to go down because of an angry spy - even if she is the best." She said frankly. He whistled.
"What took out his eye?" He asked curiously. She looked she was about to burst out laughing - now he really wanted to know.
"I value my life too much to tell you that story." She said as she searched through some of her files and stopped at a map of the ship.
"Aw come on! No one has dirt on him! You on the other hand are freakishly good at finding out blackmail worthy information like that." He insisted. She snorted.
"If you are trying to give me a compliment let me tell you - you are failing miserably. Take some persuasive tips from your partner - she's much better at it." Maria said as she zoomed into a specific area on the map she was looking at.
"What had she been doing for an hour anyway?" Clint asked curiously. Maria frowned.
"I don't know - but it appears she's in the mission archives room on the 3rd floor - which has level 10 access clearance. She only has level 9." Maria said warily. Now it was his turn to shrug.
"Doesn't matter where she is - she can find a way to get into the most secure rooms in the world - it's her job." He said not sounding surprised. Maria didn't look any less concerned.
"Coluson's file is in there." She said blankly. Clint froze and suddenly starting speed walking down the hall.
"See you later Hill." He shouted over his shoulder. She raised an eyebrow.
"Other direction Barton." She said dryly. He spun around and walked past her once more.
"I knew that."
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40 minutes ago.
Natasha had successfully entered the mission archives room and was now flipping through all the missions that she had been a part of over the last 3 years. Most of them were pretty similar to what she was used to doing during the first 7 years of her time with SHIELD. Everything drastically changed after May 2012. It was called the Loki incident - also the first mission of the newly formed avengers team. All her missions afterwards were team missions. Even though she was actually starting to - god forbid - like her team (even Stark - ugh never thought she would say that) but she didn't think she would even join a crazy group like this without a really good reason.
Something huge must have happened during that first mission together - something that formed this unbreakable bond they all seemed to share. The fact that they still treated her as an active member of their team and not just a compromised liability spoke volumes of their dedication to each other. She can honestly say she has never and likely will never meet a team like theirs.
And now to find out what the hell happened during that crazy week in New York.
Present time
Clint was flying down the stairs that would lead him to the 3rd floor entrance. He didn't know how long Natasha was in the archive room for or if she was even looking at the Coulson file yet. But knowing her she would likely floc to the most interesting and anomaly like mission in her file - obviously the alien invading, world ending incident that changed 6 people's lives forever. He would expect nothing less from the naturally curious spy.
Halfway down the hall that led to the remote entrance of the archives he realized he didn't have access to this room. Well when in doubt - call the boss (or their right hand man).
He buzzed into Agent Hill's com link.
"You have shit clearance." Was the first thing she said. He rolled his eyes.
"Yup."
"You don't plan on knocking do you?"
"Nope."
"What's your plan before I open this door?"
"I'm thinking on my feet - Natasha is sometimes unpredictable."
"Liar - she's only unpredictable in the field. She is laughably obvious when she is not wearing a mask and is just plain old Natasha. Bet you 10 bucks she's already read his file." She said dryly. Clint banged his head against the wall.
"Not the right time to be betting Maria - just open the damn door." He said irritably. She stared at her notes idly.
Silence. He banged his head once again.
"freaking please open the door."
Ding.
"Thank you for your rough politeness."
He sighed and heard her buzz out. He slowly pushed open the door and instantly noticed the dim lighting in the room. He's never been here before but he recognized the similar layout to their more commonly used reference archives.
He walked around the countless shelves full of files and tried to figure out where Natasha would be in this maze of notes. It was dark enough that he couldn't see the floor - why wouldn't she turn on the lights? He turned a corner and literally tripped over a pair of feet. His face instantly kissed the floor and he groaned in pain. He rolled over to see what made him fall and noticed a small body crouched in the corner. The person's head was resting between their knees and they were breathing in uneven breaths. He noticed the red hair and froze.
"Natasha? Is that you?" He whispered. He heard the harsh breathing increase rapidly.
"Just give me a second Barton - I just need a second." She said as she rapped her arms around her knees and literally started to shake like a leaf. He quickly pushed himself to his knees -completely oblivious to the throbbing pain in his forehead - and slowly pulled himself over to her.
"Well you can have more then a few of those Tasha." He said worriedly. She gripped herself tighter and didn't respond. He didn't know what he should do - all he could hear was her uneasy breathing and his heart literally breaking into a million pieces for her.
They sat in an uneasy silence for a few minutes.
"I watched the security footage from the prison room during our first save the world mission." She finally said breaking their tense silence. He sighed sadly.
"The one with loki and Coulson?" He asked defeatedly. She gave him a puzzled look.
"What?" She asked sounding very confused. He froze - she didn't know. Then what could possible cause this reaction?
"What footage did you see Tasha?" He asked slowly. Oh my god - please don't be what he thinks she saw.
"My interrogation of Loki footage." She said quietly. His fists curled into tight balls of pure anger - if he could get his hands on that bastard one more time. One well placed goodbye punch to the face just wasn't enough.
"The part where he was messing with your head right?" He said fighting to keep his emotions in check once again. If he exploded now it would be 1 step forward and 100 steps behind.
She shook her head.
"No - the fact that he was messing with your head Barton. You were compromised." She said quietly. He suddenly felt the anger drain out of his system and shame took its place. She was disappointed in him. "It was the scariest 2 minutes of my life. Even though I couldn't see the horror on my face I could feel the emotions I was hiding on the inside. He could do that Barton - he could control the best agent SHIELD has ever had. I - we could have lost you." She said as she finally looked up at him with frightened eyes. He couldn't take it anymore and pulled her into a tight hug. She leaned lifelessly against him - the tremors still racking her body up and down.
"You're the best agent SHIELD has ever had Tasha. You've never been compromised." He whispered into her hair. He felt like such as sick, sick bastard for finding relief in holding her close and feeling her safely wrapped in his arms after weeks with next to no physical contact.
"Wrong. I was compromised a long time ago Barton." she mumbled against his shoulder.
"Love isn't considered compromising anymore Tasha." He said holding her thin frame tighter. She snorted.
"Love is for children."
"Fine - extreme fondness then."
"Just shut up Barton."
"Hey we can't be partners for 10 years without a little fondness." He said with a wary smile. She gave him an unimpressed look. Damn that was scary. She barely spent 5 seconds in the vicinity of agent Hill and they already have matching expression right down to the frown. Scary.
"I kicked your butt once on this ship - I can do it again." She said warningly - he didn't take the hint. If she was going to kill him anyway...
"Go on a date with me." He suddenly blurted out. She froze and her face literally went blank. She's sure she didn't hear him right.
"What?"
"Go on a date with me - you know; dinner, movie, beach stuff?" He said slowly. She had a million emotions running through her head in that moment - she finally settled for disbelief.
"First of all I hate dates like that. Second of all - no. Never have, never will." she said firmly. Ouch - now that one hurt.
"What happened to our fondnessfest?" He asked incredulously. she shrugged and pushed him away.
"That was all you Barton. You carry enough teenaged girl in you for the both of us." She said dryly. He watched her walk away and turn on the lights in the room. He sat there on the floor literally dumbfounded.
"Did you just say no?" He asked literally in shock. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You were serious?" She asked curiously.
"I refuse to answer that now." He said defensively. She shook her head.
"You want to go on a date with your amnesic partner of 10 years? I thought you were gay for the first year of our partnership you know." She said thoughtfully. He sputtered completely lost for dignifying words. He didn't know if he should cry or just run away. His pride was literally stomped on and laid out on the road to be made roadkill out of.
"WHAT? I didn't know this!" He shouted. She shrugged.
"Well what was I supposed to think? That actual gentlemen existed in the world who didn't ever look below my chin? Not likely, considering where I came from." She said dryly.
"So the only option was that I was gay?" He asked incredulously. She shrugged again.
"You were good at acting neutral - maybe too good. I didn't catch your stares until our stint in Palestine." She said frankly.
"Don't blame me - I was dehydrated. It might have been the last time I saw your beautiful hair." He said dryly. He gave up - she completely murdered his pride - imagine what she'll do to it when she finds out about their nuptials. He shuddered.
"You're a lot of things Clint Barton, but a smooth pickup-liner you are not." She said before she burst out laughing. He turned bright red.
"Hey I would like to let you know that many beautiful women have accepted my bad pickup lines back in my college days!" He said defensively. It kinda stung when she didn't even look jealous - until he heard the next thing she said.
"What about after your college years?" She asked with a knowing smirk. He turned an even brighter shade of red.
"Ah...my taste for adventure dimmed?" He said feebly. She chuckled.
"Yeah right."
"Hey do you know what men with dubious careers and no permanent residence are consider on the market?" He asked irritably. She shook her head still laughing.
"They are considered more complicated then a 25 year old raising her dead friend's one year old kid with the kid's father's best friend - who she hates and has to live with in the same house." He said in one breath. She paused to really take all that bullshit in small doses.
"You watch too many romance comedies in your spare time Barton." she said blankly.
"Ha! If there is one vice we share it is that stupid hollywood mind numbing garage! Besides - you're the one who introduced this x-military solider to life as we knew it!" He said accusingly.
"You know what? I'm done with this insane conversation. I'll see you at home you crazy baboon!" She said as she picked up her stuff and headed towards the exit. He followed behind her with a determined face.
"Hey! You can't just end an important conversation like that! You didn't even tell me why you turned me down! At least show some rejection courtesy!" he said angrily. She stopped and raised an eyebrow.
"There's rejection courtesy?" She asked curiously. He paused with his mouth open ready to say something.
"You know what? I actually don't know - I haven't asked a girl out in 10 years." He said thinking back. She watched him think way too hard on that simple thought.
"That doesn't sell your case any better. You know what they say - single men are single for a reason." she said giving him a once over look.
"Ever wondered why?" He asked suddenly switching tones. She watched him warily.
"You wouldn't wait ten years Barton. No one would wait ten years. Sparks die before then." She said.
"Did ours?"
"I'm not sure - you tell me. I'm stuck 3 years in the past."
"Life as an avenger has only made our lives more exciting. No fear of sparks dying in that crazy atmosphere." He said too seriously. These people must be crazy - she hasn't even seen their team in real action yet - videos aside.
"It's going to be a no today Barton." She said cautiously. He pouted.
"What about tomorrow?" He asked. She shook her head.
"Probably a no tomorrow too."
"The day after?" He asked hopefully. She shrugged.
"I don't know - lets take this one day at a time." She said warily. He suddenly brightened up - it was blinding.
"One pickup line at a time - got it." He said strolling out of the archives room with the first real smile on his face in weeks. She watched his bizarre reaction with due wariness.
"That's not what I meant."
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So many ideas to bring to life - so little time to write them all out! I hope you guys like the pace I am moving the story at right now! Things are going to speed up very soon :) We're finally going to see some action :D Until next time!
