A/N: Thanks for all the suggestions, comments, and patience. R.L has been a real pain in my backside but I hope the wait was worth it. Also a big thanks to Victoria for listening to me whine and also pre-reading some of this.
Self edited..and some mistakes are on purpose.
Part 7: Sneezing is a sign of Love
FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: all your faullt!
I feel like I got ran over by a train Smallville. and it's all ur fualt. somehow I will get back at u four this. trying to decide if it would be best if ur demise should be slow or slow.
Going to kill Clark,
Lois
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: Re: all your faullt
huh?
Lois, what are you on about? Why are you emailing me when you are upstairs in my room and we just talked a bit ago? and I'm not even going to comment on how that email looked.
btw, what is the point of trying to decide if both ways are slow?
Thinks Lois has lost it,
Clark
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: Re: Re: all your faullt
The dog..you know the one u wanted to name crouton. it's ur fualt. I'm uphere with my sinus' pounding and laying in this akward position trying to type. I can't go near her without sneezing my bians out.
there r dif types of slow, dog boy.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: He's called Shelby.
bians? Was that suppose to be brians? But then when did you get a brian?
You wanted Shelby too Lois.. and it wasn't crouton. It was Krypto. I know you know it wasn't crouton. Who'd name their dog crouton?
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: He's called Shelby.
brain.. its brain. ur starting to sound snippy again Clarkie. Now see that would have been the perfect name. It's just a pitty ur so touchy about sharing a name with man's best friend.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: re: He's called Shelby.
There was no way Lois I was going to share a name with a dog. Shelby is a nice name and just don't go near him if its such a problem.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: She
Go near him? Smallville, she follows me around evrywhere! I only escaped this last attack by holding upin here. I cant take anymore sneezing. its like having the plague in the form of a furry shadow looming over me.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: She
I think you're being a bit dramatic Lois. Shelby is hardly a plague. The dog likes you and despite what you say I think you like him too. And Shelby is a boy, something else you know and keep acting as if you don't.
Why don't you take something for your allergy?
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: re: She
Shelby is a dog Smallville. I really don't see him/her/it caring about what i call it/him/her.. besides consdering that all these girls fllw you around like you are the farmboy model of the year, I think 'she' works for Shelby. Who also follows you around.
And i tried some.. the last allergy tablets weren't any good. That dog has like a super power i swear. I need to go to the pharmacy. If i try and drive right now though i'll end up sneezing and probably hitting something.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: ?
Don't you hit things anyway? for example dogs.
What do you mean follow me around? Who follows me around!
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: thicky Kent
I'm not that bad Clark. Its not like i make a habit of it.
And folow you arund, Smallville you are so dense sometimes. This is why we need another lesson with prefossor Lane. You serisouly haven't noticed the way girls r with u? Sometimes I've wondered if it's a smalltown thing, Or maybe you put out some sort of strange smell that affects them.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: thicky Kent
You can skip the lessons, I'm not ever doing the assignment. I still have no clue why you think girls follow me around. Technically aren't you always hanging around? For someone who thinks I'm weird you seem to want to be around me alot.
Oh and Lois, you drive like you're a race car driver getting stung by a swarm of bees. Besides, the not making a habit isn't what you said when I looked over your car.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re:re: thicky Kent
Puhlease.. Smallville, one day you will love the lessons of professor lane. I can see it now. You'll be at my door asking me for advice. Vanilla gets old fast. You're dreaming if you think I follow you around. I'm just stuck with you as you are my cousins best friend. Not to mention I like your folks.
It's call an expression. As in a saying, I didn't actually mean I made a habit of hitting people or dogs.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: hit 'em Lane
Lois, I've never heard that expression before. You forget I've been in the car with you. I've had flashes of my life pass before my eyes.
If I want romance advice I won't be going to you.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: Missionary
Now who is exaggrerating. You make it sound like i can't drive straight. The real problm is you drive like agranny and think everyone else should. Big city drivers would eat you alive Smallville.
I'm literally laughing up here when it comes to how u think u won't be coming to me. You don't even know anyone else that can give you the adfvice u need. With how your built and the way girls melt at you puppy eyes you could really sweep a girl off her feet and right on to some counter surface. Its a pity at the rate ur going u'll waste all that potiental with courting and missionary positions.
Might start calling you Mission Position Clark.
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(5 mins later)
FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: Missionary
I'm not sure where to start with that last one. First I don't drive like a granny. I just believe in surviving to see another day.
2nd, I think you have given this way to much thought. Do you fantasize about me Lois? and i'm going to avoid commenting further on parts of that because i pictured my parents, who i admire, and thats just wrong. the thing is why does it matter if i waste potiental when you don't like me?
I have to ask this, though i'm sure i'll regret it. Do you want to teach me first hand? Because this is the impression i'm getting.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: No Way!
OMG You have got to be kidding me?.. Okay I'll give advice because I believe in putting poor creatures out of their misery and shooting you isn't an option. But really.. teach you first hand..no way. Also ew on the picturing your parents.. yeah thats jsut wrong. I also have NOT fantaized about you.. thats even worse then imagining your parents. You are realy distrubed.
Well since i'm to sneezy to surive another day if i drive how about you go get my meds for me Mr. Grannyslow.
Do i take it that you like my new name for you? Mission Position Clark.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: No Way!
I'm not sure I can be bothered to drive up and get anything for you. Calling me names isn't very persuasive Lois.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: big baby kent
Gee how nice. I'm willing to help you by giving u advice that could improve your future love life and running to the pharmacy is such a hard task because I called you a slow poke. Or was it the missionary one that got to you. Don't take it like an insult..its encouragment. Meant to push you out of your comfort zone.
Please Smallville. If i drive I will die from a sneeze attack. You wouldn't want that on ur conscious now would you?
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: not doing it.
Lois, I don't feel very 'encouraged'. Nor do I believe you will suffer some sort of deadly sneeze attack. You won't be anywhere near Shelby while you're driving.
I have a nickname for you now. The exaggerator. Maybe not as creative or as 'encouraging' as your nicknames but I feel it's very accurate.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: no subject
Fine Lois, I'm going to get your meds. I see you are willing resort to using my mom against me. Two can play at that game.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: ?
What game? she was checking on me and asked me if i needed anything. I only suggested that maybe the big strong farm lad son of hers could go get my medicine for me. Your mom is very sweet Smallville. I really don't understand what happened to you.
by the way Mission Position Clark, the exaggerator sounds like some sort of tabloid. really..not very creative. Do i need to give u lessons in this too?
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: aww
Aww Clarkie.. you afraid to see me in person now? Big bad Lois gonna bite poor defenseless farmboy? Oh wait its got to be the mission position.. still picturing your parents are we? So sad. Well thanks any how. I got my meds so see you at dinner.. maybe then we can practise finding a better retort then 'exaggerator' hahhaha.
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(20 mins later)
FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: aww
Lois you alright? there's an awful lot of thumping coming from my room. Oh, and dinner will be done in 15 mins.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: re: aww
I'm just peachy Clarkie. What thumping? i was changing. I think you got better hearing then shelby and thats sortta sad u know. I mean really clark. Do you like hang aroud just to see if i m making noise now.
Oh and the meds are great, i can sit up now. already feels better. Have i told u how muh i like this chair its really comfortable.
Dinner in ffit15 mins? whats for din?
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: re: re: aww
Lois you don't sound okay. If you are sitting up now why are you still typing like that? I know spelling isn't your friend but trying to combine the word fifteen with 15 is unusual even for you.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: hahaha
haha.. oh man you are so funny when you get annoyed or worried. I find you pretty funny all the time really but even more so when u worry..did you know you get a funny crease in ur forehead. Like ur constipated or something.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: hahaha
Lois, I think your reacting to those allergy tablets. Do you need a drink? or do you need help with coming down for dinner?
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: re: hahaha
Nah i'm good. I'm not gonna die from feeling better Clarkie worry the wort. haha.. worry the wort. You are though.. i've never known anyone like u uknow. How is it you can be so like.. i'm laid back farmer dude one min and yet like ur friggin atlast the next. You do realixe ur not carrying the world on ur shoulders right?
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: re: re: hahaha
Atlas Lois. Atlas carried the heavens on his shoulders. And I really don't think you should come down here on your own even if I am a worrywort. Are you still getting dressed because you are making one heck of a noise. Dad is pulling faces.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: stupid dog
Aw, tell pops i said Hi. No i'm not still getting dressed. I don't know what cha hearing but its not me.
Damn it! I just sneezed. if the dog is hanging outside my room i'm gonna kill him.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: stupid dog
Lois, Shelby is outside. Since you are the only one upstairs the noise has to be from you.
I have a theory on why you're sneezing.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: bring it on..
A theory..this shouldbe rich. Okay, let's here it then Freud
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: re: bring it on..
You claim you don't like Shelby and sneeze because you are allergic. I think you sneeze because you like him.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: re: bring it on..
what the hell kind of theory is that? Now who is acting high on meds?
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: Denial thy name is Lois
It's denial lois. You don't want anyone to know you like him, so you sneeze. I'm not saying you do it on puprose. More of a subconscious thing.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: Denial thy name is Lois
What? so sneezing is a sign i love Shelby? please. I admit to the fact she isn't a bad dog, kinda nice but I do not love shelby anymore then I want to have personal one on one hot counter sex with you. Just saying.. you are delusional. I'll stick with my meds.
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FROM: Clark Kent
TO: isthisloveCoverdale
SUBJECT: Thanks alot!
You do realize, Lois that you yelled out some of that. Thanks.
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FROM: Lois Lane
TO: Elmerfudd
SUBJECT: re: Thanks alot!
Oops. I'm going to go to bed early.
ஐ / ஐ
Not gonna object to those cookies..
Good, bad..wat cha think?
