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Chapter 7: The Audition of her Life
During the flight to New York, Penny was constantly rehearsing what she would say to Leonard. Once her plane landed, Penny went straight to the University. She decided if everything was good, she would probably stay with Leonard. If not, then she'll find a hotel till the next day and then go back home. There would have been no sense in making Leonard upset again.
Penny arrived at the University and walked up the grand staircase. When she arrived at the main office, she looked around for someone to assist her.
"Hi, my name is Penny can you tell me if a Dr. Leonard Hofstadter is in today?" The Office Administrator checked online to see if he came in or not. The highlight status indicated that he was in the Laser Lab on the main floor in building two. Penny asked for directions as she had no idea where building two was. The Office Administrator gave her a map and highlighted the route for her to take. "Thank you very much" as Penny walked away with a nervous smile.
Penny was getting really nervous now and was wondering if this was a good idea at all. Maybe she should have gotten Sheldon to talk to him first. Penny was now second guessing everything that she did. Penny slowed down her pace and was rethinking the whole trip. "What am I doing?" Penny just blurted it out without thinking. "God, I don't even know if Leonard is going to talk to me." All the different scenarios that Penny was thinking about just flashed in front of her. She felt like she was watching a movie of herself going through all these scenes. Each clip ended up with the same result, Leonard getting mad and walking away.
A fear and panic overwhelmed Penny as she just stood there for what seemed like hours, while she reviewed her speech to Leonard. In reality it was only a couple of minutes. During this time she didn't even notice the other students looking at her rehearse as they walked by. Penny decided that she needed to go through with this. She had to get back with Leonard. She knew that he was the only one for her and there was no one else. This was not an option.
Penny started walking forward and opened the door to building two. She looked at the directory in the main hallway and she looked at the map that the Office Administrator gave her. She just needed to walk down the hallway and down to the left and it was the first door on the right.
Her heart felt like it was beating a thousand beats a minute. It felt like it was going to burst right out of her chest. Penny felt a little self-conscious and started to think that maybe other people could hear heart beating too. Penny was having a really hard time to catching her breath. She had to stop for a minute and try to see if she could catch her breath and relax. "Remain calm, remain calm" she repeated to herself. If Penny didn't relax she would be in no frame of mind or condition to talk to Leonard in her current state.
"Penny? Penny!" Penny turn around and all of sudden the lights grew dim.
Penny woke up in a room with bright lights. She wasn't too sure what had happened. She remembered that she was trying to catch her breath and then remembered someone calling out her name. Penny tried to sit up but her head was pounding with a really bad headache. She figured she must have passed out and hit her head on the floor.
"Oh God, I have to stop doing this". Just then someone came in through the door way, it was Leonard.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" asked Leonard. Penny felt like he was his old self again. Being very attentive and making sure she was fine.
"Pretty good I think. I just have a bad headache. What happened?" Penny asked.
"When I turned the corner, I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw you standing there and when I called out your name a couple of times, you collapsed to the floor"
Penny stared at him and was trying to read his face as he spoke, "What are you doing here? Did Sheldon tell you where I was?" The tone in Leonard's voice changed with that last question.
"Leonard, please don't be mad at Sheldon. Amy and I begged him and he finally broke and gave in", as Penny tried to protect Sheldon. "All I can say is that Amy did a real number on him for me. I wasn't too sure but I think she might have even broken him once or twice during the interrogation. Now, before you say anything else I need to tell you a few things, so please let me finish with what I need to say first. If you still want me to go back after what I've said then I will".
Leonard was about to speak when Penny put her index finger on his lips and broke his speech. Penny took a minute to work through her thoughts and wanted to make sure what she what to say to Leonard. Leonard was going to say something again and Penny just put up her index finger again.
"Leonard. First I want to say I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I never wanted to put you in a situation where you had to move away. I thought that if things were that bad between us that you could have come to me and talked about it. I realize afterwards that I really didn't give you the opportunity. I had built a wall in front of me which prevented you from talking to me at all".
Penny took another pause and took a couple of deep breaths.
"I think the reality of you moving away, forced me to really examine my feelings toward you and about you. I know I tried to avoid the questions or even the discussions about those topics. I just got really mad at you for even asking me. I know any other girl would have been ecstatic that you asked the question, especially any girl in her right mind. I'm sure you would be an excellent husband and a great father. The real eye opener for me was that I didn't know how much you were hurting until I read your letter. I am so sorry Leonard I never wanted you to think that I was looking for someone else. There has never been anyone else other than you and no one else will ever take your place."
"I really didn't know what love was or even what it was really about. I know I've said it in the past, but I really didn't understand or know what it really felt like. Especially not as I know it now. I think for the most part I was fooling myself and pretending what I thought love was. I realize now what it is and it doesn't even close to that old feeling. I guess what the other guys told me in the past was just a selfishness on their part and nothing else. I didn't realize that they were all empty lies and promises. That's probably why I ended up breaking up with all the guys in the past. They were all empty promises and I really didn't want that to happen to us. I didn't want us to breakup like the rest. Leonard you have to know something. You are so special to me, you are someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was never waiting for someone else to come along. Leonard Hofstadter, I love you with all my heart and Yes, I would marry you without hesitation if you ever decide to ask me again. You are the kindest, most selfless, good hearted person that I have ever known. Now, if you still don't feel the same toward me then that's fine, I'll head back home right away and you'll never see or hear from me again".
Penny sat there now awaiting a response from Leonard. Leonard was so taken aback from what Penny had just said. He couldn't believe his ears.
"Penny. I'm in total shock. I wasn't even thinking that I would see you again, at not for a while. Another thing was what you just said. My whole point of coming out here was to figure out what I really wanted for myself. I know we had our differences and I thought all the problems were with me. That's the reason if I had time for myself, I would eventually figure things out. I guess I've been so busy here that I actually haven't had the time to think about it. I have thought about you at times while working and others while I was sitting alone in my room in the evenings. I would re-live some of the things that we did in the past and even some of the fights, I would just re-live it with a different ending. For me, it made the lonely night a little warmer".
Penny felt her emotions running all over the place after hearing what Leonard had just said. The thought of him being alone in his room and thinking about her made her start to tear up. She tried to hold off as much as possible as she didn't want Leonard to change his train of thought and feelings.
"Now here is my dilemma. I'm stuck here for another six more months and I can't change this as they actually need my help in finishing up this project. The second issue is that I haven't worked out my feeling for you yet. Nothing has really changed in that regards".
Penny had a little smirk on her face as this was a positive feeling in her direction. Since you came out all this way I don't want to you heading back right away. On the other hand you can't stay here with me either".
Penny was a little taken back by this comment from Leonard.
"Sorry but the University has strict policies regarding female or male companions staying together in the singles dormitory. Married couples are not a problem but they live in a different building. The rules would force the student or staff member to be dismissed from the University if caught with someone else in their dorm".
Once Penny heard this she didn't feel so displaced.
"Can you stay for the weekend at a hotel close by the University? I'll cover the expenses so you don't have worry about it. Let me call the main office and see if they know of a place for you to stay".
As Penny ponders the proposal that Leonard suggested, the only thing that she could say was "OK". Everything was said so quickly, it felt like a tornado just ripped in and out again out of Penny's head. I'm staying for the weekend! as she cheered in her head.
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