Edward was scowling when he walked into Roy's office. Up until about three months ago, this was normal, but ever since they had hooked up, Ed was usually grinning when he entered the office…especially when Roy got up to greet him and locked the door. But this time the boy practically had his own personal thundercloud hanging around, face scrunched up in a frown as he stormed in and slammed a paper on Roy's desk.

"That's not a very friendly greeting," he murmured as he read the paper, a sneaky smile growing on his face. "Oh, I see. You lost your voice."

At these words, the blonde's grimace only grew. True, Roy felt bad for Edward, but…this was an interesting opportunity. Payback for last week when the boy had realized that a mustang was a kind of horse as well as his last name…Roy's eye twitched just thinking about it.

Roy looked straight into Ed's eyes and said simply, "You're incredibly short."

As expected, the temporarily mute boy's mouth dropped open, only to clamp shut once more as Ed ground his teeth, fists clenching and face reddening.

And that was just a statement, not even one of really juicy insults Roy had stored up. This was going to get interesting.

He stood, making his way around to the front of his desk and leaning on it as he stared down at the angry blonde. And then he started throwing out names, just one or two words each. "Midget. Small Fry. Little Tyke. Vertically challenged. Shrimp. Pipsqueak. Tiny. Runt."

Just as he'd hoped, Roy was getting a (slightly sadistic) kick out of watching Ed lose his cool. The boy's face was growing redder and redder, and—oh this was perfect. Now Edward was actually "shouting" into Roy's face, finger pointed and everything…but no sound was coming out other that a slight rasping and the sound of Edward gasping for air as he continued to yell uselessly.

Roy couldn't help it—he snickered, pushing off from his desk to wander around the room. "You need a ladder to reach all of the bookshelves," he began, now listing how Edward's height hindered him. "You can't see over people's shoulders in a crowd, you can't change light bulbs, when you stay over at my place you actually have to climb onto the counter to reach the plates. Let's see, what else…"

Roy heard the blonde running towards him, tiny feet pounding on the carpet, and just barely got out his last jab ("You're even shorter than that Winry girl, men are supposed to be taller you know,") before Ed jumped in front of him and tackled him, causing them both to land on a heap on the ground.

Laughing breathlessly, Roy watched and waited as the blonde straddled him, scowling more than ever and panting with the effort of his pointless, silent shouting from before. He waited until the boy had settled down before saying just one last thing. "Hey, Ed, if Pluto is too small to be considered a planet, are short people really people?"

An automail fist came crashing into his lower cheek, sending his head slamming sideways into the floor. White hot pain throbbed out from the point of impact—that automail was a bitch. Roy blinked, spitting blood from a split lip onto the carpet before looking up and grinning at a very, very irate Edward.

Even if he got hit, his little game had been worth it—but now it was time to make up with the boy. And so Roy reached up, grabbing Ed's collar and pulling him down for a kiss. The blonde resisted at first, but Roy's arm across his shoulders kept him down, and eventually the boy gave in, kissing him back—but only in a way that let Roy know he was in no way going to be rewarded with anything more.

They parted, and Roy smiled, before murmuring, "You know I'm just kidding. I don't mind you being the size you are…even if I do have to practically bend in half to kiss you most of the time."

The next day, Roy came into work with a busted lip and a black eye…as well as a bright and satisfied smile.


Short again. I'm horrible to you guys. Then again, this is a bonus, so I'm not sure you can complain.