Special thanks to my wonderful beta, Gotgoats. You work late into the night for me-and I am VERY grateful. You rock dude!
Warning: Emotions are running high in this one! Be advised
Blank Slate
Chapter 7
Jackie Vance stormed onto the Navy Yard with the force of a Category 5 Hurricane. The guards all quickly directed the Director's Wife to the trailer where Vance's office had been temporarily set up.
"LEON JAMAIRUS VANCE!" her voice echoed all around the Yard as Jackie got out of the car.
Vance was sitting in his office, feet on his desk, and he cringed when he heard his wife. He glanced at his watch and wondered why she was here. He stuck a toothpick in his mouth and he opened the door. "Hi Honey!" Vance said pleasantly.
Before anything else could be said, another car screeched to a half beside Jackie. Gibbs and Fornell got out. "It's done," Gibbs said. "There's a crew bringing Dearing's body in. Another crew is working the scene at the cabin. Fornell and I have both given our statements and my backup duty weapon that I used has been confiscated by IA for the investigation." It took a full two seconds for Gibbs to put all the pieces in front of him together. "Jackie?" he suddenly gasped, turning to face the Director's Wife. "Is…What are you?...Tony…?" Tears filled the agent's eyes as words escaped him.
"Take it easy Jethro," Jackie said soothingly. "Tony's condition has not changed. He's fine. Jimmy Palmer is at the hospital with him."
"What are you doing here?" Gibbs choked our hoarsely. "Why aren't you with him? YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D STAY WITH HIM!" The desperation radiating off of him was palpable.
"Easy Jethro," Leon said.
"NO! YOU SWORE TO ME! YOU PROMISED!" Gibbs snarled at the Director.
"Jethro listen," Jackie said soothingly. "He's safe. His condition is stable. Jimmy Palmer is with him and the guards are outside his door. He is just fine." She turned to face Leon. "I came down here for just a short moment. I need to have a word with my husband." She crossed her arms. "I. am. NOT. happy with you."
"What uh…what's got you so torn up?"
"YOU!" Jackie spat, pointing a disgusted, accusing finger firmly into her husband's chest. "You dirty, sorry excuse for a human being!" she snarled.
"Why don't we take this inside?" Leon tugged on his collar. Several agents had stopped and were now staring at the scene unfolding outside the Director's trailer.
"Why? Are you afraid they'll hear what you did?" Leon had the good sense to not flinch and not speak. "Go on Leon! TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID!"
"I don't know what. I. did." Leon growled.
Jackie turned to Jethro. "Go be with Tony honey. He needs you. I am so sorry you've been kept from him."
Gibbs looked at her for a long moment, his breaths catching in his throat. He looked at Leon who shook his head. "Before you go, I need a—"
"You need to LET. HIM. GO." Jackie's voice held a warning tone—much the way someone would speak to a toddler who was misbehaving.
Leon sighed and nodded at Gibbs. Gibbs turned and got back in his car before anyone could take it back or change their mind. He pulled to the gate and threw his hand up in a wave at the guard as he pulled out into traffic. He pointed the car toward the hospital and glanced at the clock. It was nearly 4am.
"I'm coming Tony," he whispered into the night. "Don't slip away from me. I'm coming."
xxx
Gibbs rushed into the ICU floor and stopped at the sink to wash his hands. He forced himself to calm down, taking deep breaths and scrubbing his hands furiously under the warm water. He looked at himself in the mirror and his motions slowed to a stop, leaving him staring at his reflection. He looked horrible. He looked…he looked old. He blinked and shook himself. He just needed to check on Tony and see that he was going to be alright, and let the younger man know that he was there, and then he could sack out in the chair beside Tony's bed.
He threw the paper towels he dried his hands with into the garbage bin and then forced himself not to run, but to walk at a sedate pace down the hall to Tony's room. His eyes widened and he gasped when he arrived at Tony's cubicle and found it empty. No guards. No Palmer. He swallowed hard. No… "Tony," Gibbs choked out. He whipped around, eyes scanning desperately, but he didn't see anybody. He hurried back to the nurse's station. "Nurse? Nurse!" The lady sitting behind the desk looked up at him and smiled pleasantly.
"Hello Agent Gibbs," she said.
"Where's Tony?! Is he alright! How come no one called me? When did he—" his eyes filled and he choked on his words.
The nurse's eyes widened. "Oh no! No, no, nooooo Agent Gibbs he's ok! Dr. Palmer ordered some scans and we figured since there's not a lot of anything going on down in Radiology this time of day, we'd go ahead and get him in. They should be back soon. Go take a seat. They should be back any minute."
Gibbs felt like a thrice rung rag. He thought he might collapse right there. "Agent Gibbs?" Nurse Amelia said gently, concern creeping into her tone. "Agent Gibbs are you alright? Do you need a doctor?"
It took a moment for him to process her words, but he shook his head. "No…No I'm fine. You're sure Tony's really ok? He's not…he didn't…"
"He's still with us," Amelia said. "I'm sorry you got so frightened. He's really ok. They'll be back soon." A buzzer sounded at the end of the hall and she hit a button on the desk. "That's them coming in now. You can see him for yourself."
Gibbs felt the tears fill his eyes and he dashed them away. Palmer was walking behind Tony's bed as the orderlies moved him carefully back to his cubicle, the heavily armed Marine Guards leading the way.
"Tony," he breathed, hurrying to follow Tony's bed.
"Gibbs! Vance finally let you go!" Palmer said happily.
"Jackie made him. How's Tony? You scared the shit out of me!" Gibbs snapped, trying to keep his voice low. He didn't want to get kicked out before he even got to say hello to him.
"I ordered a fresh CT Scan and MRI," Palmer said. "He's had the CT Scan, but they can't do the MRI until later in the morning. I didn't know you'd get here before we got back. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Do you have any news?" Gibbs hadn't let himself look at Tony yet, aside from a quick glance when he entered the room. He hadn't let himself take in any details yet. He wanted to be alone for that.
"Yes," Palmer said confidently. "As you can see, he was taken off the ventilator and his oxygen was reduced back to a nasal canula. That is a huge step." He pointed at Tony and Gibbs followed Palmer's gesture before he could stop himself.
Tony looked absolutely at peace. Gibbs stepped towards him, drawn by an inexplicable force to his partner. "Go home," he said softly, not taking his eyes off of Tony. He put one hand on Tony's mattress and the other hand brushed lightly through Tony's hair. His head was shaved so the stitches could be inserted in the cut and carefully monitored. The large bandages were gone. He looked…just like he was sleeping. Gibbs ought to know. He'd spent many nights watching this man sleep next to him.
"What did you say Gibbs?" Palmer asked, confused about why Gibbs had interrupted him mid-report.
"I said go home," Gibbs said patiently. "I want to be alone with Tony for a while." He glanced at Palmer. "Thank you for staying with him."
Palmer blinked. Gibbs never said 'thank you.' Not ever. He nodded. "Oh…ok. I'll come back before the MRI in the morning."
"Is…I need the short answer. Is he ok?"
"He's better than we thought," Palmer said. "I am of the opinion that he's not in as deep of a coma as Dr. Granger thinks he is. The MRI will help me learn more, but I did an exam to complete the Glasgow Coma Scale. His coma is not as deep as we were led to believe. I don't think it was an intentional mistake," he added quickly when he saw Gibbs' features darken. "The best thing for Tony, Gibbs, is you. You are what he needs."
"Me?"
"Talk to him. I think he can hear us. He needs to know he's safe, and he needs to know that you're with him. The doctor made notes about his consciousness level dropping over the last few days. I think you are the key to bringing him back."
"Me."
"Yes. You." Palmer smiled. "I'll be back in the morning." He waved and was gone without another word.
Once Palmer left, Gibbs stepped away from Tony's bed long enough to poke his head outside the curtain. Satisfied that they wouldn't be disturbed for a few moments, Gibbs pulled the curtain tightly shut and returned to Tony's side. He cupped the young man's face and leaned down, brushing a kiss against his dry lips. "I'm right here," he said softly. "I'm not leaving you again. Vance can stick it straight up his ass. I've got your six Tony. Come back to me."
His lower lip began to tremble, and he blinked heavily, feeling moisture pooling in his eyes. The realization that Tony could have died and Gibbs could have lost this precious time with him weighed heavily on him and he leaned over on his partner's chest. Beneath the heavy smell of hospital and antiseptic, he could still smell Tony. He was in there. He knew it. And he'd nearly lost him. He clutched gently at Tony's hospital gown, feeling the strong body beneath the thin fabric, and the tears fell before he could stop them. Several minutes later, Nurse Amelia heard a strange sound as she passed by Tony's cubicle. She stepped quietly up to the curtain and pulled it back, peeking inside. She took in the sight of the distraught agent, clutching at his partner and sobbing pitifully. She glanced at Tony's monitors and nodded, satisfied that her patient's partner was just having a moment. With a sad smile, she silently pulled the curtain back, closing it as it had been, and walked away, leaving the man to his grief.
xxx
"Can we please take this inside?" Vance hissed as Gibbs' car sped out of the parking lot.
"Ohhhh no Big Man," Jackie snapped. "We're doing this right here and right NOW!"
"It's NOT professional!" Vance snapped.
"Your BEHAVIOR was NOT PROFESSIONAL!" Jackie shot back.
"What are you talking about!" Vance snapped.
"I am talking about the fact that you knowingly kept Gibbs away from Tony. You know that he is DiNozzo's medical power of attorney. You know they're a couple—they have BEEN a couple for almost THREE YEARS! Really Leon! Who are you? Because the man I married was compassionate. He was sweet. And kind. And caring. Not some selfish, revenge driven asshole who forgets that his people have families and lives and worries and fears. DID YOU EVEN LOOK AT JETHRO?! He looked like he was absolutely worn down! If he had a physical right now he'd never pass! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE HE SLEPT? HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE HE ATE? HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE HE SAW TONY?!"
Vance's gaze was dark, the shame was heavy on his features. "I don't know," he mumbled, his voice barely audible.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU LEON! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE HE SAW TONY?!"
Vance looked sheepish and his gaze dropped.
Jackie took a step closer. "Would you like me to tell you how long it's been?" her voice was colder than Leon had ever heard it.
He swallowed hard and looked up at his wife. "How long," his voice was nearly inaudible.
"SIXTY EIGHT HOURS! SIXTY. EIGHT. HOURS. Now. Big man. I have a question for you."
Vance switched his toothpick to the other side of his mouth. "What's that?"
Jackie crossed her arms. "If the situation was different. Let's say, for instance, that it was me laying in that bed." Her eyes narrowed and Vance didn't like where this was going. He was so busted. "Would you be willing to go sixty eight hours without checking on me? Without seeing for yourself that I was ok?"
Vance shook his head. "Hell no," he said firmly.
"Why not?"
"Because you're my wife! Because I love you! I wouldn't tolerate leaving you alone at all!"
Jackie narrowed her eyes even more. "Jethro and Tony have been in a relationship for three years. How long were we together before we got engaged?"
"Fuh—four months," Vance mumbled.
"Do you want me to do that math for you?" Jackie's voice was dangerous.
Vance shook his head. "Can we pleeeease take this inside?" he begged.
"Gibbs will be put on leave," Jackie said, ignoring his pleas for privacy. Every agent in the Yard had seen Gibbs. They'd seen him not eating. Not sleeping. Going out of his mind worrying about Tony and being forced to continue working, to keep his head in the game, to push his emotions down. They needed this reassurance that someone would hold their Director accountable for his actions—even if it wasn't someone in the professional realm.
"Are you telling me how to do my job?" Vance sputtered.
"I damn well am! Because you're not capable of doing it!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
Jackie stepped up to him and put her hands on his shoulders. She smoothed the wrinkles in his jacket and ran her hands up and down the outside of his arms. "It means I didn't marry the person you've become. You are better than this. Abusing your agents? That's not who you are. You are a good man. So here's what we're going to do."
"I'm listening," Vance said wryly. He rubbed his forehead, trying to make the headache go away.
"I am going to go back to the hospital. I'm going to stay there with Jethro and Tony and give them whatever support they need—support they both should have had this whole time. And you are going to stay here and pull your head out of your ass," she said sweetly.
Vance sputtered, but before he could say anything Jackie had walked back to her car.
"Oh and Leon," she said casually.
"Yes Jackie?" he rubbed his forehead. He had a headache. He'd just been completely dressed down by his wife. Wow.
"If Tony dies, I am holding you personally accountable. Not Harper Dearing. Not Jonathan Cole. You. Tony's blood will be on your hands."
"WHAT! WHY?!" Vance hollered.
"Because, Sweetheart, everyone knows that Gibbs and Tony keep each other going when it gets hard. You keeping them apart? You may as well have signed a death warrant."
With that, she got into the car and drove away without another word. Vance sat down on the steps and put his head in his hands. What a mess. He looked up and saw multiple agents standing around, staring at him in shock. They'd heard every word. He swallowed hard. "Nothin' to see here," he grumbled. "Everybody get back to work."
xxx
Jackie stepped quietly through the ICU hall and nodded at Amelia as she passed. Then she stopped, and turned back to the young nurse. "Is Agent Gibbs in with Tony?" she asked.
Amelia nodded. "Yes he is. I think…he might want some privacy. He was sort of upset," she said quietly.
Jackie nodded. "He's had a rough week. Is it possible to get a cot for him? I don't think he's slept since the first explosion…"
"I don't know if I can get a cot, but I can get a chair that reclines," Amelia said.
Jackie realized then that she probably should have found Gibbs something to eat before returning back here. She was almost certain that he hadn't eaten much in the past few days. "Can I order him a breakfast tray?" Jackie said. It was still a couple of hours until breakfast, but it was better than nothing.
"Sure," Amelia said, making a note for it. "Anything else?"
Jackie nodded. "One more thing. And it's kind of a big favor." She smiled. "Could he have a cup of nurse's station coffee?"
A couple of moments later, armed with the newspaper and two cups of steaming coffee, Jackie headed into the cubicle. She stopped, just inside, and raised the back of her hand to her mouth. "Ohhhh," she murmured.
Gibbs was leaning over the bed, his head resting near Tony, lips near Tony's temple, his arms cradling Tony carefully so he wouldn't hurt him, one hand twisted up into the younger man's blankets. He was sound asleep on his feet.
Jackie set down the coffee mugs and the newspaper and set her purse on the floor. She wasn't sure if she should wake him. She knew sometimes the federal agents could get pretty swept up in their sleep—so much so that they woke up swinging. But Jackie was worried about him sleeping on his feet. She was concerned he might fall.
"Jethro," she called gently. She frowned when she received no response. Taking two steps closer, her eyes drifting over both of them carefully, she smiled sadly. "Jeeettthhhrroo," she called. Still no response.
Cursing her husband and his bullheaded selfishness under her breath, Jackie headed back to the nurse's station. "Excuse me," Jackie said quietly. "I was wondering…" she carefully explained the situation, taking care to make sure Amelia knew that Gibbs was ok—just exhausted. He didn't need medical attention.
It wasn't long before two orderlies came in, one of them rolling a recliner with them. They positioned the recliner close to the bed as Jackie directed, but not in the way of Tony's bed. Then they moved quietly to Gibbs' side and began moving him towards the recliner. Jackie's eyes filled with tears when Gibbs tightened his hold on Tony's blanket, refusing to let him go. He shook his head slightly and whimpered (Yes, the Almighty Leroy Jethro Gibbs actually whimpered) and tried to remain close to his partner.
"It's ok Jethro," Jackie said from the other side of the bed. "You're safe. We're just moving you to a chair so you can rest."
Gibbs suddenly shot straight up and looked around, flinching and fighting the orderlies who held him. "GET BACK! GET AWAY!" Gibbs snarled, still trying to get his brain to catch up.
"Gibbs! Jethro! It's ok! Calm down!" Jackie called. The orderlies immediately backed away when Gibbs began fighting them. Jackie stepped right up to him and fearlessly put her hands on his shoulders, standing still and calm until he blinked and recognized her. He took several heaving breaths and glanced around. He saw the orderlies in the room, Jackie, Tony still on the bed…he was so confused…
"What uh…what's going on?"
"I got you a recliner so you can rest," Jackie said with a gentle smile.
Gibbs shook his head. "I'm fine," he muttered. "I need some coffee."
"What you need is sleep," Jackie said firmly.
"What I NEED is for people to back off me and let me live my life and take care of my partner," he snapped.
The orderlies left, seeing that Gibbs was now awake and not a threat to himself or anyone else. It had been a few tense moments though, and the two men were practically falling over each other to get out of the cubicle.
Jackie leveled a stare at Gibbs. "What you need is rest. You can either rest here, or you can go home and sleep and I will wait here with Tony until you come back. The choice is yours."
Gibbs looked so angry; Jackie really thought he was going to argue with her. But much to her relief, after only a moment, he broke his angry glare and an expression of weariness filled his face. He nodded jerkily and looked back to Tony. "Is he ok?"
"He's just fine. He's resting. You need to rest too. I'll stay here too—and I'll wake you if there's any change or if the doctor comes in. You need to rest. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of Tony. He needs you to be strong Gibbs. You have to sleep in order to do that."
He looked around the cubicle, taking in the view of Tony, the drawn curtain, the director's wife in front of him—a powerhouse of strength. She was like a Mama Grizzly too! "You're right," he muttered softly. "I just…" he shrugged helplessly. "I've missed so much," his voice shook and it nearly broke Jackie's heart. "I don't wanna…don't wanna miss anymore. What if he wakes up?"
"The doctor said he won't wake up all of a sudden. He's going to wake up really gradually. You have time to sleep honey. Get some rest. I'll wake you when the doctor gets here."
"Is there a blanket?" Gibbs asked. He ran his hands up and down his arms. He was chilly and achey and just really felt like hell.
Jackie handed him the cup of coffee, knowing it wouldn't keep him awake, and the bottle of tylenol out of her purse. "I'll go get you a blanket and a pillow," she said with a smile.
Gibbs nodded. "Thank you," he said quietly.
Jackie headed for the nurse's desk again. Gibbs smiled at Jackie's retreating form and then turned back to Tony. "I'm gonna sack out beside ya," he said. "I'm just in the chair. If you need me, just…let me know…you know, like wake up and poke me." He smiled sadly and kissed Tony's forehead and then his cheek. "I love you," he whispered.
He sat down in the chair and kicked back the recliner. It wasn't particularly comfortable, but it was reasonably soft. He glanced out the window at the sun that was just beginning to rise and he thanked whoever was listening for another chance with Tony. The steady beeping of Tony's heart monitor was like a child's lullaby, and by the time Jackie returned with the pillow and blanket, Gibbs was sound asleep again.
TBC…
