Blackbeard by Roo

"I'm still standing better than I ever did; looking like a true survivor…I'm still standing after all this time, picking up the pieces of my life…" Elton John

"I made your favourite." Sara announced, standing in the kitchen packing something into a tin.

"What's that?"

"Chocolate hazelnut and coconut cake, of course."

"Oh, okay."

"Don't you want any?"

"I guess. I don't remember what it tastes like," Jack wasn't focused on the food so much as the thought that they were off to the wide open spaces of Minnesota any moment.

"That's why I made it Jack."

"How do you do this?" he asked curiously.

"Eggs, butter, cocoa…"

"Not the cake. This. Us. How did you know what to do? I pushed you away so much. But you wouldn't let me go. Why?"

"You really have to ask Jack?"

"Yes."

"Because I love you Jack. And Charlie needs his dad too. I need you. You didn't die over there, you came back to me. You thought you were out of the Air Force when your chute didn't open six years ago. We made it through that. We'll make it through this. If you'd still been talking to Frank, you could have told him the stuff you can't tell me. God knows that would have helped. Because there's things I know you bottle up and I can't reach you."

"Don't mention Frank again." he said abruptly.

"Okay I'm sorry. I won't." he was still very prickly over some subjects, but things had been a lot better lately.

"Ah, you get everything you want packed?" Jack asked after a pause.

"Sure."

"What time did Mike say he'd drop Charlie off?"

"Any moment now. I've got his clothes done, but he can pick out which three toys he can bring with him."

"Sounds like a good plan."

"So was the one suggesting we have a few days to ourselves, and then go up to your grandpa's cabin, just the three of us."

"I have lots of interesting ideas," he said patting her on the behind as he passed her to go through to the garage. Sara smiled after him. Glad that he felt able to feel alive again. His moods were still a little unpredictable. Hopefully the cabin in Minnesota would complete the healing begun here in this house as well as the physical healing in the hospitals over the last few months.

She knew the open air and scenery at the cabin would be good for all of them. Hopefully she and Jack could continue to get reacquainted with their relationship as friends and lovers. She was sure Sid at the store could keep an eye on Charlie if needed. But Jack knew plenty of out of the way places up there…

Things were still holes in the puzzle that was Jack O'Neill that she would never find. She had to accept that. But every now and then they'd find a new piece that fit, or turn around one that was jammed in the wrong place and put it where it belonged.

"Fields of gold" Sting

"Are we there yet?" asked Charlie for what felt like the hundredth time. Jack's sun glassed eyes met Sara's as they both said "No".

"Aww, we're never gonna get there…" sulked Charlie in the back seat, listless in the heat and bored.

"Not much longer now, I promise," said Jack, glancing in the mirror at his impatient son, before keeping an eye on the busy road ahead.

"You always say that!"

"Okay how about I- SPY then?" suggested Jack.

There was a heavy sigh from the back seat.

"Alright I'll start," continued Jack undaunted. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with…..t."

"Traffic," said Sara

"Nope. Charlie?"

"Trucks."

"Good guess, but no."

"Tyres," said Sara

"Nope."

"Trees."

"That's it, lots and lots of trees, good job Charlie. And it's also t for turn off. Do you remember where we are now Charlie?" said Jack as he indicated and turned off the Interstate.

"Is this the road to the Peterson's and then Sid and the store and then the cabin?" asked Charlie hopefully, taking a more lively interest in the scenery outside the car.

"I didn't think you'd remember." answered Sara turning round to look at their son.

"Kid's got a good eye for detail," murmured Jack.

"Yeah and he's still only a kid, so don't go thinking things…" Sara said knowing if Jack could he'd enrol him now for the Air Force. It reminded her suddenly of all they'd been through lately and why they were headed for the seclusion of the O'Neill family cabin.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that."

"Maybe you should," Jack replied flatly, his hands tightening momentarily on the steering wheel.

By the time they made it to Sid's store, Jack had to force himself out of the driver's seat. Only twenty more miles to the cabin and he could have done with out the stop. It meant he'd have to unkink his back and then get back in the car again. But he couldn't miss seeing Sid; the guy would never forgive him. And when he thought about it, Sid, the store and the dreams of fishing at the cabin was another part of his life that had helped him in his four months of hell.

Sara and Charlie went on ahead; Jack got out of the car and stood up carefully. Digging his hands into his back he tried to ease the knotted muscles. Doing that aggravated his aching shoulder too. Yes he was fit, well fitter than he had been, but he hadn't driven long distance for a while, and everything was ganging up on him.

"Jack, you son of a gun!" bellowed Sid from the store's porch, "Dammit, you okay?"

"Fine Sid. How are you?" said Jack turning round.

"Fine, he says," muttered Sid as he came down the steps and met Jack by the car. "Jesus, it's been too long,"

"Yeah, well the best laid plans and all that…." Jack half joked.

"So…you home for good now or what?" asked Sid.

"Back on light duties. Taking it slow for a while. Still might get shipped out somewhere. You never know." was all Jack could reply.

"Ahh, well," commented Sid, as they stood leaning against Jack's car waiting for Sara and Charlie.

"So…you doing okay Sid? Anybody new in your life that I should know about?"

"I'm fine. I got Gene and Martha to help out during the busy season. But you know - Tanya was special. I'm not looking to replace her, you know?"

"Yeah you're absolutely right. Some women are really special," agreed Jack. They stood in comfortable silence watching the birds flit about and the trees rustle in the light breeze. Behind Sid, Jack could see Sara coming out with grocery bags, Charlie had an ice cream.

Jack could see Sid was looking at him to see if he was different in some way. "I'd better help Sara," he said, clapping Sid's arm as he went past.

"Anything you need, Jack. I'll be here."

"Thanks." replied Jack nodding, knowing Sid meant more than bait for the fish, or logs for the fire.

"This wasn't quite how I planned on spending the first night," muttered Jack as he lay on the decking, waiting for the pain killers to dull the throb in his back and shoulder. The bed was too soft at the moment even if it did have one attraction- Sara was in it. He did have a great view of the night sky though, and that was double plus good.

The O'Neill family had settled into their usual cabin routine of unpacking, putting things away, checking the generator etc. Charlie went off to his favourite spot, promising not to go near the water. They were all tired from the journey….

Tell me what I want to know!

You can't make me

Oh but I can…

Stop! You don't have to do this!

But I do. You won't help me Jonathon. It's all your fault this is happening

Bullshit! This is nothing to do with me!

No, you are mine now. I know the spread of your bones, the stretch of your muscles, and how high the pulley in the ceiling needs to be, so that everything is just right for these little chats of ours….

"Jack wake up!" Sara's hand was on his arm. He sat up startled.

"What?" he asked confused his heart racing, sweat trickling down his face.

"You were making a noise. Are you okay now?"

"I guess. I didn't wake Charlie did I?" Jack wiped his face.

"No," Sara said quietly, "He's sound asleep. All the fresh air!"

"Sweet."

"It's getting chilly out here, you'd better come back in anyway," commented Sara, reaching down to give him a hand. They had come a long way down this rocky road of Jack's. He took her hand gratefully and eased his sore lean body upright.

Jack drifted off to sleep after a gentle massage and the pills finally kicked in as a last resort, Sara's hand resting on the small of his back felt like it belonged there. Dimly he remembered he had intended to look after her tonight. Keep her warm and snug. He'd managed a thank you kiss and that was about it for tonight. Disappointment flooded through him. An opportunity missed, he thought sleepily, and they'd been doing so well…. Gotta be a Plan B somewhere, sometime over the next week.

"Jack, we can't!" Sara sounded shocked but she wasn't exactly an unwilling participant.

"Why not?" Jack said undoing another button and sliding his hand under Sara's shirt. This was what he called an open air picnic…..

"Oh God, cause Charlie and Sid are…mmpf" her words were cut off as Jack kissed her. One hand waved vaguely in the direction of the lake. Jack captured the hand and pinned it down above Sara's head.

He released her mouth, his dark eyes forcing her to look at him while his body leaned into hers as he spoke.

"They're fishing on the lake down there. We are up here. They can't see us!"

"Sure?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Sara shook her head.

"We might have to be quiet though…" he smiled at her. She laughed. Risk taker flyboy….

"Now…where were we…?" he said playfully.

"Here," Sara replied pulling him towards her. He was nobody else's but hers now and for the rest of their lives.

"Oh yeah…"

Sid looked up from tidying the fishing rods and bait boxes as Jack and Sara returned. He watched them walk towards him holding hands. He was pleased to see that they both looked much better than when they'd arrived a week ago. Sid was glad of the chance to go fishing on the lake and Charlie was no bother.

"Have a good walk?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"Absolutely. It had its ups and downs…" Jack's mouth twitched as Sara swatted his backside. Sid just laughed and shook his head at them.

Charlie raced out of the cabin when he heard their voices.

"Hey pumpkin! Did you catch any fish?" asked Sara bending down to pick him up for a hug.

"No, we didn't. But it was okay. Mommy?"

"Yes."

"Why have you got grass and stuff in your hair and shirt?"

"In his arms she fell, as her hair came down, among the fields of barley…

Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth, among the fields of gold.

I never made promises lightly, and there have been some that I've broken.

But I swear in the days still left, we'll walk in fields of gold." ( Sting)