Chapter 7
The next day, Cloud had already left when I woke up. His race was scheduled early in the day so he had to be off before everyone else to prepare. I knew however, that Yuffie, Nanaki and Barret had accompanied him to help out. Parts of me was relieved knowing I wouldn't have to bump into Yuffie this early in the morning, but still I felt a bit nervous since I knew I had to encounter them all sooner or later. I still didn't know exactly how things were between me and Tifa and I really doubted that I would be able to pretend as if nothing happened without being rude. In other words, I had never wished for an easy escape more than I did at this point. This proved to be rather impossible however, as I had barely left my room before I had my first random encounter. This time, to my relief, it was Barret.
"Yo Vinnie! You up already?"
I nodded my head slightly in reply, a bit confused why he was still here.
"Haven't Cloud left already? I thought you were supposed to go with him"
Barret scratched his scalp slightly with his metal hand, as if my question needed a thorough amount of thought. Marlene peeked out from behind him before he got a chance to answer, taking the word.
"Cloud left about half an hour ago. Change of plans" she said while smiling shyly at me, and I grinned slightly in return to reassure her. Despite she was becoming of age, her sweet personality never seemed to change and no matter who she met, she seemed to be liked by everyone; even me. Maybe it was because of her feminine traits, which was obviously influenced by both Tifa and Aerith, whom she adored endlessly.
Barret looked down at the fair little girl at his side in a way that only a parent can, and ruffled her hair gently.
"Right you are little one."
He looked back up at me. "We were just about to go on a little errand for Cloud together with Cid on the Shera. Apparently, Cloud needs something from the Chocobo Farm that he forgot, so we are gonna go fetch it all for him. Ya wanna join?"
I narrowed my eyes slightly, a bit suspicious. Cloud forgetting something like this just didn't seem right.
"What is it that he needs?"
Barret continued to scratch his scalp.
"Oh, ya know... chocobo-stuff. Apparently, he didn't bring his best one either and since Joe is competin' he'll need it after all to have a chance at winning today. So what'll it be Vinnie? Ya got some free time to help out?"
Despite my doubts, I didn't need long to think through my options. Either it was going with them or having to stay here on my own, with a large possibility of running into the ever too enthusiastic Yuffie way too early in the morning, only to be dragged off to help her out instead. I nodded slightly once more to show that I agreed, despite something still told me that there had to be a catch.
"Alright, I'll come along"
Barret smiled. "Great! We could use some more manpower on this trip! Especially since we have a lot to do once we get there. I'm sure it'll be fine though!"
He hit me forcefully in the back before marching down the hallway, Marlene skipping next to him to keep up with his pace. I coughed slightly, trying to act tougher than I was. Barret's touch always seemed to knock the air out of most people.
"We'll meet outside the Saucer at 11:00 sharp! And don't be late!"
Marlene turned slightly, waving to me with one hand.
"Yeah, don't forget Vincent! Tifa is already there and you know she hates it when she has to wait!"
Barret frantically shushed at her before dragging her out of my sight, their whispering eventually fading down the hallway. My heart sank into the dark abyss that was my stomach at her words, realizing I had dug myself deeper into the ground than I was before.
So I wasn't let off the hook that easily after all.
I simply hoped I would be able to keep a straight face if I were to encounter Tifa, and that there weren't anything more behind Marlene's words than what it seemed. It was hard enough for me to deal with this situation with just myself and Tifa involved, and if anyone else decided to stick their noses into our business, I really didn't know what I would do. But as I walked towards the exit to wait for the departure, I couldn't help but wonder who had set this entire thing off. Had Tifa spilled the beans to Cloud after all, despite how he pretended to not know anything? Or had he simply seen through me? I guess I would get to know the answers sooner than I probably could realize now, but I wasn't entirely sure if I liked the directions things were going.
After a while flying on the Shera, Cid, Barret and I arrived at the Chocobo Farm. According to Cid, we needed to restock a few supplies as well as bring Cloud's most priced and well-bred chocobo, Flower, back to the Gold Saucer with us. Flower was Cloud's current only gold chocobo and was kept together in the field together with the rest of the chocobos Cloud had at the farm. She was therefore highly idolized by the rest of the herd and separating her from the rest could sometimes become quite an issue. Because of this, Barret, Cid and I all had to be inside the pen at once, trying to keep the herd busy while we separated Flower from them and got her outside.
Tifa waited outside the pen to close the gate once we got Flower out. I hadn't gotten the chance to speak with her as she arrived outside when we were already in our positions. I was also a bit nervous and I feared that if I were to meet her eye, it would be more than I could handle. At least I needed to keep my cool, until this ordeal was over.
We immediately noticed however, that separating our target from the rest of her herd was going to be all other than easy.
The other chocobos immediately clustered around Flower, realizing that we were about to take their favorite member away, which made it really hard for us to get her outside without letting the others slip by at the same time. I was standing guard a few feet away from the gates as Barret and Cid herded the pack. When Flower would attempt to run outside, Tifa would catch her and I was to cut off the rest of the herd by scaring them back into the pen, preventing them from running after her.
Caught up in my current waiting-game, I couldn't keep myself from peeking over at Tifa standing on the other side of the fence a few meters away. Always so composed and always so happy, she shone as she always did, making the surrounding mountains and beautiful scenery seem gray and dull in comparison. I had never thought I would ever meet a woman as beautiful or wonderful as Lucrecia, but apparently, fate still had surprises in store for me. The day I encountered Cloud and the others and joined them on their quest to find Sephiroth, I had never thought it would grant me more than relief from some of my uncountable sins. Least of all the options and possible scenarios, I had never expected to actually be able to love someone again.
Tifa suddenly looked over at me, her reddish eyes meeting with my crimson. She smiled slightly, which made my insides twist in agony and pleasure at the same time. She had no idea what she did to me by simply existing.
"Hey, VINNIE! Look out!"
I was suddenly brought back to the real world by the sound of Cid's yelling. I turned my head to see a stampede of chocobos heading straight for me and I realized I had reacted too slowly. Flower, seeing me as simply an object blocking her path, nearly ran me down before I managed to dodge her. Trying to save the situation, I quickly jumped in front of the rest of the herd, hoping they would stop before they reached the gate. Luckily for me, only one chocobo failed to stop and it crashed into me, sending me face first to the ground.
It darted out of the pen and past Tifa, who was holding onto Flower. She hurried over to the gate and slammed it shut, in case that more of the chocobos decided to make a daring escape, before she bound Flower to the fence and jumped inside, heading towards me.
I scrambled to an upright position on the ground, head spinning a bit. It had been one hell of an impact.
"Vincent, are you alright?"
I nodded my head slightly, blinking a few times. "I'm fine"
Cid and Barret approached us, both of them looking slightly surprised by the scene they had just witnessed.
"What the hell happened, Vincent? One of the black ones managed to escape because you weren't paying attention! Cloud will have your head!"
I staggered to my feet, a bit embarrassed. This complicated things a bit as I hadn't counted on having to chase a stray chocobo all over the area when I had agreed to come along with them. Never the less, it seemed to just become one of those days and there was nothing I could do about it. It was my fault and I had to make up for it, hopefully before Cloud found out.
"Don't worry, I'll go look for it. It won't go far without its herd, being a black chocobo so it'll seek us out soon. I'll make sure it gets back safe"
Barret scoffed slightly. "Yeah, you'd better or else Cloud will kill you. He's spent ages and tons of gil on the little buggers"
Cid went over to the gate and opened it, before taking Flower by her halter.
"We'll finish up here and load Flower and the other supplies on board the ship in the meantime. There's still some time left before we're gonna be ready so you should have at least a little while to locate it. "
I nodded and turned on my heel to walk off, wanting to locate the stray chocobo as fast as I could. I didn't get far though, before I heard a voice behind me.
"Wait, Vincent!"
I turned to see Tifa run after me, and eventually, she caught up.
"I'll go with you. The plains are vast so it'll be faster if we search for it together."
I felt a bittersweet sensation tingle in my guts at her words, both grateful and a bit cornered at the same time. At least this meant that she wasn't repulsed by me, despite our last confrontation. Tifa however, seemed as calm and collected as she ever was, as if nothing ever happened.
"If we follow its tracks, it shouldn't take long for us to locate it."
I nodded slightly, wondering if this was such a good idea. Not only did being around her put extensive pressure on me, but the direction of the tracks was a bit unsettling. For every minute that ticked by, we came a little bit closer to the Marshlands leading up to the Mythril Mine, which was an area you'd normally avoid on foot if you were a sane person. Due to the highly dangerous species of serpents that dwelled in the Marshlands, it was nearly impossible to cross the area without riding a chocobo, as normal humans weren't nearly as fast as one of them. As if she could read my mind, Tifa eventually spoke again.
"I don't like the looks of this Vincent… We're nearly at the edge of the Marshlands now, and the tracks keep on going. I really hope the chocobo is okay…"
I nodded again, a bit uncertain what to answer. All this mess was, after all, my fault. I'd hate to see one of Cloud's prized chocobos being eaten by a Midgar Zolom.
"Yeah. It ran off because of me so I really want to make up for it"
Tifa smiled slightly, though apparently more to herself than me. "Sorry about that…"
I looked at her. "What are you apologizing for?"
Her gaze wandered away from me, a faint shimmer of pink started to color her cheeks.
"I guess I am because I am partly responsible for that"
I felt a sting in my stomach, face getting hotter by the second. So she had understood, despite my doubts. She did realize my feelings for her. I should have known that she wasn't that stupid but parts of me were still very surprised by more than one matter. Why was she pushing herself so hard on me, if she already knew the truth? Didn't it bother her?
I hid what I could of my face in my collar, trying to act indifferent. We had now crossed into the Marshlands and I immediately felt my instincts attempt to sharpen. This was dangerous territory and a dangerous place to be taken off guard.
"There is no reason for you to apologize, Tifa…"
I was surprised how hard it was to keep my voice calm and collected. In reality I wanted to shout until my vocal cord tore.
"I'm sorry it's turned out like this."
Tifa looked over at me, smiling slightly. I however, didn't dare to meet her eyes.
"Are you really that sorry about feeling that way…?"
Her voice bore a faint hint of sadness and I didn't really know what I should answer her. Of course my feelings for her meant a lot to me, but when I was so uncertain about what it did to her, I just couldn't be completely open-hearted towards her. What could she do? She had Cloud in her heart.
When I didn't reply, Tifa too fell silent. I realized I had probably acted hurtful towards her but I didn't know what I could say to relive her. No matter what I chose to do, either it was hurting her or admitting everything clearly to her, it would still result in negativity on one or another part. She stopped walking for a moment, gaze lowered towards the ground. I watched her from a few feet away, not daring to walk over to her.
"Vincent…?"
I watched as she started to walk forward slowly, not sure if I should follow or not.
"Yes?"
"Do you really love me?"
I felt my heart sting at her words, as if it had been pierced by them. I had imagined many times how it would be if she were to find out the truth and confront me with the matter, yet nothing could compare to the actual situation. Now that we were standing at this point, I felt more scared than I had ever done in my life as I recalled it before. Was there a chance that my reply could ruin our relationship forever? Torn between not wanting to admit anything in case it repelled her, and denying the entire deal but possibly make matters easier for her, I had a hard time deciding what to answer. No matter what answer I chose, it seemed like there was no possibility for things to end up good for the both of us. How honest I in reality wanted to be, the thought of losing Tifa was simply too much for me to handle. If it meant I had to sacrifice my feelings in order to be with her as a friend, it was what I had to do.
But did that make it the right thing to do?
"I…"
Having chosen the words I really wanted to use, I was pretty amazed by how hard it was to utter them as I knew they would be false. I felt like a child, scared of losing something dear to me, and I was wondering how my existence would be had she actually left me for good. Being filled with so many feelings saddened me even more, as I realized there were so many things I didn't know about myself. How could I even be sure I had ever been a child? I had so little to give other people, yet I needed nothing back either. There was only one thing in the world that I wanted; and it was her.
"I do…"
I knew it was my voice that spoke, yet it didn't feel like it was me who uttered the words. Although I had figured it would be harder to admit the truth to her, I had ended up just spilling the words at whim, and probably at a bad time as well. But somehow, it just seemed impossible to lie to her about this now. Surprised by my own honesty, I didn't know where to put my eyes. The entire deal had gone way too far on my behalf and I could only wait for the judgment that waited.
Tifa however, still hadn't turned towards me and I could only guess what went through her mind. In the worst possible case, this could be the last time we ever would spend time alone again.
"You're honest, I can tell, but…" she started, finally turning towards me. I was amazed I dared to look her in the eye.
"But I don't understand why you keep acting as if it's yet another one of your sins… Is loving me really such a crime to you that you have to distance yourself from me to the point where I can't even be around you anymore? You have no idea how hard I've struggled to keep simply in touch with you Vincent!"
I felt a sting in my stomach. She was right. While I was trying to take her feelings into consideration, I had ended up hurting her regardless.
"It's hard when you act this way… Why can't you simply let yourself love me…?"
I looked at the ground, feeling even guiltier than I had before. Somehow, I couldn't find the words I wanted to tell her, the words that were needed to make her understand. But did they even exist? And if they did, were they not simply excuses I made to defend my own weakness?
Eventually, Tifa seemed to have had enough of my attitude and turned on her heel to run, leaving me behind alone. I cursed under my breath, balling my fists tightly together in rage at myself for being so narrow-minded. Not once had I ever stopped to really reflect on her feelings, but rather told myself she was indifferent when it came to me. I should have known better than to neglect her that way without giving her a reason, but did that very reason not also repel her from me? At least when she worked so hard to try to make me come back to them, she had an excuse to keep being in my company. If I would say I hadn't played upon that fact at least a little once in a while, I would definitely be lying. However, this time I refused to concede defeat. Determined, I started to run after her as fast as I could manage through the damp marshlands, suddenly wanting to admit everything to her. At least if this was the way things were going to end up, I wanted her to understand my motives for it.
I called out her name as loud as I could but she kept on going, ignoring my calls. After a while however, it seemed that my persistence paid off, as Tifa came to a halt further up ahead. Once she finally stopped, it didn't take long before I caught up with her and I cautiously approached her, this time in no doubt over what I would tell her.
"Tifa, I…"
My voice trailed off as I realized it was not because of me at all that she had stopped. In front of her, lay a old chocobo skeleton partly submerged into the wet surface of the ground. Around it was all kinds of armor and old weapons scattered across the area, many still with their old materia still attached to them. I immediately sensed a tingle of fear in the back of my mind, telling me to get out of the area as fast as I could. But it seemed that we had a big problem.
"We're in its territory already" Tifa breathed, seemingly at guard at what was happening around us.
"I didn't realize we were this far out…"
Tifa nodded. "I guess we both got carried away… I'm sorry Vincent, I…"
I raised my hand to silence her, my eyes trailing the area for any movement that could reveal the serpent's position.
"We'll deal with this later. It's closing in…"
Tifa too scanned the area intently, obviously a bit frightened by the situation.
"We have to hurry back before it corners us"
Before Tifa managed to take another step, the water before us suddenly parted into a large wave and I jumped to the side, barely dodging the attack of the monster. A Midgar Zolom. To my relief I noticed Tifa too had managed to avoid the attack, but the gap between us now was rather wide. It was easy to pluck us one by one when we were separated like this. The Midgar Zolom circled us a few times before positioning itself before us, blocking our path back to the safety of the land. It luckily created a break for Tifa, who ran swiftly over to my side to face the serpent face to face, alongside me. As we stood before it, I couldn't help but stare at it in awe, a bit stunned to actually have ended up encountering one of these menacing creatures after all. I felt my hand instinctively reach for my Cerberus in its holster, every thought of Cloud's chocobo erased from my mind. What mattered now was getting Tifa and myself out of this alive. I rested my hand on its handle, ready to pull at any minute.
"What do we do?"
Tifa slowly reached out towards her pocket, pulling out her fighting gloves. She slowly but carefully put them on, not taking her eyes away from the serpent for a single second. Time seemed to be standing still.
"There is no running away now. We'll just have to take it down. "
I quickly pulled out the Cerberus and loaded it to maximum capacity while I had the chance, careful to not make any too sudden moves that would prompt another attack just yet. As I noticed Tifa was assuming battle pose in the corner of my eye, I pointed the barrels of my gun into the air, taking aim at the serpent's head. It hissed aggressively in reaction and I grinned to myself.
"Heh… Sounds like my kind of party"
Author's Note: *Moan* This chapter took forever to finish because of my final exams. I'm sorry that it's so messy and badly structured, not even to mention so long. There were a lot of feelings and situations I needed to put into this chapter to get it the way I wanted but I probably won't end up with a chapter this long again before the end. This will be the longest chapter in the story however and as we're getting closer to the end I'm starting to think that the result isn't so bad. Thanks a lot to all of you who have followed me so far, it means so much to me!
Please leave a review if you happen to read it, thanks a lot!
