His heart is pounding, and he doesn't think his palms have ever been this sweaty before, and his breathing is shallow and she's giving him this look and it makes it all so much worse. He's never wanted anyone this much. It's scary how much he wants her. He discreetly wipes his hand on his pants and brings them up to cup her face and kisses her lips, his own trembling like mad.
"Finn, you're shaking." she says quietly into his mouth.
"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just nervous," he says
"This really is a big deal isn't it?" she says.
"It's a huge deal," he says. "I just, and not to sound like a girl but I just want it to be perfect."
She takes his hand in hers and puts it over her heart."Do you feel that?" she says.
"Yeah," he says, noticing its mile a minute pace.
"That's how I felt the first time that I kissed you Finn, only now it's so much more potent. I think I'm nervous too."
"You don't seem nervous," he said.
"I guess I just don't know how to show it. It's not an emotion we like to flaunt where I come from."
"We don't here either, it's just kind of hard to help it sometimes," he says sheepishly. "Times like this."
She smiles, kisses him softly and runs her lips away from his and along his jaw and down to his neck, making his breath seize and goosebumps rise up on his arms.
"Finn," she whispers into his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "Can I see you? All of you?"
"Okay," he says quietly, and he tentatively stands up in front of her and pulls his top over his head and pulls down his pants. She blushes a little at the sight of him, it's the first time he's ever been completely naked in front of her, and he feels naked, he can't remember if he's ever felt this vulnerable before and he wonders silently if she feels the same. She rises up on her knees and shifts toward him and grabs him by the hips and inches him closer to the edge of his bed.
"I like your body," she says giggling a bit, and she runs her small hands over his shoulders and chest and the smooth expanse of his stomach. He's never thought much of his body, he's always thought it was big and awkward and entirely too pale and freckly for someone who spends so much time in the sun, but she thinks it's the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, and he turns the corner of his lips up into an appreciative half-smile.
"It's not as cute as yours," he says bashfully.
"Can I touch you? Right there?" she asks, glancing down.
He feels like his mouth is filled with peanut butter, he can't manage any words so he simply nods. She smiles and wraps her hand around him with no hesitation, and his body tenses a bit at the contact.
"It's very warm," she says, still touching it. "It's like a sea cucumber only warm and dry." He shrugs, he supposes there are worse things for her to compare his penis to. "Will it fit?" she continues. God she's awesome.
"Yeah," he says, leaning in to kiss her as she continues to touch him, making him ache. "It'll fit." She then removes her hand and wraps her arms around him, crushing her tiny, clothed body into his large naked one, and he does the same, holding her close and kissing her deeply.
"I feel a sort of tingle," she says, as their lips part, giggling a bit, "And I feel as if I'm leaking, is that meant to happen before..."
"Before sex?" he says, finishing her sentence. "Yeah, that's totally normal."
"Good, I like the way it feels," she says and she kisses him again. "Will you lay down on the bed with me now?" she whispers quietly into his mouth.
"The bed? yeah," he says, his voice coming out high pitched and strangled. And she lies down, pulling him on top of her, letting him kiss her, and she slips her tongue into his mouth and caresses it against his.
"Finn," she says, breaking the kiss. "I trust you."
"I love you," he says looking deep into her eyes. "I would never hurt you, ever."
"I know," she says. He continues to kiss her on her mouth and on her neck, and his hand shakes a bit as he reaches for her boxers. "I'm going to touch you there, is that okay?"
"You can touch me anywhere," she whispers and he takes a deep breath and slides his hand under the waistband of her boxers. Her breath hitches as he finds her, feeling her heat and her wetness. He has no idea how to properly make love to a woman, he figures that's something that will come with practice, but he's looked at enough diagrams to know where the clitoris is. He wants to make her feel something, even if it's not the proper way. he rubs his fingers over it and her breath is becoming shallow and her eyes squeeze shut and she's biting her lip.
"Finn!" she gasps, "Oh my god what's happening?"
"Do you feel that? The way your body just sort of reacts?"
"I feel it," she says. "Keep going, please Finn."
He kisses her mouth as he continues to touch her and she cups the back of his head and kisses him back, her lips are trembling, and he can feel her body quivering under him as he works his hand.
"Yes, oh god yes, keep going," she says between kisses, and she twists her fingers into his hair, pulling it.
"Ow," her exclaims into her mouth.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she says, putting her hands over her mouth in mild embarrassment.
"That's okay, he says, chuckling, "I actually kind of liked it," and he removes his hand from under her boxers and begins to unbutton her shirt. She's still panting a little as he opens her shirt, exposing her breasts. He loves her breasts, how perky and firm they are, how they feel under his hands, and he wants to taste them, desperately. He kisses them first, easing her into it, and she giggles a little as he does, and more when he takes her nipple into his mouth, gently sucking her.
"Your fascination with my breasts is very amusing Finn," she says, still giggling.
"What can I say, they're good breasts," he says before continuing his task, taking the other one into his mouth, and her breath hitches again and her body continues to tremble as she feels his teeth and feels his tongue.
"Your mouth feels so different from your hands, does that work in other places too?" she says.
And he thinks she just asked him if he could go down on her.
"Well yeah, I mean if you want I could-"
"Yes, do it, please Finn," she says, cutting him off, and he so wants to. He kisses her breast again and leaves a trail of soft kisses down her stomach until he gets to the waistband of her boxers, she raises her hips and allows him to slide them off. He tosses them to the side and parts her thighs and goes between them, plunging his tongue into her hot center, and she smells and tastes better than he ever could have imagined. She grabs his hair again and arches up off of the bed and pants and moans as he laps her, caressing her with his mouth and tasting the sweet, hot moisture that flows from her. He throbs more and more painfully with each passing moment, and he knows that he'll blow his load any second if he doesn't get to the point soon, not even picturing the time he accidentally impaled that scuba diver is going to stave off his release for very long.
"Oh my god, oh Finn," she exclaims, her voice breathy and strained. "Do it, do it now, please."
"It?" he says, coming up for air, "you mean..."
"Yes, please Finn."so he leaves her and reaches for the condom on his nightstand.
"You really want this?" he says, meeting her gaze again.
She stares deeply into his eyes, her own full of trust and love for him, and she answers "I'm ready," without hesitation.
"Okay, here goes," at that he looks into her eyes once more, her big, innocent eyes that he fell in love with so long ago, and there's still so much that she doesn't know, about his world, and so much that he doesn't know about hers, and as much as he wants her, as much as he aches for her, he knows right then that this is as far as he can go, it's just too much.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Rachel. I can't do this," he sighs, his head collapsing into the crook of her neck.
"Finn I told you that It's fine, I want to,"she says once again.
"It just, this isn't right," he continues, "it doesn't feel right like this. I mean you're so... I can't..." he can't finish as he notices the disappointed look on her face.
"Finn," she says, her face softening. "If it really means that much to you to wait then I'll wait."
"Really?"
"Of course," she says as he sits up. "In the meantime are there any books about the subject of sexual intercourse I can read? I feel like the more I know about the subject the more likely you'll be willing to put out for me," he gives her a confused look at that point. "It was something else Puck said," she explains.
"Well yeah actually, my mom gave me one when I was fourteen so she wouldn't have to talk to me, I think it covers girl stuff too."
"Okay, well in that case I'll begin reading and when I'm done you'll give yourself to me comepletely," she says confidently, as if making the decision for him, and he truly loves her, more than anything, how could he not?
"I would love nothing more than to give myself to you," Finn jokes, then leans in to kiss her.
"Finn until then will you lie with me, like this?" she says, running a soft hand down his naked torso.
"Yeah, that I can do," They lay back onto the bed, their limbs intertwined as they kiss, and just that, just being next to her with no sex involved at all is like nothing he's ever felt before. It's like he feels so... connected to her and her to him, ever since the first moment they kissed he's felt as if he was tethered to her, like through some type of invisible, supernatural force and he's never understood it, but he's always felt it, so strongly, and it's stronger now than it ever was. But as he closes his eyes relaxing against her, suddenly he's underwater, deep underwater, and it's cold, but it feels good, it feels natural, and he's breathing, he can breath underwater with no trouble at all. He's swimming, swimming upward, higher and higher, effortlessly, until finally he's at the surface. He can feel the rain now, beating down on him, loudly splashing the water around him, and he can hear the lighting crack and the thunder pound and he sees a boat in the distance, it has capsized and is sinking rapidly and there is a boy, a very young boy floating nearby, a very familiar young boy. He is unconscious and floating in his life jacket, his small body being tossed around. And he realizes something. The young boy is him.
