Itachi's POV

I wanted to go home but I still needed to pick Sasuke at school.

Why did I agree on that date?

She looked different. I thought she wouldn't squeal or choosing such a bad place. It was crowed, small and full of drunken people touching you, in other words, a fucking bar.

I don't know why I still try. Who am I trying to convince?

I am... Tsch.

I had met her yesterday when I was talking to Kaoru...

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing that's your business Itachi"

"Hm"

I caught a glimpse of long blond hair and my eyes unintentionally followed it.

"And here I fooled myself thinking your reason to come here was because we are friends"

I smirked.

Between Kaoru, Kyuubi and I; Kaoru was the most mature, Kyuubi was the meanest and I was the most Machiavellian.

"Stop staring... I can't believe nobody ever noticed that"

Kaoru was the first to notice my preference for the long blond hair. I couldn't keep my eyes off.

"Itachi, you're a lost cause"

"Definitely"

She slightly smiled.

"You need stop worrying, things are fine now"

I returned my gaze on her.

"I know you didn't go out since Sasuke came back, but he's fine now... Why don't you try?"

"You know why"

"A last chance? You were just unlucky the last...er, all the previous times"

The bell rang and I hurried... I had to go back to the other side of the campus.

"You will tell me what you're hiding"

"If you get a date..."

I rolled my eyes and left.

On the same day, a girl came and asked me on a date... I would be lying if I said I accepted because of the girl, not that she wasn't fine. She was attractive, she had long blond hair, and she demanded a date with me, so she was interesting... I was curious. But the main reason was for Kaoru to tell me her secret, I knew something big had happened.

In the end...

It was disaster like any other girl I tried to date. I'm killing Kaoru if she doesn't tell me and I will avoid Kyuubi cause she was rather happy on her date, I'm not that good of a friend to endure my friend's happiness when I'm pissed.

Sasuke was waiting me alone in the school's gate.

He entered the car and stood quiet, probably noticing my unhappy expression.

I drove in silence all the way back to the small house. Why would we live in a mansion when we were by ourselves?

I sighed and looked properly at my little brother. My expression softened when I saw Sasuke sleeping soundlessly leaning against the window's car.

I shook him up lightly and he soon woke up. He yawned rubbing his eyes off the sleep.

"What?"

"We're home... are you fine?"

"Yes, just sleepy"

We entered home and Sasuke collapsed on the couch and fell asleep again. I frowned and touched his forehead.

I knew it, he had a fever.

He wasn't sick this morning, he wasn't sick at all. The fever was more of an emotional fever, I should know it.

It always happened by this time of the year; the time of our parents' death anniversary. That would explain the dinosaur too, Sasuke must be having nightmares. It's only a matter of time for the nightmares become worst.

When he was smaller, after the incident, he used to cling on me every time he had a nightmare or when he was just afraid of sleeping alone. Unfortunately that time I was going through a hell of situation and would barely pay attention to him.

I went to the kitchen to make the dinner; I would give him medicine to lower the fever after he had eaten.

I never minded the silence, I like it. But the silence makes you think to be filled, and that's when it becomes unbearable. Thinking about things you don't want to think, reviving memories you want to forget. The silence makes it all.

It's unavoidable. It's like their voices in my head.

"What happened to you?"

"Why did you do this to us, son?"

"ITACHI!"

"Please... just... Sasuke"

"I can't stand you! Both of you!"

"Don't you dare do it again!"

"It's your fault!"

"Itachi, son, we..."

Their voices never disappear, no matter the order they come, they always come. The scenes come together in my head, unavoidable. I'm cursed to revive it every single day. My guilt.

Sasuke's shouts brought me back to reality. The nightmares.

I couldn't wake him up, because I knew he was dreaming of me and it would only make it worse. I could hear him screaming my name, asking for help. It was a torture.

I couldn't wake him up. The last time I did...

First he was relieved it was a dream, but then he saw my face. He jumped in me, his hands on my neck, tears on his eyes. "Bring them back" he shouted again and again. "I hate you" he said. The fear in his eyes was clouded by his anger, but it still was there. Fear, despair and even a bit of madness. My guilt too.

The screaming stopped and I still could hear him breathing hard.

And after a while, he came to the kitchen. I said nothing about it, couldn't.

I touched his forehead, his fever had only increased.

"Here, eat first and then take the medicine"

He only nodded, his eyes avoiding me.

After he had eaten and taken the medicine, he kept me company in the kitchen until I had cleaned it all. I wondered if there was something he wanted to tell me.

"You don't need to wait for me, little brother. Go and take a shower"

But in the end, he waited until I was done. He went to his room and left the door opened. He indeed wanted to talk to me.

I let myself in and sat on the armchair next to the window. He close the door and stood in silence. I sighed.

"Take a shower, Sasuke."

He wasn't complaining, just doing what I said. It worried me when he did that, he wasn't thinking, his mind was far.

When Sasuke came back from his shower, I had made his bed and put a futon on the floor. He lightly glared, but said nothing about my decision of sleeping there.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better"

He laid down on bed and covered himself and I sat back on the armchair.

We stood like that for a while until I broke the silence.

"How was your day?"

"Different."

"How so?"

"I got the main role for the stupid school's play"

"What's this year's play?"

"Romeo and Juliet"

"So you are Juliet?"

I teased, receiving a glare. He seemed better, at least.

"And I'm talking to the dobe again"

"Naruto?"

"Who more would it be?"

I only smiled, happy they were friends again. Sasuke and Naruto were a good influence to each other, they improved together, they improved themselves.

"Itachi..."

"What little brother?"

"I was wondering, do you remember that photo album I kept with me for years?"

"Hm...?"

"Where is it?"

"Why?"

"I want to see it"

It was in my room, I stood up and went there. It was the only photo album we had of our childhood, Sasuke had taken with him when he went camping. There was another one Orochimaru had given me from the time Sasuke stayed with him. I took them both back to Sasuke's bedroom.

He sat up on the bed, I sat beside him and opened it.

The same time I opened it, I unconsciously opened a door to haunted memories.

It was few years ago, I was 17 and Sasuke 12. And for a 12 years old, he knew more than he should. From his 8 to that age, he grew up almost on his own.

I was never home and when I was, I avoided him. I felt guilty, I was guilty. Sasuke still saw me as a hero when I was the villain.

I was slowly breaking from the inside, and so was Sasuke.

And one day, we both broke.

I had gone home after a long time. For some reason I can't remember, we ended up arguing.

"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS NII-SAN? WHY CAN'T YOU LOOK AT ME?"

I wanted him to stay away from me. I was cursed to have everyone I loved miserable or dead. Stay away from me Sasuke. Run from me while you can. Thinking this and only this I made another mistake, which, that time, I thought it was a good idea. It would keep him away from me. It worked.

I shoved him against the wall, my hands on his neck, his feet kicking the air. I wore a mask of pure evilness and careless.

"Do you want to know the truth, Sasuke?"

He tried to free himself, but I didn't let him causing him to choke.

"Do you want to know why I can't look at you? Why I'm like this?"

I drew nearer of his ear to whisper.

"It's because I...hate...you..."

His body froze by my words. I freed him of my grip. He was barely breathing.

"LIE! IT'S A LIE! YOU CAN'T! YOU DON'T"

I turned my back to him.

"It's true, Sasuke. I hate you... and I hated them all... I hate all Uchiha"

"LIAR! YOU ARE LYING! LYING!"

"I'm not... if I didn't hate them... why would I kill them?"

I heard him gasping, I could even hear his tears flowing his eyes. His screams had become mumblings and whisperings.

"Liar... you're lying... lyin.."

"That's right Sasuke... I started the fire... I did it because I hated them... I wanted them gone... And I got it"

"LIAR! LOOK AT ME AND SAY IT AGAIN!"

I turned around and did as he had requested.

"I started the fire"

It was no lie

"I killed them"

I wasn't lying.

"I did it."

Yes, I did.

Sasuke saw the truth in my eyes, because it was the simple truth. He fell on his knees mumbling.

"No, no, no... it doesn't make sense... why? I'm alive... WHY? WHY? I'M ALIVE! WHY? DON'T YOU HATE ME? FUCKING KILL ME THEN!"

I forced a malicious laugh and used the coldest of tones.

"I couldn't... you weren't there... and now... I can't... I pity you Sasuke... it's not worth doing it... not now"

He was shaking. I pulled him by his hair.

"Are you afraid, Sasuke?"

He didn't dare to move.

"Run... Run from me while you can" please.

I let him there shaking, still absorbing my words and went to my bedroom.

The next day, he was gone. I heard him packing his stuff and did nothing to prevent him from going. Of course I was careful enough to watch over him in silence. Since I knew he was fine...

I underestimated him and lost him for few days. It was pure hell.

But then I received a call from some guy named Orochimaru saying Sasuke was fine. In resume, the weird guy said my brother would stay in his care for a while...

"ITACHI!"

I blinked going back to Sasuke's bedroom. He was frowning.

"For the hundredth fucking time... where did you get this?"

He pointed to the other album I had brought. I recovered quickly and answered him.

"Orochimaru gave it to me"

"Hn"

I closed the book in my hands, closing the door to the haunted memories and opened the book of the years I had lost.

"I never saw these pictures"

I had already seen and I knew some of them were kind of embarrassing, especially if you're as proud as Sasuke.

I smirked when his face closed as he analyzed the photo album. I couldn't help but tease.

"Aw Sasu-chan, you are so cute in this"

He glared at me and tried to get the album of my hands

"Give it to me!"

"No"

We kept on it for a while until he gave up.

"You never told me anything about your time there"

He sighed and stood quiet for a while.

"You never asked..."

I rolled my eyes.

I was feeling relieved he was feeling better; his fever seemed to be gone. Perhaps, he was just lonely.

He hated to admit it, but he hated this silence... and he showed it when he was talkative, willing to talk to keep the silence away, far away.

He showed it when he let his mask of grown-up slip away to show the child he couldn't be.

The child that still believed his big brother was a hero.

The child I had killed.

I let myself go with the flow and we talked for the rest of the night like we used to do a long, long time ago.

We laughed a bit and he told me a lot of stories, using the pictures as references.

"And this day, Karin and Suigetsu [...]"

The stories ended and we were immersed in a nice silence, on we didn't mind.

He yawned and I stood up to turn off the lights.

Sasuke kept looking at me to make sure I would be there.

He relaxed when I laid down on the futon and soon was he asleep.

I didn't sleep at all. I just waited until it was the time I was supposed to get up.

I made sure Sasuke wouldn't go to school. He needed rest.

I left him a note and headed to another hell of a day.


So, how was it?

I hope you liked it!

It was hard writing Itachi's POV, not used to it, so I don't know if I did it well.

Link to the mentioned album : http:/chibiyorur . deviantart . com/#/d4uxrjh

See you pretty soon.

Review!