NOTE: Don't own KH2. Why? Because I'm dead lazy – Look, I won't even bother to write the full name of KH2. Why? … Let's not answer that.
Contracting Boundaries Chapter Six: The Guardian"Why am I back here?" With my backpack resting on my shoulder I look up to stare at the dreaded hellhole that everyone fears once in their lifetime.
…Yeah… High school…
Apparently Xemnas thought that I was wasting my education and thought I should go back to school. I point out that half the people in the castle haven't had a decent education since who knows? He takes notice of my point. He sends them to school with me.
How he found out which school I went to before I 'died' is way beyond me. But even if he is Death he still doesn't have the right to make my life Hell. I mean now I've got five people who want to rip me to shreds. So I have to avoid them at all costs now…
While enduring school at the same time…
Those five consist of:
-Cookie A.K.A. Zexion
-Squirrel With ADD A.K.A Demyx
- The Pink Homo A.K.A… Uh… I'll get back to you on that one…
-The Swearing Cockroach A.K.A. Larxene
And Axel. I really need to think of a smart-ass nickname for him… Maybe Faggot Firebug or Evil Clown. I think the clown comment gets to him the most. Or maybe I'll call him Kitty Poo Poo Kins just for the fun of it…
I don't think Demyx or the Pink Homo will try to kill me – they actually took it pretty well. Pretty well for FIVE YEAR OLDS that is… They were jumping around and shit…I'm not sure what Zexion and Axel's reactions are going to be but…
The chances of me getting throttled by the cockroach? Extremely high.
…Well all I gotta do is look out for someone with blond hair…
Easier said then done. The entire field is littered with blond people. Not really including myself but yeah you kinda get the point.
Okay let's watch out for people with blond hair who want to kill me, how about that?
… That narrows down the field to what? 45000 people?
And if you think that's the least of my problems well…
You are dead wrong.
XxXxX Flashback XxXxX"OMFG IT'S A TOTALLY HOT GUY!"
"MAKE THAT HOT GUYS!!!"
+Insert squeals and thuds around at this point+
XxXxX End Flashback XxXxXLong story short? Fangirls. Rabid fangirls. Lots and lots of rabid fangirls.
It was horrible.
…Guess I really am psychic…
…
THAT'D BE SO COOL!!!
NOTE IN THE ROXAS AGENDA: Stay away from Axel, Zexion and Demyx. Oh and Pink Homo. Apparently the girls go after his 'feminine charm'… I don't know how he does it but there's always a shower of roses where ever he goes… HENCE PINK HOMO.
Oh look – another kid who wants to kill me – Seifer and his gang.
Look, this situation really couldn't be avoided – after all we have a hate-hate relationship and he, well, hates me.
XxXxX Flashback: Seventh Grade XxXxXRoxas: Hey Seifer that's a nice picture of your mom!
Seifer: That's my dad you idiot.
Roxas: Oh whoops.
Seifer: +Glower+
XxXxX Flashback End XxXxX
… It's not my fault his dad was wearing freaking lipstick and eyeliner! God I'm sorry I can't tell the difference!
Well he wouldn't try to beat me up in public… right?
Right?
Oh shit he's coming over here.
XxXxX
"Well Roxas! Just goes to show you can go anywhere without me!" There he goes… Talking animatedly like a child…
…Right after he sets Seifer on fire…
HOW? HOW DOES HE DO IT?
"AXEL! AXEL! AXEL!" Demyx charges like a bull. Heh… bull…
He grabs Axel by the shoulders and shakes him like a rag doll. Axel's lanky form certainly doesn't help with the action. It's like he's a mannequin and his limbs are flying all over the place. "Have you seen Zexion? Have you seen Zexion?!"
"Nope. Why?" I shake my head in agreement with Axel so I don't get shaken around violently like that.
Demyx starts spazzing out. He hyperventilates and begins to pace around us impatiently. He's breathing really hard and seems to have a severe case of asthma. And he's… sniffing a lot…
"Is he going to cry or something?" I look at Axel who's currently flicking a lighter on and off and letting sparks roll onto his fingertips.
He rips his attention from the lighter startled, takes one look at Demyx and swears. "Fuck no not again! Demyx if you're going to cry go find a river or more preferably an ocean!"
"Axel. I think the point was not to make him cry." I stare at Demyx who's blubbering. "You'd suck at a daycare job."
He swears again. "I'm leaving."
And then the waterworks come. And I'm telling you – as soon as Demyx starts bawling the clouds open up and God starts pissing on us all.
As a response Axel pulls up his hood, cussing like mad.
Me? I'm just standing there, dumbfounded and drenched. It's like a freaking tsunami wave, minus the wave and more water.
Well now I know why Axel wanted to leave so soon.
XxXxX
"Kill me… I'm dying… Kill me Roxas… please…" Axel whimpers and sneezes three times. He caught a semi-cold during Demyx's cry fest. "It's so freaking cold… aaghh!!!"
I mock him by sipping my Sprite contentedly.
He sneezes again.
And over there Demyx is still sobbing his sad, sad life away.
Not that I'm saying he had a life in the first place or anything but…
Like I said… SADNESS…
Oh look – There goes Zexion… Probably going to comfort Demyx. Chht. Probably give half the girls in the school nosebleeds…
Look! There he goes! He's nearing Demyx, closing in for a hug and - !!!
…He punches Demyx in the face. And I'm telling you… That is one powerful right hook… Let's recap the sequence in slow mo shall we?
Zexion's fist crushes into Demyx's face, Demyx's jaw bends back like a piece of rubber, Demyx – Okay let's fast forward shall we?
Suddenly a very stoned looking girl from the middle school across the road just walked up to Axel. Axel doesn't notice because he's too busy sneezing.
"Aren't you, like, that sexy teacher that comes here?"
I snort up my Sprite.
…
…
I burst out laughing, choking on my Sprite in the process.
"Oh you are sadly but mistaken fair maiden… To think that this lowly knave to be attractive then you must not have been graced with my presence!"
CUE THE ROSE PETALS.
… It's going to take forever to pick these out of my hair…
…
OH SHIT. And just when I thought the day was about to get better…
Here comes the fanfare! Cue the doves! We must grace the principle, Mr. Caslik, with our insanely crazy faithfulness!
This might take awhile to explain to you. You see once on Halloween I went out and picked the L out of PUBLIC. So FALETBURROW PUBLIC SCHOOL became FALETBURROW PUBIC SCHOOL.
And all that the day before the school inspector came…
…I don't know how he caught me but I have this feeling that he fingerprinted the entire sign.
… In other words – HE WANTS TO KILL ME TOO! YAYERS! Wouldn't that be just fun kids?
…HE'S COMING OVER HERE! HE'S WALKING TOWARDS US! HE'S GETTING CLOSER! HE'S – walking past us…
Now before you call me Mr. Paranoid I just want you to know one thing – I BLAME YOU!
He's headed for a girl in a… trench coat… who is talking to a stoner with long dirty blond hair. How utterly… suspicious…
"And just what are you doing Ms. Komicana?" He sneers at her like a weasel.
Instantly I know who she is. She's a freaking legend… Anjyl Komicana – Smart, humorous, attractive and most of all EXTREMELY CRAZY. She's been kicked out of sixty-eight schools.
I plan on defeating that record. Heh.
"Me?" She laughs. " I'm selling drugs of course!"
The stoner panics. "That's not what you told me! Tell him what you told me!" He shakes his hands frantically. "THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE TOLD ME!"
Spazzy McGee aren't we there?
She gives a sigh in disappointment. "Fine, fine…" He instantly relaxes. "We were actually plotting to burn the school down because it's kinda blocking my view."
Sounds like something Axel might do. Except without the excuse.
Stoner boy starts to have what looks like a seizure. "Is this what I get for forgetting my hair gel? Is it punishment God? Is it an omen?" … Hair gel? Omen? What?
"Calm down Lukan…" She laughs again, her long black hair flying backwards. "Truth is… FUCK YOU MR ASSLICK!" She slams her fist into Mr. Caslik's face making him unconscious.
She strides away, past us, her amber eyes glinting against the harsh sun, a manic grin on her face. Axel looks at her once and swears.
Hmm… It seems as if he's been swearing a lot these days…
"I don't believe! What are you doing here Jyl?" The gape of evident surprise rushes through Axel's face before leaving once again.
"Hmm?" She turns around, the tails of her trench coat flapping. WHY DID YOU STOP HER AXEL? WHY?
Her eyes widen slightly but not giving any other sign to show that she's shocked, and she continues forward. "Word of advice Axel – Stay away from the computer teacher."
As soon as she leaves I give a slight sigh of relief. "You know that psychopath?"
Axel gives me a blank stare. "Anjyl Komicana – Crazy, Chaotic yet likable at the same time. Of course I know her!" He punches me on the arm. "After all you don't forget a demon of her status easily!"
"Say what?" Did he just say… demon?
"Meet your first gate guardian Roxas!"
… My Sprite… Oh my precious Sprite… What has become of you? You're only a pitiful puddle on the ground now… Why?
XXxxXXxxXX
Oh… the poor Sprite… +Starts to bawl+ Yeah well that's for – PEN TO THE HEAD+Throws pen at your head+ That's all for now because I'm failing French because – SLEEVE TO THE FACE+Whips extra long sleeves at your face+ Because of my procrastination. Well then Cha chi freakies!
P.S. I'm just a poor innocent noob who needs stuff on Gaia… Why? Because – SCISSORS UP THE NOSE+Mimes shoving scissors up your nose+
