CHAPTER SEVEN: GOING INTO HYRULE FIELD

White: So, our next destination is to find the rich chick the Deku Tree was talking about, I guess.

Yellow: Yeah. …Say, you guys know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

White: What?

Saria: YAHOO!

White: CRAP!

Saria: Hi, guys! I heard you guys are leaving to go save the world!

White: That's right, and it's very important, so if you could just… maybe run a few yards… off of this bridge…

Saria: Tee hee hee! But then I'd fall and break my ankle, silly!

White: …I know…

Saria: I have a gift for you!

Yellow: YAAA! Everyone duck and cover!

Saria: It's a Fairy Ocarina!

Yellow: …Phew.

Navi: What is with you people? Can't you make anything without sacrificing the lives of poor, innocent little fairies?

Saria: Hurr?

White: Just ignore her. Thanks for the ocarina, Saria. Now, we gotta-

Saria: When you play it, you'll think of me, right?

White: …Not really. Now, we gotta-

Saria: We'll be friends forever, right?

Black: Since when were we friends?

White: We really gotta-

Saria: You'll still come back to the forest to visit us, right?

White: SARIA! We gotta-

Saria: If the Deku Tree died in the forest, but no one was around to hear it, you didn't kill him, right?

White: ARGH!

Yellow: On the count of three, head for the hills… one, two, three!

*All four run away and completely exit the Kokiri Forest*

Saria: Wait! Come back! I haven't finished my heartbreaking, tearjerking monologue yet! …Great, now I'll never win an Emmy.

IN HYRULE FIELD

White: …Finally! Well, at least maybe this ocarina will come in handy.

Yellow: Okay, seriously, guys, you know what rhymes with Deku Tree?

Navi: What?

Kaepora Gaebora:: Hoot!

Yellow: Wrong answer! *shoots Kaepora Gaebora with slingshot*

Kaepora Gaebora:: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Yellow: Shoot, sorry! I thought you were Gohma for a second…

Kaepora Gaebora: It's all right. Anyways, my name is Kaepora Gaebora the owl. I'm here to help you guys out with your quest, all right? Let me give you some words of advice.

White: Sounds good! What advice do you have?

Kaepora Gaebora: *clears throat* Are you tired of your drudgy, everyday life? Do you need a BREAK? Then, visit the fabulous, amazing, and awe-inspiring HYRULE CASTLE TOWN! We have stores, angry mobs, a big fountain, wild dogs and chickens that roam the streets, dangerous back allies with bald men with facial hair, fat women and skinny men, and lots and lots of breakable pots! You could also try visiting the Caslte to see the beeeee-yoootiful Princess Zelda! Of course, if you even try to get near her, the heavily armed guards will throw you out… But give it a try anyways! Come one, come all, to the faaaaabulous Hyrule Castle town! Located directly east of the Kokiri Forest! (Admission fee is only 400 Rupees.)

Black: …Um…

White: …Er…

Navi: …Uh…

Yellow: …Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Can you repeat that?

Kaepora Gaebora: Sure thing! *clears throat*

White: Yellow! What's wrong with you?

Kaepora Gaebora: Are you tired of your drudgy, everyday life? Do you need…

Yellow: Oops, sorry about that… here! *shoots Kaepora Gaebora with slingshot*

Kaepora Gaebora: *gets hit by slingshot* Hoot! *flies off*

White: Man, that was torture. At least now we know where the Princess is. Let's go!

Yellow: Heh, know what rhymes with Kaepora Gaebora?

Navi: Um…Nothing.

Yellow: Dang, how'd you know that one already?

As the four begin to cross Hyrule Field, the sun sets and it becomes nighttime.

Yellow: Hey! Who turned off the lights?

Navi: It's nighttime, moron.

Yellow: Oh…

Stalchild: *comes out of the ground*Please… Please, kind travelers… If you could spare any money, I am poor and I need to feed my family…

Black: OH MY GOD A BIG MONSTER! *hacks Stalchild to pieces*

Stalchild: *several more come out of the ground* Please, have mercy… We only wish for a Rupee or two… We haven't eaten for days…

Black: THEY'RE RAVENOUS AND THEY'RE GOING TO FEAST ON OUR FLESH! *killing spree*

Big Stalchild: *comes out of the ground* Please, sir, stop killing my friends, they are simple beggars and only wish for some money in order to not starve to death… If you have any kindness in your heart, you will…

Black: YAAAAAAAAA! *jump attacks and splits the Big Stalchild's head in two*

Big Stalchild: You soul-less son of a *dies*

The four make it to Hyrule Castle just as the sun rises and the drawbridge comes down.