Glad to hear I surprised you with the twist in this story! If it helps, it surprised me too! I genuinely didn't know where I was going with this one but I think I have found the right direction now. I hope you're enjoying it. Things will become clearer in the next few chapters so I hope you continue to read and review. Love, IJKS xxx

Chapter Seven

A week later, Joey, Charlie, Bianca, Jaq, Nikki, Tash and Mike all sat in their circle.

"We decided last week that we were going to talk about post-rape relationships," Joey began. "Is everyone happy with that?"

Personally, she wasn't in the least bit comfortable about it. The subject wasn't something she felt she could talk particularly openly about, especially now that her ex-girlfriend was in the group. That just complicated an already difficult situation even further.

"I really need to talk about it, I think," Jaq admitted. "I can't seem to move on in that way."

She glanced around the group, nervously seeking validation from the rest of the group members. Tash and Mike in particular nodded their agreement.

"Have any of you had relationships since what happened to you?" Joey asked.

Bianca shifted.

"I'm trying to," she said. "I was on a break with my boyfriend, Liam when it happened. He had a lot of problems so he um... he went away for a while. Now he's back and he's so desperate to support me. He's the one who found this group and convinced Charlie to take me. He's so patient and understanding but..."

She shook her head.

"I feel like I'll never be normal again."

"You will," Joey assured her gently, although sometimes she felt the same. "It'll just take some time."

"I was married and very much in a physical relationship with my husband when..."

Nikki trailed off and shook her head.

"I sleep in the spare room now. The gulf between us is just growing wider and wider."

"Are you able to talk about it with him?" Bianca asked.

Nikki shook her head again.

"The reason I started coming to this group was because I couldn't talk about my feelings and so I couldn't find a way through them," she admitted. "I suppose I was hoping to save my marriage. Like you, Bianca, my husband is so good to me in so many ways but I know he's frustrated."

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"It's like I'm in this pit and I don't have the first clue as to how I could even try to get out."

"Well, maybe discussing it here is the beginning," Joey said.

"I hope so," Nikki replied.

"What about the rest of you?" Joey asked the rest of the circle. "Have you had similar experiences to Nikki and Bianca?"

She noticed with sadness that tears were rolling down Jaq's cheeks. She flushed as she caught Joey watching and wiped her eyes hurriedly. Charlie found some tissues in her pocket and kindly handed them over. Jaq accepted them gratefully and Joey was alarmed at how strongly she suddenly felt for Charlie again. It was something she was desperate to keep at bay.

"Do you feel like you could tell us what you're experiencing, Jaq?" Joey asked.

"I feel broken," Jaq said sadly. "I don't think I could ever be in a relationship again."

Everyone waited patiently for her to continue.

"It was my partner who raped me," she ventured. "Multiple times. He abused me physically, emotionally and sexually."

She dabbed at her eyes with the tissue.

"It was six months ago that I left him and even though I'm relieved to know he's going to jail, to be free of him... a big part of me feels like I will always be trapped. I have no idea how to move on with my life."

Bianca gently touched her hand.

"I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel to be attacked by someone who's meant to love you," she said.

Jaq smiled weakly but with gratitude. Bianca glanced at Charlie, silently willing her to speak up. Joey noticed and tried to read Charlie's somewhat panicked expression.

"Are you okay, Charlie?" Joey asked kindly.

"Um..." Charlie struggled. "I mean, it wasn't... it wasn't like what Jaq went through."

"We're all here to share our experiences," Joey said softly. "To try and heal together. If there's something you want to talk about then you don't need to be afraid."

Charlie gazed at Joey, struck by her gentleness. Even after all that had happened between them, she was being kind. It meant the world.

"I was raped by my boyfriend," Charlie ventured. "It's not the same as a husband. It's not as bad but..."

"Everything's relative," Joey said quickly. "There's no worse or better here."

Charlie nodded and took a deep breath.

"I was fourteen and I'd been dating a boy in my class for a few months. I was pretty naive then, not to mention confident that I could handle any situation. I was... I was at his house and we were kissing on the couch when he wanted more. I didn't want to... I really didn't. I wasn't ready for anything like that but he... well, he didn't take no for an answer. I didn't... I didn't date again until I was nineteen but... but I guess I kind of went the opposite way."

"What do you mean?" Nikki asked cautiously.

"A few of you have said that you couldn't be intimate with anyone afterwards and I guess I couldn't," Charlie said, feeling embarrassed. "I never had anything more than meaningless sex for a good long while. I only entered relationships that I knew would be doomed to fail. I couldn't connect with anyone and more often than not, sleeping with some guy I barely knew made me feel dirty. I think I used it as some kind of punishment."

She sighed, wishing she hadn't given away her tissue.

"The one time that I really did love someone, I screwed it up."

She looked directly at Joey, who swallowed and looked uncomfortable, trying to figure out if she was talking about her or not.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Charlie," Jaq said. "Everyone processes their pain in different ways. We've all got our own path to tread."

"Tell that to the person whose heart I broke," Charlie remarked, still looking at Joey.

The leader of the group looked down and doodled on her notepad.

"Joey, how do you cope?" Tash asked.

Joey looked back at up, a little startled.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're married, aren't you?"

Charlie's breath caught, causing her to choke.

"Yes," Joey ventured, clearly uncomfortable.

"Did you get married before or after?" Nikki asked.

"After," Joey said.

"And do you manage to... you know?" Tash asked, colouring a little.

Joey cleared her throat and shifted in her chair.

"I'm not really supposed to share personal details," she said quickly.

"But you usually do," Jaq pointed out.

"We don't... we don't really have a sexual relationship," Joey ventured.

Charlie's eyes were locked on her. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"And does your husband understand that?"

"Yes," Joey said. "He knows why."

Charlie's eyes widened at the confirmation that Joey was married to a man. She most definitely had not seen that coming.

"Have you been intimate with anyone else after what happened to you?" Tash asked.

"I had a partner pretty quickly after I was raped," Joey said honestly. "I thought she was going to be the love of my life. Sometimes I still think it. She understood what I'd been through – perhaps more than I realised at the time. But it went wrong and I got very hurt."

Charlie tried not to cry.

"I suppose that's why I always recommend proceeding with caution," Joey said. "Those first experiences, being let down after what you've already been through... it can really damage you."

"But you healed?" Charlie piped up. "You got married."

"Are you bisexual, Joey?" Tash asked, having quickly picked up on Joey's use of pronouns.

"I've had relationships with women and now I'm married to a man," Joey said diplomatically.

She didn't want to be drawn any more on the subject.

Charlie just continued to stare at her.


Next time... Charlie struggles to understand Joey's life choices while Joey starts to realise that she is still in love with Charlie...