A/N: Hey! Time for more wackiness! Ok, here's something new...from Minas Tirith to your house! Enjoy!!
Chapter Seven: The Fund Drive (yeah, it used to be headed by the episode, I don't care anymore)
"Hey, everyone! We're live here at...er, where are we again?"
"Well, Boromir, we're standing outside the Buffalo Corral, where we're looking at thousands, I mean, thousands, of docile buffalo!" Faramir says.
"I wouldn't call them docile..." Boromir says. "And I got rid of the contacts cam after I nearly caught Eowyn in a fluffy pink bathrobe."
"Yeah, did I ever get beat up because of that." Faramir says.
"Anyway, bro, when did this turn into a nature program?"
"Well, we need variety on our show..."
"Round 'em up, rawhide!" Says Buffalo Wrangler 1.
"Yee-haw!!"
"AAAAHHHHHH!!" Faramir and Boromir scream, not unlike little girls, as tons of buffalo stampede out of the coral and towards them.
"Yavanna, lady of nature and Cheesy Beef Sammiches, SAVE US!!" Boromir screams.
And a massive lightning strike happens, as Faramir asks...
"Does this mean that Santa is real, too?"
And all fades to a nice blueish black.
Later, about 2 hours later in the basement (The backup location)...
"Hi, everyone! I bet you're all wondering how we got back here! We'd love to tell you, but even we don't know! And you may notice that we're no longer by some buffalo." Faramir says.
"You may have!"
"We have a good reason for this. We're planning to file a lawsuit against those buffalo, for damages to public TV!!"
"Ok. Since my little bro is now crazy, we're gonna do something that all those public TV stations do that everyone hates: a FUND DRIVE!!!"
"Oh, man, I broke both my legs and my femur!"
"Your femur is in your leg."
"Well, then, Mr. Smarty, I was right!"
"Anyway...ok. So, now that we're officially fund raising, we're gonna tell you all the exciting stuff you can get by participating. Now, you know that you love this show, TFVH, just like you love...er...."
"OOH! Those weird British shows that no one in America gets!"
"Yep. Just like them. So, support the fund drive or we DIE!!"
"Boromir, we won't die if we don't get money!"
"That's what you say now! But wait until you can't get food for your wife and yourself! Then what?"
"Good point."
"Exactly. I always have a good point."
"Sure..."
"Ok. So if you pledge at the $25 level, you'll get this SUPER COOL TFVH Umbrella! You can walk around with it even when there's no chance of rain and look cool and at the very top of modern fashion!" Boromir says, walking around with the umbrella and looking cool and fashiony.
"Do you have to embarrass me like that?"
"Well, yes I do. Anyway, if you pledge at the $50 level, you'll get this very cool book!"
"'Our Lives as Sons of the Steward by Boromir and Faramir as told to Marty W. Kein'? We didn't write this!!!"
"Correct! But it's official merchandise and therefore no one cares!"
"Wow. I never knew we had to be mean to make money."
"It's a dog eat dog world. And, if you pledge at the $100 level, you'll get...close your eyes!"
"Be it known that I was drugged and forced to do this by Eowyn."
"I HEARD THAT!" Eowyn yells down the stairs.
"Ok, open your eyes!"
"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?" Faramir asks.
"It's the Denethor Voodoo doll!"
"Oh my god, it looks like a sock that got mutated!"
"Hey, it's the Denethor © Voodoo doll! I thought you'd be happy!"
"Well, I thought it had to look like Denethor."
"Not Denethor, Denethor ©."
"This is weird..."
"And if you pledge $150, you'll get this!!!"
"OH MY GOD!!! THE ALIENS!!!"
"Not so, little Bro! Actually these are the Faramir © and Boromir © Action Figures!!"
"OH MY GOD!!"
"Aren't they the coolest??"
"Yeah, if you think cool is big headed and tiny footed."
"You're such a downer."
"Anyway, can't we just get on with the fund drive? I'm sure giving little children those figurines is going to give them nightmares for years."
"Downer. And if you pledge at the $200 level, you'll get the best gift of all. Straight from my heart."
"Well, spit it out. And how come I didn't get to offer something from my heart?"
"Because you're the host. Anyway, this is my book! All my life lessons and what I learned during a years worth of being dead. It's called, 'Bob'."
"'Bob'?"
"Yes, Faramir, 'Bob'."
"You were called 'Bob'?"
"Yeah. Dad used to go, 'Get that girl out of your room, Bob!'"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Girls, they just find me attractive, y'know?"
"Sorry, I can't believe that."
"It's true!! They just used to come up to me and go, 'Boromir, can I date you?' and I said, 'Dear, you're too young for me. Perhaps when you grow up a bit.' And then they'd say 'But I love you!' and they'd go home a cry."
"Wow. That's sad."
"And they'd cry."
"You said that."
"I was such a heartbreaker."
"I bet. I wonder why I'd never get a date."
"Well, after I had 20 girls ask to be my date to the senior prom..."
"I had to go by myself!!"
"Really? I thought you were with some blonde chick."
"She left after I said we'd have to walk."
"Some of us get all the good looks." Boromir says, flashing a perfect smile.
"Yeah, some of us want to write books, but we don't."
"That made little to no sense."
"Oh, look what time it is! Time for Boromir to go pick up the Egg Rolls at Mandarin Palace MT."
"Oh, too bad. But they do make mean egg rolls."
"Yeah. Better than that time when you tried to make them."
"The egg was runny!"
"That's because there's not really an egg inside, like you made it. Eowyn got stomach flu after that incident!"
"Sorry! Man, I didn't know you cared about her so much."
"Yeah? Well, read the Return of the King, the chapter titled 'The Steward and the King'. I have a really great way of expressing my feelings! I should have just about sung her a love song!"
"Calm down! I was just inquiring!!"
"Whatever. Any other gifts?"
"Well, for $250 you can get a picture of me in swim trunks on a beach..."
"That's disgusting! Who'd want that?"
"Some people..."
"Yeah, right. You in swim trunks? That's enough to gross people out..."
"Yeah, and the sight of you in them doesn't scare the masses."
"It does not."
"Shall we ask the masses that question??"
"Let's drop the subject. Go pick up the egg rolls and be quick!"
"Fund our program or we'll die!!!"
A/N: No, this isn't a real fund drive, but I have copies of everything, so pledge to get more chapters of a longer quantity!!! Support TFVH and all the segments you love on it!!!!
