CHAPTER SIX: Have Faith
Two minutes later, Faith had joined the rest of the Scoobies at the kitchen table, now holding her own cup of tea. Everyone was silent, but Faith was shot wary glances every so often. "So…what brings you to my door?" Buffy finally asked.
Faith swallowed the sip of tea she had just taken and looked forlornly at her fellow Slayer. "I read Willow's obituary in the paper," Faith replied softly. "I figured you guys must be goin' through hell, and I figured I'd come down and pay my respects. Sorry I got here so early."
"Not a problem," Buffy replied, shaking her head. "We were all up anyway."
"Yeah, I kinda guessed," the rogue Slayer replied, looking at the half-full cups of tea on the table.
"Pay your respects, huh?" Dawn asked sarcastically. "Even though you, let's see, tried to kill Willow? And talked shit about her to her girlfriend?" Faith winced, but the barrage against her wasn't done.
"Oh that's right, you talked to Tara while you were occupying Buffy's body," Anya added, about as happy as Dawn was. "And then you messed with Spike and slept with Buffy's boyfriend."
"Enough, guys," Buffy said quietly. Everyone – even Faith – looked at her in astonishment. "Faith was a bitch," Buffy continued. "You know that, right?" she asked the other Slayer. Faith nodded vigorously. "But I still think she has the potential to be a good person. I was never angry at her, and I never for a second thought that she was completely evil."
"Really?" Faith asked softly, her toughened personality not quite allowing her to cry. Buffy nodded.
"So you have faith in Faith?" Xander asked, trying desperately to keep the mood at least somewhat lighthearted. Buffy rewarded him with a wry smile.
"Yes, I have faith in Faith." At Buffy's words, Faith couldn't help but smile like a little kid as she took her next sip of tea. "And funnily enough," Buffy continued. "We were talking about you just before you knocked."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Faith asked warily.
"Well, if you can tell us why you were in Buffy's, Dawn's, and my dreams, then…no wait, there'd still be two possible outcomes." Anya slumped back in her chair. "Why is this never easy?"
"A question we'd all like answered," Giles replied. Faith had gone from wary to frightened.
"Buffy…?" she asked, desperate for a logical explanation.
"We're still trying to figure that out," the blonde Slayer said, putting a hand on Faith's shoulder.
"Ooh! I think I understand the choice you and Willow made now!" Anya said, delighted to have figured something out. Buffy blushed to the roots of her hair and quickly removed her hand. Faith noticed this and tried to suppress a smile.
"Anyway," Buffy continued, "We also all had dreams about Willow's and Tara's deaths. The two of them harmed us in the dreams in one weird way or another, and we don't know why. Both girls were always pure as pure can be – well, spare that one time with Willow…" Buffy let that sentence hang, no one wanting to finish it.
"Huh?" Faith asked. Dawn took a deep breath.
"Willow went completely ape shit when Tara died and tried to destroy the world." Both Slayers raised their eyebrows – Faith at the revelation and Buffy at her sister's language.
"Oh…" said Faith, also slumping back in her chair. "Yikes."
"Yeah," agreed Anya. "But Xander saved the world."
Faith looked at Xander appraisingly. "I am impressed despite myself."
"I'm honored," Xander retorted sarcastically.
"If we could all please concentrate on the situation at hand," Giles interrupted, not really wanting to continue down the side path the other Scoobies had started. Obeying Giles' wishes, everyone stopped and paid attention to what the Watcher had to say. "For some unknown reason, something caused your views of Willow and Tara to switch in your dreams," Giles said to Buffy, Anya, and Dawn. "Not only that, Faith was brought into the picture, and there's no apparent connection as to why."
"Ooh! We could ask Tara!" Dawn said, her face lighting up.
"Ok, now you've really lost me," Faith said, looking at everyone in extreme confusion.
"I can do this neato speaking spell with Tara," Dawn explained proudly, then she frowned. "But I can't do it with Willow, 'cause she's in Hell."
Faith looked from Dawn, to Buffy, to Dawn, and then back to Buffy. "Could someone please fill me in?" she asked, a hint of desperation creeping into her voice.
"Well, we should probably start from the beginning," Buffy said, prepping herself for a long story.
…
"Damn…I still can't believe Red landed herself in Hell. Didn't know suicide got you there, though now that I think about it, it kinda makes sense."
Faith was lying on her side in a sleeping bag on the floor of Buffy's room, wearing a pair of Buffy's pajamas that was a little too tight. Buffy herself was lying on her own bed, looking over the edge so she could talk to Faith. In response to what Faith was saying, the blonde Slayer just shrugged.
"I suppose it does. I wouldn't know – I've only been to heaven."
"Still tryin' to take that in too," Faith said, running a hand through her hair. "I missed a hell of a lot of action while I was away from you guys." Buffy shrugged.
"Eh, just a couple apocalypses. Three, if you count the one you were in a coma for."
Faith winced at the memory. "Talk about freaky dreams – I could outdo you all with some of those."
"Try me," said Buffy, shifting to make herself a little more comfortable. Faith glanced up at her.
"Well…a lot of them were about you."
Buffy's eyebrows went as high as they could go. "Me?" she asked, stunned.
Faith shrugged, embarrassed. "Well, yeah. I kept dreamin' that you were next to me, and then you were gone, and sometimes you wanted to chase me and kill me, and other times…"
"Other times what?" Buffy prodded. Faith shifted uncomfortably.
"Other times you'd just hold me. I'd be crying, and you held me. And even when I screamed at you and called you a bitch, and worse stuff…you never let go. It was like you were holding me up…keeping me alive. Of course, after what I did to you, I'm wondering if that was a good thing…"
Faith hung her head, unable to say anymore. Buffy got off the bed, kneeling next to Faith and lifting her chin so that the two were eye-to-eye. "Hey, it's ok. It's over. Once you've died and been resurrected – again, old stuff like that? It's all petty crap. You're a good guy again."
Faith looked back into Buffy's eyes, touched by the Slayer's words. Without warning, Faith's hard shell cracked. She began to cry, burying her head on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy hugged Faith tightly, a little surprised to find herself crying too. They held each other like that for a long time, and Faith ended up sleeping in the same bed as Buffy that night so the two girls wouldn't have to let go.
…
"OH MY GOD!" was Dawn's response when she saw Faith and Buffy lying side-by-side. It was also what woke the two Slayers up.
"Did we really deserve that?" Buffy moaned into her pillow.
"Dunno. When I can hear again I'll get back to you," Faith moaned back.
"Wow," said Anya, moving to stand next to Dawn. "I wonder if they had sex?"
This time Faith turned to look at Buffy. "Is that all she can talk about?"
"That and vengeance," the blonde Slayer replied, still not having moved yet. Faith let out a loud groan and rolled back over.
"If you two wouldn't mind shutting the door and letting us get some more sleep?" she asked a bit testily.
"It's nine-thirty, and I'm still turning over the possibility of you and Buffy doing…things during the night!" Dawn retorted, utter shock and a hint of disgust written all over her face.
Buffy finally turned to face the door. "Dammit Anya, stop filling my kid sister's head with your sexcapade crap!"
"Damn, B, chill. She's what, sixteen?"
"Just because you had sex at fourteen," Buffy shot at Faith.
"Seventeen, believe it or not – just like you."
Buffy blushed so deeply that her face was nearly purple as she fell back on the bed, pulling the covers up under her chin. "Would you two just go away?" Buffy asked angrily over her shoulder. After a moment of complete silence, Dawn and Anya shut the door, and the two Slayers could hear them clomp down the stairs.
"You gotta learn to lock your door, B," Faith said as she rolled to face Buffy. Buffy moved to face Faith in turn.
"So long as they didn't see me kiss you – even if it was just on the cheek," she added quickly.
"Mm-hmm," Faith smiled wryly as she got a little more comfortable. "That's how it always starts."
"Oh dear God," Buffy groaned, re-burying her head into her pillow.
…
"So how are Faith and Buffy?" Xander asked Dawn and Anya when the two girls plunked themselves down at the table next to him and Giles.
"Uh, they wanted more sleep," Dawn said, trying to be discreet.
"I think they boinked," Anya said pointedly. "They slept in the same bed." Xander choked on a mouthful of cereal and Giles froze with a cup of tea halfway to his mouth, closing his eyes and trying not to show too much aggravation.
"Um, Ahn?" Xander said, having finally swallowed his mouthful of food. "Girls sometimes have things called sleepovers, where they go to each other's houses to spend the night,"
"But they don't sleep in the same bed," Anya interrupted.
"I always did," said Dawn. "But…that ended in third grade. But we'd all still sleep next to each other in sleeping bags after that."
"But it's still not in bed. Those two were in bed," Anya kept insisting, referring to Buffy and Faith as if they were already illicit lovers.
"Anya, this isn't really something I'm keen to hear over breakfast, so could you save the conversation for later when I'm not around?" Giles asked, already feeling a headache coming on.
Anya slumped back in her chair. "Sheesh, just trying to give a 'situation update,'" Anya muttered as she reached for some cereal.
"The situation we really need to work on is the one involving Willow and Tara," Dawn said wearily, resting her chin in her hands. "I wish we had some clue as to what to do next."
"Well, let's look at what we know again," said Giles. We know that Tara's in heaven, Willow's in Hell, and there is a way to bring the two of them together in Tara's realm. But we still don't know how."
"And we're no closer to finding it," added Dawn.
"And Willow and Tara went crazy in our dreams," Anya finished.
"True," the youngest Summers girl said. "We can't rule that out. No matter how weird it is. I'm definitely gonna have to ask Tara about this."
"Ooh, can I talk to her too?" Anya asked.
"Me fwoo?" Xander asked in turn through a mouthful of cereal. The two girls at the table gave him pointed stares until he swallowed. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.
"I'll see if the speaking spell lets more than one person connect to a spirit. It might not. Either way, I'd better get started."
"And it's probably time for us to keep researching," Giles said.
Xander groaned. "Just how I wanna spend my day."
"Have faith, Xander," Anya said, reaching over to pat his shoulder. "Buffy did, anyway."
Everyone groaned. "You're hopeless," Dawn told the ex-demon as she got up and headed to her room.
…
It didn't take Dawn much time to do the speaking spell, and soon she and Tara were connected by a mystical golden rope, just the way they had been during the first speaking spell, though Dawn had also been connected to Willow. Because Dawn was only attached to Tara this time, her energy wouldn't run out so quickly.
"Hey Tara," Dawn said when the spirit of the blonde witch appeared. Tara smiled at her.
"Hey Dawnie. How are you?"
Dawn shrugged. "I'm ok. Um, Willow's funeral was a week ago…"
"I know," Tara nodded, her smile becoming sad. "I watched from heaven. And I sang with you, even though you couldn't hear me."
"I'm sorry I wanted to sing your song too – I should've respected that it was just yours to sing."
"Oh sweetie, it's ok. And after you left, I sang it for her. It's what she would have wanted…" Tara quickly brushed a tear from the corner of one eye before quickly changing the subject. "So, what do you need?"
Dawn took a deep breath. "Well…last night Buffy, Anya, and I all had really strange dreams…and you and Willow were in them."
"Go on," Tara said, frowning a little.
"Well, in each one, you were all dead or disappearing in some way. A-And in my dream you tried to kill me."
Tara winced visibly and reached out to the girl. "Oh God, I'm so sorry – "
"You don't need to apologize," Dawn interrupted. "It wasn't your fault…it had to be something else. Anyway, but each dream also had something to do with Faith."
"Faith?" Tara asked, now completely befuddled. Dawn nodded, and she was frowning too.
"And the funny thing is, when we were all talking about it at the table, Faith showed up on our doorstep!" Dawn shifted uncomfortably. "I know this has nothing to do with you and Willow and connecting and stuff, but I still think it's kinda weird."
Tara shrugged. "The Powers work in mysterious ways, I guess. I honestly don't know what to think. How did Buffy react?"
Dawn rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Buffy forgave her! I mean, after all Faith's done, Buffy just forgave her for everything! Like nothing had happened!" To Dawn's surprise, Tara nodded.
"I can understand that. I would have done the same thing. Faith's not evil. She just acted in ways that didn't exactly mark her as a kind person. There's a really big difference between bad decisions and pure evil."
"How so?" Dawn asked, not quite sure she understood what Tara meant.
"Well, when someone makes a bad decision, they don't really know how much it will hurt someone, or what will happen to them. Sometimes they know that they'll hurt someone, but they believe that it's right, or the only way to do something. When someone does something out of evil, they know that they're going to hurt someone, and they don't care. They regret nothing, and they relish people's pain. Evil is when you hurt someone for no apparent reason – you just want them to feel pain…to suffer. That's the difference between evil and bad decisions. Faith made some wrong choices, yes, but she's not evil. She's not even close."
"And what about…" It pained Dawn to ask this question, but she had to know. "What about Willow?"
Dawn knew Tara wouldn't like the question, but the witch's reaction cut Dawn to the very core. Tara looked like she had been hit with the same wrecking ball that had smashed into Glory, and her eyes filled with pain. Dawn could tell that Tara was trying to hide her emotions, but the girl could tell that the spirit was in obvious pain. After a long, wretched moment, Tara finally took a deep breath.
"Willow wasn't evil. Dark, yes, but not evil…not even in her last act of black magic. At first she had a purpose – to avenge me. But when she took all the power from Giles, she felt suffering, and wanted to end all the pain in the world by destroying it. As impossible as this may sound…she did it all through love. She thought that all the humans on earth suffered, and she wanted to end their pain. She was so heartbroken when I…when I died that she sought revenge as a last act for me…" Tara swallowed hard. "And I watched it all from heaven. I watched every move she made, watched as she tried to hurt you and the others, witnessed all the destruction she caused. I cried during every one of those moments. And when Xander saved her, I continued to cry, but in complete relief. I was just so glad that she was back to her old self…back to being Willow…my Willow…"
Dawn's eyes had begun to tear against her will. "And…all that time," Dawn asked softly. "You still loved her?"
Tara looked the young girl in the eye and spoke with quiet yet firm resolution. "I will never stop loving her."
The silence was so complete that it was suffocating, and Dawn couldn't break away from Tara's penetrating gaze. "I…" Dawn said finally, utterly ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry. I…I had to know…I…"
Tara held up a finger to silence her. "I understand. And now you do too."
Dawn nodded vigorously in affirmation, then swallowed. "I just summoned you so I could tell you that we're working really hard, and Giles is even calling the Watcher's council to ask for information." Tara's mood lightened visibly as Dawn continued. "And I just had one other question."
"Yes?"
"Can two people do this summoning spell?"
Tara thought for a moment. "I think so. The ritual should be in the chapter on conjoined casting in one of my spellbooks – the leather-bound one with the gold pentagram on the cover. Do you still have it around?"
"It's probably in one of the boxes that holds all your stuff. I'm sure I can find it." Dawn smiled, then her arms began to shake as she felt herself running out of energy. "Um, I think I have to go now."
Tara smiled. "Oh Dawn, I can't thank you enough. And please say hi to the others for me?"
"I will. Oh, and before I go, one last thing."
"Yes?"
Dawn smiled wryly. "Anya and I caught Buffy and Faith sleeping in the same bed."
Tara actually grinned and giggled. "You know, I always wondered." And then the connection was broken, and Dawn fell back on the wood floor of her room.
"Wow…head rush…" she said breathlessly, deciding to stay where she was for a bit before getting up.
…
About a half an hour later, Dawn and Faith were in the basement looking through boxes of Tara's old things. The two worked in utter silence, not sure of what to say to each other. It was Buffy who had the idea of Faith helping Dawn out, figuring that the two of them might be able to lessen the tension between them. So far it was doing the opposite.
Faith finally took the initiative and nervously cleared her throat. "So…how's Tara?"
"She's fine," Dawn answered stonily. "As fine as you can be when you're dead." Faith winced at the harsh edge of her tone.
"Dawn, listen, I know it might take time for you to believe me, but I really am sorry about all the shit I put you guys through."
"So you say. How do I know you're not just trying to get on Buffy's good side?"
Faith paused. "Dawn, you ever hurt someone before?"
Dawn looked at Faith curiously. "Yeah, the human version of a crazy god and a couple of corpses, why?"
"Well," Faith began slowly. "When you hurt someone innocent…kill someone innocent…it stays with you. You can try and put up a hard shell, tell yourself that you were doing what had to be done, but it's all bullshit. When you cause someone a lot of pain it eats at you for as long as you live. I still have nightmares about what I did while I was in Buffy's skin. I still have nightmares about killing the man the mayor told me to, and about the guy I first killed by accident. It's still hurtin' me, and I don't know if it'll ever stop." Faith took a deep breath. "I know apologizing will only do so much, if anything, but I gotta start somewhere. I'm tryin' to shape up, Dawn, I am. And I just hope at one point you'll try and forgive me."
Faith didn't know where the words had come from. They had just sprung up from deep inside of her and poured out. Everything she had felt for so long was finally out in words, and it felt to Faith that a tiny bit of the large weight on her shoulders had been chiseled off. Dawn was just as surprised, and she took a moment to just stare at Faith and see if the girl was sincere. Faith weathered the girl's gaze, determined to accept whatever judgment Dawn put on her.
"I suppose I'll believe you for now," Dawn said finally, turning back to the box she was rooting through.
"Definitely gonna sleep easier," Faith replied, only partially sarcastic. "Hey," she said suddenly, pulling out the spellbook Tara had described to Dawn. "Is this the book we're looking for?" But Dawn didn't answer. She was staring into her box in utter shock. Frowning with curiosity, Faith moved next to the girl. "Whatcha got?"
Dawn sat wordlessly for another moment before pulling out a small box from among Tara's miscellaneous possessions. The box was red velvet, and a rose design was indented on the top. Faith and Dawn looked at each other once before Dawn slowly opened the box. There was an utterly shocked silence before the girls said "Oh my God!" at the exact same time.
