Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer!

Chapter 12: Unleasing Frustrations

Edward sitting in my room in the dark without saying a word had really pushed me. It was bad enough that earlier he had walked in on me when I was getting out of the shower. Now, he was welcoming himself into my room without my knowledge and just letting me get undressed infront of him. He had such bad timing with making himself known, it was ridiculous. If he wanted to talk so badly, he could've waited on the couch or something. Why did it have to be my room? Was he even thinking?

"No I'm not kidding." he said. "I've been sitting here waiting for you for the last half hour. What took you so long?" he demanded.

"Ok, I'm going to overlook for the time being the fact that you were sitting in MY room in the dark allowing me to take my clothes off until you finally said something," I started. "And are you seriously trying to keep tabs on me Edward? What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem!"He spat back, staying seated on my bed as I hovered over him holding my tank top up to cover myself.

"Really? You don't?" I asked angrily. "Then explain to me your unnecessary behavior towards my friend tonight Edward. Explain your sudden need to take a moment outside to express how jealous you were in the heat of the moment and about a situation that didn't even exist. Explain to me your need to squeeze in between me and Jacob in such a tight space and your need to make your problem with me and Jacob even talking in the same room as you known to everyone. Explain to me your problem when I got up and said I was leaving. How about that one Edward? Because based on all of your actions from the moment Jacob and I set foot into Alice's apartment, you've had nothing but problems!" I stared at him fuming. I hated being this way with Edward. I hated being like this in general. It was completely unlike me. I was usually the one to keep a level head. This time however, I failed to do it. I took in a deep breath in attempt to pull myself together. I noticed again that I was simply holding my tanktop over myself to make sure I wasn't standing here in just my bra. I walked over to the door of my walk in closet and stepped inside to put it on.

"Bella? Why are you going to your closet?" He asked, confused.

"To put a tank top on. Holding it over me was annoying." I answered him.

"You could've just dropped it..." He implied.

"Ha, funny Edward." I scoffed at him.

"Wasn't trying to be funny..."he mumbled but I heard what he said. A minute later I was back in the bedroom standing over Edward with my arms crossed. I wasn't going to let him get off the hook so easily.

"So, explain yourself." I demanded.

"I don't even know how to Bella," He sighed. He looked frustrated with himself though I didn't understand why. "I have no idea what came over me when I saw you with that...that..." I cut him off for a moment.

"Jacob." Edward looked up at me for a split second and then looked away.

"Yea. Him. I don't know what came over me. When I saw you two together, it was like nothing I've ever felt before. I was furious but I couldn't understand why. I know my actions were inexcusable; I behaved like a jealous ex boyfriend. Which is ridiculous, I know.." He trailed off.

"Edward, you're not the only one who acted that way. So it'd be unfair of me to let you beat yourself up when I'm guilty for the same crime..." I told him. We did have this in common. His reaction of seeing me with someone else was the same one I had. Only difference was that I was actually in love with Edward. I guess now was as good a time as any to put everything out there in the open.

"What do you mean...I haven't seen you that way at all. And if you have, it definitely doesn't even come close to being as bad as to what I did tonight. I must have completely spoiled your evening. I'm so sorry Bella," I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Except I did Edward...that's why I left the Cafe when I did get there. Seeing you and that girl all over each other...it hurt me and I panicked. I didn't know what elese to do but run and get out of there..." I said, looking down at my feet. I felt like an idiot now for running.

"I don't understand Bella...it's never bothered you before to see me with another girl...let alone hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that," He said. Everything was being put on the table now. It was finally coming out why I had reacted the way I did towards him and I felt strong for it. Something wasn't holding me back like every other day. It was the opposite. Something was pulling the words out of my mouth and I was no longer in control.

"Yes, well, I've never admitted to myself before that I was in love with you. So it didn't seem to apply to my emotions before..." I stopped short. There it was. No going back now. I had just confessed I was in love with him but I refused to take my eyes off of the floor. I was scared to see how he'd react.

"What did you just say?" He asked, slightly confused.

"Please don't make me repeat myself..."I said, not looking up. Since I wasn't looking at him for his response I didn't notice him stand from the bed. It was his hand which he placed under my chin to lift my head so our eyes met that gave me that indication. I had no choice but to look at him with his hand ensuring I did this.

"You just said you were in love with me? I'm not hearing things...? " he asked, his eyes focused directly on mine. I took a deep breath before answering.

"No, you're not hearing things Edward. I love you. I always have. It just took me a while to admit it to myself and to you..." I never broke eye contact with him as I said this.

"How long?" he asked which confused me.

"How long what?" I asked back, truly unsure of what he meant by this question.

"How long have you known? How long have you kept this from me? How could you keep this from me?" He asked. He looked hurt. When he put it this way, I was just like him when it came to keeping things from him. I had apparently started it way before he did but purely for the protection of our friendship. I messed up and I never realized until this moment.

"A few years," I started. Before he could interject, I continued. "But each and every day during that time I tried to tell you how I felt. It just wasn't easy when each time you'd have a new girl in your life. So because of that and being afraid of you seeing our friendship differently, I always failed at telling you...except that one night when I first realized it. I almost told you but..." I stopped myself. That night was embedded in my memory forever.

```We had had such an amazing night together. It was my surprise for him for his birthday and things were going great. I had made reservations at his favorite restaurant which is something we usually did for each other when an important event presented itself. I had almost gone out and said it when I noticed he wasn't even looking at me for majority of the time I had been telling him what I'd been thinking. His eyes were glued to some bombshell over at the bar...clearly too old for him at the time... I didn't have his attention. No matter how many times I called his name to get his attention, it never worked which said a lot about how much he seemed to care about what I wanted to say. I promised myself then that I wouldn't put myself through that embarrassment and hurt again and despite my efforts, I always came close. There was always something that came up. ```

"But what Bella..." He asked, his eyes searching mine.

"But you were so focused on the woman at the bar that you weren't hearing me...not even paying attention to me...No matter what I said or did, your eyes were glued to her," I said. I felt a tear run down my face. The tears always seemed to betray me. He looked at me with shock on his face. I guess maybe he remembered that night.

"My 18th birthday dinner..."he said, sadness filling his eyes.

"Yes."I whispered. I didn't care that his hand was still holding my chin. I couldn't look into his eyes when I was getting so emotional about this.

"Bella...I'm so sorry," he said. His hand was now cupping my cheek. I could feel how minimal the distance was between us. While I was standing here, hurting, I also felt complete. This is what felt right for me; to be this way with Edward with everything on the line.

"You don't have to be." I whispered.

"Oh I think I do," he answered but before he could let me say anything else, I felt his lips on mine. There are no right words to describe how I felt in this moment. I felt so complete yet I never knew how empty I had truly been until Edward kissed me. It was as though everything had fallen into place. All the puzzle pieces finally being put together the way they were meant to and nothing was going to keep them from staying this way. I wrapped my arms around him, holding on to him as though my life depended on it. I didn't want this moment to pass, not for one second. That electric current which I felt flow through us earlier was back and stronger than ever. It didn't want to disintigrate. I couldn't let it. I felt Edward turning me around and begin to walk forward only I was now walking backwards until my legs backed into my bed. Was this where this kiss was leading us? Into bed together? Did I want this? Sure, I'd always want to experience this for the first time with the man I was inlove with; it was an added bonus that he happened to also be my best friend. But did I want it this way? A random heat of the moment, not knowing what this person was thinking? So many thoughts were entering my mind no matter how much I urged them away and to let me be. All the while Edward had moved us higher up on the bed so that my head was comfortably resting on the pillows. He was leaning over me, never taking his lips away from my lips. He was passionate, I had to give him this much. I felt his hand move along my stomach, passed my waist and to my leg as he snaked it around his waist. It was at this moment that all the red flags had gone up in my mind. When what was about to happened has really registered before it could go anywhere else.

``What are you doing!`` I shouted to myself. I had just admitted to my best friend I was inlove with him. Did I ever, at any moment hear him confess his love for me? Or at least make mention of it for what it really was? No. He simply apologized that I never had the chance to tell him sooner because of his lack of interest. Lack of interest. This stuck out in my head more clearly. Along with every reason that had stopped me from telling him in the first place. It had always been some other girl. And lately, a new girl each time I had seen him. This in no way could mean as much to Edward as it would mean to me and if I didn't do anything in this moment to stop it, I would never get this back. And no matter how amazing it would be to do this with Edward, it would just be another fling and hook up for him. I couldn't trust in my best friend to this extent. I coudln't trust that he wouldn't crush my hopes. I couldn't trust that if this happened, that he would still be here with me the next morning, not taking in the fact that we both lived here. All I could think about was the next day, there would be some other girl after me. And my heart would have been shattered into a million pieces. I couldn't do that to myself.

I had already realized what I needed to do when I felt his hand moving to my tank top. It was going to go too far too fast if I didn't stop it now. I had to. Allowing this much to have happened was the worst thing already I could've done to myself. I was better in the dark when Edward knew nothing. I never knew then how much I wanted and needed him. I never knew how much I loved him or how it would feel like to kiss him. And now, I knew it all and it would be that much harder to let it go. And then there was Jacob. I know he and I were not together and I knew how much I wanted to start developing some sort of a relationship right now. Obviously, I didn't know how I could do it now. Not with how hurt I'd be as soon as I told Edward we couldn't do this. I needed a friend right now. I wasn't sure if I should go to Alice or to Jacob...it was always Alice in times like this. But right now, she was pregnant and fragile and couldn't be under a lot of pressure. I was at a standstill. First thing was first...ending this crime of passion before it was to late for me.

I started to shift from under him; which instead of cluing him in to stopping gave him the indication that I was trying to move to be on top so he moved onto his back. I tried mumbling under his kisses but couldn't. Not until he moved his lips to my neck and planted gentle kisses along my neck line.

"Edward..." I whispered, trying to move to be able to sit up to put an end to this.

"Oh Bella," He mumbled back. This really was about a lay for him, wasn't it? He just wouldn't budge or think for one second that something could be wrong. I guess the constant moving around and struggle to get to a different more approprate position wouldn't clue him into what really needed to happen. It needed to stop. Determined, I put both hands on his chest and pushed myself up.

"Stop!" I demanded. He pulled away, confusion forming on his face.

"What's wrong Bella?" He asked.

"This. All of this!" I shouted as I moved to get off my bed. "None of this should be happening and if you cared or felt even remotely close to what I feel for you then you would know that too! This is always the solution for you Edward, isn't it!" He couldn't answer. I dont' care if he knew how to respond to it or what, but I was not spending another night in this apartment. Not as long as Edward slept in the bedroom down the hall. I grabbed a small duffle bag and threw clean clothes in, grabbed a sweater and left the bedroom in search of my car keys and cell phone. I heard Edward shuffling to get out of the bed to follow me and what? Try to stop me? It was too late for that!

"Bella, wait!" I heard him shout as I moved closer to the door.

"No Edward. I'm not waiting anymore. I am not going to sit around waiting for you to really open your eyes and see what is really going on in front of you. And responding to what I said to you the way you did...it was wrong Edward. If you were thinking and really cared, you would've already known that! Don't follow me!" I shouted just before I slammed the door in his face. I grabbed my phone as I made my way to the car and called Alice to see if she was available but there was no answer. She and Jasper were probably having their own romantic evening now that the party was over. I had no one else. It was either my best friend...who had been the cause of all of this or my sister, who wasn't answering her phone. I wasn't as close with Rosalie to be able to come to her this way, at least that's how it felt like to me. And then there was Jacob, who I barely knew. Right now, he was my only option and that hurt. I dialed his number, hoping he would wasn't asleep by now.

"Hello?" I heard him mumble into the phone. I woke him up!

"Jacob?" I couldn't hold back my tears at this point. I needed to let it all out, no matter what the cost. If I was showing sign of weakness, I didn't care right now

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He asked, more awake now than when he had originally answered his phone.

"Jacob, I need someone right now. I know it's late but I can I come over?" I managed to ask between sobs.

"Yes of course! Bella, what happened" he sounded worried. I hated having people worried about me.

"I'll tell you when I get there. I'm a block away," I said and hung up the phone. Not five minutes later I had pulled into his apartment complex and parked my car in visitor parking. I grabbed my bag and ran over to his door. He opened it, eyes completely wide awake and full of concern, for me. I couldn't say anything. I just ran into his arms and let it out. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I felt him shift his position and the next thing I knew he was carrying me into what I guessed was his bedroom and sat down on the bed with me in his lap. He didn't say anything. He just held me and let me cry for as long as I needed. I was really glad I made the decision to come here. There was no pressure to say what happened all at once. He was comforting me in the way that I needed, by just letting me get everything out there and when I was ready, I would speak. I was grateful I had a friend in Jacob. There were no words describe how amazing he had turned out to be...

A/N: So what'd you all think? Review to let me know! The more reviews, the sooner I post more chapters...and I've got a two parter next...