CHAPTER 7

"No! Eighty-Six, you are not getting anywhere near that Master Identification File until the criteria I have set in place for you is met!" Professor Windish declared, his bald pate shining with sweat as he stood with his back to the door leading to the room the machine was located inside.

99, hugging three files to her breasts, could just make out the machine inside the room through the glass panel in the door behind the professor as well as the larger panel in the wall immediately to the right of the door which divided the room beyond from the rest of the lab.

"WHAT criteria?!" Max fumed looking the pale scientist up and down. "I didn't hear about any new criteria?!"

"I put it in place last week and the Chief approved!" Windish nodded his shiny bald head to emphasise his resolve.

"What's the criteria professor?" 99's satiny tones enunciated which almost instantly seemed to calm the scientist.

But Windish still managed to squint at Max and reply with a sarcastic wobbling of his bald head.

"When his AGE matches his AGENT NUMBER!"

"This is riDIC-culous!" Max threw his arms up. "Why would the Chief agree to that?!"

"Because every time you go near that machine, CONTROL's repair bills sky rockets by eighty-thousand DOLLARS!" Windish exclaimed, his eyes wide with rage. "You, Eight-Six, are a clumsy, absent minded, walking-MENACE!"

"Wait a minute Windish!" Max places his hands on his hips as he squinted at the professor. "Just WHAT are you trying to say?"

"You will NOT get anywhere near that machine until I know for CERTAIN that it's SAFE!" Windish declared.

"And when will THAT be?!" Max demanded with a nod of his head.

The professor narrowed his bulging eyes as he leaned towards Max and snarled.

"Are you familiar with the term—'when-HELL-freezes-over'?"

"That's outrageous!" Max scoffed "You are paranoid professor! Name ONE time I caused ANY real harm in the last six months!"

"You broke four of my fingers—TODAY!" Windish yelled thrusting up his right hand in it's sling, up in front of 86's large nose, displaying the individual cylindrical metal casts that encased his index, middle, ring and little finger while the rest of his hand and the knuckles were wrapped in white bandages.

"But that's your hand!" Max smiled widely, pointedly tapping the cast on Windish's little finger before pointing over the professor's shoulder at the glass panel on the door behind him. "NOT the machine!"

"And this is ME—" Windish returned. "—saying—GET OUT!"

As Max and Windish continued to imitate two little kids fighting over a candy bar in the school yard, albeit very justifiable on the professor's part, 99 again, needing to save both men from killing each other and to get them hopefully closer to solving the case had to step in.

"Professor," 99 titled her head, as she spoke, her dark tresses flowing over her blue dress while her alluring subtle tones infused Windish. "We're really sorry about your hand. Max didn't mean it. But this is important! We promise we'll be careful. We really need the Master Identification File if we're to have any hope of getting a lead in this case."

As always, her voice was enough to soothe the most Max-Enraged scientist—or Chief and Windish visibly calmed down and his bald head even seem to visibly shrink slightly.

"Alright!" the professor said. "But Ninety-Nine, YOU and only YOU will touch the machine." He jabbed his left index finger at 86. "HE stays at least FIVE feet from it!"

"Now wait a second…" Max protested, eyes bulging.

"I promise Professor!" 99 smiled and tapped Max to quiet him before he said anything else.

Appeased temporarily, Windish blew out a breath as though he was getting ready to swim a stretch of artic water turned and led them into the room.

The Master Identification File was stationed against the west wall, right in line with the door and just a few steps in from it. It was about the height and depth of a large washing machine but twice the width but instead of white it was a dull gray in colour. The front face of the machine was affixed with a black rectangular panel larger than a shoe box on which was mounted 2 large silver tape reels with a smaller beige coloured box in between them and lower down, themselves fixed with 2 smaller tape reels. A section of the machine's top near the left side was raided and sported a black panel studded with numerous indicator lights in 8 neat rows and 10 columns.

Windish stepped up to the left side of the machine nearest the door reaching into his lab coat's pocket with his left hand but instantly whirled around to immediately find as he suspected, Max looking over his shoulder.

"Over THERE!" Windish commanded gesturing with his finger casts at a table at least 6 feet away from the front face of the machine.

Max snarled grumpily as he stomped over to the table followed by 99 with the files while Windish brought out a bunch of keys from his lab coat. Finding the right one with some difficulty due to his damaged right hand, he inserted it into a key hole in the left side of the machine and turned it with audible click. Windish then reached up to a silver steel box mounted overhead on the wall above the machine. On the face of the box were embossed the words:

Master

Identification

File

CONTROL

PANEL

The right side of this panel was a long silver lever with a black grip which Windish took hold of with his left hand and yanked down.

"There you go 99." Windish waved at the machine with his left hand. "I'll just need to pop over to the lab to get something. SMART! I'll be watching you!"

With this dire warning and a parting snarl, Windish walked out the door making Max grumble and raise a fist at his parting back.

"Here we go Max." 99 said walking up to the slot in the machine on the side where it's ignition key hole was with a white card in her hand on which was typed the brand of the cigar.

"I'll wait at the delivery slot." Max indicated walking up to a wide metal slot in the machine just to the right of the black panel in the front.

"SMART!" came the Professor's yell from the lab which made Max whirled about and brisk walked back to the table.

99 inserted the card she had into the data entry slot and there was a hum as the machine drew it in. Immediately, the panel of indicator lights on the machine's top began blinking and multi-tonal bleeping issued from it. Interspersed with the bleeps was a staccato rattling similar to a manual typewriter. 99 stepped over to the delivery slot and soon, card after card began emerging from the aperture into her delicate long fingered hands.

"Well? Anything?" Max asked eagerly trying to see the result on the cards.

99 finally turned and walked back to Max with several cards in her hands crammed full of information as well as a picture of the KAOS agent.

"We were right Max!" 99 reported brightly as they both read the cards. "The Master Identification File managed to find a dozen KAOS agents known to have a particular fondness for the Romeo y Julieta brand of Cuban cigars!"

"Let's see." Max shuffled through the cards putting aside the ones that were not plausible. "These five are dead so it's probably not them—" 99 smiled crookedly rolling her eyes sideways at Max as he continued oblivious. "—these three are in prison. This one, he's under surveillance by our agents overseas, last report came in just…half an hour before the armoured car robbery, placing him outside a museum in Antwerp...which leaves us these three—Ninety-Nine you have the witness statements from the police for the armoured car robbery?"

"Right here!" 99 said grabbing the file off the table and flipped through the contents before reading out. "Here's the description given for the KAOS agent posing as the news vendor. Uh...Caucasian, mid to late thirties, five-eleven, a hundred and sixty pounds—" Max tosses another card aside. "—light brown hair, narrow face with a square jaw."

99 looked up and found Max looking at 2 cards.

"That's it, we're down to these two sinister looking characters!" Max announced looking at the profiles he held in his hands. "Now, with my keen insight and deductive reasoning, I can say for certain that THIS—" Max snaps up his right hand and the card in it. "— is definitely NOT our man and he can be immediately eliminated as a suspect in the robberies! His skill sets are those of an assassin rather than an armed robber, the sinister beady eyes he has indicates a man who prefers to HUNT down his target and STRIKE when within range instead of waiting in an ambush AND—even though his physical description and facial features matches, my eagle eye—" Max points again to his eye "—detected the black roots along his hairline indicating his REAL hair color is black!"

"And also he's African and the descriptions from witnesses indicated the newspaper vendor was Caucasian." 99 noted.

Max turned his head to 99 with an annoyed grimace.

"I'm not FINISHED Ninety-Nine!"

"Sorry Max." 99 smiled inclining her head with her eyes rolled up at him.

"Plus!" Max 'continues' with a raised finger. "He's African and witnesses at the scene said the newspaper vendor was a Caucasian."

"Good THINKING Max!" 99 said closing her eyes with effort while Max smiles triumphantly.

"Okay, let's see who we've got here." 86 raised the remaining profile and read. "Stanislav Němec, thirty-seven, bornin Vrahovice, Czechoslovakia—nice to know even the not-so-free world has developed a cosmopolitan appreciation of fine cigars—recruited into KAOS five years ago. Prior to that, he was an eleven year veteran with the Sta…Staneet bezpoc…Stil…" Max squinted at the next two words. "…StaNOT bebby…Sta…StayNIT bad-nose…"

99 leaned over for a look, her hair brushing his shoulder and somehow sending an electrical tingling into him through the thick material which made Max grimaced in annoyance and incomprehension.

"Státní bezpečnost." 99 read before her large eyes looked up at Max with concern. "He's a bad one Max. That's the Czechoslovakian secret police."

"Says here he specializes in torture, interrogation, ad-VANCED torture, surveillance and forcing confessions." Max read on. "KAOS headhunted him when he was thrown out of the Sta…Stanitwit bedpost…bezzyby…uh...Czech secret police due to…" Max's eyes narrowed with disbelief at what he read next before turning to 99 and repeating it out loud. "…Excessive Brutality?"

While 99's big eyes widens in shock for a moment before blinking quickly to refocus herself and inquire as she peered back and forth between the profile card and a few other cards she had.

"Anything on how we can find him?"

"Well, he's got no known hideouts." Max noted reading on. "At least none he keeps for long. Wait! It says, the only thing he loves more than Romeo y Julieta cigars are beautiful women and he usually lives with them in their apartments. He's known to have amassed a long list of girlfriends, so he can stay on the move. What do we have on him on the other cards Ninety-Nine?"

99 shuffled through the 5 cards that she held before grimacing and glancing sideways at Max to announce.

"His long-list-of-girlfriends." She however refocuses, looking through the list. "It seems CONTROL had surveillance on them to keep track of Němec till we get enough evidence to bring him in. Anyway, based on this list, it appears he's already broken up with all these women."

"Nothing on who his current girl is?" Max inquired.

"No." 99 replied then held up the third card. "CONTROL does know who his LAST girlfriend was. A, Brenda J Covings. She owns a cafe on 18th street at Adams Morgan. Němec stopped seeing her about three months ago. What do you think Max? She might have an idea on how da find him. CONTROL hasn't attempted to contact her yet as there wasn't any pressing need."

"We're pressed now and if we don't move fast we're gonna be starched!" Max declared before they both frowned at what he said just as the door opened again and Professor Windish renters with some objects in his left hand, his right hand still resting in it's sling as he walks over to join them.

"Well, have you found what you need?"

"Oh yes Professor! Thank you so much!" 99 replied. "We're heading out right now in fact and the machine is still in perfect working order as promised."

"You are a god-sent Ninety-Nine!" Windish smiled for the first time that day before putting on his grumpy face again as he glares at 86. "HE'S from the OTHER place!"

Max rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and tosses a hand at the scientist.

"Anyway, long as you're here, I have your special equipment for you." Windish said placing the objects down on the table.

Max and 99 realized they comprised of a square black felt pouch about the size of a man's hand which were held via a zip that extended over 3 sides, a heavy new gold watch and a silver bracelet that seemed to be made from bluish beads.

Windish first picks up the felt pouch and pulls the zip to open it up revealing rows of what looked like miniature tubes of toothpastes in it each held in it's own pocket. Each was about 3 inches long including it's long plastic hooded head.

"The army's Chemical Corps just sent this over. It's the antidote for Super Sleep. You have a dozen syrettes here and that's all they were willing to provide us so use em judiciously." Windish advised.

"And it lasts an hour?" inquired Max

"That's right. It will also neutralize, revive and immunize anyone affected by the tranquilizer agent. I suggest you share these between the two of you." Windish said handing the pouch over to Max before picking up the bracelet. "Now this is CONTROL's latest anti-materiel weapon. Each of these beads you see here on this bracelet are actually glass pellets filled with a highly volatile acid. You just pluck it out, throw it, the glass shatters and the acid upon contact with air forms a corrosive gas that will instantly dissolve ANYthing made of metal—steel, iron, aluminum even reinforced titanium or tungsten but at the same time, is completely harmless to human tissue or anything else non-metallic."

"Amazing Professor!" Max declared taking the bracelet.

"Yes I am." Windish nodded picking up the watch.

"But Professor." Max said holding the bracelet to his jacket. "I don't think this goes with my suit do you have one in gray or maybe a heavy shade of beige?"

99 took a breath to explain but Windish grumpily snatched the bracelet from him and handed it over to her.

"THAT'S for Ninety-Nine!"

As Max mouths an 'oh', Windish thrust over the watch. "Here! Carleton WARNED me of your foot- stomping-fits so I've placed your pellets in this watch. You push the button and the watch face opens up to reveal a secret compartment."

"Thanks for everything Professor." 99 smiles as the Windish nods and steps aside to let them pass.

As 99 gathers up the files, Max stands before Windish and declares.

"Professor, you've been a great help. I know I sometimes tend da cause things da go bump in the day but I sincerely don't mean it. And I am sorry bout' your hand."

"I accept your apology Eighty-Six." Windish nods.

"You're a swell guy professor!" Max beamed with a sincere nod. "Put it there!"

Before 99 could shout a warning, Max grabs the Professor's bandaged hand with it's casted fingers as it laid in it's sling at chest level and shook it with a loud crunch.

"AAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Windish's eyes popped as he hollered in agony yanking his hand free and reel backwards, his other arm swinging about for balance. Max could only bare his teeth in embarrassment as 99 rushes forward to grab the professor. But it was too late. Windish reels back towards the west wall and slams right into the Master Identification File with such force, the gray blocky machine shook and as he slides to the floor, his out stretched left arm slams down onto rows of buttons and switches. Instantly, the entire machine begins wobbling and spewing out a cacophony of multi-toned bleeps, toots and staccato rattlings while the indicator lights flashed in every colour visible to the human spectrum and probably some that were not. Smoke begin rising from the seams and cards spewed out in an endless stream from the delivery slot past Windish's bald head.

99 covered her mouth in dismay as she kneeled down next to the now sobbing professor.

As the machine continues screeching, bleeping, rattling and assailing with room with barrages upon barrages of cards, Max leans forward, squinting at the bawling scientist and declares with a punctuating nod of his head.

"Who's the clumsy menace—NOW?"