Title: I Raise My White Flag
Rating: General.
Pairing: Morgan/Reid
Summary: Morgan has the perfect life, a wife who's there for him and a son who loves him, but is it really what he wants?
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of the characters mentioned
Authors Note: Good God, did this come out way more angst-ish then I meant to! Also, I have no idea how the law proceeds in Virginia in these sorts of matters, and I won't pretend I do. So, everything that appears to be legal mumbojumbo, it is not.
I Raise My White Flag
Chapter Seven
"Are you ready for your cake now?" Mama Morgan questioned, revealing a large Captain America themed cake as she entered into the dinning room from the kitchen.
Sean stared up at her excitedly, legs kicking wildly underneath the table. "Yes!" he exclaimed, unable to keep his happiness from his voice.
Six candles lined that cake, and ten children plus their parents gathered around the table. Spencer stood ready with a video camera, recording every little detail of this day. This was the second birthday he had been around for that included him as a parental party, and it was just as endearing as the year previous. The doorbell rang and Derek excused himself, telling Sean to wait until he got back to blow out his candles.
JJ and Will looked apprehensively at Spencer. Penelope and Kevin shared worried glances between each other. Aaron ruffled Sean's hair, and told Jack to get something to drink from within the kitchen. Emily and Dave kept their distance, but looked prepared should anything happen. Spencer could vaguely hear raised voices and when Derek had appeared around the corner, he wasn't alone.
Charlotte was with him.
Spencer decided to turn off the video camera as Sean's face fell in confusion. True, only two years had past, but they were very important years, Spencer concluded. In all honesty, no one knew how he would react to seeing his mother again after so long. "You have some nerve," Derek's mother pressed, trying to control the tone of her voice to keep herself from sounding upset. Charlotte didn't say anything back, merely asked to speak with her son and Derek in private.
The waiting was unbearable for everyone involved, and Spencer felt horrible that this was happening right now. Sean had been gone for so long that his grandmother had to blow out his candles before they melted all the way, and most of his friends had been advised to go home. The parents gave Spencer sympathetic looks, but he told them not to worry. When Derek and Charlotte finally did return, Sean didn't seem too upset, just really confused, and could anyone blame him? No. Charlotte had not kept in contact those last two years, and to just show up out of the blue was something none of them could understand.
Derek was furious, and the panic in his eyes revealed that everything he had feared these last two years had come true. When Charlotte had left, Derek had slammed the door shut behind her. Sean clung close to Spencer who sat him on his lap in the dinning room, his confusion had led to tears. Spencer stroked Sean's hair gently, attempting to console him. When Derek was calm enough, he returned to the dinning room, his mother noticing him first covered her mouth with her hand.
"She's suing me for custody," he said, voice hoarse. "After all of this, she comes back and wants custody!"
Derek's mother stood up, taking Sean into her arms with talk about getting some cake and playing in his room. Derek sat down beside Spencer, head in his hands. The world around them had begun to crumble, everything they had built together only seemed temporary now. Charlotte had stormed in, and now, everything was up in the air. Spencer trailed a hand down Derek's arm in an attempt to comfort him, not knowing what to say.
"We knew this was a possibility, Derek. We just need to get a lawyer, and prepare to meet her head on," Spencer spoke, and it didn't take a genius to see that Derek was physically pulling away from him.
"You're right. You're right," Derek said, but his voice was low and uncertain.
:::
The next few days proved rather painful for both men as Derek began to distance himself from Spencer. While he hadn't noticed it at the time, he had begun to push him further and further away. When Spencer went to sleep, he went to sleep alone. When Spencer decided to go to the store, he went alone or with Sean. When Spencer made dinner, or put in a movie to watch, Derek was not there to to eat or watch it with him.
Their troubles didn't stay home, either, it didn't take long for Penelope to pull Spencer aside. She locked the door to her bunker and immediately went in for a hug, causing Spencer to wrap his arms around her tightly, tears brimming his eyes. He hadn't wanted to say anything, and with Penelope, he didn't have to. The hurt he was experiencing was radiating through his body in waves, and he just held on tighter to the woman he had grown to love and trust over the years. The sob he let out was unexpected, but Penelope didn't say anything, merely rubbed his back in soothing circles.
"I don't know what to do," he said, pulling away and trying to collect himself.
"I don't either, kiddo, but you've got to start thinking about yourself here," she spoke, concern laced in every syllable.
"I can't...I love him," was Spencer's pitiful plea, and it was just heartbreaking. "I love Sean."
"I know. I know, this isn't fair."
Derek was beginning to place himself into emotional isolation. Whether or not he wanted to admit it, he felt as though his relationship with Spencer would be his downfall in winning custody over Sean. There was no doubt about it; no matter how many open minded people there were in this world, there were still closed minded individuals who were in charge. The relationship between them had grown considerably strong within the last two years, and Spencer doted on Sean like any father would, and it was killing him. This fear, this threat he felt from the other man when it came down to public opinion.
Spencer had no legal parentage over Sean, and he had never sought to take any steps in being recognized as anything other than Sean's emergency contact. Spencer had never felt it was necessary, and that it wasn't his place, and maybe, it wasn't. Derek was sitting in the living room, the time was late, and Spencer was upstairs making sure Sean cleaned up his toys and shut off his game system. Derek could faintly hear footsteps treading down the stairs, and when Spencer appeared in his line of sight he didn't stop to acknowledge him, opting to head into the kitchen instead. Spencer had asked if Derek wanted some ice cream, and whatever he had responded, had obviously been unkind.
Spencer stood in front of him, the dim light of the lamp causing a deep shadow to display across the right side of his face. "I love you and Sean with everything I have, do you realize that?" he questioned, eyes peering down at Derek with a weight that made his chest compress.
"I know you do, Spence. What is this about?"
"I know you're afraid of losing custody of Sean..."
"Spencer..."
"And I know you think that I'll be the reason that you lose," Spencer spoke, voice steady considering the visible hurt. "I, uh, I don't think...I wouldn't want..."
"Spence, what?"
"I don't think we should be together anymore," Spencer said at last, and the tension that spilled over Derek's shoulders was cause for concern, but he couldn't do this anymore. "I've got a bag packed, and Penelope is more than happy to have me until I can get my own place, and she likes Wolfgang...this is for the best," Spencer spoke, tears in his eyes.
"You just plan to walk out of our lives," Derek said, and that angered Spencer.
"Don't even, Derek. Don't pretend you haven't been trying to push me away. I don't want to go, not really, but I can't stay here with the knowledge that if this goes wrong, you'll never stop blaming me," Spencer spoke, and the tears he had been holding in, refused to let go, were trailing down his face now.
Derek stood to his feet, moving towards Spencer who stepped back, hands held in the air as a way to protect himself. Derek scrubbed his face with his hands, his own frustration and sadness overwhelming him. Spencer turned, moving back upstairs to gather his things and to say goodbye, and Derek did nothing to stop him. While it hurt, and while Derek didn't want Spencer to leave, everything he had said had been true. The next four hours were spent in complete darkness, eyes shielded as he let everything around him fall apart.
:::
"Why are you leaving?" Sean questioned as Spencer sat beside him on his bed, head in his hands as he attempted not to cry in front of the boy who had just celebrated his sixth birthday. The child he had helped raised, and loved, and most of all, didn't want to let go.
"I have to do some things, and need to go away for a little while to do them, but I'll be around," Spencer spoke, trying to make sense and at the same time, trying to deceive Sean into believing everything was alright, even when it wasn't.
"But you'll be back soon?" Sean questioned, and Spencer hung his head again, not wanting to make eye contact.
Spencer took a deep breath, holding Sean's hand in his own."I hope so."
"Dad, I don't want you to go," Sean pleaded, and Spencer lost all of his resolve, cradling Sean into his arms as they both began to weep. While Sean wasn't certain as to what was going on, he knew it wasn't good, and he knew it was making him sad.
"I don't want to go, either," Spencer cried.
Spencer sat with Sean until he fell asleep, cheeks stained and flushed red. This, Spencer knew, was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. When he stood up, unhooking Sean's arms from him, he wondered if this was how his father had felt when he left him as a child. Spencer shook his head, he wasn't Sean's father, not really. He wasn't his father in anyone's mind except for a few. Spencer watched him sleep for a little while, making sure no bad dreams interrupted him before grabbing his things and moving them down stairs.
When he knocked on Penelope's door, it was five o'clock in the morning. The weekend had called for rain, and it had delivered on its promise. Penelope hurried him in, directing Kevin to help with his bags as she made him some hot cocoa. Spencer sat on her sofa, soak and wet, and with a headache that no amount of aspirin could solve. She held him close like a mother would a child, and told him to get some rest and that they could talk things over in the morning.
Spencer fell asleep from pure exhaustion and nothing else, he slept well past noon.
"Hey, Kiddo, you feel up to going to the store with me? I know you must be hungry, and I need to pick up a few things," she asked, and Spencer shook his head yes.
Spencer brushed his teeth and washed his face, but didn't bother with his hair. The two walked quickly to Penelope's car, the rain still pouring down on top of their heads. The drive there was silent, mere glances being shared between them. Penelope offered to drop Spencer up front so he wouldn't have to get wet, and ignored his protest otherwise. When Spencer got out of the car, he had been in the midst of opening the door for a bystander when a familiar figure appeared in front of him.
Charlotte looked surprised to see him, and Spencer just stared at her. When the woman made to walk pass him, he stood in front of her, eyes narrowing down at her. "Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to them,to me?" he questioned, a distraught look to his face.
Charlotte said nothing, merely walked away without a word. Penelope had rushed to his side, grabbing a hold of his arm as she hurried him inside, talks of coming down with the flu. Spencer didn't want to go inside, he wanted to track Charlotte down; he wanted an answer. Why was she doing this, why was she trying to hurt them so bad? Why was she trying to take Sean and Derek away from him?
"Come on, Spence, let's go."
Why had she taken his entire life away from him?
All of his happiness, and his son.
