A/N: Thanks to sweetwaterspice for talking me through some of this! If anyone hasn't read her stories, they are awesome. This story is wrapping up! Check out my other stories for more from Maxon's perspective.
In a way, we had said goodbye wordlessly a hundred times throughout the night. Sometimes with kisses, other times with tears. All night we whispered, asking each other questions, digging further into each other's hearts.
When the door finally opened I closed my eyes for a moment, wanting to keep her here in my arms forever, afraid to let her go.
"Your Majesty?" someone asked. "Oh, God! I've found him," he screamed. "He's alive!"
Embarrassed at our closeness, America sat up and straightened herself.
"Were you not able to get downstairs, Your Majesty?" one of the guards asked.
"No. An officer was supposed to tell my parents. I told him to go there first," I replied, trying to make myself look presentable and less like I had broken a few Illean laws. That would be the end of both America and I. The sharp pain in my back as I adjusted myself seemed to emphasize the point.
Ducking out of the saferoom, the destruction stopped me in my tracks.
WE'RE COMING
This was my fault. For not ending the selection, for wanting something good in my life. The large red stains on the plush carpet showed where someone had died to protect me and my selfishness.
The guard was speaking with America. "We've taken the liberty of contacting all the families. It appears the attack on Lady Natalie's family was a direct attempt to end the Selection. They're targeting your relatives to get you to leave."
Pain filled her eyes. "No."
"We're already sending palace guards out to protect them. The king was adamant that none of the girls should go."
"What if they want to?" I spoke up. "We can't hold them here against their will."
"Of course, sir. You'll need to speak with the king."
"You won't have to guard my family long. Let them know I'll be home soon." The words paralyzed me. The guard looked at me for confirmation. I felt like my body was frozen. After all that had happened I was now face to face with reality. I grudgingly nodded.
"Yes, miss," the guard said with a bow.
I interjected. "Is my mother in her room?"
"Yes, sir."
"Tell her I'm coming. You're dismissed."
I took America's hand. I wished time would slow, allow me a few more moments with her. "Don't rush away. Say good-bye to your maids and any of the girls if you want. And eat something. I know how you love the food."
She smiled. "I will."
Words were escaping me. "You've changed me forever. And I'll never forget you."
"Don't tug your ear with anyone else. That's mine."
"A lot of things are yours, America." Like my heart. And with that thought, the world seemed to fall into place as I made a decision I should have made a long time ago. This wasn't it, I couldn't say goodbye. If my future was on the line, how could I give up so easily? I felt myself straighten. If I was prince of Illea, I wasn't going down without a fight.
"I need to go."
I nodded, not risking telling her my plan. I felt sure she would try and stop me, worried I would get hurt. I kissed her once, not lingering. This wasn't goodbye. I ran down the hall, forming a plan as I went.
My mother sat on her bed, sobbing into my father's arms. When she saw me, she turned, arms outstretched, "Maxon!" she wailed.
My father stood up stiffly, distancing himself from her, a satisfied look in his eye. "See, Amberly? I told you he would be fine."
I walked into her outstretched arms as she grabbed me tightly. It was everything I could do to not cry out in pain. I carefully removed myself from her arms, taking her hands. "I'm fine mother. I couldn't make it to the safe room," I looked at my father pointedly, and while staring into his eyes, continued, "America saved me." Anger flashed through his eyes, but I could still detect his satisfaction that his royal line was still intact. I was counting on this in order to continue my plan.
"She found a safe room for us," I looked back to my mother. "Without her I don't think I would be alive."
Sobbing, my mother raised both of our hands to her face. I took the opportunity to glare forcefully at my father, only flexing my back slightly as I did so.
She reached up and touched my face lightly. "I am just so happy you are alive. I was so worried. How will I ever thank America for keeping you alive?"
Cringing at her words, my father announced, "It's about time she did something right."
My mother shot him a look of exasperation and he took a step back. "I will leave you two alone, I have work to do." He began to walk towards the door.
"Actually, sir," I stood up, my mother still clenching my hand, "I was hoping I could speak with you for a moment." I returned his stare, not backing down.
"My office," he called, leaving the room. I grimaced before clearing my face and turning to give my mother a kiss. She smiled, her expression completely happy.
I walked slowly towards my father's office, still developing a plan. This conversation needed to be calm, controlled, or it would go poorly for me. I shivered at the thought. My father had only whipped me twice in a row once before, an exquisitely excruciating experience. I stumbled, catching myself. It couldn't get to that or all hope would be lost.
My father sat at his desk, papers in hand. I dismissed the guards and closed the door behind me.
When he didn't look up, I decided to begin. "Father, I was hoping to speak with you about America."
Still looking at his papers, he replied, "I thought we had finished this conversation."
"Father." I waited. He sighed, set his papers on the desk and began tapping his finger on the table.
Taking a deep breath, I continued. "America saved my life today and I believe that merits some consideration. I didn't want to discuss this in front of mother, but I couldn't make it to the safe room." I stared at him, emphasizing the point. "Your… impatience with me earlier almost cost you everything. I almost died today, sir. I saw a guard die right in front of me."
His expression was steady, unwavering, as the silence grew between us. He stood up, "As… grateful as I am that you are alive, that doesn't change the fact that yesterday America tried to ruin our country. She will never be a capable princess and frankly, I can't believe you think she would."
I swallowed hard, preparing my next defense. "What America did was wrong, I completely agree. I have spoken with her and discussed her series of intolerable behaviors. She understands that if she were to stay, it would be in complete obedience to your reign." I kept my head high, my voice calm.
"This is unacceptable," my father pounded his fists on the desk. I jumped slightly, but quickly regained my composure. My hands were trembling, I clenched them together behind my back. "You are letting a girl you have some ridiculous crush on control you. From the first day she arrived she has had you wrapped around her finger. You are the prince of Illea. This isn't about you, it is about what is best for our country.
"I am best for our country, alive. And your temper almost ruined that today. The least I can do is keep America here for a few more weeks. She will no longer be a problem, I promise."
My father stared at me. A sneer spread across his face. "You love her", he scoffed. My face gave me away before I could control it.
He laughed and considered me for a moment. He walked around his desk and sat on the front of it, a few feet away from me. "Your surprise at her speech yesterday was as clear on your face as it was my own. You were not expecting it. Which means she didn't trust you enough to tell you. And why, if she loved you back, would she say such things? She must have assumed she would be removed from the competition if she did."
I looked down, sure I should already have an answer to this. She had said she was mad because of Kriss and Celeste. But why hadn't she trusted me enough to tell me about the diary?
He chuckled again. "Poor Maxon."
I looked up, questioning his words.
"To be in love with a girl who so obviously doesn't care for him. One so temperamental she would rather be kicked out than return his affections." He looked up, musing, "Your feelings towards her have been clear from the beginning. As you haven't ended the selection yet, I assume the hesitation is on her part."
He saw the shame in my eyes before I could hide it.
"You aren't even good enough, even as a prince. And to think, with her unwilling to love you in return, it leaves you only with three to choose from."
My head was spinning. She did love me. I thought back to our time in the safe room. She had never actually said it, but her words had been so sincere. She had just been upset about me spending time with Kriss and Celeste. Celeste. At the thought of her name, I remembered confessing everything to America. "I get it," she had said. What did she mean by that? At the time, I had dismissed the words, thinking she would be leaving soon anyway. But was she really using me like I had used Celeste? To feel better after her breakup, or worse, to get back at her ex?
I looked back up at him, "She does want me," I said softly.
"Then propose," my father said smugly. "That was your plan, right? All those weeks ago? What happened, were you concerned she wouldn't say yes? Propose and we can end this today."
In the safe room, I had been so sure of her affections. But now, faced again with reality, doubt creeped in. From the first day I had met her, I had trusted her implicitly. Her honesty drew me to her, she had seemed completely without strings and strikingly transparent. But these last few weeks, she had been anything but. She had lied about the diary. I had given her everything, poured out my soul, but she remained closed off. When she was angry, she blew up, pushing me away.
"I can't," I admitted, half to myself. "I am not ready to make that decision."
"Then you will send her away," he stated forcefully. "You haven't even considered the others, and…"
"I have!" I interrupted, unthinkingly. "Sir. I have, sir." My mind raced. No, I was no longer willing to risk it all for America. While we were in the safe room, I felt her love, but I so often was faced with her displeasure. I needed time in order to trust her again, and I knew how to buy that time. "Kriss. I have been spending time with Kriss as well, and I believe there is… potential there." I felt guilty admitting it even to my father, like somehow I was being unfaithful to America. But it was true, Kriss was my obvious second choice, and I knew I could do far worse. "Sir, if you would allow me more time with her, I believe America would be willing to prove herself to be obedient." I almost smiled at the thought of that word ever being used to describe America. She was anything but obedient.
He looked thoughtful and I worried what he was thinking. "And if she does not prove herself?"
I swallowed. "Then I will choose Kriss."
He stood up, walking behind me. I flinched, continuing to stand at attention.
My father chuckled, I turned my head to see him standing mere inches away. He patted my back in a pseudo-friendly gesture. I clenched my teeth as a wave of pain spread through my back, but kept my eyes on his face.
"If this goes badly, you will regret the day you laid eyes on that girl." My father said in a low voice, before turning to leave the room.
