Chapter 6- Stand
"I gotta fight today to live another day
Speakin my mind today, my voice will be heard today
I've gotta make a stand, but I am just a man
I'm not superhuman, my voice will be heard today."
Hero- Skillet
I could feel the cold sticky soda seeping into my clothes making the material stick to my skin. I sat, for a moment, in shock before my eyes looked away from Edward and down at my clothes, then back up.
'That was so not an accident.'
"I'm so sorry," Jessica replied with a small smirk on her face, "I'm such a klutz."
I could hear the sniggers of the people at the table next to us as she shrugged her shoulders and walked away from our table. I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes as I hopped up and excused myself, rushing through the restaurant to the bathroom and locking the door behind me.
'This is what you get when you open yourself up, haven't you realized that yet? It isn't worth it and it never will be.'
I dabbed at my pants with a few paper towels trying to soak up as much of the moisture as I could, not that it was helping at all. I no longer had an appetite and I didn't feel like I could go back to the table and face everyone.
'Then run, it's what your good at.'
"What if I am getting tired of running?"
I took a moment and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy from fighting back tears, my cheeks were bright red in embarrassment, my shirt was completely ruined, and I looked like I had peed my pants.
A sharp knock on the door echoed across the tiles in the room and it was followed quickly by another. I took a deep breath, pushed my hair behind my ears, and opened the door.
Rose stood in the doorway, a bag in one hand, and a purse in the other. She looked me up and down for a moment before shaking her head with a soft sigh. Pushing her way into the bathroom she handed me the bag before leaning against the sink.
'Well this is confusing.'
"I keep a spare change of clothes in my trunk in case I need to stop and change a tire, or something." Rose muttered, her eyes were dark and she looked upset. "I know that the easy thing to do would be to leave, but then Jessica would just be winning."
'I knew it. I knew she did it on purpose.'
I opened the bag, pulling the items out and looking at them appreciatively. The jeans looked like they might be a little snug, but they had to better than the sopping wet ones I currently had on. The shirt consisted of a small men's white tank top that looked like it would fit perfectly.
'Are you really going to go out there again?'
'Yes, I am.'
"Thank you, Rose."
I pulled the sopping wet clothes off and used a few wet towels to wipe the sticky goo off of my legs and arms before pulling Rose's clothes on. Rose looked at me with a smile and a small nod, before handing me a hair-tie to put my hair back with.
'Walk out there like nothing happened. Then make the bitch pay.'
Rose handed me a small jar out of her purse, "Put this under your eyes, it will get rid of the redness."
I rubbed the goop under my eyes, watching the swelling and redness die down instantly, and I couldn't help but smile back. "Thank you, Rose. I wasn't sure I would have gotten up the nerve to go back out there."
"She's a bitch," Rose shrugged her shoulders and opened the bathroom door, "don't let her get to you."
'You're going to get hurt again, you never learn.'
I made my way through the diner, ignoring the sniggers and stares of the other customers. I could feel the heat of my cheeks as they flushed from the attention. Our table was half empty, with Emmett and Jasper sitting and whispering furiously back and forth.
Edward and Alice were gone.
'Of course they left. They didn't want to be linked to the big pathetic loser that you are.'
As I approached the table, their whispering stopped and they both turned to look at Rose and me. "Welcome back girls," Emmett smiled as he flung his arm around Rose and pulled her into his lap.
"Hi," I replied softly, looking down at my chair to see that it had been replaced by a new one. I sat down and picked at the semi-cold fries avoiding looking up at the others around me. After a few minutes of silence and awkwardness, I realized that I had ridden with Alice and that I was either going to have to call Charlie to come and get me or walk home.
'Both of those sound like really bad ideas.'
Pulling out my cell I looked at the time and winced, calling Charlie was definitely not an option at this time of night. Digging through my wallet I pulled a ten out and threw it on the table.
"I have to go, sorry" I stated, mainly for Rose's benefit. I didn't wait for them to say anything, because what was the point. Before I could re-think it I was out the door and walking down the street towards home.
'Bad things hide in the dark.'
The few sporadic street lights did little to light up the walkway and my eyes adjusted to the dark rather quickly. The rest of me, however, did not. Every movement of the wind, every wisp of a leave across the ground startled me. My footsteps increased in speed and I found myself looking behind me.
'He's out there.'
The nice thing about living in a small town is that it's small. That's also the bad thing, I realized, as I looked at the empty yards and roads around me.
'This was a really bad idea, you know that don't you?'
"Yes."
With only a few more blocks to go, I could hear footsteps behind me. Suddenly I found myself breaking into an all out run. The lights flickered past as I bolted down the sidewalk. My breathing was ragged and I could feel each pound of my heart against my rib cage.
'Run! Run for all your worth!'
There was no way I was going to make it, I realized as I cut around a corner and looked down the empty road. I pulled my keys out of my pocket, slipping one between two of my fingers making a rudimentary weapon and flipped around.
No one was there.
'Anymore; no one was there anymore.'
I hurried the last two blocks, making sure to stay alert and look over my shoulder as much as possible. No matter how many times I looked, though, no one was there. It made me question myself, made me question the things that I had heard.
'He was there. You know he was there.'
I opened the front door, surprised by the darkness of the house. Locking the door behind me I made my way to the living room, my breath coming out in pants. Charlie wasn't in his normal chair and the living room was still fairly clean.
'Which means he probably hasn't come home yet, right?'
"I can only hope."
I made my way to the bathroom, pulling the sweat soaked clothes off of me and locking the door behind me. There was no way I was going to bed anytime soon, so I lit a few candles and climbed into the tub letting the hot water soothe away my pains.
There is something reflective about taking a bath and I found my mind drifting. I couldn't help but feel hurt that Alice and Edward had taken off, but some part inside of me told me that was the way it was going to be. After all it's the way the rest of my life had gone, so why would they have been any different?
'And why does it mean so much to you now?'
Tears stung at my eyes and blurred my vision. I could still feel where Edward's hand had been massaging and rubbing my neck, feel the way his eyes burned into mine when I looked at him. Goosebumps rose on my arms and I dunked them under the water.
'You're gonna be in tro-ub-le.'
I clenched my eyes tight, blocking out all noise and thoughts. I stayed in the tub until my hands were prune-like before drying off and wrapping the towel around me. Opening the bathroom door I peered out into the hallway listening to the silence of the house.
'It's too quiet if you ask me!'
A quick dash to my room, and a set of pajamas later, and I was ready to pick up the pieces of the day and pretend that it never happened. Grabbing the stuffed lamb and the picture, I carried them into the kitchen throwing them into the trash can.
'Getting rid of his presents won't make him go away.'
"I know but it will make me feel better."
I flicked the kitchen lights off and looked out at the stars in the sky. When I was little I had wished and hoped and dreamed on them… and look where it got me. Pressing my forehead against the cool window I let a puff of air cloud the glass and distort my view of the stars.
'Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…"
Shaking my head I made my way back to the front door, double checking the lock. As I played with the deadbolt the front security lights flicked on. Assuming it was Charlie I peeked out the security hole, surprised to see an empty sidewalk and road.
'Don't do it. Curiosity killed the cat, you know!'
Something inside of me had to know, had to be brave just this once, and I found my hand unlatching the door and pulling it open.
My jacket lay folded on the stoop; a small note written on a napkin lay on top.
Never seek to tell thy love,
Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind does move
Silently, invisibly.
I told my love, I told my love,
I told her all my heart;
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears,
Ah! she did depart!
(Love's Secret- William Blake)
Thought you might need this,
You looked beautiful.
I didn't recognize the writing and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I carried the jacket and the note into my bedroom, placing both in the closet. Curling up under my covers I stared at the wall thinking. I wondered where Charlie was and why he wasn't home yet. I wondered what it was about me that caused people to run. I wondered why it was so hard to keep a friend. And then I fell asleep.
I woke the next morning to the sound of the garbage truck driving by. Rolling out of bed, I went to the living room, surprised to find it still in order. Peeking out the front window, I realized why, Charlie had never come home last night.
'Not something new, but still unusual.'
The sky was a murky gray and I found myself dreading leaving the house. I wasn't the type to play hookie from school but I just couldn't even fathom facing everyone after last night. So I called the secretary and told her my dad was working and I was sick.
Another nice thing about small towns; the people are gullible.
After multiple reassurances that I didn't need any homemade soup, that Dr. Cullen did not need to be called, and that I would stay indoors, the secretary excused me from class.
'As simple and easy as that.'
I spent the morning cleaning the house and doing some laundry. After making myself a quick sandwich for lunch I curled up in my chair to read. As the pages flipped by, the sky became darker and darker.
'Not another storm; what is with this place?'
Laying my book down, I watched out the window as the clouds thickened and darkened. Rain started to splatter the window making a ting noise that I found surprisingly delightful. Each drop streaked down the window leaving a separate path in its wake.
'Even drops of rain leave some left over imprint of their life. What will you leave?'
"Nothing," I whispered, my eyes clenched tight in sadness.
There was a clang in the kitchen, the sound of a pan hitting the stove, followed by another. I stood from my chair, my eyes straining in the darkness.
"Bella, dear," James growled, "Dinner is almost ready. You shouldn't keep your host waiting."
Another pan clanged and I clenched my fists. There was no way I could get past him to get to my bedroom so I only had two choices; Run up the stairs or go out into the storm.
I moved slowly and quietly towards the hallway, my mind flickering between the two possibilities.
'Go upstairs; at least you will have a locked door between the two of you. Plus it's STORMING outside.'
'No, you need to run outside. If you go outside the chance that someone will see you or hear you is better. Who cares about the storm when you could be trapped upstairs with no escape?'
Reaching for the door, I wrenched it open, shocked to see Edward on the stoop hand raised to knock.
"Bella, I don't like to be kept WAITING." James growled.
"This isn't a good time?" he questioned, his eyes taking in the features of my face and looking past me into the hallway.
"Something like that," I responded as I looked over my shoulder at the empty space, "How about we go for a drive?"
"Yes," he responded immediately, his back tense as he continued to stare into the house. I wondered if he was picking up on my distress or if he could hear James in the kitchen. As I turned around to grab my keys James entered the hallway, his eyes glancing between the two of us.
"Well, well, isn't this just sweet," James growled, "Bella and Edward."
I turned to look at Edward only he wasn't there anymore.
I turned back to James and he stood there smiling. I was alone, I would always be alone, just me and James.
I woke with a start, my book on the floor by my feet and the room around me dark from the storm. A knock on the door sounded again and I pushed myself up and moved my legs around to get the feeling back into them.
The slight patter of rain could still be heard and I wondered how long I had been out for? I peeked through the security hole, surprised to see Edward and Alice on my steps, both soaking wet.
'It serves them right for ditching last night and leaving you to walk home.'
They were talking quietly back and forth, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Alice kept gesturing to my truck and Edward continually shook his head no.
'Great, Alice probably forced him to come and apologize.'
"BELLA," Alice yelled her fist connecting with the door I was now peaking out of (causing me to jump quite a bit). Her knock was forceful for as tiny as she was and I was not surprised when her fist came down once again.
"Alice," Edward muttered, "the secretary said she was sick. She is probably just sleeping, although it is surprising that Charlie isn't home at this time."
Alice scowled at Edward for a moment, her face a mask of determination. "Something is wrong Edward, whether you realize it or not and I am NOT leaving here until I see Bella."
"Fine," Edward sighed as he got down on his knees and searched around the stoop. I realized after a moment he was looking for a spare key, something that he wasn't going to find.
'Because that would defeat the purpose of locking the door, now wouldn't it?'
Alice pulled out her cell phone and pressed a couple of keys. I could see her talking emphatically into the phone and then she hung up.
"What did you just do, Alice?" Edward questioned as he stood up and wiped off his knees.
"You'll see," she replied, smiling as she shrugged her shoulders.
'You should probably go lay down in your room. If they find a way to get in it's going to look funny that you were standing here watching them all this time.'
I made my way down the hall, closing my bedroom door behind me as I flopped down into bed. My body ached (from the run the night before) and I had a massive headache (which is unusual for me). I felt drained and found my eyes drooping as I picked at the quilt on my bed.
There was no use in fighting it, sleep overtook me.
I've literally had the most craptastic week, and reading your reviews put a huge smile on my face. I'm excited to see that there are some new readers, so welcome and thanks for the support!
This chapter is dedicated to jenn9394 for the song choice for the chapter. Thanks jenn for the wonderful review and suggestion, I think it was perfect *wink*
Thanks, as always, to my beta Pixie. This chapter (with all of it's loose ends) drove her crazy, which makes me love it all the more.
Updates should be coming quicker now that school is FINALLY out... Cheers all around!
N
