Unsent Letter

Dear Mother

Hello, again, its me your daughter. I wonder if you know me now at all? I admit its hard to tell, you're not around anymore. The priests say that your death was quick. It terrifies me really, I know that fear is a sin, but how can I not feel fear when I find out that you're just gone? No more soft smiles welcoming me home. No more gentle prodding to actually talk to my fiancee instead of tying him up and throwing him over my shoulder. Which for the record I still say worked. No more weird jokes, no more anything. You're just sort of gone.

I don't even know if you can see me anymore. I wish I had been there, been able to protect you, to do something. They say that parents protect their children so that their children can protect them when they're old. I didn't do that, I failed you, and I honestly don't know how to deal with that.

It used to be I'd send these letters and you'd respond with some deep wisdom from our ancestors "Grandmother used to say 'Never try to catch a Lion with a net, use milk instead' or something like that.

Now I have to do it on my own. I have to be the strong Battle Maiden, and live Bushido in the purest way I can, with my spear by my side and Metsuke underneath me.

Yet putting it like that, like I'm angry at you for being gone is well, selfish, childish really. You never asked for it, and trying to change the past does not work.

But I still miss you.

I think I will always miss you mother.

But, I will carry the lessons you taught me in my heart.

That Compassion is the core of who we are, and that is the strength of the Unicorn. We care and because we care, we can transcend any limits for those we care for.

That Honesty is the guiding hand of our actions. The lies we tell ourselves and others make us hesitate and shrink from our path.

That Courage is the Fire that does not go out no matter how much fear tries to smother it. So we stoke our courage to ride fearlessly into the next life.

That Loyalty is the solid Earth that anchors our compassion, honesty and courage into those who deserve it.

That Courtesy is the soft water that holds the fire back until such time as it is needed.

That Sincerity is the swift wind carrying our intentions openly so that no one may cry that we have deceived them.

That Honour is the endless void that we carry with in us defining us as we choose it.

I will carry these lessons in my heart as dearly as I carry you in my heart, mother.

So if you're up there watching me mother, I promise, I'll live and make you proud, because I never could ask for a better mother, and the only way to honour you properly, is to ride as the Utaku do for Honour, Purity and our Clan.

Farewell mother.

Utaku Lana reads the letter she wrote yet again, and shakes her head.

No it's pointless. Mother is dead, but still maybe, maybe she'll see it up there?
Lana doesn't know really, she couldn't, but as she places the letter into the fire, she hopes it does reach her mother.

As the fire dies and Lana turns to sleep, she never notices the gentle soft wind that caresses her face, or the smiling woman behind it.

Those skilled in the arts of the spirits may have divined that the woman was giving her final farewell to Lana, but alas none were there, and slowly the smiling woman faded away.

For the first night in weeks, Lana slept quietly, her dreams filled with a mother accepting the love of her daughter.