Summary: When Hank drops off Erin for a typical two week visitation with Bunny, he didn't think that much of it. He hated the idea but it was court ordered. He had to do what he had to do. What he didn't realize was that this visitation rocked his whole world.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character's from Chicago PD. I just have fun playing with them in a different world. The title and idea kind of came from X Ambassador's son "Unsteady".
Hello! Sorry it once again took some time to update. Work was crazy, and then it was the holidays and then I moved. I made this chapter a little longer than normal to make up for it. I'm not sure were I plan on taking this story now. You all have any ideas for it, please let me know. Because the way I ended this chapter, may make it one of the last chapters. I shall see.
Please review! Thanks!
Unsteady
Chapter 7
There was two month between Erin being released from the hospital and court. Hank and Camille worked on a plan together along side Erin's counselor and the hospital doctors to make the transition home easier, as well as a back up plan if all things failed.
Erin had needs that a normal ten year old would never experience. One, she has to be bribed with little things, Hank's easiest bribe that now worked was carrying around chocolate kisses in his pocket for her when she went to the bathroom especially when it happened on the toilet. The incident resorted in them having to train Erin again to realize that she has to inform someone if she needed to use the bathroom. It was almost as if they were potty training a toddler again. Peeing on herself while she was in bed was the worse but Hank will never forget the one time Erin went while walking to the bathroom because she couldn't hold it anymore, her muscles needing a relearning, and she dropped to the floor crying nervously as she rocked back and forth. Scared of what might happen to her.
Erin also needed a specialized diet plan that would allow her to become the normal weight once again. Protein and Vitamin filled mix drinks made this easier but the amount of calories needed every meal was enough to drive one crazy. Hank and Camille had been taught to track everything because if she is not gaining the weight needed a feeding tube will need to be placed. Another surgery that while common and easily done, would leave Hank wondering if Erin would have the same reaction again that lead her in the Pediatric Intensive Care.
First problem came when they decided to drive home. Renting a car and driving almost 12 hours was cheaper and in Hank's mind easier because there were no crowds, uncomfortable closeness of those gross leather chairs and no rushing. They could take their time getting back home, stopping whenever Erin needed too or if Justin became fussy.
Erin still wasn't herself minus her stubbornness. If anyone besides Camille or Hank came near her she broken into an uncontrollable emotional state that left father and step mother in need of using the prescription Xanax the doctor ordered with caution.
Getting Erin into the rental became the problem within deciding to drive back. Erin kicked and shoved everyone in sight. The nurse who brought Erin to the car ended up with a black eye.
"Let me get a doctor," the nurse rushed off before anyone could stop her clutching her eye.
Hank looked at the nurse and sighed. This was going to become a bigger problem then it seemed to be. "Erin get in the car please." Hank begged almost. He didn't want to shell out hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars to get the four of them home. It was around Christmas time, making flights outrageously priced. It was money Hank and Camille did not have laying around after spending two weeks in NYC paying for a hotel room, food, and a babysitter for Justin. It all added up.
"Dad-Dee no." Erin's raspy voice seemed frightened as she slowly rolled herself out of the nurses grip to the corner of the hospital entrance. "No!" She gripped the wheelchair tighter. "No!"
"Erin, remember what the lady said that colors with you everyday? Be brave. I think you can be a brave girl and climb into the van right now." Camille sunk to Erin's level looking eye level with Erin. Erin nodded in agreement slowly. "Now can we try? I have fun things we can do in the van. I have movies, and puzzles, and games and some crayons and paper- all for you Erin."
Hank sighed knowing this was most likely a battle he wouldn't win. Whatever happened to her made her weary of things that use to not bother her. Hank owned up and made it better the best he could. "How about if Cami sits in the back with you?"
"No dad-Dee. No go." Erin whimpered getting closer to the car. She needed Hank's assurance, his word that it will be okay.
"How about if we put Justin back there with you? He misses his sister." Camille tried to hoax. The first month, Justin use to waddle around the townhouse looking for his "Sissy".
"No!" Erin yelled loudly just in time for the nurse to walk back over with the counselor and the doctor.
"Hey there Erin, I'm Dr. Hanna." The doctor spoke so soft and gentle. "I was wondering something, can I ask you a question?"
Hank was apprehensive and wanted to step in but Camille pulled him back, "Let's just see how this goes, okay? She's paying attention to the doctor."
"I love getting artwork from everyone of the kids that come in here." The sweet voice calmed Erin down, "I would love something that you drew, but I would love to get it in the mail. I love getting mail! I want you to send me as many pictures as you want that you drew during the ride home? Can you do that?"
Hank became shocked when Erin nodded her head, agreeing to go in the van but her agreeing and actually doing it were two different things.
Erin slowly stood, grabbing the doctor's hand for support as she walked towards the van. Hank already equipped the van to remove the on middle captain's chair so Erin could climb easily into the back and spread out a little more. It was easier for her.
"Dad-dee?" Erin turned staring at him. Her green eyes hit his matching ones and he sunk inside. He'd do anything for her.
What was he going to do? Let his daughter suffer because of her horrible mother or make it more comfortable for her? He made it more comfortable.
The nurse spoke to Hank privately as Camille calmed her down. "This is why the doctor prescribed them. Calming her down using this will allow her to know that a car isn't bad."
"So you want me to drug her, until she passes out cold, to make her survive this trip? I'm sorry but no, I'm not doing that. If she can't handle a car then we won't drive."
"Hey look at me kid," Hank smiled, "I know your mommy made the car a mean place but this is a new car, a better car."
"New?" Erin stumbled over the word slightly but seemed to comprehend it.
"Yeah, and Cami will be in the back with you- or even me if you want." Not that Hank wanted to sit in the back, but it's a risk he was willing to take. At this point he'd do anything for Erin. "Anything you want, baby."
"Cami?" Erin reached back for Camille's hand.
"I'll be right next to you the whole time." Camille promised knowing how hard this was for Erin.
Erin finally made her way into the van crawling into the back seat but she couldn't get herself to sit down. They got Erin so far and she shut down, forcing herself into the fetal position and resting her head between her legs.
"I knew this was going to happen." Hank's raspy voice mumbled out. "We can't push her."
"Mr. Voight, this is proper steps. We need her to know that it is not a dangerous place to be in." The counselor spoke for the first time in this encounter. "It's progress- good or bad- it's still progress." The counselor stopped Hank from entering the van. "I want to see if she can learn to calm herself down. This is important."
"She couldn't calm herself down before this, why do you think she can now?" Hank's vain stuck out in his neck, a silent indicator that he was about to burst on someone.
"Because she needs to learn." The counselor stated calmly. "Let's try this, okay?"
"No, I'm not allowing it to happen. No more- no fucking more." Hank denied them any further 'testing' on Erin. "We'll take a plane home- I don't care if she can't do the car. We'll figure it out." In one swift motion, Hank lifted Erin into his arms- her face moving into the crock on his neck. "It's okay, Kid. You're safe and you'll be alright." Hank repeated, ruling soft circles on Erin's back.
"I guess we fly then." Camille frowned a little knowing how difficult that would be.
"I want you two to work on this, please, before deciding to fly. Let Erin sit in the back with you Hank- slowly move away from her day by day and it will work.
"One more try," Camille suggested, "I don't mind driving. Hank, we really can't afford the flights right now. Moneys tight." She felt bad, but they had to make do with what they had already. Who knows if they'll actually get four tickets siting near each other on one flight.
"You can come sit on my lap in the back okay?" Some how, with Erin still clinging tightly to him, Hank managed to make it to the back seat. "Look, baby, we're in the back." Erin peeped her eyes over Hank's shoulder nervously not saying a word. "I think we can give this a shot, Cami."
"Just remember, the Xanax will be beneficial this car ride, even right now before you drive so you can get her buckled in." Dr. Hanna offered her final piece of advice. "Remember, one pill will last a while."
But Hank already made up his mind, he was going to try his best to allow Erin to stay off the Xanax as long as possible.
-CPD-
"Mama out!" Justin screamed kicking his little legs against his carseat. "Out now!"
"Hold on, Justin. We need to find a place to exit." Camille sighed, exhausted from the six hour drive she's done so far.
The plan was to stop for dinner and stop for the night or just stop for dinner. It all depended on how Erin was acting and if she would allow Hank to drive because Camille was tired of it.
"Hank, is just a simple dinner at McDonald's okay? They have a play area and I don't think it would be busy at 7 at night on a Wednesday. It will be good for Justin to play and maybe even Erin."
"Sure." Hank quickly agreed, not really minding. Erin seemed to fall asleep within the first hour of the drive
home only to wake up two hours later when they stopped for a bathroom break after Justin stunk up the car, in a better, more relaxed mood. She had Hank coloring his own pictures and watching a dancing penguin movie that he will never admit was good. "Want McDonald's, Kid?"
"Toy?" Erin's head shot up knowing the little Happy Meal Toys that come with every kid's meal. "Mine?"
"Yes, the toy will be you after you eat everything." Hank became fatherly.
Pulling into McDonald's Camille turned off the car and Hank went through the rules that they use to do every time they went anywhere with Erin. It felt normal being out and about with Erin, it felt like everything was becoming back to normal- slowly. It also gave Erin the chance to be a "normal" child even for a little while.
"Erin, remember what we do in public?" Hank look at her before he even opened the door. "We listen to Cami and I, right?" He waited and Erin nodded in agreement. "If Cami or I say it's time to go we don't throw temper tantrums, do we?" Erin shook her head no. "You're right. We don't throw those. Now come on. You can take Justin in the play ground."
Erin once again, nervously took a hold of Hank's hand as Camille took Justin out of his carseat, and the family of four walked into the fast food restaurant.
Camille whispered quickly her typical meal, and to get Justin and Erin nuggets before breaking Erin from Hank's hands and guiding her to the play area where only one other family was, a grandmother and her grandchild- a young boy that stared curiously at Erin.
"Two chicken's for the chick and the rooster, and one salad for my wife who does not need to eat a salad." Hank placed everything onto the table.
"Thanks." Camille smiled appreciatively. "When you two finish eating you can go play."
Erin looked at the play ground and then her face lit up. She ate quickly as she could, finishing her chicken nugget and apple wedges before indicating she wanted to go play. "Dad-dee, play?"
"Yes, you can go play. Take Justin with you." Hank wanted some alone time, even if it's at the play center in a McDonald's. He's missed the alone time with her, he's missing her.
Hank looked over at Camille who was a little apprehensively at him. Camille loved Erin like she was her own daughter but the state Erin left the hospital made her a little nervous with Justin. But she knew she had to believe that Erin would handle it and she let Justin waddle off with his sister towards the slide.
"So maybe we'll find a place around here to crash for the night." Hank offered what he was thinking. "I'd love to make it through the night but Justin's getting antsy and you're getting tired."
"Sounds good." Camille didn't take her eyes away from the play structure. She wanted to make sure Erin was okay with Justin.
"They're fine, Cam. Let them be."
"Erin just got out, I know with Justin he needs a lot of attention. They both do. Having her watch him is nerve wrecking Hank."
"So you don't trust her?" Hank darted in, focusing on the one word he heard from Camille.
"I do, Hank. I just don't think she should be watching Justin yet. He's young still."
"He's okay." Hank pointed to the top of the play structure with the glass look out that Erin and Justin were waving from. "See? They're right there."
"And here they come." Camille smiled when Erin and Justin went flying down the slide together.
"Mama!" Justin smiled, giggling happily.
Camille gladly took Justin into her arms as Erin went up the play structure once again, alone this time. "Did you go play with your Sissy, bud? Did you have fun?"
"You sound weird." A little kid's voice echoed through the glass surrounded room from the play structure.
"No!" Erin screamed, almost to defend herself.
"Yes you do! You sound stupid!" The little boy chanted over and over again.
Erin was going to snap and there is no way for Hank to fit up there and get her. "Erin, come down, Kid. Please?" He was trying to prevent something from happening. He was trying to prevent an outburst. "Erin, come on."
But Erin didn't come. Through the glass, Camille and Hank both saw Erin some how kick the young boy- hard enough to push the boy down the circular slide into the ball pit at the other end.
"Grammy! She kicked me!" The boy, who had to be five or six, ran off crying to his grandmother who looked over at Hank and Camille with a look of disbelief and disgust.
"You two should control your daughter." The grandmother gathered up her grandson, "There's a special place for retards and it isn't in public."
Camille had to hold Hank back because Hank was getting ready to fight. No one, and he means no one, tells them anything bad about Erin. They don't know her or her story, so how can they judge her. "She's not worth it, Hank."
"She's not a retard!" Hank screamed as Camille pushed him down on the bench seating. "She's not!"
"I know that and you know that. Who cares what they think? It's not worth it." Camille held his back, "Let's just get out of here."
"Dad-dee?" Erin looked down at them from the highest point. "Erin bad."
The look of disapproval, of knowing that she was wrong and or "bad" in Erin's eyes killed Hank. This was a girl who had the world against her. Nothing was easy and nothing would be easy for her. This lady had no right to say what she said, especially to a child.
"No," Hank stood his ground, "Erin it not bad. Erin's good who did a bad thing." He simplified it for her to understand.
"Now why don't we go find a hotel for the night? It may be fun? We can watch movies and if you behave we can get a piece of candy or ice cream from room service." If the hotel provided it, Camille was going to get it. "Okay?"
Camille guided the two kids into the van, getting both situated before closing the door to speak to Hank alone. It would be a quick conversation, but it needed to be done.
"Hank," She walked to the front of the van where Hank propped himself against the hood, staring out at the high way in front of him. "I know this isn't the best, but ignore what that lady said. She doesn't know Erin's history nor will she ever know. Erin's getting better; you've seen it, and I've seen it. Don't let a silly comment front someone who doesn't know when to put a foot in their mouth deter you from showing Erin the world."
"I just…" Hank couldn't justify his feelings with words at the moment; in his mind all he saw was Erin's face. The look of disappointment, hurt, and Hank knew he couldn't always be there to protect her from it. She'd become strong enough eventually to protect herself but now she was a child that didn't deserve what she received from the world.
"You just what?"
With a sigh that allowed Hank to gather his thoughts he continued, "I want her to be independent, and be just like everyone else. Is it to much to think that I can't do it anymore? That I love her more than life but between how she was before and now, I'm at a breaking point with stress? I feel horrible to say this."
"But it's how you're feeling, Hank and that's okay. I know it gets hard; I'm right there beside you dealing with it too." Camille leaned into his side before continuing, "You know how Dr. Zane always told us? If it gets too much, there is help. There's groups we can go to for support and there's stuff for Erin too. Maybe not right when we get back, but maybe look into the schools he was telling us about?"
"Because she needs to be locked away like she's a fucking mistake." Sarcasm dripped from his voice, "I just don't know what she's going to do when we can no longer be there. Who will take care of her- if she can't become independent? How will she function?"
"We will teach her, Hank. It's our job. Plus I happen to believe that Justin would help her out as much as he could if he turns out anything like you."
"I don't want that to be all on him."
"And it won't. We have some time still, Hank. She's young. Who knows what will happen? Who knows if she'll learn to control her anger? Who knows because we have no ability to see into the future. Before Erin left she was doing amazing, and maybe being in the same environment again will help that. Its all we can do, we need to try everything."
"You know I couldn't have done this without you, right?"
Camille smiled softly back at him, "It's a good thing I love you both, or that Erin's cute little face when she was younger made it impossible to hate her." She joked around, adding some comedy to such a dark topic. "Stop worrying though, the future is exactly that, the future. We don't know how Erin will turn out or if Justin will take on the responsibility of helping his sister for the rest of her life. All I know is that we will try and guide them into being the best they can be- that's our job."
Looking into the car over his shoulder, Hank noticed Erin was calm and relaxed with her tongue sticking out between her lips as she concentrated on the drawing in front of her. "She'll be okay, right?"
"No matter what, that girl is strong. She'll make it- I know it." It was a promise that Camille knew she could make.
Who knows what tomorrow brings, today they'd take it step by step.
