Chapter Seven

Footsteps could be heard, approaching rapidly. Loki sighed, already knowing who this would be. He braced himself as Odin strode into the healing room. He was alone this time. His expression was neutral; he wasn't going to give anything away.

"Is Thor not with you?" Loki instantly cursed how timid and meek he sounded.

Fortunately, Odin did not comment on it. "He was needed elsewhere."

Loki found himself fidgeting with the edge of the blanket and forced himself to stop. He raised his chin so that he was looking levelly at the king. He wanted to think of Odin as his father, wanted to call him such, but he didn't see the man who had raised him anymore. That man, even when he raged, had some warmth in his eyes. The man standing before Loki now had no such warmth.

"What did you wish to speak about?"

Odin was silent for a moment. "I may have been wrong to sentence you so harshly, before."

Loki didn't know what to say. And his momentary vulnerability left him angry, and he replied sarcastically. "Odin Allfather made a mistake? Surely not!"

"Loki-" Odin started sharply.

"Yes?" Loki pressed, arching a brow.

Odin was silent.

"What did you want to say?"

"You will remain under guard here until you have fully recovered from your ordeal," Odin said in a clipped tone.

Loki was unimpressed. "And then?"

"Your situation will be revisited. Thor tells me that you fought bravely against Chthon with his latest attack on the nine realms."

Loki snorted in disbelief. Did Odin think that he would fall for such a line? "I inadvertently led to his emergence, and almost died. Hardly heroic."

"Forgive me if I-"

Loki interrupted harshly. "Take your son's words over mine?"

Was he imagining the sag of Odin's shoulders?

The tense silence was broken as Frigga came into the room. Both Loki and Odin turned to look at her. She stopped, her gaze flickering between them. Then, with a small smile at Odin, she walked over to Loki and kissed his forehead, the way she had when he was a child.

And he knew that she would always be his mother.

"I did not mean to interrupt your... discussion. I wished to know how you feel now, Loki."

"I am feeling much better, thank you."

"I am glad." Frigga smiled at him, and cupped his face with her hand. He wanted to cling to her like a child and let her fight away his tears. But he had not been able to show any sort of weakness to anybody, not even his mother, for a long time.

"Frigga, Loki and I have much yet to discuss."

"I understand," Frigga nodded to Odin, and then turned to Loki again. "I will speak to you later."

She pressed another kiss to his forehead. As she passed Odin, she took his hand briefly, and gave him a meaningful look. Loki didn't dare look at the Allfather as she left. He hoped that her words were true, but how could they be? This... This would be the last time he ever saw her. He would be sent back to that lonely dungeon soon enough, no matter what supposedly heroic deeds he did against Chthon.

"Loki!" Odin said sharply, bringing the trickster out of his thoughts. "We need to decide what will be done with you when you leave here."

Loki frowned and arched a brow. "We?"

Odin arched his brow. "Surely you wish to have some say in how you will spend your life?"

"I certainly had no say the first time," Loki retorted bitingly "I've never known Asgard's king to do anything with a frost giant except to slaughter him."

Odin gritted his teeth. "If you will not volunteer an opinion as to what you wish your fate to be, how do you expect to receive a satisfactory decision?"

What sort of sick joke was Odin playing? Did he seriously expect Loki to be so stupid?

"Very well," Odin sighed. "When you have recovered, you will be restored to your old quarters where you will stay under guard. The palace will be free for you to roam with an escort, but if you wish to traverse the city you will be required to be guarded by two of the Einherjar, as well as Thor or one of his companions-in-arms. You will not be permitted to leave Asgard at this time, unless by some urgent need."

What? Loki stared at Odin, searching for some sort of deceit in him. Surely the events on Midgard could not have been enough to change his mind so much? Then why-

Oh. Loki sighed, shaking his head. "The threat of Atum, is it?"

"Do you accept these terms?"

"I am not to be locked away in the dungeons?" Loki asked doubtfully.

"No, not at present, although any suspicious behaviour on your part will result in a reconsidering of these conditions. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Father," would have been his response once upon a time. But not now. Loki pushed himself to his feet and bowed. "Understood, My Lord."

He staggered. He was more tired than he had realised! Odin reached forward as though to steady him, but stopped himself.

"Rest now," he said, and Loki imagined that his voice contained some of its old tenderness. "You still have a long road to recovery. Would you like to see your mother?"

Loki nodded while he climbed back into his bed, completely missing how Odin referred to Frigga. Odin left without another word. Loki's eyes felt heavy, but he fought sleep, wanting to see his mother again before he went to sleep. If he slept, maybe he'd wake up and find it all a dream. The thought was painful.

A few moments later, the bed sagged. Loki's eyes opened to see Frigga sitting beside him.

"Mother."

Frigga brushed his dark hair back from his forehead. "He didn't mean what he said, before you returned to Midgard. When he called you Laufeyson."

"If you say so."

It was obvious he was trying to humour her.

"He has expressed his regret to me many times, Loki. And never with a dry eye."

Loki looked away sullenly. "He is not regretful enough to take it back to my face."

"Your father is a stubborn man. He has had to be, as king. He does not always know when he should bend."

Loki opened his mouth to correct her – Odin was not his father, but closed it again. He didn't want to argue now.

"And I am aware that he is not your true father," Frigga continued in a stern tone he knew well, "but he has always tried to fulfill that role to the best of his ability."

"He was always a king first, father second."

Frigga sighed. "The duties of a king are hard, Loki. Surely you grasped that, when you held the throne? Look what the pressure drove you to do!"

Was it the pressure of ruling, the revelation about his true heritage, anger, jealousy, or something else that drove Loki to his actions? "Perhaps."

"I am sorry, now is not the time for this," Frigga said, threading her fingers through his hair. "You need to rest. Go to sleep. I'll stay for a little while."

Loki didn't want to succumb, but his body cried for sleep and within moments, it had won.

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Thor found Balder in his quarters. His youngest brother was standing at his window, staring out. his hands were clasped behind his back, his shoulders hitched forward, a frown wrinkling his young brow. He looked so much like Loki when he was thinking! But it wasn't surprising. Ever since a young age, Balder mimicked his family – Loki, Thor, Odin and Frigga. He had copied them so much that many of their gestures had become his as well.

"Are you certain that you are all right?"

Balder jumped. Thor smiled fondly, realising that Balder had been lost deep in thought.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I was just...thinking..."

Thor joined Balder at the window. "About what?"

"Nothing..." his voice was faraway and vague.

"I am sure you're going to be lectured by Mother and Father about the rashness of your actions, so I will not. I just wanted to make sure you were all right, and to tell you that I am glad you are."

Balder ducked his head sheepishly. "Thank you. I suppose I was somewhat rash, travelling to Midgard as I did."

Thor fondly ruffled his little brother's hair. "You are more important to Asgard than you realise."

Balder pushed away Thor's hand. "Thor! Must you treat me like a child?"

"Yes," Thor teased. "Yes. Even when you've married a lovely young maiden, I think we both know whom I'm referring to-"

"Thor!"

"And you've got dozens of hearty and hale children-"

"Dozens?" Balder interrupted, wrinkling his nose. "Nanna only wants four."

Thor raised his brows.

Balder flushed red. "Not that we're going to marry."

Thor chuckled.

"Argh!" Balder buried his head in his hands. "Can you please go and tease someone else now?"

"Ah, brother, but you turn such a delightful shade of red!"

"Go away!"

Thor paused a moment. If Balder did banish him, where would he go? "If I promise to stop teasing," he said in a half-serious tone, "will you let me stay?"

Balder peeked through his fingers. "Maybe. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know that I want to talk at all, brother. I just don't want to be alone right now, and I don't want to answer a lot of questions."

"Fair enough." Though his face was still red from embarrassment, a mischievous grin spread across Balder's face. "So, as you were on Midgard, did you get a chance to speak with your Lady Jane?"

"I said I did not want to answer questions," Thor said sternly.

"Is that a no? She must be getting very angry with you, brother..."

"Balder, enough."

Balder held up his hands defensively. "Alright, alright. Do you have to be so grumpy?"

"I am sorry."

"That's okay." Balder's young face twisted in worry. "Is Loki going to be alright?"

"I believe so." Thor tried to sound confident.

Balder's brow furrowed. "I think I'll go check on him."

"Loki needs rest."

"Right. I think I'll go talk with Nanna, then."

Thor caught his brother's arm. "Just be careful what you speak of, and who may hear you."

"Right. Of course," Balder said distractedly.

Thor sighed and shook his head.

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Sigyn hesitated before entering the healing room in which Loki currently resided. The news that he was Atum's son was still reeling in her mind. Was it foolishness that drove her to seek him out? She was relieved when she entered to see that he was sleeping while Frigga watched over him. Sigyn bowed her head.

"My queen. How is he?"

Frigga smiled comfortingly at her. "He sleeps. He scared us all, but he will be fine."

"So I heard." Sigyn hesitated. She shivered to remember her brief time as Chthon's prisoner. "Is Atum still in Asgard?"

"I do not know. He left Loki some time ago, but I have no knowledge of where he went. Why do you ask?"

Did the queen know? Sigyn pondered what she should do. She certainly had no right to tell the queen the truth of Loki's father if she did not already know! "My mother told me some... unexpected things about him."

Frigga smiled sadly. "You refer to Atum being Loki's father."

Sigyn sighed in relief and nodded.

"It certainly... complicates things."

"Yes, it does." Sigyn paused. "Do you mind if I wait here until he wakes?"

"No, of course not. I must be leaving soon, anyway. I am certain he would be glad of the company when he wakes." Frigga gestured Sigyn to a chair. "How have you been managing? Theoric's passing took us all by surprise."

"As well as can be expected, I suppose. I have been very lonely."

"I have been meaning to tell you, if you do not wish to remain in your marital home alone you are welcome to take up residence here, in the palace."

"Thank you. My step-grandmother has offered me Hnossa's old house on Vanaheim, but I don't think I could live there. It's been kept exactly how she left it, but all of her warmth has gone..." Sigyn felt tears well in her eyes, thinking of her long-departed sister. "Am I cursed to be forever parted with those I love the most?"

Frigga put a comforting arm around her. "Of course not. Life often tests us, but we all receive happiness in the end."

Sigyn smiled, though she didn't believe the queen's words. Frigga smiled gently, and then left. Sigyn wiped her eyes, moving her chair closer to Loki's side. She tenderly brushed the dark hair from his forehead. He stirred, but didn't wake.

"I have always loved you," she whispered.

A tear dripped from her nose. A hand laid on her shoulder and she jumped, thinking that Frigga had returned. But when she looked, it was her grandmother.

"I told your mother once that love deceives."

Sigyn hastily wiped her face. "Sorry?"

"Love deceives everyone."

"But what is the point of living without love?"

"You cannot live without love, but you should never rely solely upon it."

Sigyn shook her head. Far too often people mistook her for her mother. "Grandmother, you have known me all my life. When have I followed the advice of my heart without first consulting logic and reason?"

"Never, but I would not see you break that habit now."

"Never fear that," Sigyn replied somewhat bitterly. "Even were it possible for Loki and I... even if we were not cousins, too much has happened. I can't trust him anymore. Love without trust is dead."

Gaea smiled wryly. "If only that were true," she whispered, and then added normally. "I am glad you will not insist on pursuing Loki- his destiny leads him elsewhere, far from Asgard."

Sigyn frowned. "What do you mean?"

Gaea smiled enigmatically.

"Grandmother, what do you mean? Where does Loki's destiny belong, if not on Asgard?"

"He must discover that for himself."

"That's helpful."

Sigyn jumped as Loki spoke. He pushed himself up so he was sitting. Gaea smirked, as though she already knew he was awake.

"Loki!" Sigyn cried, embarrassed and frustrated as her heart started beating faster when he met her eyes. She tried to calm herself. "How are you feeling?"

Loki yawned, and then in a teasing tone said, "As though I am exhausted and people keep waking me up."

Sigyn laughed nervously. "Do you want to be left alone?"

Loki caught her hand as she stood. "No. I was actually hoping that we could speak."

"I will return later," Gaea said, and left quietly.

Sigyn sat, gently pulling her hand away from Loki's. "What did you want to speak about?"

"I, uh... I..."

"The Silver Tongue is lost for words?" Sigyn teased.

Loki looked almost afraid. "This is difficult, I'm not sure how to say it..."

"Just say it. Have I ever judged or scorned you for your words?"

Loki smiled, but it quickly faded. "I don't know who all knows this, but... I have discovered most abruptly that I am... not in fact Laufey's son."

Sigyn sighed. "You are worrying too much, as usual. I was already aware of that. And is it not a good thing, not being related to the likes of Laufey?"

Loki's brow furrowed. "Who told you?"

"Does it matter?"

"I would like to know if my true father is known to all far and wide. It will make a difference, how they see me..."

"It only changes how I see you insofar as we are cousins," Sigyn reassured him. "It does not change your personality- you are who you have always been."

Loki's gaze was intense. "Who am I, Sigyn?"

"Loki, prince and greatest sorcerer of Asgard."

"But your grandm- Our grandmother has said my destiny lies outside of Asgard. How can that mean that I am yet its prince? Besides that... I am no longer Odin's son."

"He raised you. That makes you his son, whether you or he want to admit that or not. As for leaving Asgard- Thor often does, and his status as prince is not jeopardised."

"His destiny is to be king. He will always come back." Loki sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put this on you."

"It's what friends are for, isn't it? And..." Sigyn hesitated. "Maybe it would be best if you spent some time away, time to order your thoughts, think about your future. What you want from life."

Loki looked down. "Sigyn... I know that it is impossible, now, but I've never-"

"Don't, Loki," Sigyn interrupted softly. "Neither one of us can take that, now right now."

Loki nodded. "Of course. I am sorry."

"I hope you at least consider what I said." She smiled sadly. "I should go."

"Please don't."

Sigyn shook her head. She recognised the tone of Loki's voice. "Loki, if you still harbour hopes of...it can never be, we are cousins!"

"I know. I know it can never be. I told you that a long time ago, remember?"

"Alright, I will stay if you insist, but don't forget Gaea- Jord," she corrected, remembering the common name that the Aesir referred to Gaea as, "wished to speak with you. Do you not want privacy for that?"

Loki spoke stiffly. "I do not wish to speak with her at this time."

"Loki."

"I only meant that I have a lot of things to make sense of, I don't need more... to look at Thor's mother and know she is my grandmother?"

Sigyn nodded. "Of course. I did not think of it that way...I suppose that does make things awkward..."

"It is a lot to take in," Loki agreed. "You are my cousin... Thor is my uncle."

The utter befuddlement in his voice made Sigyn laugh.

It was then that Gaea walked in. She smiled briefly at Sigyn, and then turned her gaze on Loki. "I know that you perhaps do not wish to speak with me at this moment, but it is very important that we do." She turned back to Sigyn. "Your mother would like to apologise for her earlier behavior."

Sigyn hesitated. Not only because she did not truly wish to leave Loki at the moment, but her mother's apologies rarely made things better.

Loki nodded to her. "Go on."

"All right." Sigyn's voice was a sigh.

After Sigyn was gone, Gaea sat on the edge of Loki's bed. She is my grandmother, he thought. And then, I look older than she does!

"Is there anything you wish to ask me? I know Atum is not particularly skilled at reading people's feelings."

Loki mulled it over. What did he want to ask? "Am I insane?"

Gaea smiled, as though she had expected the question. "Why ever would you think that?"

"Because none of this can be real."

"It is, I assure you. As abstract and strange as this situation is, it is the truth."

Loki breathed out a sigh. "What was it you wished to talk to me about?"

"I have an enquiry, and a few words of advice."

"What advice?"

Gaea's sweet, kind face became very serious. "You know the truth of Atum's father."

Loki's gaze dropped.

"Your heritage does not define you. It may influence you, but it does not have the final say." Gaea cupped her hand under Loki's chin and raised it until he was looking at her. "You have to look no further than my brothers and my sister and I to see that. You make your choices, Loki. Don't let what you think of your heritage choose for you."

Loki wasn't certain how to reply. "And your enquiry?"

"I merely wished to know your plans once you have recovered. Will you remain in Asgard?"

"At the moment, I have nowhere else to go."

Gaea raised her blonde brows. "Did you ever consider exploring your birthplace?"

"I have seen Jotunheim," Loki replied in disgust.

"Under Laufey's rule, yes. Things may have changed since then."

"You mean after I slaughtered the Jotuns king and tried to destroy their world?" Loki shook his head. "I somehow doubt that I would be welcomed."

"And you base this assumption on the Jotun race's fondness for Laufey? One who rules by fear and tyranny will not hold much loyalty."

Loki frowned. He had never considered what sort of king Laufey had been. "I would have gladly slaughtered them all."

"You were biased by your upbringing. Given what you know now, about your birth mother, would you repeat your actions?"

Loki leaned back. "Laufey murdered her when I was a babe. There is nothing on Jotunheim that I..." a sudden thought occurred to him and he peered intently at Gaea, "Is this what you meant, about my destiny lying outside of Asgard? I heard you say to Sigyn... Is it my destiny to pay for my actions on Jotunheim?"

"Perhaps not in the way you mean, but you must discover that for yourself. I will leave you to think on it, grandson."

Loki frowned. "That's it? You chased Sigyn away to give more vague, infuriating advice?"

Gaea laughed. She smiled enigmatically and left. Loki scowled. What was the use of having Elder gods as relatives if they didn't actually do anything? He pondered her words over and over until he fell asleep again. His dreams were haunted by confusing images of Odin, Frigga, Atum, Farbauti and Laufey. How could any sense come from this chaos?

To be continued...