Hello there! Ugh…I literally spent all freaking NIGHT working on this chapter, trying to get it just right. I must have read through it a dozen times XD. My beta did a lot of the writing for this chap, too, and I'm happy about how it turned out :D
And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever
Simple Plan, 'I'm Just a Kid' (Verse 2)
(NEAR'S POV)
Classes at Wammy's House were hard enough to make a college student cringe. They put us through the wringer, pushing our minds to the limit, measuring our capacity. We studied dynamical systems classes, advanced calculus that would put the AP classes to shame, number theories, and especially probability and statistics. Other classes were as diverse as physics, psychology, and ranged from behavioral analysis to human anatomy. I can't tell you how many times kids became physically sick over the stress of it all. I was never ailed by any of it, however. Actually, I had a knack for it all. Rather, I was… fond of it. I was the only one who found it that way, though. Probably because learning was almost as freeing as playing with my toys. Almost.
However, as I mentioned moments ago, I was a rarity. Some of the students were ruthlessly competitive, fighting tooth and nail against one another in an attempt to be the best. Mello, in particular, was very fond of showing off. He would ace a test in differential equations and boast about it to everybody. He tried to shove it my face (quite literally), but found that I had made an even better score than him. He was enraged, shouting obscenities. 'How did he get a better grade than me? I made a perfect score!' He shouted. 'Extra credit, Mello,' the teacher had informed him, 'Near was able to solve every equation and gave a reasonable explanation as to why he was correct. It's all about reasoning, Mello, not if you got any of it right. You could've just been lucky for all I kn-' But he had stormed out by then. Matt jumped up and followed at his heel. I watched them leave with a sad look. Mello was… okay. He was a decent fellow who I had considered… an acquaintance of mine, if not a friend.
I had no taste for any of it, though. I simply wanted to learn. My mind tended to wander off at times, but, for the most part, I did as I was told. I listened, took notes, and tried to be a good student. Or, as good a student as a four-year-old child could be, anyway.
I was placed in the same classroom as Matt and Mello, stuck in the seat behind them. I'd occasionally stop and observe them, watching the near-silent interactions between them with something resembling envy.
Matt pulled lightly at Mello's earlobe, which Mello would return with a playful poke. Matt would whisper something so funny that Mello would giggle about helplessly until the teacher told them to be quiet. It was like that every day. Every single day I had to watch them get along so perfectly. Every single day I looked on at them with envy. Every single day my heart yearned to join them. I was only a small boy. A child. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted friends. I wanted to joke with them, to laugh with them. I wanted a friend like Mello had Matt, like Matt had Mello. I wanted someone to talk to like A had B and B had A. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. But, as I had been my entire four years of existence, I was quiet. I was so painfully quiet, that every day I could hear my own screams, silently ringing in my ears.
I was only a small boy. A child. What more could a little kid want than a friend?
I felt out of place just watching them. They were so… how should I say it? Happy. Yes. They were so completely and utterly happy with each other. They had what I could never have, and I hated them for it. Hate and envy. I shouldn't say it like that, though. They're practically the same word, something I learned from experience.
Mello was working furiously one day, so much so that the pencil he was holding had snapped in his pale hand. He scowled at first, but then he looked at it closer. He tapped Matt on the hand, who looked over in pure boredom, hoping for something interesting to be going on. As soon as Matt saw Mello, he nearly tipped over from his chair with laughter. Mello held the two ends of the pencil up to his neck on opposite sides, making it seem as if it stabbed him through. Matt grinned, and they giggled together until, once again, they were told to be silent.
As soon as class was out, I headed straight to the playroom to lose myself in my make-believe world of puzzles and toys. I didn't want to think about Matt and Mello and their perfect friendship. I didn't want to think about school or classes and how I got a perfect score on my test in quantum physics. I just wanted to forget everything in my toys, my robots, my puppets, and my tarot card castles. I wanted to forget that I longed for a friend.
Besides, it was the only place where a freak like me belonged.
(A'S POV)
Being in a class with Beyond was an interesting experience. He was easily the smartest kid there, but he always seemed distracted.
Like now, instead of listening, he was drawing pictures in his notebook, looking completely content with the world, sitting in his imitation of L's crouch. It was always enough to give me pause- what exactly was there to gain by sitting like that? I'd tried it, but only ever found it extremely uncomfortable. My calves would cramp, my back would ache and I could only imagine how trained L's or Beyond's leg muscles must have been to be able to tolerate it. So, while I sat (normally) beside Beyond (who crouched), I wondered if it ever made him feel odd, standing out in such a way. He never gave the slightest indication that he did, so I said nothing about it. If he was okay with himself then why should I be the one to disturb him?
I sighed, finding the lecture we were being given to be quite dull. Quickly, I sympathized with Beyond's efforts to leave the classroom, at least in his imagination.
It was a huge relief when class was over, and we were free to go outside. Or, in my case, free to go to the library, to lose myself in some book or another, like I always did on days like that. I'd been told it would be good for me, and, so far, they were right. I never felt as lonely while in a make-believe world. And the best part was I didn't have to do any work. Some author already dreamed up the whole universe, then wrote it down with ink and paper for me to enjoy.
I decided on Pride and Prejudice for today. I got it out, sat down, and began to read. The real world faded into nothing, and A ceased to exist, for the moment. It was nice, not being. My mind became numb and all I could comprehend were the words on the page and what was going on inside the book. It was nice, not being.
I drifted out of existence, fading away into nothing. I liked that. There was a certain appeal in disappearing, and I suddenly wondered that, if I really were to disappear, would anybody really care? Suddenly, my thoughts returned and it was all I could do to stifle a sob. I mean, really. What was there in that wretched, wretched world for me? I was all alone. I didn't even want to be there. I didn't choose to be there or the life I had. It wasn't fa- But I shook my head and forced myself to bury my head in the book again.
I was like an ostrich with its head in the sand.
(MATT'S POV)
I never saw myself as a very creative person. I wasn't good at creating fantasylands or fairy tales, and I wasn't one to play make-believe. Instead, I'd turn on a game system, and that would become my escape.
I could be a Pokémon trainer, and become the very best in the world. I could be Donkey Kong or Kirby, and save the world from ultimate evil. But that wasn't all there was to it. What I liked most about playing video games was that I didn't have to be Mail. I wasn't the helpless little Russian boy with scars marring his body. I wasn't just another kid trying to make is way in the world. I was someone else. Anyone else. And that was all that I really cared about.
I wasn't Mail Jeevas. I wasn't Matt. I was a warrior. I could defend myself. I wasn't weak anymore.
I didn't need Mello to protect me from the bullies. I was more than capable of standing up for myself.
I was loved. Everyone I came up to in those games seemed to adore me. The ones who didn't were bad guys, and I had a good time crushing them.
"Matt, you seriously need a life," I heard Mello jeer at my side. He was supposed to be studying for the upcoming test that day. However, Let's Poke at Matt's Patience was more fun at the time. I knew he was joking, so, of course, I let a smile break my lips.
"And you, Mello? You're always studying. And I mean always. That, or eating chocolate," I mumbled the last part as I jumped on top of a particularly annoying Koopa. Mello sighed dramatically.
"Those are the two best things in the world, Matt. How ignorant you are," he smiled. I smiled, too, but didn't say anything else. I busied myself with nerfing a particular glitch in the game, smiling as I defeated Bowser for the, I don't know, umpteenth time? I turned off the game boy and set it down on the table, looking over at the clock. Wait… what?
"Mello, it's four a.m.!" I shouted, pointing at the clock. I knew I had been playing for a few hours, but… I guess that a "few" had turned into "several." I inwardly groaned. Morning classes tomorrow were going to be a pain. Maybe I could get away with sleeping in. I normally didn't eat breakfast anyway. Mello looked up at me as though I was a total idiot. I blinked. "What?"
"Matt, you seriously need a life," he sighed, "alright. I guess I've studied enough for one night…" He set his text book down and stood, stretching and yawning as he did so. I gaped up at him.
"'Night?' Dude, you mean day." I groaned… and groaned. I was definitely not looking forward to tomorrow. Mello, however, didn't seem so fazed by it. He just brushed his hair from his face and slid under his cover, clicking off his bed side lamp as he did so. I copied his actions with irritation and shut my eyes. For a few dozen minutes, all I could see was the video game. It was if I was still playing. And, actually, I kind of was. I was replaying the Bowser level all over again, seeing if I had missed anything in the game (even though I knew I didn't). It was slightly annoying after an hour or so. I wanted to sleep… sort of. I let a slight huff and turned over, facing Mello. His breathing was deep and as I shut my eyes, I concentrated on it, hoping that it would help me sleep.
"Ungh… no…. Stop…" I heard Mello moan softly. My eyes fluttered open as his breathing hastened. He flipped over on his back, and tossed his blonde hair around. I was curious about what he was dreaming about, so I just listened and watched. He never told me why or when he was sent to Wammy's, only that he was from Germany and that his dad used to be some big-shot crime boss. "Please… stop it…" His plea was so quiet, a soft, soft whisper, but it stung my heart like a poisonous wasp. It hurt. It hurt to hear him.
"Mel, hey, Mel! C'mon, wake up," I pled with him. He continued to whimper and I became extremely frightened. I quickly regretted letting his dream –nightmare- go on. He didn't deserve to go through whatever he was going through. "No, Mello, wake up!"
His eyes fluttered open.
"Huh…what?"
"You were having a nightmare," I told him.
"Yeah…Sorry…"
He fell asleep again. I snuggled up closer to him. He mumbled something unintelligible, shifting around in his sleep.
He felt so warm…
Eventually, I fell asleep as well, drifting into my own world of nightmares.
D'aww, Matt and Mello is just so freaking CUTE!
Sorry, my inner fangirl came out to play XD
As always, please leave a review :D
